Sunday, January 24, 2010

Pauly D, Duck Phones, Jared Allen and Fist Pumping

Jersey Shore is by far the best thing MTV has ever put on the air period. I will challenge anyone who objects to this statement. To be quite honest, I've hated MTV for about the last 9ish years of my life when I realized that they would never show a music video again, which defeats the purpose of a music television channel. Honestly, the last time I remember watching a music video in full length on MTV was back in the 6th grade. I can remember watching Blink 182's What's My Age Again? video (still in my book one of the greatest music videos to include streaking of all time) and Limp Bizkit's My Way video which had a cameo with Zoolander's Ben Stiller who greeted Fred Durst with the usual "Yo, Red Cap!". Anyways, Jersey Shore is by far the greatest show ever created by MTV for a few reasons:

The Girls: Snooki is basically a trainwreck ready to happen. She's one of the most oddly shaped creatures ever put on this planet. If I had to compare her to a fruit, it would be an avocado. JWoww scares me because she could easily kick my ass with a fistpump to the face while looking like complete trash, then change in 15 minutes and she looks hot wearing skimpy clothes and ready to hit up Karma or Bamboo. Angelina just sucks and doesn't understand that everyone hates her. It's safe to say that she could be the most hated character of all time on any show. Sammi Sweetheart deserves to get hit by a truck for being the type of girlfriend ever guy hates.

The Guys: Ronnie is basically a jacked teddy bear with rabies and plays too much dance dance revolution. This dude is a gentleman to his horrid girlfriend, loves to go around punching people in the face and telling them 'one shot kid. that was one shot.', dances like he's John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever and makes Mark McGwire look weak. Vinny is by far the smartest man of the house, which is odd since he's the youngest, yet he seems to have the most common sense and stays out of trouble for the most part. Yay Vin. The Situation is like a lovable loser that you want to hate. I had trouble each and every show deciding if I wanted to see him succeed at bringing back a girl or fail miserably. Now this brings me to the best cast member and hopefully someone we will see more of in the future: Pauly D.

Pauly D gives hope to the great state of Rhode Island and Providence Plantations. Being a lifelong Rhode Islander, I take great pride whenever someone says "My boy Pauly D is the man, he's the best thing about Jersey Shore!" Yes. I agree whole heartedly. Is it sad that the most famous Rhode Islander is from Jersey Shore? Yeah. Do I care? No. Pauly D has his own hair style, the 'blowout' which he may or may not have stolen from numerous Dragonball Z characters, but it is awesome nonetheless. He DJ's 6 nights a week mainly in Providence, which is interesting because I had never heard of him before the show, but if I get a chance to dance with some bangin chicks at some club, I'll be praying that Pauly is on the one's and the two's. If you were to ask me who the most famous Rhode Islander was prior to Jersey Shore, I'd have to ponder the first Survivor champion Richard Hatch or Red Sox 4th outfielder Rocco Baldelli. Pauly gives new hope to Rhode Islanders and makes us proud because he was by far the coolest one of the bunch, but he also was funny, used common sense, and stayed out of trouble for the most party. Thank you Pauly D. Thank you.

The Plot: Jersey Shore is about nothing. It's about a group of guido's living in Jersey for a summer, while they work (sort of) at one of those t-shirt shops where you buy something and then regret buying it as soon as you get home. All the show is about are 20-somethings partying and hooking up with people, then hearing their intelligent thoughts about how sick a club was or how Ronnie didn't deserve to get arrested after killing a man with his index finger outside of a club. The fact that the show really is about nothing is what makes it so great. It's almost like MTV is pulling a sick joke by actually airing this show, but in the end it actually works out well. Compared to other great MTV shows like Teen Mom (too depressing), The Real World (too real), all those dating shows (too many spinoffs from previous dating shows) and 16 & Pregnant (see Teen Mom), Jersey Shore is simply comedy. My neck hurts from shaking my head (smh) at some of the actions that take place on the Jersey Shore. Fistpumping was never an important part of Teen Mom. Referring to sex as 'smushing' was never said on The Real World. Duck phones were never in the houses of Bret Michaels, Flava Flav nor Daisy. Basically, Jersey Shore has changed society in numerous good ways. I'll fistpump to that.

Greatest show of all-time. Oh and if I had to order my favorite characters from first to last it would go as this: Pauly D, Vinny, JWoww, The Situation, Snooki, Ronnie, The Situation's Sister, Sammi Sweetheart, The Dude That Punched Snooki, Angelina.

In other news, I hate both the Jets and the Colts, but I guess I'm glad the Colts pulled it out. Right now the Saints and Vikings are starting overtime. I'm rooting for the Saints because Reggie Bush dated Kim Kardashian, however I wouldn't mind seeing Jared Allen who is like the ultimate American in the Super Bowl.

Welp, see ya later.


  1. you spelt every wrong

  2. how embarassing, spelt is a kind of wheat, not the past tense of spell.

  3. well that may be true but spelt is widely accepted as correct anyways