Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Jukebox Heroes

Before we start, I do have some news. For my 20th birthday on July 4th, my parents got me one of my favorite presents of all time, the domain for my very own Breakfast at Jimothy's website. This means that in the near future, I'll have my very own website instead of this blog run through blogspot. This also means that I'm a big deal and have accomplished something important in my life. It's pretty exciting for me, but I will have to set aside some time to set up the website and all that fun stuff. It'll be a good time and I'll hopefully be able to sell tshirts through the site and maybe get a few other people to join me with writing their thoughts on pop culture and other random things. Okay, now for the real part of the blog.

I've been to many concerts over the past five years or so. After seeing Weezer this past week with Chuck Wescott, my goodtime pal and favorite person going into Junior year of high school Eric Towne gave me the idea of blogging about concerts, so I'm taking it one step farther and I'm going to describe the 6 types of people that we all see at concerts. I've been to many concerts in many places, and I've seen the majority of these types of people around. Let's begin.

The Bad Ass Mosh Pitters- These are the kids who hate their parents and have nothing better to do than release their anger and frustrations by shoving and hitting kids in a giant circle surrounded by crowds of people who are just trying to avoid them. These kids are just out of their minds. You can often find them at concerts for bands like My Chemical Romance, Taking Back Sunday, Rise Against, Brand New, Senses Fail, just to name a few. A basic rule of thumb is the more screaming and angst the band has, the more hardcore the moshpits will be. It's never a good thing when you see a group of 6 kids wearing bandanas over their mouth and nose like they belong in a wild west movie push through a crowd and make a bee line to the nearest moshpit. You just know that these kids are looking for some brave nerds to bash, smash and trash. These kids are pretty annoying at concerts, and although its sort of a rush to go in a moshpit for about 5 seconds, most of it is nonsense.

The Stoners- Yesh, the druggies that always seem like they're on their own planet. I'm going to go out on a limb and say this started (like the downfall of most things) in the 1960's. Stoners can be fun at times to watch at concerts, because most of them just sorta sway back and forth and dance by themselves. My first true experience seeing Stoners at a concert was at the Red Hot Chili Peppers show at the Boston Garden. We were in the cheap seats (even though in this case the cheap seats were $70) and myself and Chris Rizzini were seated next to two guys who can only be described as looking like Gothic Jay and Silent Bob. These guys had to be on Mushrooms or LSD or something. The Mars Volta were the opening band and these two guys were ready to drop a few tabs and go on a magical voyage with purple cats and unicorns, since all they did was dance by moving their hips in a circle while standing up by themselves to the Mars Volta jamming out. They didn't even stay for the Chili Peppers, which is hard to believe but true. Stoners can be found at any Grateful Dead, Dave Matthews, Snoop Dogg, 311, Sublime or Spice Girls concert. Most stoners will look like your average sketchy drug dealer, they really aren't that hard to spot out.

Concert Couples- There is a time and a place for concerts being dates. For instance, when I saw Taking Back Sunday a few weeks ago, I could never imagine myself being there with my girlfriend (don't worry, I'm still single ladies, this is just hypothetical). There's just too much pushing and shoving and random grabbing going on cause everyone is up by the stage. On the other hand, I would take a date to Weezer, like I did with Chuck, only it would've been alright to take a female instead of Chuck (you were a fine date anyways Chuck), because Weezer is more of a happy band and there are not as many angry people there, it's more of a fun time. If you see Bad Ass Mosh Pitters there, you probably shouldn't bring your girlfriend. Now don't get me wrong, I respect girls who go to Taking Back Sunday, Brand New and Rise Against concerts, if a girl can hold her own at one of those shows they she'll score some brownie points, but these type of shows are just not first date material. I can just see myself in a year bringing some girl on our first date to see Against Me! and watching my date lose a shoe in a mosh pit, get elbowed in the face, and then lose her for good when she goes crowd surfing. Concert couples can be dangerous due to the situation, so be careful for anyone you see holding hands.

The Slightly Intoxicated Parents Reliving Their Glory Days- This is a classic type of concert goer. In fact, I actually saw a good number of these people this past weekend at this festival where there were tribute bands of KISS, Aerosmith, Jimi Hendrix and others of my parents generation's fan favorites. These are the people who just get drunk and dance very similar to the Stoners. Since dancing wasn't invented in the 60's and 70's, these people don't know how to dance properly, so at concerts they just stand up, bend one knee at a time and wave their arms. It looks more like a voodoo ritual than dancing, but it's what they do. The majority of these people are at concerts in open areas where you can bring lawn chairs. They can be see at concerts by bands like the Doors, Janis Joplin, Jimi Hendr.......dammit all of these people are dead, so actually it's at concerts by COVER bands of the Doors, Janis Joplin, Jimi Hendrix, and barely alive bands such as Aerosmith, The Rolling Stones, and if Led Zeppelin ever got back together for good and toured. These people just like to forget the fact that they've gotten fat, married and have had children and just want to party like it's 1977, so they have a few Daddy Sodas, try to text their children to go play in dirt and get ready for some fake Steven Tyler to serenade them for the night. One last note, the dance moves performed by these people can only be compared to one of those Whacky Inflatable Arms Guys you see on the side of the road at grand opening of car dealerships and places similar. For further guidance for what I'm trying to explain, just click this link here.

The Barricade Huggers- These are the lucky sons of bitches who wait in line 16 hours before the doors open for whatever the concert they're attending is scheduled. These people are dedicated since they have to stand up holding a barrier getting squished through all the crappier opening bands, and they are an arms length away from the normally large bouncers who have the duty of keeping the crowd surfers from landing on concrete. These people normally like to tell whoever singer the have a crush on that they love them and want to have his children and think they can be heard and that the person they're shouting at cares. These people can be inconsiderate at times, by doing things like kicking backwards to the person behind them's shins, throwing elbows, and like this one rather stout girl at the Taking Back Sunday show, hip check about 5 people at once and send them flying (I've been a victim of all of these things). They like feeling special that they are against the barricade, and try their hardest to catch guitar picks, drum sticks, set lists and other items from the band. Oh and they also hate the next type of concert goers A LOT.

The Mover Uppers- This is my specialty. I am the king of mover uppers at concerts. So many people have doubted me and time and time again I shut them up. These are the people who have floor seats but are in the middle of the crowd, but midway through the set they are in the 2nd row of people, only behind the Barricade Huggers. There is a long standing feud between the Mover Uppers and the Barricade Huggers. We Mover Uppers are masters of squeezing inbetween people to get closer to the stage. I've had to jump over people tying shoes, tap people on the shoulder to get them to look the other way so I can go around them, and dash through moshpits to clear about 7 rows of people just to get closer. How good of a Mover Upper am I? To date, I've caught a guitar pick from Taking Back Sunday, Brand New, 2 from Third Eye Blind, Simple Plan, Motion City Soundtrack, and one setlist from Taking Back Sunday. Also one half empty bottle of water from Anberlin, which was needed pretty badly to be honest. We are assholes, us Mover Uppers, because we are relentless and stop at nothing besides the barricade, but thats only because the big buff bouncers are in our way from the stage. At this past Taking Back Sunday show, I caught a setlist, and my dear friends Wade Zawatsky and Kyle Towne caught the lead singer after he did a front flip off stage. Being a mover upper has it's perks, but it can be dangerous at times.

Welp, that pretty much sums it up for concert goers. I hope that everyone who reads this can relate to these types of people and have learned to love, hate or become one of them. I also want to apologize for not blogging in a while. Honestly I just haven't had any good topics to blog about. This will soon change.

Proud to be serving you breakfast through words, and prouder to be a Friar,

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