Thursday, April 18, 2013

Go. Away.

Music is constantly changing.  Trends come and go, one hit wonders get their brief fame, people become stars for making good (ex: Radiohead), and sometimes, not good music (ex: Rebecca Black).  Music can relax us, annoy us, intrigue us, scare us, change us, and make us relate to things in life.  There are times where we can’t get enough music by certain artists.  Some artists can never do wrong and we will accept their music no matter what, as if they are timeless.  Some artists we get rightfully sick of due to the endless airtime they get on radio stations and commercials.  This can be a problem for people who appreciate music and care about what they listen to.  One of the most annoying things to me personally is when I hear a song or music by an artist come on the radio that just won’t die.  This being said, I’ve noticed this annoyance occurring more and more often in my life, so to help me combat this annoyance, here is a list of people and things in the music industry that just has to go away ASAP. Also, special thanks to Annik Spencer for editing this fine piece of literature. Job well done Neekiepoo.

Fun.- The band whose music is the perfect fit for Kidz Bop cd’s.  These guys blew up last year and slowly got more and more boring by each additional single that they released.  I hear ‘Carry On’ on the radio and I instantly fall asleep out of boredom.  This is a band who may be talented but is in desperate need to take off some time (like a year or five), just for the sake of those who do not appreciate hearing the same songs over and over again wherever they go.  Also, what’s up with fun.’s pants?  They bother me.

fun.'s new album cover
Pitbull- Why is he everywhere?  Pitbull is the king of rapping in Spanglish, but I’m really unsure as to why he has become the face of Bud Light.  If I were to win a contest from Bud Light, I’d be pretty disappointed to have the ‘grand prize’ be to party with Pitbull in Miami.  My problem with Pitbull is that he just seems to rattle off names of cities like he’s trying to figure out where Carmen San Diego is.  I also seem to notice a lot of counting in his songs.  I have also realized after listening to 5 previews of his songs on iTunes that I have absolutely no idea what he is saying in his songs.  His song “Give Me Everything” is catchy, but there is no surefire way to ruin a song than dropping Lindsay Lohan’s name in it.   We can only take so much of your nonsense, Pitbull.  Time for you to go away.

Excited upon the news of becoming the face of Bud Light

Mumford & Sons/Lumineers/Of Monsters and Men:  New Wave Folk?  Folk Revival?  What the hell happened this past year when folk became popular?  I mean, I liked that commercial for Blue Moon with the Lumineers in it as much as everyone else, but music from these 3 bands has gotten out of control.  It seems as if radio thinks they’re doing something so ‘different’ by overplaying these bands, who all sound the same.  Honestly, I’m starting to have trouble keeping these three apart because they just seem to blend together.  At work yesterday, songs by these three bands were played in a 15 minute span of each other, and I felt like I was going to die of boredom.  I feel that when we look back in 10 years at who won the Grammy for Album of the Year in 2013, we will all be scratching our heads at how Mumford & Sons won.  Honestly, Of Monsters and Men stands out to me since they are slightly different by alternating the male and female singers.  Besides that, these three sound the exact same, and I’m still puzzled by this newfound love of folk going mainstream.  In this day and age, the only way folk should be relevant is if Bob Dylan reissues old albums or something.  On a side note: could Mumford & Sons really become anymore flamboyant!? Geez they need to tone things down.

The excitement is just overwhelming.

The “Now That’s What I Call Music!” Series:  This is the true indicator of how kids growing up in the 90’s feel old.  My sister and I are proud owners of the very first Now CD which came out in October of 1998.  On May 7th of this year, Now 46 is going to be released.  This is something extremely scary, and makes me feel way past my prime.  46?  I don’t even wanna think about turning 23, never mind 46.  This is utter madness, and needs to be stopped.  Before searching it up, my original thought was that there was only one or two per year, then somewhere along the line with falling CD sales they started releasing more.  I was sort of right about that, and some highlights are Now 41-44 all being released in 2012 and 33-36 in 2010.  Four Now Cd’s in one year?  Nonsense.  This is a case of quantity over quality.  Let’s go back in time to Now 3, featuring blink-182, Fatboy Slim, Limp Bizkit (!), Lenny Kravitz, Garbage and Fastball.  Sure, seems dated, but most of these artists are somewhat respected (except you, Fred Durst), and they are songs that I still listen to today (What’s My Age Again? Is a timeless classic, for example).  Let’s look at Now 45, which came out in February: Ed Sheeran(who?), Phillip Phillips (!), Taylor Swift (Ugh), Pitbull (told you it sucks), Flo Rida (really?), and The Script featuring (depressing).  If you ask me, this CD should be entitled “Wow! That’s What I Call Depressing!”.  A song featuring is on a CD that is supposed to capture the noteworthy music of a period of time?  Get with it.  I hope to God that the Now series will end at 50.  The Now series is similar to that of an old horse.  It makes me and people my age feel old, and it has to be put down. 

Simpler times. Sigh.

Bieber:  Complaining about how his birthday sucked, starting and losing a twitter war with Black Keys drummer Patrick Carney, stealing haircuts from Vanilla Ice and/or La Roux, it’s all getting pretty annoying.  I don’t get why so much media time is spent on him.  He’s kind of a dweeb in my opinion.  I understand that millions of young girls and a lot of creepy people love him, but I just can’t stand opening Yahoo and being bombarded with headlines about him getting into slap fights with paparazzi and him feeling woozy during a show.  Recently, he wrote that he hoped that Anne Frank would have been a Belieber, which is one of the most mind numbing things ever written.  He hopes that Anne Frank was a Belieber?  Yeah, I’m sure she would’ve loved your music back in Nazi occupied Amsterdam.  Sure, there may be that fear of getting sent to concentration camp, but as long as she had Justin Bieber and his inspiring music, everything would be okay.  Bullshit.  I mean, I would hope that Charles Bukowksi would be a reader of my blog if he were still alive, but I’d wouldn’t say this at his gravesite or anything.  This whole mess just makes Bieber even more arrogant than ever.  Even when he is at an Anne Frank memorial, he has to involve his name somehow to get attention.  His music sucks and he still looks like he’s 12.  Bieber Fever needs to be cured pronto. 

The pride of Canada
Lil Wayne:  When was the last time he made good music?  I’m not the biggest fan of him in general, but in all honesty, all I’ve ever heard people talk about concerning his last three albums was that they sucked.  He’s seen Drake and Nikki Minaj surpass him in fame over the past few years, while the only headlines he’s made has revolved around prison, and seizures because he does drugs.  Then again, I’d probably do drugs too if I was the sole reason for making Nikki Minaj a household name.  Lil Wayne is starting to go on the track to become the Jim Morrison of rap, which most likely won’t end well.

Just dripping with talent

Chris Brown:  This is a real, honest, serious question- Do people like Chris Brown?  Everyone I know despises him.  I see tweets and facebook posts claiming how big of an asshole he is, yet he still seems to be popular.  His first offense is dying his hair blonde.  Secondly, he beats his girlfriend.  Third, he calls out Frank Ocean, someone who made an album this past year which Brown could only dream of making, for being gay.  In this day and age, that’s not really the smartest move to pull.  I can’t name you one song he has come out with in the past few years, and he seems to only make headlines for the trouble he gets in.  Being famous for being hated isn’t the best claim to have.  It took Chris Brown a while to gain back the fans that he lost the first time around after beating Rihanna, and that was mostly by having a fan appreciation tour with tickets that were dirt cheap.  You would think that after doing this (this definitely cost him some money) he would learn his lesson and try to stay out of trouble, you know, since he’s lucky enough to be as popular as he is before pissing it all away by cowardly hitting his public icon of a girlfriend, but Chris Brown is such a dingus that he still manages to get in trouble.  It also doesn’t help that he and his posse dressed as terrorists for Halloween.  In a post 9/11 world, dressing as a terrorist isn’t really the smartest thing to do, especially when people are just looking for you to screw up and cause some more controversy.  All in all, Chris Brown sucks.  He hasn’t made any good music lately, his blonde hair is a travesty to the history of hairstyle, and he needs to go away.

Oh My Golly, indeed.

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Greetings and Welcome, Jaromir Jagr!!!!!!!!!

Fans of the Boston Bruins are ecstatic to learn of the acquistion of hockey legend Jaromir Jagr to the squad.  For all you people who don't follow hockey, Jagr is one of the greatest players to ever lace up the skates.  The fact that he has joined the Bruins makes me pretty pumped.  Hell, I even cracked a smile when I learned of the news.  It was a rough week for Bruins fans when that prick Jarome Iginla chose to play for the Penguins over the Bruins.  This trade for Jagr makes up for everything.  Honestly, I'd take Jagr over Iginla any day of the week, and we gave up less for Jagr than we offered for Iginla, so this is a good day.  To celebrate this glorious occasion, here are some of the best pictures on google of Jagr, most featuring his beloved mullet from the early-mid 90's.  Enjoy. 

Rockin' the Denim Shirt

Pondering the Term "Skate With Your Head Up"

Looking Into The Future of Another Stanley Cup in Boston

I Would Gladly Pay Some Serious Money For This Card

The Best Player To Wear #68 Ever

Watch Out Boston Females, Jagr Is Here