Tonight, I will be attending Smackdown! at the Dunkin' Donuts Center. I'm posting this blog for Tom Silva who wrote this back in late August. He told me to hold off on posting it until he perfected it. Last weekend when he visited me at PC, he reviewed this post and didn't make any changes to it at all, so he gave me the okay to post it. This is one of the worst things I've ever read. Be sure to click all the links because they are all corrupt. Anyways, enjoy. Tom, you're welcome for me actually letting you post this blog. Keep in mind, I DID NOT write this post, so I don't blame me if you are offended. Until next time, welp, see ya later.
In today's world there are topics which have caused arguements among all types of people. They have caused tears, anger, and if we're lucky, bloodshed. Hello. My name is Thomas and today we will discuss these controversial topics whether you like it or not, Jim.
There have been many advances in modern science. Now you can call me a doubting Thomas but I'm just not buying all this scientific mumbo jumbo. In biology they teach us about our brains, hearts, etc., but what proof do we have of these so called "organs." Have you ever seen your heart? I have not seen mine. Becuase it simply does not exist. As far as I'm concerned the only organs that exist are my hair, my eyes, and my penis. I know what you're thinking. X-rays. X-rays are all Hollywood. X-rays are more fake than Jim's toupée . You're not fooling anyone Jim.
This paragraph was going to be dedicated to child pornography but I'm not even going to deny how terrible it is. How terrible it is that its illegal. So instead I guess I'll just talk about one of the biggest frauds in American history. No not this guy. I'm talking about none other than Amelia Earhart. Most people believe that she disappeared. Well folks, its a lie. I was shocked to learn this myself. The truth is that Amelia Earhart was a spy for FDR. She was spying on the Japanese during WW2. After her mission was complete she created an entire new identity as Irene Bolham. Irene Bolham denied the accusations that she was infact the sneaky pilot-ess during her lifetime but I see through her lies. You decide for yourself.
All my life my parents have said, "Tom why don't you get a fucking life you worthless piece of shit." I decided to take their advice and dedicated my life to finding what every man is looking for. A twenty cent hooker? No. Better. Bigfoot. Yeah, three one word sentences in a row. What up Ms. Kelly (everyone knows shes my old Enlgish teacher). There are very few things that I believe in. But I am very adamite about Bigfoot. No one to date has found the legendary beast. I think the reasoning is because they're just looking in the wrong places. Bigfoot wants us to think he's in the woods. That's because he's on the mother fucking moon or some shit. You think Buzz Aldrin is looking for Bigfoot when he goes up there? Hell no he's looking for some moon sluts. Bigfoot is on the Earth's moon getting it on with all the moon whores, ya heard?
Today's song quote will be from Queen. Freddy Mercury once stated quite ellegantly in Bohemian Rhapsody:
I see a little silhouetto of a man,Scaramouche,scaramouche will you do the fandango-Thunderbolt and lightning-very very frightening me-Galileo,galileo,Galileo galileo/Galileo figaro-magnifico-But Im just a poor boy and nobody loves me-Hes just a poor boy from a poor family-Spare him his life from this monstrosity-Easy come easy go-,will you let me go-Bismillah! no-,we will not let you go-let him go-Bismillah! we will not let you go-let him go/Bismillah! we will not let you go-let me goWill not let you go-let me go/Will not let you go let me go/No,no,no,no,no,no,no-Mama mia,mama mia,mama mia let me go-Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me,for me,for me
Please do not blame Jim for anything stated above. It was me. All me.