Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Couldn't Care Less

I respect people who don't care.  I just do.  I am a firm believer those who don't let little things bother or upset them are people with a good head on their shoulders, and I don't mean the shampoo.  When I attended Governor's Ball a few weekends ago, I was chastised by someone in a bathroom line who somehow got mad at me for going to the shorter line while he and a bunch of other idiots were standing around in the longest of 3 lines.  There I was, minding my own business and thinking about what most people think about when in a bathroom line, "Go. Faster.", when all of a sudden I hear this nasally voice from behind me and to my right yelling something about a guy in a Dodgers hat.  That's when it hit me.  "Hey, I'm wearing a Dodgers hat."  I said to myself, and decided to turn around and see what all the hubbub was about.

"What?"  I said.

"You cut the line.  That's bullshit man.  There are people waiting!"  Said this lanky hipster in a tank top and some club master Ray-bans.

"Okay."  said I, trying not to give this idiot the time of day.

Much to my chagrin, he kept on giving me crap.  "It's not cool.  You fucking cut all these people who are waiting."  he said, along with some other mutterings under his breath.

"If it bothers you that much you can come over here and go in front of me."  I offered, just hoping to end this.  I was actually serious too.  It was his move at this point.

"No.  What about all these other people?  It's on principle.  Don't you care about lines?"  He said, basically giving me a layup.

Without using a half a second I kinda snapped and said "Care about lines?  I don't care about anything. Of course I don't care about lines.  Don't.  Care.  DON'T. CAAAARE."

There was sheer joy that came to me when the look on his face just grew to confusion and he got all tongue tied.  He tried pleading his case a little bit more but I decided to act like a 5 year old and keep on shouting DON'T CAAAAARRRRE!  Each time he started up another argument about caring about the bathroom line.  Mature?  Maybe not, but that's what people deserve when they choose to not be in the short bathroom line and then call out people who do select the short line.

The point of this story is that it brought me great joy to just get it off my chest that I didn't care what he thought.  At all.  I'm not going to let some hipster (who looked as if eating anything at all was too mainstream by the looks of his thin frame) dictate what line I could or couldn't use because he fucked up.  This exclamation of not caring was a rare time for me standing up for myself, and I guess I'm proud.  Anyways, obviously I care about some things, because you kinda have to, but my goal in life now is to try to not let the small things get to me like in the above example, and not care when things are trivial.  Therefore, let me give you my list of favorite people who simply don't care.

10.  Bill Belichick/Nick Saban- I'm making these two one in the same because I just can't have two college football coaches taking up to slots on this list.  Two of the most successful football coaches in the world who never seem amused or impressed by anything.  Fun fact: these two combined for a whopping 5 smiles over the past 3 years.  Out of these two, I will give a slight edge to Belichick in the 'don't care' department by his usual desire to just wear a hooded sweatshirt everywhere, and his tendency to speak as little as possible to reporters even though he technically has to talk to them.  People give him shit all the time for not being 'friendly' and a pain to the press, but I think his phrase of "it is what it is" works just fine and can be a suitable answer for any question posed his way.  Nick Saban impresses me in his lack of showing enthusiasm despite how successful he is.  I've never seen a coach win a national championship and look so miserable.  In the postgame interview, if you had your TV on mute and caught it midway through, it'd be tough to figure out if he was on the losing or winning end of the game because he never smiles and is never happy with anything.

9.  McKayla Maroney (USA Gymnast)-  Yikes.  Thrilled with 2nd place, huh?

 Is she the ultimate 'Ice Queen'?  Probably.  I'd love to see her reaction when a guy hits on her at a bar or something.  If that is the face she makes for a silver medal at the Olympics, imagine the face she'd make for a creepy guy at a bar.  McKayla basically told the world that it was gold or bust for her, and everything else just doesn't matter.  There have been psych studies that have shown that the bronze medalist is normally more content and pleased with their outcome than a silver medalist, but this is just ridiculous.

8. Icona Pop- They don't care, and they love it!  And I love it!  Cause I don't care!  The ultimate DGAF anthem.

7. Jeff Spicoli (Fast Times at Ridgemont High)-  I wouldn't know, but I'm sure if you were stoned since the 3rd grade you wouldn't care about much either.  Jeff Spicoli got a pizza delivered to his classroom in the movie, which I'm sure planted the seed for many wise-asses in high schools everywhere to duplicate this prank since seeing the movie.

Unafraid of the power hungry Mr. Hand, Jeff Spicoli doesn't care about fear and decides to explain how Mr. Hand's 'precious time' is actually everyone's 'precious time' and that there is nothing wrong with a little feast once in a while.  It's a bold move to pull this off, and it is near impossible for someone who cares about being disciplined to pull off.

6. Jack Bauer (24)- Jack Bauer is an interesting character in regards of not caring, because he cares about America, and every once in a while, a woman, but besides that he is in full DGAF mode.  This is a guy who once cut open a man to extract a microchip from his stomach to save his country.  He is ruthless to a point of no return.  In one season, he didn't care so much that he agreed to purposely start a heroin addiction to go undercover with some terrorists.  No big deal.  Not for American hero Jack Bauer.  Does he have many friends?  No.  I think he has like, 2 friends, and that's being generous.  Does his family like him?  I really doubt it.  Jack Bauer doesn't care about what he has to do to save America, just as long as he gets the job done.  And for that, Jack, we thank you.

5. Stone Cold Steve Austin-  The ultimate anti-authority figure.  The man was a Texas redneck who drank beers on the job, ran his mouth while backing it up, flipped off anyone willy nilly as he saw fit, got into a years long feud with his boss on national television, borrowed a Coors Light truck and sprayed a bunch of people in the ring, celebrated victories with more beer, and created probably the most iconic pop culture phrase from the wrestling world when he told us, after beating a newly religious Jake the Snake Roberts "You sit there and you thump your bible, and you say your prayers, and it didn't get you anywhere!  Talk about your psalms, talk about John 3:16…well, Austin 3:16 says I just whooped your ass!"  Steve Austin did what disgruntled employees everywhere wanted to do to their boss and various authority figures, and for years in the late 90's and early 00's, people lived vicariously through Austin and his attitude, which showed us how little he cared.

4. The Driver (Ryan Gosling in Drive)- Always need to look out for the quiet ones.  Ryan Gosling in the indie super film 'Drive' played a stunt and getaway driver who doesn't say much.  In fact, he doesn't even care about people who hire him as a getaway driver, giving them 5 minutes and not a second more to do their job and get out.  He didn't even seem to care when his only friend (Bryan Cranston with a limp) gets murdered.  He just sort of looks down at him and sighs.  Sure, in the movie he starts to care about his neighbor who is the blonde chick who ends up playing Daisy Buchanan and breaking Gatsby's heart and the little kid who is kind of annoying, but he ends up going to any length necessary to protect them.  He beats the shit out of a man with a hammer and doesn't even wind up with the girl!  The Driver just does what is right, and he couldn't care less about anything or anyone.
He makes this face in 98% of his screen time.

3. Ferris Bueller-  It's one thing to play some hooky as a bored high schooler.  It's another thing to go about it by having the best day ever without any real attempt to hide.  Think about it.  Most kids these days would spend a day off from school playing Xbox and try to pretend they still had a fever when their parents got back from work.  Ferris Bueller took over a parade float in downtown Chicago and serenaded the city with the only decent Beatles song they ever made.

 In addition he gets his best friend to let him use a car which is 'so choice' and doesn't seem to worry too much when it goes crashing through a glass wall (never understood the glass wall in a garage part).  Ferris lives the dream: has the girlfriend, has the adoration of his classmates and his town (Save Ferris was written on the water tower for Pete's sake), has the ability to do what he wants and get away with it.  Well done, Ferris.

2. Australian Party Kid-  The inspiration for the movie 'Project X'.  If you haven't seen this famous youtube video yet, you have been missing out and I won't have to explain why he is so high on this list.

Between the massive rager he threw that got out of hand, to not wanting to take off his sunglasses for the interview, this kid has balls, and an affinity for not caring. I do find it a bit ironic that after this interview, the sunglasses probably did get a bit famous.

1. Jay Cutler-  The legend.  I hated Jay Cutler for a while, because I just thought he was a smug asshole of a quarterback.  Little did I know that he was just a person who didn't care.  This is a man who proposed to his girlfriend, Kristin Cavallari via text message, and then sent the engagement ring to her via mail.  There is a tumblr dedicated to him with photoshopped cigarettes in his mouth, called Smokin' Jay Cutler, because his usual facial expression is that of someone who looks like they'd rather be anywhere else in the world than where they currently are, even while playing professional football.

The real legendary tale of how Jay Cutler doesn't care is that some guy at a bar approached Smokin' Jay in a men's room at a bar while he was wasted and proceeded to tell him how he also went to Vanderbilt University like he did and before he could finish saying that he was also a Chicago Bears fan, Jay Cutler cut him off by just yelling DOOOOOONNNNN'T CAAAAAARRRRRRRRE in his face before stumbling away.

Now, when it comes to quarterbacks, my respect is with Tom Brady.  Next in line, however, is Jay Cutler and everything he stands for…or doesn't care about, rather.  Much respect, Smokin' Jay.

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