Sunday, January 30, 2011

The Italian Shore Pros and Cons

Big news was announced last week when the world found out that the fourth season of Jersey Shore will be taking place in Italy. Italy hasn't been hit this hard by anything since WWII. This is a very interesting strategy by MTV to pull this stunt and taint Europe. Like most things in life, this move has its pros and cons. So what better place to learn about them than this blog? Let’s begin.

Italy Instead of Jersey

Pro: The cast will not be chased around by common, everyday boring sleazebags who grace the Jersey Shore each summer and now try to get on TV. The first season of Jersey Shore was and will probably always be the best one because at the time of filming, they were nobodies and actually seemed normal in a weird way. Now that they will be in Italy, less people will know who they are, so they can go about their partying ways and fist pumping without scumbags riding their coattails and causing problems with Sammi Sweetheart just to get some face time on MTV for 16 seconds.
Con: The state of New Jersey will see their tourism absolutely dwindle. The only thing besides Jersey Shore that New Jersey can kinda be proud of is the New Jersey Devils, and even they suck this year. With Jersey Shore being in Italy, there is absolutely no reason for anyone to visit Jersey. Jon Bon Jovi and Bruce Springsteen must’ve been pissed when they found out NJ lost The Situation and Pauly D, since they were able to take the Jersey spotlight off of them for a year or so. Also a con: Angelina is still in the US.

Cultures Clashing

Pro: It would be sort of nice to see Italy be corrupted by these Guidos. Can Italy really be proud of its people who immigrated to the states, and see these idiots become the next generation? America likes to one-up other countries, so it is more than likely that Italy will be disgusted with what they are being sent. Sending Ronnie and Sam’s fights overseas is pretty much a big, huge, Cee-Lo Greene sized “fuck you” to Italy. I really don’t know much about European style and whatnot, mostly cause I couldn’t careless, but if stuff like fist pumping and GTL isn’t big over there, it soon will be. Anything to knock Italy down a few pegs by increasing stupid terminology and idiotic dance moves. Mussolini will be spinning in his grave once The Situation takes his first few steps on Italian soil.

Con: I feel like America in a way is getting the short end of the stick here. We’re sending Americans overseas to pollute their culture, so couldn’t they do the same and bring good pasta? I think we should have made a trade with Italy. Might as well get something in return for Pauly D’s dj skillz, JWOWW’s breasts, and Vinny just being Vinny , right? I’m sure we could have made a deal for something cool that America could have used. They should just give us AC Milan or something. I feel like we can do better. After all, we are America dammit.

The Possibilities

Pro: I’m sure everyone is concerned about JWOWW and whatever her crazy, pansy, juicehead gorilla guido boyfriend is named, but think about this: It’s not considered cheating if it’s not in the same area code! No matter what, JWOWW is in the clear if she wants to hook up with someone. She’s been relatively quiet on the hookup-front ever since the Great Pauly D Incident of 2009 occurred. She needs to get out there. We all know she hates her boyfriend but can’t leave them for some reason the world will never figure out, but now that she’s overseas, she can do whatever she wants with whoever she wants, and she can’t get in trouble for it, which means they won’t have to argue over the phone constantly and MTV can’t show them on the phone bitching and moaning for 15 minutes every episode. Also, MVP has a whole new gaggle of girls to conquer in Europe who don’t know that they are complete douchebags who are parading around town just trying to get laid. They’re clueless over there and won’t know any better.

Con: Just a guess here, but I feel that MTV is going to exploit and show Snooki struggling with speaking and reading Italian way too much on air. This will be brutal for all the viewers. We already know she’s semi-retarded, so we already know she won’t be able to speak any Italian other than the words ‘lasagna’ and ‘alfredo’. This will be extremely frustrating for viewers and could lose ratings. Also, Europe is kinda sketchy with some things, as we see in movies like Taken or Hostel, so it might get weird. I’m nervous for the sake of some creeps stealing Snooki and making her a sex slave, or giving Ronnie some knockoff supplements that will result in his untimely death. Actually, that wouldn’t be so bad now that I think about it.

The Future of Jersey Shore

Pro: It seems that MTV is realizing that the show might be starting to get stale, so moving them to Italy is a good move in my eyes to give it a fresh look. This show has given this cast the longest 15 minutes of fame ever. This 15 minutes of fame ranks up there with the likes of Monica Lewinsky, Ashlee Simpson, William Hyung, Macauly Culkin, and Antoine Dodson. I say let it continue. If this Italian voyage means season 5 of Jersey Shore, which I’m assuming would bring it back to Seaside Heights, then it will be a success. Jersey Shore might be one of the most puzzling shows ever on television, since everyone considers it dumb and can’t figure out why these cast members have gotten so famous and rich for doing what they do (nothing), yet we all still watch it. Somehow, it is entertaining to see how stupid people live. Oh well, I’ll take it over that Teen Mom bullshit anyday.

Con: More likely than not, we will all be watching this season of Italian Jersey Shore, meaning season 5 will take place. This means there will be two more seasons for stupid quotes and topics like GTL and cabs being here will become famous. Dammit MTV. You win again.
Shoutouts: It’s been a while since I’ve given shoutouts on the blog. One goes to Emily Geron since she asked me for one at lunch last week. For the hotly debated twitter contest, the lovely Kim Thomas came out on top after correctly guessing that my Mom almost named me Dennis. Runner ups for this contest were Jennifer Wood (Dangerfield and Delonte), Sierra Sant’Anna (Desmond), Eric Towne (Darnell) and Chris Rizzini (Dimitrus). As for the heated facebook contest for a shoutout, the winner was Nicole Russo, because she is, in fact, a Brah. These twitter and facebook contests were sorta fun, so there will be more in the future.

Eternally yours,

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