Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Satan Strikes Back

Just as everybody was getting over that terrible cold-in-song-form that just wouldn't go away entitled "Friday", Rebecca Black has returned with a new single called Person of Interest. Person of Interest eh? The person who I'm interested in right now is whoever gave the greenlight for Ms. Black to get another single. Shockingly, this song sucks. How can Rebecca Black do this to herself? Didn't she learn her lesson that she might not have the greatest voice, even with the help of technology and digital enhancement these days? Didn't she go through enough problems and hatred with the aftermath of Friday? Wouldn't she think if she got a second chance, to make a good song before releasing it? Have America's education systems failed us where Rebecca Black has to sing (kind of ) such simplistic lines as "When I talk, you listen, I like that/ When you listen, you smile and I like that/ Why you lookin', lookin', at me just like that?/ I like that, I like that,". Rebecca Black might be the reason other countries in the world hate us. Its people like her, Kim Kardashian and Paris Hilton that make people wonder where they went so wrong in life in a world where these idiots are famous.

Time to break down the music video itself. Right off the bat, Rebecca Black is Godawful at skee ball. I mean granted I guess after all the bullying and teasing she went through, Rebecca Black probably hasn't been hitting up the local arcades and boardwalks as much as she used to. Next up is the Justin Bieber lookalike in the hollister shirt. Is he shorter than Rebecca? Also, dude, you aren't looking too badass by doing the 'dirt off your shoulder' move as evidenced at the 39 second mark. It's not 2003 anymore. Oh, and really Bieber, you get all those tickets and the best thing you get your girl is a half chocolate-half strawberry colored teddy bear? Sure, arcade prizes aren't great, but chocolate and strawberry? Everyone likes vanilla and chocolate the most out of the 3 Neopolitan ice cream flavors.

I'd also like to point out at the 1:52 point how typical girls are post-picture taking. The face that Rebecca Black makes is something us guys have seen numerous times over the years. You know what I'm talking about, take a picture, the girls look at it and immediately say how gross they look and need to take another three pictures of the same shot. Get over it. You don't look any different from 18 seconds ago. Also in regard to the photobooth part, the Bieber lookalike did do a nice job photobombing that booth at the 1:49 mark, even if he does look like a lesbian with that haircut.

I would also like to point out that Rebecca Black seems to be wasting the time of a police officer all throughout this video. If you get in trouble for prank calling 911, shouldn't you get in trouble talking to a cop about a missing person who really isn't missing, as evidenced at the end of the video where Becky Black and Biebz walk away together after the cop drew that lovely caricature of the two of them, even without knowing what the guy looked like. By the way, isn't it a bit over the top for police to use crime scene tape at an arcade over a 14 year old who got separated from a girl? Lord knows at 14 I was avoiding some girls who were looking for me at the Seekonk Grand Prix back in the day.

Now on to the go-kart portion of the video. Unlike in the "Friday" video, go-karts are an actual form of automobile legal for a 14 year old to drive, which is a nice change on her part. Also, girl at the 2:11 mark, I see you rocking out with your makeshift mini-golf putter-guitar. How long did these girls spend at the this arcade place? I got bored at these places after a few hours, and these kids are still playing mini golf well into the black of the night. Thanks for making me cringe due to the corniness you displayed with that. It's also nice that Gwen Stefani's Harajuku Girls came out of retirement to let Rebecca Black get on stage to let her rock out with them. That's a good career move. Love Angel Music Baby indeed. Needless to say, Rebecca Black has done it again and made the world a more gray and depressing place to live.

On a final note, I've decided to bring back the Catholic School Girls Rock Experiment, but this time I need non-Rhode Island school girls. Therefore, if you went to a Catholic All-Girls school and if you think you're interesting and funny, let me know via facebook, twitter, myspace (just kidding, sort of, yeah I am) or in the comment section below. Like last time, it'll be a survey for you to fill out and hopefully get creative with. Lastly, thank you to Maggie Nolin, Fairfield's Finest, for giving me the heads up about this gem of a song.

Try not to get Person of Interest stuck in your head.

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