Thursday, June 26, 2014

LIVE BLOG: 2014 NBA Draft

The NBA Draft is upon us.  Normally, I don't really care (see previous blogpost), but this year is completely different.  First of all, as a Celtics fan, I have a lot riding on this for the future of the team.  More importantly, dear friend and now official Breakfast at Jimothy's NBA Insider 'Dapper' Dan Allen is in attendance at the actual draft in New York City.  I need to take full on advantage of this, so every few minutes or so I will get word from Dapper Dan on what's going on at the event.  Check back every few minutes or so to get the inside scoop.  Now let's get to the action!

The Way There (5:58 pm)
Dapper Dan- First insight: met my cousin in NYC. Got a cab.  Cab was pulled over.  Meter kept running.
JK- No way.  Great start.  Let me knows the situation when it comes time to pay
DD- Already paid.  $1 tip.

Countdown to the Draft
JK-Are you surrounded by any interesting characters?
DD-Every jersey ever.  Like bonnaroo.
JK-Can I get some highlights?
DD-Carter-Williams everywhere.  Montage of the last rookie class.  Tim Hardaway Jr. got a rousing applause.
DD- Isaiah Thomas got HUGE bios.
DD-I'm drinking.
JK- Fantastic.  Before it starts who is going number 1 and who do the Celtics take at #6?
DD- Wiggins one.  (Aaron) Gordon or Joel Embiid for Boston.
DD- But TRAdes

DD-more broads than you'd expect here.
JK- That's interesting.
DD-CLEVELAND SUCKS rains down from the rafters!
JK-It really does!!!
DD- Cleveland will blow this pick btw
JK-I think odds are better that it will be a bust.  Typical Cleveland.  That place stinks.  I hope Clevelands pick walks out on stage and does the Johnny football money gesture.

Andrew Wiggins goes #1 to Cleveland
DD-Wiggins is Canadian.
DD-Crowd supported him.
JK-What kind of America is this!?

Jabari Parker goes #2 to Milwaukee
DD-My seats are so cheap that Philly is everywhere
JK- That's never a good sign.  How about Parker going to the wasteland that is Milwaukee?

Joel Embiid goes #3 to Philly
JK-That look on Embiid's face during his name getting called really sums up anyone getting news that they have to go to Philly.
DD- Parker wanted that.  Hour from his hometown.
DD- I'm hoping Embiid wasn't live
JK- Maybe he just doesn't like cheesesteak

Aaron Gordon goes #4 to Orlando
JK- Shit.  That's a letdown
DD-AND 1 style reaction up here
JK- LIke when Hot Sauce crossed up some sucka at Rucker Park?
DD- Yes.  Shocking.
JK- Utah Jazz are up next.  Will they select a Mormon?

Dante Exum goes #5 to Utah
JK-Australian.  Next best thing.
DD- Wut.

Marcus Smart goes #6 to Boston
DD- I'm so mad if rondo is gone
JK-Holy smokes.  How do you like that pick?  I was thinking (Julius) Randle
DD- Anti randle.
DD-I hope he can play with Rubio in Minnesota!
JK- Do you think smart's glasses are real or hipster fake?
DD- Fake.

Julius Randle goes #7 to Los Angeles Lakers
JK- Woof. Rodeo drive has a new client.
DD- He sucks.
DD- Foot surgery.
DD-Lol dummy.
DD-I'm hating everyone until pick seventeen (next Celtic's pick)
DD- Fingers crossed for Dario Saric
JK- Can they redraft Brian Scalabrine?  Is it possible?
DD- Everyone sucks

Nik Stauskas goes #8 to Sacramento
JK- Is Nik Stauskas the 2nd coming of Jimmer in Sacramento?  And I don't trust someone who spells Nick without the 'c'

Noah Vonleh goes #9 to Charlotte 

Elfrid Payton goes #10 to Philly 

Doug McDermott goes #11 to Denver

At this point, Dapper Dan has either had too many Coors Lights or his phone died or he is just too enthused in the draft to text me.  Some thoughts to consider:  What the hell kind of a name is Elfrid?  I don't watch it, but if you were to ask me "Is Elfrid an NBA prospect's first name or a character on Game of Thrones?"  I totally would've said Game of Thrones without hesitating.  I do like his hair, by the way.  As for Dougie McBuckets going to Denver, all I have to say is that thanks to my beloved Providence Friars, he'll be going there without a Big East title.  Take that, sucka.

Philly?  Grrrrrrrreaaaaat.

Doug McDermott has been traded to Chicago 
That was fast.

Dario Saric goes #12 to Orlando
Obviously the Croatian guy has a purple bow-tie.  This guy looks like a real doofus.  I know Dapper Dan wanted him for the Celtic's but he doesn't do it for me.  On a side note, does anyone else think that Commissioner Silver looks like a cartoon character?  He has very mouselike qualities about him.  Maybe the ears?  He almost reminds me of a human pencil for some reason.  Minnesota is up next.

Zach LaVine goes #13 to Minnesota
As someone who can't grow a decent looking beard, even I have to say that this kid can't grow facial hair.  Geez.  Looks about 12 if it weren't for the fact he's 6'8 or whatever.  I already don't like him because he wears high socks while playing basketball.  That's not good.  Might as well toss on some short shorts and go full on early 70's style.
I also like these Footlocker/Adidas commercials with Dante Exum.  Strange listening to an Australian accent when the conversation is about sneakers.  He's kinda funny.  Also, somewhat worried about Dapper Dan.  Maybe he got thrown out for having too much fun?  Kinda concerning.  

TJ Warren goes #14 to Phoenix
I will not even pretend that I know anything about TJ Warren.  I was kinda banking on Dapper Dan to be the wealth of knowledge as my correspondent.  Maybe he has gone rogue and is attempting to go backstage for interviews?  I give this Warren fella credit, that is a pretty boss looking black and pink pinstripe shirt he has on.  Very impressive.

Adreian Payne goes #15 to Atlanta

We now have Krazy Kyle Towne reporting as my new NBA Draft correspondent.  Please welcome him with open arms.

KT- Kyle here, reporting live from the Sully Cave
JK- Kyle, thank you for joining the B@J NBA Draft reporting team.  What's the atmosphere like in the Sully Cave?
KT-Pretty low-key right now.  We were pretty upset after having Embiid, Gordon and Exum all taken from our grasp.  But things are looking up.  We are really holding out hope for GARY
Come to the Celtics!!!

JK- Is Gary the snail the most famous Gary of all time in your opinion?
KT-The Dante Exum commercials are spawt-on, but are really putting salt in the wound for us Celtics fans.  We were one pick away.  No Gary Busey is number one.  Then he probably falls somewhere between Gary Coleman and Gary Payton.
JK- Riveting stuff right there.  Chicago is up next, who do you have them taking right now?
KT- Well I believe this pick is going to Denver if I'm not mistaken, in the Doug McDermott trade.  If it is Chicago, they'll take Tyler Ennis.  If it's Denver, I'm saying Gary Harris, and more heartbreak for Sully and me.
JK-Geez.  I can't trust anything on tv anymore.

Jusuf Nurkic goes #16 to Chicago/Denver
JK- What the hell did he just say?
KT- That guys is gonna love the legal edibles in Denver.
JK- Eat 'em if ya got 'em, am I right?
KT- Won't be shocked if the C's moved down to pick up a second round pick.  But the real hope is for GARY HARRIS.
JK-Can we trust someone named Gary who was born in the 90's?

James Young goes #17 to Boston
KT-Celtics WILL regret that pick
JK-That is such a let down.  Think it'll be part of a trade?
KT- We can only hope.  That guy has the worst hair I think I've ever seen.
KT-We must now brace ourselves for the apundance of bad jokes heading our way with prospects named Smart and Young.
JK-Ugh.  This isn't good.
KT-Jeez, they just had to put the draft on #tbt

Out of nowhere, Dapper Danny Allen has come back with some text messages
DD-He's (Elfrid) supposed to be good.  I hate everyone and everything here.
DD-This euro is awesome!  Should've gone ten slots later!
DD-Beginning to heckle.
DD-Lot of Melo going elsewhere jokes.
JK- Thoughts on Young?
DD-Solid pick.  Stauskas but later.

Tyler Ennis goes #18 to Phoenix
JK-Tyler Ennis just looks good in orange

Gary Harris goes #19 to Chicago/Denver
KT-Right team, wrong pick.  Knew he'd end up in Denver somehow.
JK-Hey so would you rather fight 1 horse sized duck or 100 duck sized horses?
KT-I have chosen 100 duck sized horses and I will stick with that decision despite how many good arguments are made for the other side.
JK-Interesting.  It's good that you refuse to change your mind.
KT-Yeah, the more I argue about it the deeper entrenched I get in my original opinion.
JK-So Toronto is up next.  Toronto is up in Canada.
KT-They sure are, and boy could we care less.

KT-I would really like them to take Shabazz Napier, purely because I don't want him to land in Miami. Like that kid, and I wouldn't wish LeBron on my worst enemy.  But that means I wouldn't wish LeBron on LeBron…..LeBronception?
JK-Geez Louise that is a scary thought

Bruno Caboclo goes #20 to Toronto
JK-Bruno?  What the fuck
KT-Bill Simmons couldn't have said it better.  "What just happened?"
JK-"He doesn't really know how to play yet" isn't something you want to hear about a kid that just got drafted at #20
KT-Idiotic.  Toronto has World Cup fever.
KT-Shabazz to OKC would be awesome
JK-Yeah they probably would love to fuck over LeBron and the Heat.  This would be great.

Mitch McGary goes #21 to Oklahoma City
KT-Think Like A Man Too is the #1 movie in America.  Let's let that sink in.
JK-You know, maybe Canada isn't so bad after all.
JK-So Mitch McGary fails a drug test, goes to the draft instead of serving a suspension, and now gets drafted and rich.  Only in America.
KT-Gotta love it.  Also gotta love a guy named Bogdan Bogdanovic.

Dapper Dan strikes again!
DD- Lots of mutual sympathy among Celtics fans.
DD-Put that on your fucking blog:

JK-Holy shit.  Imagine that.  A Len Bias Celtics jersey.  A Celtics jersey of a player who died the day after we drafted him.  That's pretty damn impressive.

Jordan Adams goes #22 to Memphis
JK-Dan just sent me a pic of a Len Bias jersey at the draft
KT-Jeez.  Just poured out a full beer.

Rodney Hood goes #23 to Utah
JK-How'd the crowd at the Sully Cave respond to Rodney Hood getting drafted to the Mormons in Utah?
KT- We are so jealous of those idiots.
JK- And with good reason.
KT-Give me Exum and Hood over Smart/Young any day.  Making out like bandits.  But hey, they are the fluffiest organization in sports.  They are just…there…and always will be.  They will never amount to anything.
JK-Are Exum and Hood the next Stockton/Malone?  Should Exum wear short shorts?

Shabazz Napier goes #24 to Charlotte 
KT-Kemba and Shabazz!
JK-Reunited and it feels so good!  Get on the Hornets bandwagon!

Shabazz Napier rumored to be traded Miami
JK-Oh shit.
KT- Sweet shit.  It was destiny.
JK-So much for the Uconn reunion.  Shabazz is gonna develop a serious coke problem in Miami now.

Clint Capela goes #25 to Houston
JK- Oh.  Clint.
KT- Sup Clint.
KT-I hate seeing LeBron happy.
JK-See that's why I love sports and pop culture.  Neither of us are ever going to meet LeBron James, but we both want him to be miserable.
KT- Just another reason to love this country.
KT- And on that note, bring on those waffle eating idiots!  USA! USA! USA!
JK- Yeah man!  Fuck Belgium!  They're good for nothing!

PJ Hairston goes #26 to Miami.
JK-So Doug McDermott goes to Denver?
KT-Nope.  They were just confirming the trade from earlier.  Dougie McNugbutts will be joining Anthony Randolph on a one way flight to Chicago, Ill.
JK-Oh.  I thought its as a 2nd trade.
KT-Nuggets get Gary Harris (the guy they probably would've taken at 11), Jusuf Nurkic, and 2015 2nd rounder from Chi city.  Great trade for Denver.  Good work.
JK-And great work from my correspondent at the Sully Cave on explaining that trade!

Bogdan Bogdanovic goes #27 to Phoenix
KT-Goran Dragic's new besty
JK- When will you be ordering that jersey?  Hopefully in the retro 90's edition
KT-Yeah I want a Barkley-era Bogdanovic

JK-'Your Love' by the Outfield and 'She Drives Me Crazy' by Fine Young Cannibals just came on shuffle back to back. What a night.
KT- Sully just brought up a great point about the Williams sisters.  Where does one play tennis in Compton?
JK- Wow.  No clue.  Can we confirm it's THE Compton in California?

CJ Wilcox goes #28 to the Los Angeles Clippers
KT-So Venus is from Compton, CA…and Serena is from Saginaw, MI.  Lynwood, CA to be specific.
JK-How the hell is that possible?  One sister grew up in Compton and one in Saginaw?  Did they meet at summer camp like in the Parent Trap?
KT- That's the only explanation that makes any sense.

Dapper Dan breaks his silence:
DD- One of the last B@J updates is that everyone has a fucking shirt but no one has anything to say.
JK-What do you mean?
DD- Literally you see a person in an obscure player and ask about the reparative pick and they can't opine.
JK-So it's like a bunch of fake hipsters who don't know what they're wearing but they do it to not be mainstream?

Josh Huestis goes #29 to Oklahoma City
JK-Oh.  A Stanford man got drafted.  Geez.  He would be from Montana.
KT- Snore pick right there.
KT- In my mock draft I had San Antonio stealing CleAnthony Early.  Dare to believe.
JK-That might be my favorite name in the draft.  I hope they get him.
KT- For the record, my boss's mock draft had Spencer Dinwiddie being selected here.  Another fantastic name.
JK-Whoaaa.  That does win.

Kyle Anderson goes #30 to San Antonio 
JK-Really?  They couldn't have picked a more boring name.
KT-Only idiots are named Kyle.
JK-Oh yeah. That's right.  Hey so anyways, Kyle, thank you for filling in for Dapper Dan Allen for this.
KT- On the bright side, I now have a starting five of Kyle's in the NBA.  And hey now problem, always down to chat about the NBA.

Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Couldn't Care Less

I respect people who don't care.  I just do.  I am a firm believer those who don't let little things bother or upset them are people with a good head on their shoulders, and I don't mean the shampoo.  When I attended Governor's Ball a few weekends ago, I was chastised by someone in a bathroom line who somehow got mad at me for going to the shorter line while he and a bunch of other idiots were standing around in the longest of 3 lines.  There I was, minding my own business and thinking about what most people think about when in a bathroom line, "Go. Faster.", when all of a sudden I hear this nasally voice from behind me and to my right yelling something about a guy in a Dodgers hat.  That's when it hit me.  "Hey, I'm wearing a Dodgers hat."  I said to myself, and decided to turn around and see what all the hubbub was about.

"What?"  I said.

"You cut the line.  That's bullshit man.  There are people waiting!"  Said this lanky hipster in a tank top and some club master Ray-bans.

"Okay."  said I, trying not to give this idiot the time of day.

Much to my chagrin, he kept on giving me crap.  "It's not cool.  You fucking cut all these people who are waiting."  he said, along with some other mutterings under his breath.

"If it bothers you that much you can come over here and go in front of me."  I offered, just hoping to end this.  I was actually serious too.  It was his move at this point.

"No.  What about all these other people?  It's on principle.  Don't you care about lines?"  He said, basically giving me a layup.

Without using a half a second I kinda snapped and said "Care about lines?  I don't care about anything. Of course I don't care about lines.  Don't.  Care.  DON'T. CAAAARE."

There was sheer joy that came to me when the look on his face just grew to confusion and he got all tongue tied.  He tried pleading his case a little bit more but I decided to act like a 5 year old and keep on shouting DON'T CAAAAARRRRE!  Each time he started up another argument about caring about the bathroom line.  Mature?  Maybe not, but that's what people deserve when they choose to not be in the short bathroom line and then call out people who do select the short line.

The point of this story is that it brought me great joy to just get it off my chest that I didn't care what he thought.  At all.  I'm not going to let some hipster (who looked as if eating anything at all was too mainstream by the looks of his thin frame) dictate what line I could or couldn't use because he fucked up.  This exclamation of not caring was a rare time for me standing up for myself, and I guess I'm proud.  Anyways, obviously I care about some things, because you kinda have to, but my goal in life now is to try to not let the small things get to me like in the above example, and not care when things are trivial.  Therefore, let me give you my list of favorite people who simply don't care.

10.  Bill Belichick/Nick Saban- I'm making these two one in the same because I just can't have two college football coaches taking up to slots on this list.  Two of the most successful football coaches in the world who never seem amused or impressed by anything.  Fun fact: these two combined for a whopping 5 smiles over the past 3 years.  Out of these two, I will give a slight edge to Belichick in the 'don't care' department by his usual desire to just wear a hooded sweatshirt everywhere, and his tendency to speak as little as possible to reporters even though he technically has to talk to them.  People give him shit all the time for not being 'friendly' and a pain to the press, but I think his phrase of "it is what it is" works just fine and can be a suitable answer for any question posed his way.  Nick Saban impresses me in his lack of showing enthusiasm despite how successful he is.  I've never seen a coach win a national championship and look so miserable.  In the postgame interview, if you had your TV on mute and caught it midway through, it'd be tough to figure out if he was on the losing or winning end of the game because he never smiles and is never happy with anything.

9.  McKayla Maroney (USA Gymnast)-  Yikes.  Thrilled with 2nd place, huh?

 Is she the ultimate 'Ice Queen'?  Probably.  I'd love to see her reaction when a guy hits on her at a bar or something.  If that is the face she makes for a silver medal at the Olympics, imagine the face she'd make for a creepy guy at a bar.  McKayla basically told the world that it was gold or bust for her, and everything else just doesn't matter.  There have been psych studies that have shown that the bronze medalist is normally more content and pleased with their outcome than a silver medalist, but this is just ridiculous.

8. Icona Pop- They don't care, and they love it!  And I love it!  Cause I don't care!  The ultimate DGAF anthem.

7. Jeff Spicoli (Fast Times at Ridgemont High)-  I wouldn't know, but I'm sure if you were stoned since the 3rd grade you wouldn't care about much either.  Jeff Spicoli got a pizza delivered to his classroom in the movie, which I'm sure planted the seed for many wise-asses in high schools everywhere to duplicate this prank since seeing the movie.

Unafraid of the power hungry Mr. Hand, Jeff Spicoli doesn't care about fear and decides to explain how Mr. Hand's 'precious time' is actually everyone's 'precious time' and that there is nothing wrong with a little feast once in a while.  It's a bold move to pull this off, and it is near impossible for someone who cares about being disciplined to pull off.

6. Jack Bauer (24)- Jack Bauer is an interesting character in regards of not caring, because he cares about America, and every once in a while, a woman, but besides that he is in full DGAF mode.  This is a guy who once cut open a man to extract a microchip from his stomach to save his country.  He is ruthless to a point of no return.  In one season, he didn't care so much that he agreed to purposely start a heroin addiction to go undercover with some terrorists.  No big deal.  Not for American hero Jack Bauer.  Does he have many friends?  No.  I think he has like, 2 friends, and that's being generous.  Does his family like him?  I really doubt it.  Jack Bauer doesn't care about what he has to do to save America, just as long as he gets the job done.  And for that, Jack, we thank you.

5. Stone Cold Steve Austin-  The ultimate anti-authority figure.  The man was a Texas redneck who drank beers on the job, ran his mouth while backing it up, flipped off anyone willy nilly as he saw fit, got into a years long feud with his boss on national television, borrowed a Coors Light truck and sprayed a bunch of people in the ring, celebrated victories with more beer, and created probably the most iconic pop culture phrase from the wrestling world when he told us, after beating a newly religious Jake the Snake Roberts "You sit there and you thump your bible, and you say your prayers, and it didn't get you anywhere!  Talk about your psalms, talk about John 3:16…well, Austin 3:16 says I just whooped your ass!"  Steve Austin did what disgruntled employees everywhere wanted to do to their boss and various authority figures, and for years in the late 90's and early 00's, people lived vicariously through Austin and his attitude, which showed us how little he cared.

4. The Driver (Ryan Gosling in Drive)- Always need to look out for the quiet ones.  Ryan Gosling in the indie super film 'Drive' played a stunt and getaway driver who doesn't say much.  In fact, he doesn't even care about people who hire him as a getaway driver, giving them 5 minutes and not a second more to do their job and get out.  He didn't even seem to care when his only friend (Bryan Cranston with a limp) gets murdered.  He just sort of looks down at him and sighs.  Sure, in the movie he starts to care about his neighbor who is the blonde chick who ends up playing Daisy Buchanan and breaking Gatsby's heart and the little kid who is kind of annoying, but he ends up going to any length necessary to protect them.  He beats the shit out of a man with a hammer and doesn't even wind up with the girl!  The Driver just does what is right, and he couldn't care less about anything or anyone.
He makes this face in 98% of his screen time.

3. Ferris Bueller-  It's one thing to play some hooky as a bored high schooler.  It's another thing to go about it by having the best day ever without any real attempt to hide.  Think about it.  Most kids these days would spend a day off from school playing Xbox and try to pretend they still had a fever when their parents got back from work.  Ferris Bueller took over a parade float in downtown Chicago and serenaded the city with the only decent Beatles song they ever made.

 In addition he gets his best friend to let him use a car which is 'so choice' and doesn't seem to worry too much when it goes crashing through a glass wall (never understood the glass wall in a garage part).  Ferris lives the dream: has the girlfriend, has the adoration of his classmates and his town (Save Ferris was written on the water tower for Pete's sake), has the ability to do what he wants and get away with it.  Well done, Ferris.

2. Australian Party Kid-  The inspiration for the movie 'Project X'.  If you haven't seen this famous youtube video yet, you have been missing out and I won't have to explain why he is so high on this list.

Between the massive rager he threw that got out of hand, to not wanting to take off his sunglasses for the interview, this kid has balls, and an affinity for not caring. I do find it a bit ironic that after this interview, the sunglasses probably did get a bit famous.

1. Jay Cutler-  The legend.  I hated Jay Cutler for a while, because I just thought he was a smug asshole of a quarterback.  Little did I know that he was just a person who didn't care.  This is a man who proposed to his girlfriend, Kristin Cavallari via text message, and then sent the engagement ring to her via mail.  There is a tumblr dedicated to him with photoshopped cigarettes in his mouth, called Smokin' Jay Cutler, because his usual facial expression is that of someone who looks like they'd rather be anywhere else in the world than where they currently are, even while playing professional football.

The real legendary tale of how Jay Cutler doesn't care is that some guy at a bar approached Smokin' Jay in a men's room at a bar while he was wasted and proceeded to tell him how he also went to Vanderbilt University like he did and before he could finish saying that he was also a Chicago Bears fan, Jay Cutler cut him off by just yelling DOOOOOONNNNN'T CAAAAAARRRRRRRRE in his face before stumbling away.

Now, when it comes to quarterbacks, my respect is with Tom Brady.  Next in line, however, is Jay Cutler and everything he stands for…or doesn't care about, rather.  Much respect, Smokin' Jay.

Wednesday, June 4, 2014

Governors Ball 2014 Preview

Governors Ball is one of the most exciting festivals out there.  It is relatively new, but each year the lineup gets more and more absurd, and this year may be the best yet.  Headliners include the newly reformed (for now) Outkast, Jack White, Vampire Weekend, The Strokes and Phoenix.  This years edition of Gov Ball is also very important, because I will be in attendance.  Since the weekend is almost upon us, I enlisted fellow blogger and best buddy of mine Matt Rizzini, who runs One Nation, Under Dance, and just recently graced the interweb with his own festival season preview which you can take a gander at here: One Nation, Under Dance.  I decided to kick it old school and just have a good ol' fashioned Facebook chat with Matthew and see whet's goin' on with him and see what he's looking forward to about Gov Ball, since, like me, he will also be there.

Matt: I got another fuckin' potato.

Jim: Greetings and welcome to the first annual One Breakfast at Jimothy's Under Dance Hall Nation.  That is amazing.  Those damn potatoes will catch up to you.

M: Yup yup ok.

J: Alright ya know what let's just get this shit started.  I figure we'll each answer questions one after the other, ya know?

M: ok. ok.

J: Alright first thing is first.  Hipster Time: who is a lesser known artist you can't wait to see?

M: Classixx.  A nu-disco group that will be busting out the keyboards and synthesizers to perform live. It'll be a laid back set which will be a perfect way to start off a Saturday loaded with big name acts later on in the day.  How bout you?

J: You can never really go wrong with nu-disco as I always say.  I've been wanting to say the Kills for this question because they're so under appreciated, but they are kinda sorta biggish, so I'm gonna take Tanlines here.

M: Hey well we can go from Tanlines right to Classixx and revel in all our hipster glory.

J: That's not a bad idea.  Next up, is there anyone playing who you are looking forward to seeing again?

M: Oh yeah, Phoenix.  Saw them at the House of Blues (Boston) and now I can't wait to see how they play on a festival main stage.  Friday night.  Sun will be setting by the end.  I'll probably find my wife during this set.

J: Ya know, I always did like your optimism.  If I were to ask myself this questions a few days ago, I'd be at a loss.  That all changed this past Saturday when, I dunno if you heard but I saw the Strokes play at the Capitol Theatre for a warmup show.  I'm guessing they played that show to get all the kinks out before Gov Ball, but there weren't all that many kinks to be worked out.  They were awesome.  I was blown away by how they made some songs like 12:51 sound better than the actual studio version.

M: I would have place a $250 bet that you would have picked the Strokes for the answer to that question.

J: Then you would not have lost any money.  Also it hit me that the only other band I've seen before in this lineup is Sleigh Bells I believe.

M: I'm actually really looking forward to Sleigh Bells too.  That'll be great in the Gotham Tent.

J: Insert Batman joke here.


J: MOVING ON!!! I'm calling this segment "ask the expert".  As the head scribe of One Nation, Under Dance, which button pusher are you looking forward to seeing out there the most on the 1's and 2's?

M: Funny you ask.  None really.  As far as I can tell there will only be 3 true DJ sets at Gov Ball- RJD2, Skrillex and Axwell^Ingrosso.  I don't really know RJD2, I'm probably gonna catch most of Jack White instead of Skrillex, and I'm not too crazy about the 2/3 of Swedish House Mafia playing.

J: I am actually stunned by this.

M: There are several electronic acts that will be playing live however, and I can say that since I have seen Disclosure before, I am most looking forward to finally seeing the Bloody Beetroots live.  It's going to be nutz.

J: Okay, makes sense.  I was getting worried there for a second.  I thought you were pulling my arm there for a hot minute!

M: Empire of the Sun, Glitch Mob, Disclosure, Bloody Beetroots, Classixx.  Plenty of good live electronica for those ravers out there.

J: You all know who you are!  For me, I have to answer this while leading into a new question.  I'm saying Disclosure, but the problem is, they are playing the same time as Broken Bells, so I'm not quite sure which I'll see.  So, Matthew, which time conflict is the most heart wrenching to you?

M: Pushing aside Skrillex vs. Jack White, because I'm pretty set on seeing at least most of Jack before maybe seeing some of Sonny.  So I'm gonna go with Naked and Famous vs. the Glitch Mob.  Both shows will be great.  It's going to come down to how I'm feeling at the moment.  Thinking about splitting them up since the stages are close.

J: That's an interesting idea.  I, like you, will make a game time decision between Outkast and Damon Albarn (blur, Gorillaz frontman/mastermind).  I do enjoy me some Outkast every now and then, but I have been a fan of blur since I was about 7 when that WOOHOO song came out, and the Gorillaz are a classic, but who knows what kind of a setlist he'll play solo.  Also, I feel like it'll be interesting seeing him since everyone else will be at Outkast.
Won Me Over With the Jean Jacket

M: I'm picturing a very small crowd for Damon.  Could be pretty cool.

J: Exactly.  It would be a bit intimate.  Speaking of intimate!  Are there any eye candy you'll be locking your peepers on up on stage this weekend?  Let me tell ya, that Sexi Lexi Krauss from Sleigh Bells makes me weak at the knees, and it's always a pleasure to catch a glimpse of her live and in person.

Hubba Hubba. Oh and Hello Derek.  I Guess.

M: I can't remember what Sexi Lexi looks like since last time I saw Sleigh Bells I was about a mile away.  So I'm gonna go with Banks, but she is early on Sunday so hopefully we make it there in time.  She's pretty pretty.

J: Pretty pretty is high praise.  I know you hold all ladies up to the highest of standards when it comes to looks.  So Banks is pretty easy on the ol' peepers you're saying?  Anyways.  Starting to wrap things up, what food are you most intrigued by from the list of various vendors and is there anyone you feel is missing from this lineup?

M: Man oh man the food lineup is probably the best looking food lineup I've seen at a festival.  The mac and cheese looks delicious but I'm not sure I want to scarf down a plate of mac and cheese before I dance the night away.  So my pick is the Mile End Deli and the Cool Haus Ice Cream Sandwiches.  And Cage the Elephant is missing from this lineup.  With the energy they seem to bring to their live performances, they should be at every festival.  But overall I think this is a fantastic lineup.

J:  I'm certainly going with the macaroni and cheese vendor as the most intriguing, I don't care if it effects my dancing or not.  The other dark horse vendor which could be a crowd pleaser is the Nugget Spot.  Harkens back to chicken nugget day back in college.  As for the band that needs to be in this lineup, I'm with you that it's a fantastic lineup, but I feel like my dudes and chick in Fucked Up deserve to be here considering they have a new album that just came out today.  They'd add a punch of hardcore shredding to this lineup, but since they played here last year I guess it makes sense they aren't coming.  Last question now: which headliner is gonna crush it the most at Gov Ball 2014?

M: Jack White.  As long as he doesn't bring up Meg White or the Black Keys and just shreds.

J: I also am going with Jack White.  He's someone we'll be telling our grandkids about, and I love how he just plays music from all the various bands he's been in (White Stripes, Dead Weather, Raconteurs).  He may be kind of an asshole, but he caters to the fans, which sometimes can be a bit rare today.

M: He better play Icky Thump.

J:  If he doesn't will it ruin your weekend?

M: Nope.  Because it's almost impossible to have a bad weekend at a music festival.

J: Now that's the spirit!!!  I think this went well.

M:  Agreed.  It was a swell time.

J: Now go get on with your packing!!!

M:  Off to find my earplugs!

J: Geez Louise.

M:  When is this baby going up?

J: After I finish watching this episode of Monday Night Raw from '99.

M:  Hey okay I'm looking forward to it.