Monday, May 21, 2012

A Farewell Letter to Providence College

Well this is awkward.  What am I doing?  I just graduated college, meaning I'm currently unemployed and without any sense of direction.  College was amazing but now it has come to an end, and I really don't know what to do with myself.  This is the thing that is freaking me out: what is next?  After high school, there was college.  At every point in my life up until now, I knew or had a sense of what I was going to be doing in the near future.  Now, I honestly don't know where I'll be in 3 months.  To be very honest, this scares the shit out of me.  There's a scene in Ferris Bueller's Day Off (right before the infamous parade Twist and Shout scene) where Cameron and Sloane are talking about their futures.  Sloane asks Cameron what he's interested in, and after pondering for a few seconds, Cameron smirks and says "nothin'", which Sloane admits feeling the same way.  That's how I feel right now.  I'm more concerned with saying my fond farewells to the people I've met here over the past 4 years, who I've drank and chatted and partied with until ungodly hours into the morning.  My body despises me for what I've been putting it through.  My lower back feels like I've been sleeping on concrete for years.  I have a cough that won't escape me (I'm blaming the dunk tank at Spagapalooza for this).  I get nauseus at the thought of cheap beer.  I could go on and on and bitch and moan about graduating, which was what I had planned on doing, but I changed my mind.  The whole reason I'm upset about leaving PC is because of the memories and the people here who I'm going to miss.  Therefore, this is for all of you who made these 4 years so amazing.  Think of it as signing all of your yearbooks at one time.

The Ray/Lyndhurst Gals- From Epic Room to Lyndhurst, you ladies have always been wonderful.  Each and every one of you have a special spot in my heart.  These past 4 years don't seem real, and I was so scared the first time I met you all, sitting in the library procrastinating.  It's been a beautiful friendship and you all are some of my best friends.  I'm will dearly miss Marge and Nico's weird feud, Ju's cookies and dance skills, Bro'Doyle ruling, Kayla throwing up in my bedroom, Annie's motherly instinct, Squegs' Guilford charm and even Rachel's awkward and inappropriate stories about hookups.  The way you put up with us guys and the things we have said over the past is very commendable.  Most girls would be stunned, disgusted, and ashamed of our actions, mostly because of Q and Frank, but you girls for some reason still remained friends with us.  It might be poor judgment of character on your part, but I think it worked out for the best. 

The Ladies of Castlebar- Yikes.  You girls can drink.  It really doesn't seem possible that I met Jaime and Foxy on the quad with Urk and Sean 4 years ago.  You girls are fantastic.  Although Team Booyah never took home a shirt, it was an absolute joy to lose playoff games in epicly bad ways with you.  Duggie, you're killin it girl.  Spice.  SpIIIIIIIce.  I can't even think of a proper thing to say to you, you damn hipster.  Reidy, can't wait for the wedding in Vegas.  Annie, in some weird way Ill miss your awkward eskimo kiss thing whatever the hell it is you do to all of us guys.  MO, the only thing I have to say to you is "but it's UV BLUUUE!".  Jaime, the godmother of my second child.  Words cannot give our relationship justice.  You're amazing and we've had some damn good fun the past 4 years.  You girls have been a total blast.  I'll never forget your collective group's determination to always have a fun time, and you would never shy away from getting your drink on with us guys. 

The Neighbz- Kelli, Murph and McParty.  You girls really need to cut back on the wine.  And the loafing.  On a serious note, you three made this year a lot of fun.  You girls became fast friends of mine, and showed me the true way of the loafing.  Learning to loaf is like learning zen, just a lot faster and without doing much work.  Games of thumper were always the best with you, and the Christmas party was one of my favorite memories of senior year.  It's gonna be kinda weird waking up without hearing the "good morning pembroke!" being shouted from your porch every so often.  As for the neighbz on the other side, you guys were a bunch of good dudes.  Ridiculousfest, the Mock Wedding (congrats Sean and Molly!), both golf parties and everything else you guys set up this year was awesome.  You guys helped make senior year pretty spectacular and you guys should be proud of chaos, drunkeness and fun you gave the greater Providence area.  You guys should also be proud of yourselves for putting up with Matt "Social Butterfly" Gaynor, as we all learned real quick that he gets pretty talkative after a few Natty lights. 

The Shutta Shutta Island Girls- I would like to thank you for the hospitality this year.  You girls were always courteous to me as I would drunkenly stumble up to your house for pregames (where The Gimp never seemed to be ready, ever) and talk about a wide array of topics that sometimes still frighten me.  Every Thursday for the rest of my life I'll be thinking about wine nights with Mackenzie and the Big J (I could go for some Bella Sera right about now).  Although I will never forgive you girls for being the first to acknowledge the whole doppleganger being in The Wanted, I'll let it slide due to all the fun we've had together.  It always was interesting whenever I was over, from the inappropriate things coming out of Jen's mouth, to being guilted into shots of Absolut by Emma, to listening to Mackenzie tell us how retarded she is (her words, not mine), it's been a blast.  I also think that Jenna's captain's hat should be eligible to go into the PC hall of fame if there ever is one.  Ladies, I adore and salute you. 

The Others- There are so many people here I'm going to miss, and it's just not possible to name all of you, but I'm going to try in a quick way.  If you don't see your name, don't feel bad, I'm just going off the top of my head this very instant.  Jake "Pig" Pirri:  What a year it's been my friend, now go get me some Titleist swag.  Brendan Reichart, TT, Kev: yeah baby, always will remember those beer pong tournaments where I lost a lot of good money and dignity.  Jill Porazzo: I will never forget that voicemail the first weekend of freshmen year, whenever I think of Jim Morrison I always think of you.  Rocco Magnoli: Aye Roc!  Anna Aurisicchio: All about the A-Play, right?  The Plunketts:  Alex you were the best date a kid could have, Caitlin, you better keep those polaroids.  Nadine: you scare the shit out of me.  Courtney: I'm living in your Boston apartment.  Liz Wro and Melissa Maggio: You two are my last link to PC, have a couch saved for me next year.  Joey Palermino:  I hope, someday, that the Capitals will win the Stanley Cup, kind of.  Laura Hanson:  You are the biggest creep of all time.  Lauren Mills:  You are a sweetheart, and I'm honored to call you my first friend at PC.  Rob Plantier: the only person I know to be called 'Dad' without fathering any children, you deserve it buddy.  Lauren Carney: You always were there to make me feel guilty about choosing psych over marketing as a major.  Sarah Murphy: you are the bees knees.  Carol, Blair, Cat, Vicky: okaaay.  TQ: you are the frisbee master of the universe.  Meg Mahoney: From snowball fights til graduation, always one of my favorites.  Marc Capuano: you look great.  Dan Kowalsky: always handsome.  Tina Zaleta and Molly Malloy: I couldn't ask for better karaoke partners at Spat's on a Sunday night.  Miguel: holy hotdogs.  Joe Rippolone:  I really don't know what to say, but thank you.  KShall and Katie Foley: You two make me want to proudly name my daughter Katie.  Kristen "The Ginger" Borowiec:  Thanks for putting up with me and my antics/harrassment for the past couple of years, you're amazing.  Nardog: No one can paint a cow the same way you do.  Whyland: Always going to think of you when I see a banana or go to Siberia.  Schmidty: You crazy german bastard, you're the only reason I don't mind the Devils.  Kelly Mitchell: still the best date I've ever had.  Fukuder:  Forever my top sushi buddy.  Shields: *Air Highfive*. 

Urk and DJ Party Shark- You two were my first friends at PC, and we never looked back.  Often times you guys were overshadowed by the legendary Joseph "Dangit" Rippolone, but not to me.  You two embraced me as if I actually suffered 4 years at Chaminade like you two did.  You two showed me the way of Long Island, and were always there to talk about how lacking the bagels and pizza in Rhode Island are.  If MySpace were still relevant, you two would definitely be in my top 8.  Living with you two has been an absolute blast, and if I ever have twin boys at some point in my life, there is a very good chance I'll be naming them Ryan and Sean.  Or Urk and Sean, but I don't know how my kid would like being called Urk.  Whatever, you know what I mean you dinguses.  You two were always there for me and I've seen you two at your mean best.  If there are two more words that I could say to you, it would be this: Stay Wild. 
Matthew "YOLO" Dennison- You have scarred me this year.  You have a sick, twisted mind with the ability to say whatever is on your mind, no matter how awful and terrible it is.  You have made me come to hate alcohol.  You have also been a wonderful roommate and a true gem.  Although it is odd the way you call us all 'babe', I've come to accept it.  You made this year an absolute blast and it was an honor to be the one Jim on the floor of Matt's.  YOLO, DGAF, and godspeed my friend.  Remind me, I still owe you a Hot Pocket. 

Matthew "Chuck" Gaynor- Learn to spell, and stop watching terrible shows on BET.

Matthew "The Rat" Rizzini- Idiot.  I never really told many people this, but I was really torn between PC and Syracuse.  PC was nice and close by my home, and I heard good things, but at the same time I was really leaning towards getting out of Rhode Island and doing my own thing at 'Cuse.  I had gotten in off of the waitlist and had a few sleepless nights about where I was going to wind up.  In the end, I ended up choosing PC because I knew that if I went there I would never be alone and already have one of my best friends there.  I can't really tell if it seems like I've been living with you for longer than 4 years or if it went by too fast.  We have had some interesting moments during our time at PC.  From that 3rd roommate and his dominatrix-style boots to making fun of Matt Gaynor's spelling problems, it's been an interesting ride my friend.  This being said, I'm sick of you and I think our friendship has reached a point where it has simply become stale.  Therefore, after we move out Friday, this is the end.  No more texts, no more phone calls, no more watching tv together.  That's it.  I'm sorry but I just can't do this anymore.  Have a nice life. 

The guys at The Ranch- Urk, Seany, Nor, Rizzo, Denny, Sherry-poo, Frankstag, Large Dan, Arbey, Jesus, and Q.  You guys made this time here unreal.  All of this started on the 2nd floor of McDermott, and little did we know the adventures that were awaiting us.  We have accomplished many great feats in our 4 years here.  For instance, we have single handedly accounted for about 75% of the revenue at Danny's Place due to our undying love for it.  We have always been there for each other and always rolled with the punches together.  You guys are drunk, ruthless idiots, but somehow it just makes so much sense.  It's gonna sound cliche but no one has had as much fun and laughed as much as the group of us have in this timespan.  We are a bunch of degenerates who do extremely stupid things that can never be spoken about on this blog, because if I mentioned them here, none of us would ever get a job or a girlfriend ever again.  They say time flies when your having fun, and being around you guys would explain why it feels like these 4 years have flown on by.  Seems like just yesterday we were all gathered in Me, Rizz and the-roommate-that-shall-not-be-named's room watching Fight Club as some sort of weird/corny bonding session (a.k.a. I really needed more friends and had the best TV on our floor at the time).  I'm going to miss all of you dearly. 

This does kind of suck.  Now comes the mysterious/dark chapter of my life where no one can predict what's going to happen.  Providence College, it has been one wild ride.  I'm going to miss this place so much, words cannot really describe it.  This place really is like it's own planet.  Other schools don't do Mock Weddings.  Other schools don't do Ridiculousfest.  Then again, other schools aren't Providence College, and that's what their problem is.  Class of 2012, it's been a fun 4 years.  I'm going to miss you all.  Wish you all the best and let's rage during alumni weekend next year.  I spent some time thinking about a good song to choose for this occassion, and since I just saw them live, the Chili Peppers have been on my mind.  Therefore, enjoy this one.  None of us are going to forget our time here and the people we hung out with.  I'll end this by just saying, PC 2012, it's not a goodbye, it's a see you later.

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Help. My Doppleganger is in a Boy Band

Being compared to famous people is normally pretty cool.  Think about it.  The majority of famous people are good looking, get to do things normal people can't, and in turn, hang out with other good looking people.  As a normal person, I tend to like compliments.  If a girl tells a guy that he looks like Brad Pitt, then I'm sure the young man in question would be thrilled.  Being compared to a famous person (for good reasons, I'm sure no one wants to be compared to Mel Gibson these days) is obviously awesome.  I'm sure if my roommate Sean "DJ Party Shark" Mottola that his bass drops rival those of Skrillex, he'd probably blush.  I know for a fact that fellow roommate Matt "The Rat" Rizzini prides himself for looking like the lovechild of Seth Meyers and BJ Novak.  Being compared to someone is a big boost to the ego in most cases, yet sometimes it can get ugly.  Here lies my problem.
Over the past few years, dating back to high school, I've been compared to two famous people, neither of which do I really agree.  The first was Gordo from the damn Lizzie McGuire show.  Eh.  I could see the hair similarities, but still.  It isn't too favorable to be compard to the nice guy/hopeless romantic forever stuck in the friendzone until the Lizzie McGuire movie.  Who wants to be a supporting character on a sitcom that caters to middle school aged girls?  Not me anyways.  Plus, what the hell has Gordo done since then?  I'm not even going to bother to IMDB that dude because I think I already have a pretty good idea of his career since that show ended.  Overall, not a big fan of the Gordo comparisons. 

Here I am consoling Lizzie after a tough breakup.  She was wasted.

The second famous person I've been compared to based on my dashingly good looks and hair is Shia Labeouf.  To be honest, I only see a slight resemblance to the Transformers and Even Stevens star, but I'll take it.  Much better than Gordo.  Disturbia is a good movie.  I'll even forgive him for the newest Indiana Jones.  Overall, it made me sorta happy to be compared to him by a few people.  Up until recently, I haven't had many other celebrity dopplegangers, which was okay with me.  Then, out of nowhere, everything changed.
Eat Your Heart Out Shia.
Couldn't get a nicer tie?
A few months ago, my friend Nicole Stuver told me that I looked just like some kid in this band called The Wanted.  I was having a few drinks and thought nothing much of it, but everytime I saw her she would remind me of this kid from The Wanted.  I didn't do much research, mostly because I didn't want to know if I really did look like him.  All of Nicole's roommates (those crazy Shutta Shutta Island chicks, from Christine The Gimp to Emma Wrong) agreed to this lookalike business.  For months I brushed this off until a week or two ago when more and more people gradually started telling me this, coinciding with The Wanted climbing the Billboard charts and gaining fame.  Many people have been telling me this, from Salve Regina girls, to my own commencement date Alex AND her sister Caitlin, even my friend Nadine, the same girl who thought my Austin Powers Halloween costume was supposed to be George Washington thinks that I look like this kid from The Wanted.  It's been keeping me up at night for two weeks.  Finally two nights ago during the aftermath of the Avicii concert, I caved and let Alex and Caitlin show me this kid.  Needless to say I am mortified.  These guys are a true boyband, which bothers me.  I look back on this and have to think of guys my age during the late 90's who were getting compared to members of the Backstreet Boys, or any member of *NSYNC not named Justin Timberlake.  It's embarassing nowadays.  I'm sure no one from those days are going to bars and picking up chicks by saying "you know girls used to say I looked like Lance Bass".  Okay maybe that's a bad example, but you know what I mean. 

Peace, indeed.
Add caption

I don't know what's worse, the shirt or the monkey.
I don't know what it is.  Maybe I'm looking too much into this and feeling wrongly about these accusations.  Maybe I should embrace it.  Then again, it is a boy band, and I hate boy bands.  They are Satan's answer to good music.  Essentially I'm using this blog as an outlet to rant about how I'm against this unsavory comparison I have had to deal with over the past few months.  So I leave it to you, the reader, to settle this score and help me out.  Is this lookalike valid or not?  Do I have to face the hard truth of looking like a dude in a boy band or is it all bullshit?  Vote on the poll on the top right of the page and let me know.  By the way, The Wanted are really overrated.