Pop Culture Smorgasbord III

Every now and then I like to just get away from writing in depth about random life stories or how the Dave Matthews Band sucks, and I just want to make things short and sweet, while covering topics in pop culture.  About a year ago, I came up with the Pop Culture Smorgasbord and it was kinda fun.  After Pop Culture Smorgasbord II was a success with my friend Annik helping me out, it kinda hit me that I might be on to something here.  Without further ado, here is Pop Culture Smorgasbord III.

• Gravity  hit theaters a little while ago and seems to be a super smash hit for the box office.  Don't know much about this film, but from the trailers it seems that after being tired of being named the "sexiest man in the world", George Clooney tries to become the "sexiest man in Space" while Sandra Bullock has some trouble breathing, probably because she's in space with George Clooney. 

  

  In Space, he looks like John Stamos.

• Breaking Bad came to an end a couple of weeks ago, meaning that in about 6 months, hipsters everywhere will finally be able to do meth again.  
• Suzanne Somers went on the Today Show recently and shocked her fans and viewers when she talked about how she has sex twice a day, every day at the tender age of 66.  In addition to her grandkids being on suicide watch, millions of people across the country asked the question "Who the hell is Suzanne Somers?". 
• Hailie Mather's was recently named homecoming queen at her high school.  As someone who came in 3rd place during the 2007 East Providence High School homecoming voting, I really can't say I'm shocked.  She's probably the most popular girl in school, you know, because her dad is the greatest white rapper not named Vanilla Ice.  On a different note, how intimidating must it be to be Hailie Mather's date to homecoming?  I can't even imagine picking up a girl as a 17 year old before a dance and meeting her father who happens to be Slim Shady.  I think the only dad more intimidating than Eminem in this scenario would have to be Stone Cold Steve Austin. 

  

  Agreed.

• Carly Rae Jepson has been quiet lately.  I think I can speak for all you reading this by saying that I am anxiously awaiting the follow up to Call Me Maybe, so we can finally find out if the guy called or just texted her saying that he thinks she is very nice and he's flattered but he has a girlfriend at this moment. 
• Lady GaGa released the cover art for her new album, and it's pretty terrible.  She's kinda naked and there are weird shapes and what I think is a bowling ball involved, yet it still is way more sane than her last album cover with her head on a motorcycle.  Dammit GaGa.  Get your shit together. 

  

  Utterly Disturbing. 

• Sad news for everyone who believes in love: Kris Kardashian and Bruce Jenner have split up.  Was anyone upset by this?  In my personal opinion I'd like to have a reality show of Bruce Jenner living the single life.  Talk about quality television.  That man deserves an automatic pass to heaven for dealing with that family.  The Kardashian's just can't catch a break these days.  I'm sure Kris Kardashian would be crying if it were physically possible for her to do so after all the facelifts she's gone through to basically look like the same age as her daughters.  
• After writing the previous paragraph, it hit me how the Kardashians are relevant in today's world:  These reality TV shows wouldn't be possible without Kim Kardashian making a sex tape with Ray J.  Kim Kardashian was only kind of famous because she was rich and friends with Paris Hilton.  Her family is rich because her dead father was one of OJ Simpson's lawyers (not his lawyer, one of many lawyers.  He wasn't even the main one, because that was Johnny Cochran (RIP)).  OJ Simpson needed a lawyer because he killed his wife.  So basically in addition to being a murderer, OJ Simpson is the reason we are all living in a world that for some reason embraces the Kardashian's on TV.  God. Dammit. 
• While we're on the lines of mindless TV, my roommate Matt got me watching a couple of episodes of Duck Dynasty.  It's actually not that bad.  Turns out that instead of following around the lives of rich, moronic rednecks, this show follows around rich rednecks who are actually good businessmen.  Who knew.  Not me. 
• Stephen King wrote a sequel to his horror movie The Shining called Doctor Sleep, which follows the little boy as a grown up with a drinking problem dealing with his weirdo powers.  Anyone who knows me that I am not a big fan of The Shining because it scared the bejeezus (spelling?) out of me and kind of scarred me.  Makes sense because the use of axes freaks me out, little twin girls freak me out, and people who talk to their index finger freaks me out.  This is also why Fozzy is my least favorite Muppet.  

  

  Nightmares. 

• Somehow, this "What Does The Fox Say?" song has become a super smash hit.  If you thought the "Show Me The Car Facts" Fox ad campaign was bad, just wait a few more weeks until they start ripping off that song. 
• As much as I don't want to, I have to address the Miley Cyrus twerking disaster: Most girls start stripping because their dads either weren't around or were super protective assholes to them.  Miley Cyrus most likely did this because her dad had a mullet for far too long and wears way too much denim.  

  

  You brought this upon yourself. 

• I've been noticing a few commercials for Machete 2 which will be in theaters soon.  It is interesting to note that Charlie Sheen has chosen to go by his real name of Carlos Estevez in the credits of Machete 2.  Trying the same luck to revive his career, Emilio Estevez will be credited as "Charlie Sheen's Brother" when he reprises his role as Coach Gordon Bombay when the 4th Mighty Ducks movie comes out
• An elementary school in Long Island recently banned all balls during recess in addition to tag, meaning that Dungeons & Dragon's has a younger target market all of a sudden. 
• Nirvana released the 20th anniversary edition of their final studio album 'In Utero' a week or so ago.  Kurt Cobain has been dead for almost 20 years, and Courtney Love is still somehow making money off of him.  Dave Grohl must be pretty happy too, as his "other band" still seems to be relevant and making him money.  
• I'm not sure when it came out exactly, but I recently read an interview with Kel Mitchell about how he hasn't spoken to Kenan Thompson in years, as they stopped being friends after they both tried out for Saturday Night Live and only Kenan made the cut.  This is unsettling news.  As a 90's kid, hearing about a feud between Kenan and Kel is the only thing that closely resembles a divorce for kids whose parents have not divorced.  

  

  Simpler Times. 

• Lots of hub-bub for this "Orange is the New Black".  Never seen it, but seems really weird that a tanning salon has it's own show.  
• Big fan of the commercials for Dodge Durango featuring Ron Burgundy.  I personally think that more fictional characters should be peddling products.  Why not have Brad Pitt and/or Edward Norton start selling Dove soap?  I'm sure The Big Lebowski could help boost sales of Kahlua.  When hover boards become a real thing, which I hope is really soon, I don't think you can get anyone other than Marty McFly to help promote them.  

  

  Sold. 

• Finally, Katy Perry's "Roar" song makes me long for her songs with more complex lyric and themes, like being a California Gurl.  Then again, Lady GaGa's new single is about how much she likes applause and how she loves it when people cheer for her.  I have to relate to her in that sense: I only blog in order to be retweeted these days.