Thursday, April 19, 2012

The Flyers & Penguins Drinking Game

It's the most wonderful time of the year: NHL playoffs. From now until June, we are blessed with good teams playing puck, heroes and villains being made on a nightly basis, increases in stress and facial hair, and the quest for Lord Stanley's Cup. When the playoff matchups came around, every hockey fan became excited with the fact that the Philadelphia Flyers were facing the Pittsburgh Penguins in the first round. Everyone expected a plethora of hits, taunting, cheap shots, fights, and some goals in between. Needless to say, after 4 games we have gotten our fair share. 45 goals. The number of penalty minutes almost equals the length of a weekend. There's been hair pulling. Everything you could ask for in a series. It's been fun to watch. The question is, how can it become more fun? For all you readers who are 21+, or in college (let's face it, everyone drinks in college), I bring to you the Flyers/Penguins Playoff Drinking game. Here are the specifics:

  • Drink for every goal- Normally this wouldn't do much, but 45 goals in 4 games is pretty impressive. Spice it up a bit by drinking a second for the total score.
  • Drink everytime you see Sidney Crosby's mustache- Another easy target. That thing is grotesque. It makes me want to drink just thinking about it now.
  • THROWDOWN SHOWDOWN!- This can be interesting. Any time two players square off for a good ol' fashion fight, quickly pick a partner and pick sides on which player will win. The person choosing the losing fighter must finish the rest of their beverage immediately. In the case of one of those tie-ups where the refs step in and break it up, both combatants must drink 5 seconds (you know, representing the minutes each player will get in the penalty box).
  • Drink 5 seconds for every 5 hole Fleury gives up- Marc-Andre Fleury is having one of the worst playoff goaltending performances of all time. He looks concussed out there. Anyways, with the absurd amount of goals he's given up right between his legs, it only makes sense to honor the '5-hole' by drinking 5 seconds.
  • The Pick-A-Player Palooza- Hopefully you'll be watching the games (and drinking) with friends. Hopefully it is with a large crowd. This game allows everyone in the room to pick one player on Philly and one player on Pitt, and if the chosen player gets thrown out of the game, everyone else must finish their beverage except for the lucky winner. Things may get ugly.
  • The Benedict Arnold Rule- The NBC sports commentators sometimes run out of things to say, and at times repeat many obvious facts throughout a series. Therefore, everyone in the room must drink when an announcer mentions that Jaromir Jagr and/or Max Talbot used to play for the Penguins. You'd be surprised at how many times it has been mentioned over the past 4 games, sadly.
  • The Hair of the Hartnell That Bit You Rule- Drink everytime you realize you can easily spot Scott Hartnell out on the ice due to his sweet flow. That is some hairdo he's rocking these days, so we must appreciate it and give credit where credit is due.
  • The Pierre Mcguire Rule- The sports world has its fair share of weirdo sideline reporters. The NBA has Craig Sager and his terrible looking suits. Baseball has Joe Buck who hates everyone not named the St. Louis Cardinals. The NHL has Pierre Mcguire, that bald and bespectacled little creep who stands inbetween the two teams benches. To help combat how creepy he is with this weird smirk when talking to players who clearly do not want to be spoken to, and the fact that he resembles Tweety Bird, everyone in the room shall drink everytime he speaks, is mentioned, is seen on camera, or thought of. You're all welcome for this rule.
  • Wayne Simmonds Rule- Wayne Simmonds. Wayne. Simmonds. That name is just so awesome. It reminds me of Shaft. Would you ever mess with someone named Shaft? No. Would you ever mess with someone named Wayne Simmonds? Didn't think so. Drink each time you hear his silky-smooth sounding name is said.
  • Chickening Out Rule- Again, he's too easy of a target, but drink each time Sidney Crosby shys away from a scrum or fight. I realize he sort of fought Claude Giroux in game 3, but that was a rare occurrance.
  • Magic Word/Phrase Rule- Finally, drink each time you hear the following words or phrases spoken: puck, Broad Street Bullies, Jagr, Hartnell, Hair, net, scrum, penalty, goal, shot, Malkin, Russia, Pittsburgh, Lemieux, Orange, Staal, dirty, hit, Eddie, the, blue line, young, save (haven't heard that word too much this series).

So there you have it, simple yet effective. It's been a pleasure seeing these two teams kick the crap out of each other. Gets the point across pretty easily. I'd recommend only playing some select rules, and not all of them at once. Playing every rule simultaneously will lead to excess vomit, memory loss, and bad decisions. Other than that, enjoy. Oh, and Go Bruins.

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