Monday, February 15, 2010


With the Olympics underway, Daniel Allen once again gave me a great topic to blog about. Being American and what it means to me. This will be an essay of my feelings of being American and then I'll give some outlooks on the Olympics. And here we go....2...1,2,3,4.

My birthday is July 4th. I share my birthday with America alongside great Americans like George Steinbrenner, Calvin Coolidge, Neil Simon, one of Prez Obama's daughters, Tom Cruise....oh wait I guess he was born on the 4th of July in the movie. Anyways, having July 4th as a birthday is wonderful for numerous reasons. I get fireworks every year for my birthday. There are constantly parties, so why not celebrate my birthday AND Independence day at the same time? It's better to drink to two things as opposed to just one right? Each time I tell someone when my birthday is the reaction is the same. It goes like this : Hot Girl- So when's your birthday? Me- July 4th. Hot Girl- Wait! Like the 4th of July!? Me- Yes. Hot Girl- That's soo cool! Do you get fireworks and stuff!? Me-Yes. Hot Girl- Will you go out with me? Me- No.

So basically having a July 4th birthday makes me a greater American than most people, the only downside is that I'll probably never be able to have a surprise birthday party considering parties will already be going on, but I can live with that.

Being American is nice. I like living in America. Rhode Island is kind of boring, but when you think about, there could be worse places to live in the world, like Antarctica, Delaware, Greenland, or China (they have smog there). Being American also means that I can complain about living in a free country because nothing is ever good enough for me. Do I want to live in London at some point in life? Yeah why not. Rome? Sure. Russia? I guess.

One nice thing about being American is that I'm living in the same country with the most famous people in the world. I think. Look at all the famous people in America: Blink-182, Tom Hanks, O.J. Simpson, Jessica Simpson, Kevin Bacon, Jack Bauer, Scooby-Doo, Tila Tequila, DJ Pauly D, the list goes on and on. I'm surrounded by fame in this country. I can't name you 3 famous movies stars, musicians or Paris Hilton-type people in any other country. I just listed 9 semi famous people. Don't get me started on the Kim Kardashian's and Drew Brees' of the world.

Another reason I love America is because of the sports. If I were anywhere else, I'd be stuck with soccer. Soccer is alright, I play FIFA 08 sometimes when I'm bored, and I'll admit I watch the World Cup, but I couldn't live with it 24/7. When you're five years old in America you have the opportunity to become extremely rich playing Football, Baseball, Basketball and Hockey. I know that the odds of this are slim to none and about 99% of these 5 year olds will fail and live sad, pathetic lives regretting the fact that they aren't 6'7 and 200 lbs. I've now come to the conclusion that growing up with so much sports in America is somewhat depressing for children because so many dreams are shattered. Dammit.

Another reason I love being American is because of language. After watching Inglourious Basterds, it came to my knowledge that many people speak more than one language. The Jew Hunter spoke Austrian, Italian, French, German and English. I took Spanish from 7th grade until Junior year of high school and I remember probably 3% of the words I learned during that time. Mi bicicleta es con mi lapiz. I think I just said My bike is with my pencil, but I could be wrong. I'm not sure if it's sad that American's only speak English (for the most part), but it sort of seems like we suck.

These are the main points of why I'm proud to be an American, but right now I'll list a bunch of reasons for loving America. Hogwarts is actually located in Wyoming. The Statue of Liberty has no pupils. Emo originated in America. Our favorite winter Olympian is Shaun White who now goes by the Great Ginger Hope. We stole Alexander Ovechkin from Russia. We feel bad for Lil' Wayne who's going to jail for weapons charges. There are 4 syllables in America. Snoopy is American, as is Snoop Dogg. Jack Bauer saves America instead of every other country in the world.

As for the Olympics, team USA might win a bronze in Hockey is they're lucky. Shaun White will win the gold in every event he's in. Alright I'm done.

Welp, see ya later.

The depressing song lyric of the day is Nirvana's Heart-Shaped Box.
She has me like a pisces when I am weak/I've been locked inside your Heart Shaped box, for weeks/I've been drawn into your magnet tar pit trap/I wish I could eat your cancer when you turn black/Hey! Wait!/I've got a new complaint/Forever in debt to your priceless advice/Hey! Wait!/I've got a new complaint/Forever in debt to your priceless advice


  1. this was not your best work.
    Dissapointed on a Monday night in a place far, far away from you.

  2. I said the same. It pained me to hit the submit on it.