Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Breaking Down Titanic

There are very few blockbuster movies that came out in 1997. I mean sure, Men in Black and Jurrasic Park 2 came out, and were kinda of popular, but there is one film that stands out, and that is Titanic. I can still remember being 7 and going to the grocery store with my mom and looking at all the Tiger Beat and J-17 magazines that worshipped Leo DiCaprio and asking myself why. I've seen the movie countless times on television and after seeing it again this afternoon, it hit me that I should just blog about it. In my opinion, it's long overdue, so here is the first ever movie breakdown on Breakfast at Jimothy's.

  • First off, the ending was kind of predictable.

  • Can we really trust Rose's story? According to IMDB, she is 101 years young in 1996 when the story takes place. There is no possible way all those details somehow made it 84 years since it sank and kept their vividness.

  • Jack Dawson really had awesome hair all throughout the movie

  • Cal Hockley seemed to have some abusive traits in him. There is no doubt in my mind that if he and Rose were to wed, Rose would have been beaten. It is also kind of creepy that Cal was 30 and engaged to a 17 year old. Isn't that illegal in most places?

  • The Captain of the Ship had one of the greatest beards in the history of cinema.

  • Rose DeWitt Bukater Character Flaw #1. She cheats on her fiance.

  • Spicer Lovejoy might have the greatest name ever created. It sounds like a stripper name with a tint of elegance in it, but it was given to a man.

  • The Heart of the Ocean necklace is quite the bling. It looks like something that Lil Jon's grandmother would've killed for back in the day.

  • Celine Dion's rendition of 'My Heart Will Go On' might be the most famous song to ever come from a movie soundtrack ever. It also makes me tear it up every time I hear it. No it doesn't. Alright yeah it does.

  • Rose DeWitt Bukater Character Flaw #2. By giving the false name of Rose Dawson to that seaman on the Carpathia, Rose could have done some time in the clink for false identification. I'm starting to wonder if Rose has some other issues that need to be taken care of. She's already a cheater and now a felon in most states, not to mention possible identity theft if there was in fact another person aboard the Titanic named Rose Dawson who died. This girl is just a troublemaker.

  • Jack yelling 'I'm the King of the World!' very well might be the most cringe-worthy, cheesy movie line ever. Even my 7 year old self would have rather listened to Hanson's MMMBop on repeat for a full day than hear that line.

  • The fat guy on the ship that interviews Old Rose looks like he is the black sheep in his family.

  • I feel that Molly Brown (Kathy Bates' character) could outdrink anyone on that ship. I bet she was a riot in the saloons back in the early 1900's.

  • Celine Dion's 'My Heart Will Go On' is playing on repeat as I write this blog.

  • The fact that Cal Hockley would kill himself after surviving the Titanic just means that he didn't value the gift of life.

  • Kate Winslet really did a great job playing Rose even though she is a ginger.

  • Rose DeWitt Bukater Character Flaw #3. She broke into and fornicated in somebody elses car.

  • Rose's Mom is a total bitch.

  • Gotta feel bad for that one guy who jumps off the ship as it is pretty much vertical and falls into one of the ships blades.

  • It seems to me that if the ship missed that Iceberg, then it would not have sank.

  • Rose DeWitt Bukater Character Flaw #4. She broke her promise and let go of Jack.

  • According to IMDB, Matthew McConaughey was offered the role of Jack, which would have been great if Jack was a total stoner in 1912.

  • What is Old Rose doing walking barefoot on that ship when she tosses the Heart of the Ocean into the ocean? At her age and fragile state, she should be wearing shoes everywhere she goes, especially on the wet floor of a boat. Either that or she should have gotten Life Alert so she could've buzzed someone and yell the class "I've fallen and I can't get up" line.

  • Rose DeWitt Bukater Character Flaw #5. Rose is a bit of a slut for a 17 year old. I don't know about you, but I don't know too many 17 year olds having casual flings with men they met on a ship and posing nude for a sketch. I bet she was the inspiration for Nelly Furtado's hit single 'Promiscuous Girl'.

  • That whole murder suicide that goes down as the ship is sinking was pretty intense

  • Does anybody know if Rose dies at the end of the movie where she gets reunited with Jack or is that just a dream?

  • Jack Dawson shows us that gambling is bad and will eventually kill you somehow.

  • How the hell did they not see that Iceberg? That thing was huge.

  • Rose DeWitt Bukater Character Flaw #6. So after all these years of hanging onto the Heart of the Ocean necklace, the one thing that Brock Lovett was looking for in the wreck of the Titanic, was in your possession, and you decide to throw it overboard to join a shipwreck? What is wrong with you? You got your story out there, show some respect to your captain and give him the only thing he cares about. That stupid necklace. I don't care what symbolism you showed by tossing it into the ocean like it was a guitar pick, that thing could've paid your granddaughter and great grandkids college tuition and then some. You're an idiot Old Rose.

  • I wanted to make a joke to end with about a possible sequel to Titanic, but it turns out that there was one made last year that goes by the clever name of 'Titanic II'. I really can't make this stuff up. The trailer for it is right here.

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