Monday, April 26, 2010

DWC- Development of Who Cares?

I like Providence College. I really do. I love the majority of people I've met here, I love the amazing stories that I'll be able to tell my children about when they are over 18, and I love the fact that I live 10 minutes away from here so I still don't have to do my own laundry. One thing that I do not love about Providence College however, is the Development of Western Civilization class that all freshmen and sophomores are required to take. It's basically four semesters of trying not to shoot yourself out of pure boredom learning about stuff that will never be of use ever. Right about now you're probably asking yourself why I would blog about such a horribly boring thing, but you need to understand this: this is my last week of civ for the rest of my life. I'm taking civ head on through this blog just to piss off these shitheads like Karl Marx, the dude who wrote Gilgamesh, Victor Frankenstein, all members of the Third Reich, Dante and his lame Inferno, and that retard Beowulf. Screw that. I don't care about any of you.

I have spent 5 days a week for 4 semesters learning about stuff that will have zero impact in my life. I'm a psych major working on a business studies certificate, so when the hell am I ever going to need to remember if the French Revolution started on a Tuesday or a Thursday? Sure it might come in handy if I'm on Jeopardy! but that show sort of sucks. I mean there is still a very good chance that I won't do anything with Psychology nor business, but even then, I don't care about European Socialism. To quote Ferris Bueller "I'm not European. I don't plan on being European. So who gives a crap if they're socialists? They could be fascist anarchists, it still doesn't change the fact that I don't own a car." Instead of taking interesting courses that might come in handy, like Ballroom Dancing or Ebonics 101, I've wasted weeks of my life learning about the Theology of St. Thomas Aquinas. You know what's awesome about Aquinas? Nothing. I like Aquinas only because his name just so happens to be the name of the building I live in, and trust me, when I'm here in Aquinas hall, ol' Tommy Boy is never on my mind. I can honestly say that I haven't been excited about one thing in civ. Each time I walk into Moore Hall a bit of my soul is drained out of me and I start to feel weak and sometimes I even start to sweat. Remember in Harry Potter when the Death Eaters come and just like suck your soul and ruin your day? That's what civ does to me Monday through Friday at 1:30. Anyways, I'm going to make a rundown on civ and analyze each of the four components that we PC Friars learn through this great program.

Theology- Now I can understand learning about Christianity at a Catholic school, and I don't have a problem with that. It might be a little awkward if I were not Catholic but even still, I could put up with taking one theology class if it was mandatory. Learning about theology in civ however is painful, and then having to take two more theology classes is just a wee bit miserable and makes me contemplate suicide. I've had to learn about such wonderful things like how Leo XIII thinks, what Karl Barth thinks about God, who Simone Wiel is and why Hannah Arendt is an idiot. Never heard of these people? I wish I didn't either. Theology in civ is worse than watching paint dry or watching soap operas on Telemundo. In fact, I could probably understand soap operas on Telemundo more than listening to a lecture on Kiekergaard and how he hated Satan or whatever it was he had to say about anything. The point is, I don't care. Just watch, I'll be going to hell now for trashing Theology as a whole.

Philosophy- Here we go. Philosophy. Can't wait to impress girls at local establishments by reciting the thoughts of Immanuel Kant. That'll show 'em. Thanks civ. Seriously, all my life I've been told to think for yourself, be your own person, blah blah blah, so why the hell should I worry about what Marx thought about society or if John Locke agreed with Hobbes on anything. I prefer to have my own thoughts on the world, like pondering the fact if we are all going to die in 2012 like the Mayans say, or pondering what I'm going to have for dinner and who I should go with. My life philosophy is just more fun then these boring dead guys we're learning about. I actually do like my civ philosophy professor this semester, but unless I become a philosopher, I'm never going to need this stuff. It's not like I'll be tested on Friedrich Nietzche when I want to buy a Miller Lite 10 years from now or will have to discuss Levinas when I go to renew my license. The point is, I don't care.

Literature- What a waste of time. The books we read in civ are horrible. I appreciate Night by Elie Wiesel as a moving story, but it's just too depressing. Civ is depressing enough as it is, but having civ lectures on a depressing book about the holocaust just is asking for students to turn emo and contemplate the value of life. Reading Gilgamesh (supposedly like the first real story ever written down) was pathetic. That book was the first thing ever assigned to me in civ freshmen year, and I thought it was a joke. I don't care if it was written by a caveman, the plot sucked, the ending sucked and there were multiple uses of poor grammar. Instead of reading The Life and Times of Michael K, how about we just read The Life and Times of Ke$ha instead? It would make class so much better if we learned when she first brushed her teeth with a bottle of jack instead of learning about when Michael K first planted a goddamn pumpkin. If it were up to me, Tucker Max's I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell would be mandatory, just to show the world how not to act as humans. At least it would spice things up a bit. Even learning about Go, Dog, Go by Dr. Suess would have more of a connection to the devlopment of civilization then All Quiet on the Western Front. I almost feel that civ is just toying with us and it's like the ultimate test of how much we can withstand for boredom. Maybe after handling these boring civ books, we can handle anything in the real world.

History- History is history. No matter what, it will never change. When we learned about WWII a few months ago, I was so tempted to just ask if what happened in Inglourious Basterds was accurate, just to see if my professors had a social life and actually got a smirk out of them and they knew what I was talking about. My guess is they wouldn't. I like history, but of course in civ we learn about key things that lasted for years in the span on 50 minutes and then expected to know every little detail. So basically, civ ruins the only portion of civ I have the slightest interest in. Yep, makes sense to me too. History can be interesting, but once again, how will it benefit me in the future? I'm not going to meet my wife at a historical society convention thing am I? I hope not.

In a nutshell, civ has hampered my college experience. I will forever say how wonderful my time at Providence College was, but a black cloud will always be above that statement. Civ to Providence College is what steroids is to Barry Bonds. It just tarnishes anything. For those of you who do not attend Providence College, I apologize if you do not understand how bad it is, but honestly it just is. This blog has necessary and since it's the final week of civ, it needs to be said. Civ is miserable, it ruins the minds of young strapping youths in Providence, and it needs to be stopped. It's almost as bad as heroin. Maybe not, but you know what I mean.

As for shoutouts, happy belated birthday to the lovely Melissa Maggio, a very nice girl who I have the utmost respect for being a friend of Liz Wroblewski, which I know is not an easy thing to do. Liz, that is your shoutout. Also, a shoutout to Sara Squeglia for coming up with today's topic, it was perfect. Finally, one more shoutout to the loveliest girl I know from Fairfield, Maggie Nolin, who is one of the few girls I've met who is actually interesting and can actually make me laugh.

Forever yours,
Jim Kirwan


  1. for hating Civ so really seem like you learned/remembered a lot with all that name-dropping. impressive, yet contradictory.

    a person who didn't have to take Civ

  2. Fuck you man. Seriously. Fuck

  3. dear a person who didn't have to take Civ, the majority of the names I remembered were from my civ notebook which I used as a reference, and some of this stuff was so awful you just couldn't get it out of your head.

    dear anonymous, same to you man

  4. No song quote, you've been forgetting those lately man.

  5. Hello Jimothy, it is I again. I will be the first to tell you that you responded very well to my questions in the comment I posted back in January. I've decided it's been long enough so I'm giving you some more questions to tackle. I'm still going to remain anonymous just because it probably bothers you not knowing who it is. Shall we begin?
    What color is your room painted?
    Have you ever called the number 867-5309 and ask for Jenny?
    If you could go back into any decade and have any job what would it be?
    What are your thoughts on the fact that the PC basketball team likes to beat up their fans?
    If I’m looking for hot girls, where should I go on vacation this summer?
    What are your thoughts on giving me a chance to write one blogpost for you?
    Would you rather be a penguin or a panda bear?
    Has anyone ever stolen your bike?
    Why don’t you have a Twitter?
    In your opinion, is there any hope that Pokemon will ever get back to being popular?
    Are all of the obscene comments on the majority of your blogposts from the same person? And do you know who it is?
    What’s your real name?
    I need a good book to read, any ideas?
    If all cartoon character animals were to have a brawl, who would win?
    What time is it?
    Will there be a sequel to Titanic?
    Last time I asked you to give me a good nickname and you came up with “Lefty”, that doesn’t work because I’m right handed, so can I have a new nickname?
    Who is the most famous person to read your blog?
    If you could vote for any 4 presidents, who would they be?
    Why don’t you have a girlfriend?
    If you could have any band play at your wedding, who would it be?
    Would you rather take another year of western civ or listen to the Christmas Shoes song on repeat for a full week, nonstop?
    If you had to be a member of a mob or a tribe, what would it be?
    Has your blog ever gotten you anything for free?
    You’re in college, what is your favorite alcoholic beverage?
    What would you sell to see the Bruins win a Stanley Cup?
    I hate you.
    How many proms have you gone to?
    What’s the most money you’ve ever spent on one purchase?
    Are you a good dancer?
    Will you be the godfather of my first child?
    Should I stay away from Times Square due to recent bomb scares?
    What will you do if I reveal myself to you in person?
    Have a nice day.