Thursday, March 11, 2010

Bromeo and Juliette

Bros. Bros are some of the most interesting people in the world, mostly because we can't figure them out. Nowadays every guy calls their friends "Bro", which is acceptable, but there is a fine line between calling someone a Bro, and an actual Bro. After reading this post, you should be able to 1) Identify a Bro. 2) Learn what Bros like. C) Learn the Bro Culture and 4) Learn to dress like a Bro if you wish. I first witnessed an incredible Bro-gathering at Gillette Staidum in Foxboro Massachusetts two summers ago for the NCAA Lacross Final Four. It was unreal seeing so many Bros in such a little time. Last year, I went to the Final Four again in Foxboro, and there were even more Bros. Bros are slowly taking over the world, so get prepared. Alright class, let's get into it shall we?

Identifying a Bro/Bro Fashion

It is not hard to spot a Bro in public. 94.1 percent of Bros either play, live for, or are fans of Lacrosse, which is the ultimate Bro sport. Growing up on the mean streets of East Providence where lacrosse was relatively new, I only played with maybe 3 lax Bros during my 3 years of high school ball. Bros love to wear sunglasses and backwards baseball hats with a crisp flat brim, mainly MLB teams that they do not root for and came name about 4 players on the roster. I do approve of Bro hair, which consists of the Flow, which I so lovingly have rocked in the past and mentioned numerous times in past blogposts. Bros refer to having long, shaggy hair as "letting the lettuce rage" which may or may not make sense. As for clothing, Bros live and breath in Lacrosse pinnies, if you don't know what I'm talking about, think of those crappy reversible baseketball jerseys you would wear to practice for your local CYO. If it is cold out, you can see a Bro wearing a fresh windbreaker/pullover that all high school and prep school lacrosse players get. You know what I'm talking about here, the half zipper and the pouch in the front, team name with a pair of intersecting lax sticks on the right breast of the jacket, name and number on a sleeve, and then on the back of it says "(Your school's mascot) Lacrosse". Bros don't care for jeans, so they wear either dark heather gray sweatpants, pastel shorts or lacrosse shorts, hopefully with pockets. If the shorts are present, you can bet on midcalf socks with bro-sandals, if not then boat shoes or some sort of Nikes. You could also just look at this picture of a couple of Bros:

Bro Music

Bros for the most part like songs that everybody likes, such as mainstream rap that is popular for 2 months and then is never heard for a while. These types of songs are played 3 years after their fame and people react with a "Oh my lord what happened to this guy?", think J-Kwon, Chingy, and Hurricane Chris (A Bay Bay). Besides mainstream rap, there are plenty of happy, poppy rock music that Bros love. The Lord Bros when it comes to music are Dave Matthews, Jack Johnson, John Mayer, and O.A.R. (or as they are often referred to, BRO.A.R.). Other musicians that Bros like include Vampire Weekend, Smash Mouth, Ben Folds Five, Barenaked Ladies, Beastie Boys, Third Eye Blind, The Kooks, blink-182, MGMT, Mickey Avalon, Modest Mouse, Kings of Leon, Pearl Jam, Oasis, Passion Pit, owl city, Phoenix, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Lemon Lime Tennis Shoes, Aerosmith, Semisonic, Silversun Pickups, Weezer, The Strokes, The White Stripes, GirlTalk, Super Mash Bros, Sugar Ray, Incubus, Jack's Mannequin, Maroon 5, Phantom Planet, Rooney, The Shins, Sublime, 311, Kid Cudi, U2, that one Asher Roth song about college or something, and any other 80's band that everyone knows the words to. (Special thanks to Sean Mottola, Steve Sheridan, Frank "The Tank" Gassert, and Matt Rizzini for helping me with this extensive list).

Things Bros Like

Sean Mottola is telling me that Bros like "Beer, babes, and boobs", which I can't disagree with, Bros thrive on those things. Bros prefer cheap beer rather than good quality stuff, so for argument's sake we'll go with Keystone Light, Natty Light, maybe PBR, Beast Light and Busch Light. Bros love sports, especially Lax, College basketball, football, curling, and Olympic Hockey. Bros also like collared shirts when they're not wearing lax pinnies. Also thirft store tshirts simply because they are random. Bros like Adam Sandler pre-2009. Bros like to hang with other Bros and discuss stoner films and hot chicks. Bros like HBO series, especially shows like Entourage and maybe even Band of Brothers. Bros also like Nantucket, or any other island that they can Bro-Chill. Dizzy bat races. Will Smith is one of the most popular people according to Bros, and to be honest it is mostly because of Gettin Jiggy Wit It and because of some show called Fresh Prince. Bros like country clubs, because most were raised with a membership to one somewhere. Bros like to talk about childhood memories involving either The Rock or Stone Cold Steve Austin, and maybe the Undertaker. Bros love pastels, turf dogs and throwback basketball jerseys. Bros also love tailgating and "ghostriding" the whip.

Bro Language

Bros call many things by different words. If you hear a Bro call someone a "Slampiece", he is referring to a beautiful woman. A female Bro is known as a Bra, not to be confused with a certain article of female clothing also known as undergarments or even bloomers. Bros refer to passing something as "dishing the rock", and love to make puns on things. Ever since the Bro culture has skyrocketed, it has come to my attention that you can put Bro into everyday language quite frequently, mainly with names. A great site to see this in action is, where such names include Brosef Stalin, Alex Brovechkin, Greg Brostertag, Bro Namath, Napoleon Bronaparte, Bro Mauer, Bromar Garciaparra, Bro Vaughn, BrochoCinco, Broseidon Lord of the Brocean, Bro J. Simpson, Ichibro, GI Bro, Lamar Brodom, Bro Flacco, Tony Bromo, Tim Tebro, Bro Dimaggio, President Brobama, Bro Montana, Brohan Santana, and my personal favorite, Brose Canseco. The list goes on and on. It's amazing how often I've been thinking of putting Bro into everyday language, for instance, at dinner the other night I actually called my baked potato and baked BROtato. Bros are slowly taking over the world with Bro terms and Brotastic language.

I have some worthy shoutouts to give. First off, I would like to send a formal shoutout to Christiana Marra and Brenna Rock for a great night at URI last weekend at the 1980's party. Next off, Taylor Cotter for putting a quote from the last blog into her facebook quotes section, which means that I have actually made an influence on another person's facebook, so I can check that off my to-do list. Lastly, Katie Parella for being a true Bra and telling me how much she enjoys the Ultimate Lax Bro video and was so enthusiastic about getting the Word of Bro out on the blog, so I thank you for your support and good ideas, hope I didn't disappoint. I would also like to give a special thanks to Ryan "Bro Cool" Urkiel, Steve "Bro Dude" Sheridan, Sean "Raging Bro" Mottola, Matt "Rat Bro" Rizzini. For more information on Bros, you can visit,, and search Ultimate Lax Bro on youtube, so you can find out the lifestory of Brantford Winstonworth. Remember, life is short, so don't be a Bro Hater.

Bronas Kirwan


  1. I vote for Marian Brossa

    Take a wild fucking guess

  2. You spelled lacrosse wrong.

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