Monday, April 25, 2011

Ch-Ch-Check-Check-Check-Ch-Check It Out

I've always been a big fan of the Beastie Boys. There just aren't as many trios of white rap-rockers from Brooklyn these days. Anywho, I think the world should check out their new music video. Pretty much, Elijah Wood, Danny "Kenny Fucking Powers" McBride and Seth Rogen play Adrock, Mike D and MCA in this music video, which is supposed to take place following the infamous "Fight For Your Right" party music video. There are many, many cameos from celebrities in this bad boy, including Will Ferrel, John C. Reily, Kristen Dunst, Rainn Wilson, Karen from the Office, Sam the bartender from Cheers, Steve Buscemi, some Saturday Night Live people, Jack Black and more. Supposedly, there is a full 30 minute long video focusing on what happened after the party which should be awesome as well. So do yourself a favor and check this out, cause it'll be worth it.





I'll be taking a break from blogging for the next few weeks due to finals and whatnot, but whatever I'll be back soon. As always, keep the faith. Go Bruins.


Jimothy

Friday, April 22, 2011

...And Now A Message from Daniel Allen

I am notoriously late for everything. I am a chronic procrastinator. I am not punctual. I am without a concept of time. It is a problem. And it is all my mother’s fault. That may sound harsh, but sometimes the truth is not easy.


It all began on June 10, 1990, a presumably warm day; a day that will go down in trivia lore as my due date. For some medical reason that I don’t care to know, I remained in utero. Slowly, the calendar turned to 11 and then 12. 12 became 13 and before you knew it, the Summer Solstice, June 21, rolled around. At this point, my mother became sick of me (a recurring theme throughout my childhood) and was induced. Wrap your mind around that – I was born 11 days late. Nearly two full weeks of me just hanging out, mooching off of my pregnant mother, I finally had the medically-induced decency to be born. As I was soon to find out, this would not be the first time that I’d be a little late for something.


My childhood was hodgepodge of me ruining things for my family. It started out small – a couple of times walking into mass during the opening hymn or getting to tee-ball after all the positions had been picked. Now in the grand scheme of things, if this is the only havoc that your kid causes, you’d be ok with that. But young Daniel? He was just getting started.


Tee-ball was kind of a gateway drug with me. Sure it’s no big deal to be the eighth kid in the outfield hoard, but things got steadily worse when I’d eat Oreo’s before dentist’s appointments. I can count on both hands the number of times I made my family late to the dentist because I was frantically scrubbing black shit out of molars I was just going to lose in a few months anyway.


I escaped elementary school unscathed from a tardy perspective. This may or may not be because I live close enough to the school that I can see it from my pillow when I go to sleep. Middle school provided me with some issues as I was introduced to the questionable academic practice that is Early Morning Band. Its origins are murky, but Al-Qaeda has tried to take responsibility. Although the Geneva convention is still looking into it, EMB is band rehearsals that come before school; instead of waking up and catching the bus at 7:40, I had to leave the house an hour early and deal with people who were way to be excited to be making music before the sun was up. Due to the legal implications, I can’t reveal what my mother told me would happen to me if I ever missed a rehearsal, but they’d make a make a sailor blush.


High school was a major breakthrough for me when it came to getting out of being late for things. I have an uncle who lives in the same town as me. His daily commute takes him right past my high school right around the time that I would be arriving, so every holiday, without fail, he would tell me that if I ever missed the bus, he would give me a ride. So one day, I was walking to the main road where my bus stop was, at the same time I always did and lo and behold, the bus drives by. Early. Sonovabitch. So I walk back to my house (pre-cell phone) and call my uncle. When he picked me up he has some deserved snide remarks for me. So what did I tell him? I told him the bus came early. I told my uncle, who was doing me a huge favor, that I was not late, but the bus was early. Internally, I didn’t think it was a big deal as that was what happened.


As high school progressed, they instituted a policy that if a student entered their first period class even a second late they would be sent down to the cafeteria for the duration of the 87 minute period and receive a zero for any class work that day. You, the reader, would probably think this would spell doom for me. Think again. I did many things to be on time for my classes including, but not limited to hanging outside the doorway of my math class so I could orchestrate a screen and slither into my seat, unnoticed.


My biggest regrets in high school, in terms of tardiness, dealt with every prom I ever went to. I went to kind of a lot of proms in high school. Probably too many, but that’s neither here nor there. I’m giving myself a pass for being late to my first one because I couldn’t figure out the stupid clasps on the tuxedo pants. But the next eight that I went to, I should not have been late. If I had a dollar for all the dirty looks that mothers have given me as I try to tuck my shirt in on the way to the door, I could pay off my loans right now. Fortunately, I always just made a remark about no one rolls out of bed looking this good. Needless to say, when I trick a girl into marrying me, I will undoubtedly be late to the chapel. Tuxes and punctuality are not for me, so I was not too upset to see that part of my life be put on hold. As high school concluded, I grew tired of getting out of such meaningless things. I was ready for the big time. I was ready for college.


My college career got off to a rough start. Let me tell you that having mono is no way to endear yourself to your new hallmates. In my quest to maximize my shut eye, I would sleep until the last possible second and then stumble to class in a (prescription) codeine-riddled state. I would come into every class with bedhead and mumble some excuse to the professor as I took the closest seat. But something funny happened: my professors didn’t care. They literally showed no concern as to where I was or why I was interrupting their thrilling lecture on some polarity of water molecules in the atmosphere or some bullshit that I have to pay for to make me a ‘more complete student.’ So as my academic career winds down a mere one more year, I would like to impart some wisdom on the younger readers on how to get out of being late.

1. It is never ever your own fault if you are anything less than twenty minutes late to anything. Fact: unless I really fuck up, I never, ever take full responsibility for my tardiness. I blame anything and everything as to why I’m late.


2. Play dumb. Not really a fan of this one because I’m not dumb, but it works for some people (read: girls and foreigners). Pretend to confuse the time or something, I don’t really know. I pee standing up and speak without an accent.


3. When you blame someone else for you being late, make sure it isn’t someone who would take offense to it. For instance, if my family knew how much I’ve thrown them under the bus, they would probably laugh and just call me a dumbass., so I continue to blame them.


4. Make broad comments that allow for some wiggle room, but can’t really be verified. Late to work? Blame traffic in the other direction and rubberneckers. Maybe a cop pulled someone over and caused traffic to bottleneck?


5. Tailor your excuse to the amount you care about the event you’re missing. Late to a movie with friends? Make a shitty joke and go on your way. Late to a movie with a hot date? Be apologetic with out taking responsibility. Blame everything and everyone. Maybe even let her (or him?) take control of the music in the car, but be careful with this tactic as girls (or same-sex partners) typically like shitty music.


6. Confuse the interrogator. This is one of my personal favorites. It works especially well with mothers and bosses. When I go into work late, I immediately ask my boss a few rapid-fire questions ranging from how his day went to how business has been that day. If you can segue between personal and professional questions, you’re golden because the boss will be unable to stay mad when you’re showing a genuine interest in improving job performance.


7. Be polite. Jay-Z claims that his balls and his word are all he has. I can’t confirm that, but I would like to add that I also have manners. So balls, my word, annnnnd my manners are what I have. Manners going a long way in defusing any potential conflict. This is super important because when you’re late to something it is your fault (you just can’t admit it).


8. The last line of defense. This is when you’re busted and you know it and you can’t do anything about it. This was summed up very well by Dave Chappelle in a skit he did about littering. The premise was that the richer you were, the more inconspicuous you had to be about littering. The skit culminated with a poor crack-head taking trash, pausing, and shooting a jump shot at an invisible trashcan – he was so poor that he couldn’t care less about littering. The last line of defense is to make some outrageously, snide, snarky, sarcastic remark and hope to your deity of choice that the other person also has a sick sense of humor and finds some comedy in your outrageously, snide, snarky, sarcastic remark.


9. Blame the printer. Everyone hates printers. Anyone who doesn’t hate printers has never finished anything at the last minute and needed the printer to just print a few goddamn pages.

So that’s it, folks, almost 1700 words about being late and not one period joke. Who says I’m immature still?

Thursday, April 21, 2011

What the World Thinks of Montreal




I think Andrew Ference is speaking on behalf of everyone else in the world not from Montreal. Go Bruins. Go America.

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Catholic School Girls Rock, Part III

It has been easily confirmed that this study on Catholic school girls has been the greatest idea I've ever had. The support , compliments and phone numbers I've been getting is simply overwhelming. So many former Catholic school girls have come out of the woodwork and ask me if they can be interviewed next. So what I've decided to do is perhaps do a few more interviews randomly throughout the next month or so, and perhaps do a different region of Catholic school girls, to see if they differ any from the three gorgeous Rhode Island Catholic school girls who participated in this study. Right now I'm thinking of the New York/New Jersey/Long Island region, since PC is oozing with these types of girls. Anyways, it should be interesting nonetheless. Now, part 3 is with the lovely Taylor Cotter. I've known Taylor Cotter since the first grade, and she's easily one of the classiest and intriguing girls I've ever known. A perk to having her fill out this survey is that she's a brunette, so we can mix it up from those blondies in the previous interviews. So without further adieu, break out your white polo, knee highs and plaid skirts and enjoy the final part (for now) of the Catholic School Girl Experience.


Catholic School Girl Experience: We’ll start easy and have some word associations. Tell me the first word that comes to mind when you see the following: Jim - I answered these with more than one word. There are just too many flowing memories to stop.



  • Plaid Skirts - Love love love! Though, ask any Bay View girl and the plaid skirt was a last resort when all your navy blue skirts were dirty. Body temperature went up about 5-10 degrees and rolling wool tight under a polo shirt caused for awkward marks around the waist. However, these are so classic and I just wish they were able to be purchased in stores.

  • Abercrombie - If you wore Abercrombie before age 14 at Bay View, you were awesome. If you wore it after age 14, you might as well not even show your face. However, most girls picked the Hendricken boy who looked most like an Abercrombie model, even if it was just a polo shirt and cargo shorts.

  • Nuns - Katie's answer seems to forget that some of the most amazing moments in high school came from the nuns. One word? Hilarious.

  • James Franco - When we went to Bay View, I'm pretty sure James Franco had only been in Spiderman. However, I think that badass, weird, artsy and incoherent types like Franco are pretty much what all BVA girls dream of.

  • Softball - "Is she a lesbian?" "No, she just plays softball."

  • The Notebook - I am the biggest outlier from all students at Bay View Academy (and all women): I have never seen The Notebook.

  • Is it true that you will automatically start pouring tears whenever Konstantine by Something Corporate starts playing? - Yes, yes it is.

  • What was the strangest name of any Sister that worked at Bay View? - Sister Perpetua - she was our religion teacher in seventh grade. She was the perfect nun - always mad at us for not using proper cursive and teaching us songs about Jesus. She taught us that you can't pray for dogs and that it's quite easy to convince a teacher that you need "time to reflect" instead of taking a test.

  • Are laxbros all they are cracked up to be? - When Jim Kirwan, laxbro #1 re-entered my life, as well as his wonderful bros Andrew Chace, Matt Rizzini and Chris Rizzini, my opinion of the laxbro culture skyrocketed. Katie and I used to sneak over to East Providence High School to watch lacrosse games and oogle. Hanging out with the laxbros, especially because of their high opinion of the Catholic School Girl, was incredibly enjoyable and provided for much lunchroom conversation in our junior and senior years.

  • Do you feel that as a catholic school girl, you are holier than thou? - Always - it's not just anyone who can run off all the books of the New Testament (in song).

  • When dancing with a young man, do you always make sure to ‘leave enough room for the holy spirit’? - Protip: leaving room for the holy spirit is an excuse that Catholic girls use when they don't want to be too close to creepers. As Katie said, the proper Catholic school girl NEVER leaves room for the holy spirit, and incurs all consequences.

  • Tell me about the best cat fight you ever witnessed during school. - I don't remember the fight Katie is talking about (this may be a different version of the same story) but the one I remember was two randos getting into a lunchroom fight our junior year. I don't remember anything about what happened, but I saw the whole thing. Coincidentally, I had a detention (for wearing backless shoes) that same week, and I had to sit with them for an entire hour.

  • On average, how many times did you hear the word bitch on any given school day? - A lot, when you go to school with a lot of bitches.

  • Is it true that girls enrolled at catholic all-girls schools do not care about make-up and appearance during the school day? Do you buy this rumor? Cause I don’t. - I agree with Katie - this is no rumor. I tried to wear makeup a few times a week, but this was often applied in the car at a red light when Camille Zaydon held onto the steering wheel from the passenger seat. Hair piled on top of my head, wrinkled polo (another thing I once got detention for), mismatched kneesocks and half-rolled skirt was my uniform of choice. When you are required to wear the same mediocre outfit every day, sometimes (always) you just can't pull yourself to make it look good day after day. I took a slightly more "alternative" route to the Bay View uniform than Katie did - I opted for a hoodie and Vans over Sperrys and cardigan, but the sentiment was always the same - why can't I just wear my own clothes? Like I said, I was once given detention by the Vice Principal for looking "too sloppy" - so rumors are true, Jim Kirwan, the rumors are true.

  • You’re trapped in an elevator for a month. You can have any five items you wish with you. What are they? - Cell phone, DD iced coffee, sweatshirt (doubles as pillow), 1 of 8 class binders to study, nail polish

  • Is Tina Fey an idol of yours? - Tina Fey has been my number one idol since I was 14, giving hope to awkward girls with brown hair everywhere.

  • If things are getting steamy with a significant other, and the said male wants you to dress up as a catholic school girl, do you oblige him or smack the shit out of him? - Smack the shit out of him and wonder why anyone sees any sex appeal in a messy bun and boxer shorts.

  • Is there truth to the rumor that any male teacher at an all girls school is automatically deemed hot? Even if he isn’t all what he’s cracked up to be? - This is false. One out of ten male teachers is considered hot, the other 9 are often considered predatory, creepy, awkard and intrusive. Any girl who has a conversation that goes further than handing in homework with one of these teachers is normally freaked out and their mom calls our guidance counselor, Miss Poppy.

  • If offered a Bloody Mary for a choice of beverage, do you automatically accept? - Not automatically, but I'm always glad to have the option

  • Please state your favorite Pope. - John Paul the First

  • When you were in middle school, did the store Hot Topic used to frighten you, or did you embrace it as a sense of rebellion?- A little bit of both, so I just ordered from the online store.

  • Have you ever dreamed about being a model for Polo or Hollister? - Every day of my life.

  • Are you any good at Croquet?- I wish!

  • If you could associate any rap song to your life, what would it be? - Nicki Minaj - Moment 4 Life

  • Did you have trouble picking out clothes for the first day of school in your freshman year of college after years of having it already picked out for you? - I have trouble picking out my clothes every single day. Somehow, a pile of white polos was a lot easier to sort through than a pile of business casual.

  • Say I’m on a date with a former catholic school girl. How can I win her heart on the first date? - Take her to an Italian restaurant on Federal Hill, don't comment on her chipped nailpolish, ask her about her AP scores and don't make her say how many dates she went on in high school.

  • Who is your dream husband, (dead or alive)? - Andrew McMahon

  • How many pairs of Uggs, leggings, and northfaces do you own, respectively? Also, do you feel that this is a type of non-spoken dress code that all girl once they hit college adhere to? - I have three pairs of Uggs, four North Faces and probably about 15 pairs of leggings. Unfortunately, this is the uniform of college. On days where I wish I could just pull on a polo and BVA sweater, I often find myself wearing the Ugg/North Face/leggings. I try as often as I can to find cute and creative ways to dress, but as all Bay View girls know, sometimes there's just no one worth impressing.

  • Holy Spirit or Holy Ghost? - Holy Spirit!

  • Paper or plastic? - Always plastic.

  • The Strokes or The White Stripes? - Strokes

  • Should I keep my hair long or short? - Short! You look so handsome and classy. I like it very much.

  • *nsync or backstreet boys? - Oh man...*nsync, but just for JT.

  • Bros or hoes? - Hoes, first and forever

  • Finish the sentence: Jesus is… my bff.

It brings a tear to my eye that this third chapter is complete. I have to commend Taylor on actually answering the Strokes or White Stripes question with an actual choice, it's nice that she can follow instructions. That being said, it is very apparant that when asked to give the first word that comes to mind for a word association, it is impossible for Catholic school girls to give just one word. It's also nice that Pope John Paul I got some love, that Innocent III dude was starting to hog the spotlight. Also, I need to meet this Sister Perpetua if she's still kicking. I might have to ask for "time to reflect" in order to hold off taking a test in my American Religious Experience class in the near future. One final thing, I find it awesome that Taylor hasn't seen the Notebook. I think it's every guys dream to find a girl who is not obsessed with that movie, so Taylor you might be having some suitors coming your way trying to woo you. I'd like to thank Meg, Kaitie and Taylor once again for taking this survey. I was skeptical at first about doing this survey, but it turned out to be awesome. I feel like I have earned a small spot in the hearts of all Catholic school girls, which is fine by me.


Much love people, much love.


Jimothy

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Catholic School Girls Rock, Part II

I'm not going to lie, after Catholic School Girls Rock, Part I hit the web on Monday night, I feel like my life is forever changed. The immense gratitude from Catholic School girls has been overwhelming. I've been told it's breathtaking, all completely true, and some of the finest literature that has ever been posted on anything. I feel like any day now I'll be getting a call from some administrator at Bay View to tell me either A.) They want to put a statue of me on campus or B.) They want to sue me for slander. Either way it's a win win kind of. Anyways, next up is Providence College's very own Meg Reidy. Meg is easily one of my favorite PC girls, mainly because she actually talks to me unlike most girls on this campus. In addition, she is a tremendous volleyball player and everything she touches turns into gold. I'll spare you all the small talk, and let's cut to the chase. Once again, here is part 2 of 3 on figuring out who these Catholic school girls really think they are. Meg, your life may never be the same after people start reading this.


We’ll start easy and have some word associations. Tell me the first word that comes to mind when you see the following:



  • Plaid Skirts- easiest outfit decision ever

  • Abercrombie – double popped polo

  • Nuns – sr. edwardine

  • James Franco – do me

  • Softball - bomb

  • The Notebook – sappy, but every girl’s favorite ** sorry I didn’t listen to “first word” and I put multiple words. catholic school girls do what they want

  • Is it true that you will automatically start pouring tears whenever Konstantine by Something Corporate starts playing?-Absolutely not.

  • What was the strangest name of any Sister that worked at Bay View?-Sister Perpetua

  • Are laxbros all they are cracked up to be?-Yes. Hot but douchebags

  • Do you feel that as a catholic school girl, you are holier than thou?- Ehh not so much. Pray hard, party harder.

  • When dancing with a young man, do you always make sure to ‘leave enough room for the holy spirit’?- Have you ever been to a hendricken mixer? You would have your answer if you have.

  • Tell me about the best cat fight you ever witnessed during school.- Girl stormed out after fighting in the cafeteria and the door swung back and broke her nose.

  • On average, how many times did you hear the word bitch on any given school day?- 20

  • Is it true that girls enrolled at catholic all-girls schools do not care about make-up and appearance during the school day? Do you buy this rumor? Cause I don’t.- If we’re going to be anywhere in the vicinity of boys, that’s all we care about. If not it’s a high bun and makeup only if its from the day before.

  • You’re trapped in an elevator for a month. You can have any five items you wish with you. What are they- Q-tips, my blackberry, pizza, the kid who wears a backwards hat that lives a floor below me, iced coffee

  • Is Tina Fey an idol of yours?- Not particularly, but she is funny.

  • If things are getting steamy with a significant other, and the said male wants you to dress up as a catholic school girl, do you oblige him or smack the shit out of him?- I guess it could be fun to relive my 7 years at bay view…

  • Is there truth to the rumor that any male teacher at an all girls school is automatically deemed hot? Even if he isn’t all what he’s cracked up to be?- No, we still appreciate good looks. Its not like we’re locked up with all girls and driven to the point of liking just ANY male.

  • If offered a Bloody Mary for a choice of beverage, do you automatically accept?- I’d rather have a beer.

  • Please state your favorite Pope- Pope innocent the 3rd

  • When you were in middle school, did the store Hot Topic used to frighten you, or did you embrace it as a sense of rebellion?- Far too preppy to even step foot near the spiked jewelry.

  • Have you ever dreamed about being a model for Polo or Hollister?- Not really, just want their clothes

  • Are you any good at Croquet?- Can anyone be good at croquet?

  • If you could associate any rap song to your life, what would it be?- Hottest in da hood.

  • Did you have trouble picking out clothes for the first day of school in your freshman year of college after years of having it already picked out for you?- Put way too much effort into it, so yes.

  • Say I’m on a date with a former catholic school girl. How can I win her heart on the first date?- Wear a backwards hat,a polo t-shirt and sperrys and we’re yours.

  • Who is your dream husband, (dead or alive)?- The backwards hat kid I wanted in the elevator with me.

  • How many pairs of Uggs, leggings, and northfaces do you own, respectively? Also, do you feel that this is a type of non-spoken dress code that all girl once they hit college adhere to?- 5, probably 10, 6…Oops =) they’re all essential to comfort and that’s why we wear them

  • Holy Spirit or Holy Ghost?- Spirit fo sho.

  • Paper or plastic?- paper

  • The Strokes or The White Stripes?- Neither.

  • Should I keep my hair long or short?- SHORT. SHORT. SHORT.

  • *nsync or backstreet boys?- Both.

  • Bros or hoes?- Both.

  • Finish the sentence: Jesus is… - God.

Well well well. Children, what have we learned here? First of all, it is becoming apparant that Catholic school girls cannot follow directions when it comes to word associations and answer these in one word. Talk about rebels without cause! Secondly, I have to give props to my girl Sister Perpetua. What a name. Some kids would try to live a rough and rebellious life just in spite to their parents naming them something awful, but not Sister P. Sister P obviously found faith in the good Lord almighty to not make fun of a name like that. I mean and I thought James was a bad first name. Next up, who the hell is this kid with the backwards hat that Meg here met in the elevator? He's gotta be a stud. If anyone finds him on campus, I'll give a free shoutout to that person. If someone finds the kid and sets him up on a date with Meg, I'll give you a free blogpost where you can write whatever you want. Let's help a sister out. I also like the fact that Pope Innocent III is getting the love he truly deserves, although I find it hard to believe that both Kaitie and Meg both came up with this answer on their own. One final thing about Meg's answers: I would've paid a shit-ton of money to see that girl get into a fight, leave the cafeteria and break her nose from a door slamming in her face. That deserves to be on youtube.


Anyways, special thank to Meg for partaking in this soon-to-takeover-the-world study. Part three will be up Saturday, so hang in tight. Also, be sure to spread the word to your little catholic school girl friends and whatnot. This blog cracked 19,000 visitors (somehow), and I want to get to 25,000 before the year is over, so help me out.


So long, and goodnight.


JK

Monday, April 11, 2011

Catholic School Girls Rock, Part I

Since the dawn of time, well actually more like July 4th, 1990 when I was graced this good world with my presence, I've always been puzzled by a certain population. They run in packs, attack young males, at times can be conniving, and at times can be very awesome. They rule the universe in plaid skirts, cardigans and without makeup during school hours. They are: Catholic School Girls. In this 3-part blogumentary, I get into the heads of three Catholic school girls from St. Mary's Academy at Bay View, located in my hometown of East Providence, RI. Since I went to a public school and since I was not a fan of Barbies and *Nsync growing up, I obviously couldn't attend this sacred place. Like most public school boys, we were always curious as to what goes on in those halls, heads, and lockerrooms. I can still remember the jealousy back in the 8th grade when I told my friends I got invited to attend a semi-formal at Bay View (hey Kelly Mitchell, still the best date of my life!), it was like I was a God for about 4 days. Moving on, I've developed a survey that was administered to three dear friends of mine, and they all obliged to spill the deets and help me figure out just what all the fuss is about being a Catholic school girl. First up is the lovely, gorgeous, and blonde KP, now a Junior at the famed Depaul University in Chicago. She likes long walks on the beach, watching the sunset and candlelit dinners with bros. So now, without further adieu, the first part of why Catholic School Girls Rock. Catholic School Girl Experience: We’ll start easy and have some word associations. Tell me the first word that comes to mind when you see the following:

  • Plaid Skirts- love


  • Abercrombie- cologne


  • Nuns - bitches


  • James Franco – YES


  • Softball – Kelly Mitchell


  • The Notebook-make-out


  • Is it true that you will automatically start pouring tears whenever Konstantine by Something Corporate starts playing?-Without a doubt!


  • What was the strangest name of any Sister that worked at Bay View?-Sister Viola. . She wore a wig and when she scratched it it would move side to side on her head. Sister Viola was also immortal, she still is the librarian and was the librarian for generations and generations of Bay Viewers, all of whom would probably answer that they had some type of encounter with her in which they ended up in detention. She was rumored to have a love affair with the biology teacher who kept photos of her on his classroom walls and would ask her on movie/ dinner dates in front of large groups of students. She also had a twin who would crawl around the school but nobody knew her name she was just always called “sr. viola’s twin.”


  • Are laxbros all they are cracked up to be?-YES… AND MORE


  • Do you feel that as a catholic school girl, you are holier than thou?-“We play then we pray”


  • When dancing with a young man, do you always make sure to ‘leave enough room for the holy spirit’?-As a catholic school girl you should NEVER leave room for the holy spirit. The only time it is okay to do so is if a)you are dancing with someone you don’t want to be dancing with and your friends forget don’t help you because they think it is funny, or if b)one of the Hendricken priests starts lurking around. In this case, however, a Catholic school girl can still decide not to leave room for the holy spirit because only the boy will get in trouble anyway.


  • Tell me about the best cat fight you ever witnessed during school.-Best, (and only) was two cheerleaders our senior year. Screaming, hair pulling, chair throwing. Eventually broken up by the theater director. It was so hood!


  • On average, how many times did you hear the word bitch on any given school day?-O0mmmG lykee so0o many times.


  • Is it true that girls enrolled at catholic all-girls schools do not care about make-up and appearance during the school day? Do you buy this rumor? Cause I don’t.-This is not a rumor, this is absolute fact. I went to Catholic school from grade 2 until grade 12 and could probably count the number of days I wore makeup to school on one hand. The only time a girl would ever wear makeup to school is on rare occasions or if the makeup was left over from the night before. Most girls wore their hair in the infamous “side bun” which is when you sort of just stack your hair on top of your head in a mess of tangles and it sort of slumps to the side by noon. This could usually be accessorized by a J.Crew headband or a colorful ribbon bow. Other options include braiding your hair to the side, French braids, and pony tails all which could conceal unwashed hair as showering is optional when you are a catholic school girl. The more like you look like you just rolled out of bed the cooler you look. For example, we often rolled into school sporting the above hairstyles, wrapped up in a Hendricken sweatshirt with a cut neck, too short/too small skirt, and ripped tights and/or slouching knee socks. The only acceptable footwear is Wallabees Minnetonka Moccassins, or Sperry Topsiders or perhaps a cute pair of ballet flats in the spring along with a stack of Angela Moore bracelets and an out-of-uniform pastel cardigan. All Catholic school girls own a pair of pearl earrings. Every morning a catholic school girls arrives with a Dunkin Donuts iced coffee (even in winter) and is carrying enough bags to take on a small vacation (a North Face backpack, some sort of athletic bag with equipment, L.L.Bean monogrammed tote bag, Vera Bradley lunch box, Longchamp purse…)


  • You’re trapped in an elevator for a month. You can have any five items you wish with you. What are they- A cell phone to text mad cute boys, an AP [insert subject here] textbook to compulsively study, a supply of the cafeteria chocolate chip cookies, a Nicholas Sparks novel, and my lonchamp bag with all its contents.


  • Is Tina Fey an idol of yours?-No, but Taylor Swift is.


  • If things are getting steamy with a significant other, and the said male wants you to dress up as a catholic school girl, do you oblige him or smack the shit out of him?-Smack the shit out of him and act like a bitch for the next several hours.


  • Is there truth to the rumor that any male teacher at an all girls school is automatically deemed hot? Even if he isn’t all what he’s cracked up to be?-Eh, not true. There was one “regulation hottie” male teacher at Bay View, other than that no.


  • If offered a Bloody Mary for a choice of beverage, do you automatically accept?-mmmmm


  • Please state your favorite Pope-Pope Innocent the 3rd


  • When you were in middle school, did the store Hot Topic used to frighten you, or did you embrace it as a sense of rebellion?-Hot Topic STILL frightens me…


  • Have you ever dreamed about being a model for Polo or Hollister?-Well, when I worked at Hollister briefly my actual position was titled “model” even though I was not a model. All I did was stand there in a hollistery outfit (tank top, denim skirt, etc..) and stay things like “hey whats up!? You should try our Laguna skinny jeans!” while listening to pop emo bands and it got really boring. During this time I wish that instead I was a real model lounging in beach type settings with hotty beach babe surfer boys. So I guess, yes.


  • Are you any good at Croquet?-Croquet, cricket, archery, racquetball, polo, horseback riding, sailing….


  • If you could associate any rap song to your life, what would it be?-Teach me how to dougie


  • Did you have trouble picking out clothes for the first day of school in your freshman year of college after years of having it already picked out for you?-Yes, I had never needed to wake up early enough to leave time to shower, apply makeup, and / or choose an outfit. It took some time to integrate these things into my morning ritual, I often still struggle with it.


  • Say I’m on a date with a former catholic school girl. How can I win her heart on the first date?-Be Edward Cullen


  • Who is your dream husband, (dead or alive)?-TOM BRADY <3 <3 such a sexy bro.


  • How many pairs of Uggs, leggings, and northfaces do you own, respectively? Also, do you feel that this is a type of non-spoken dress code that all girl once they hit college adhere to?-Ummmm, I have 4 pairs of uggs all in the staple colors (black, chocolate, camel,) and some short pink uggs that I just wear around as slippers. As for Northfaces depends what type, I have a 2 different types of fleeces, a running sweatshirt, and a rain jacket / shell. Innumerable leggings. I wouldn’t say all girls adhere to this in college , (some bitches are rolling into class in boots with heels and skirts and whatnot…ew.) but I would say most ex-Catholic school girls adhere to variations of this as an unspoken dress code. Its just the way we were raised and we usually look really cute.


  • Holy Spirit or Holy Ghost?-HOLY SHIT!


  • Paper or plastic?-Tote bag


  • The Strokes or The White Stripes?-Dave Matthews Band


  • Should I keep my hair long or short?-KEEP THE FLO


  • *nsync or backstreet boys?-BSB always
  • Bros or hoes?-BROS, PLEASE :]



  • Finish the sentence: Jesus is… -sexy
My mind is boggled already. So many things I didn't know. Backstreet over *nsync? I would've lost money on that one. Also, Hot Topic is apparantly the Satan of mall stores to Catholic School girls, which can be somewhat expected. Not a fan of the Dave Matthews Band response since I hate him, but I should've seen this coming. As of now the best part to keep in mind gentlemen, is to be like Edward Cullen. This is a brief sample, but already the wheels are turning. I'd love to thank the lovely KP for participating. She's been a firm supporter in my blog, and it didn't take long to think of her when I narrowed down my list of three participants for this. Stay tuned later this week as more light shall be shed on this national phenomenon.