The Quest to Find a Date to JRW

I am searching for a date to the Providence College Junior Ring Weekend ceremony. Basically it's a prom for college aged kids. Honestly, I don't know who to ask because I'm too lazy to really think about it and I'm horrible at making decisions. I have no doubt it'll be a good time, and as many people have told me, I do look damn good in a tuxedo, and I can hold my own on the dance floor as numerous good looking women know. So pretty much, I have about a month to find a date to this shindig. To get myself and other PC Juniors pumped for the occassion, I'm going to give you all my top 10 list of dream dates for this upcoming JRW.


10. Hayley Williams- I'm getting the only ginger on the list out of the way early. She got my respect through Paramore and is my favorite female rock singer since Gwen Stefani, and those are big shoes to fill. She's currently number one on my ginger power rankings since Lindsay Lohan is now a druggie, blonde and hasn't done anything since Mean Girls. Honorable ginger mentions to Emma Stone and the lovely Erin Murtagh


9. Danny Allen- He can dance if he wants to. Or he can leave his friend behind.


8. Maci from Teen Mom- She might have to been back sorta early to put Bentley to bed, but she's okay in my book. Honestly, she gets a lot of points for her accent. It would probably be good for her to not go to a prom-type event while pregnant so she would look decent in a dress.


7. Elin Woods- She's gotta be pretty lonely right about now. Also, she can buy my ticket for me with all the money she's getting from Tiger.


6. Emma Watson- There are some conditions here. 1. she would have to grow back her hair instead of the current pixie haircut she has. She looks like a Keebler Elf with that haircut. 2. She has to wear her Gryffindor robes. Although my shot of getting her to go with me is still not very likely, my best shot is probably with her due to the fact she's currently in Providence. I just have to work my magic to get her to go with me (pun definitly intended).


5. Hilary Duff- To my somewhat embarassment, when I had my long hair, a few people actually said I looked like Gordo. Since Gordo and Lizzie Maguire are meant to be together, it only makes sense that she would go with me.


4. Stacey's Mom- She's DEFINITLY got it goin' on.


3. Scarlett Johansson- She is the total package. She gives a good name to Danish women and I'm jealous of Matt Gaynor for going abroad this spring to Denmark. That kid will be swimming in women just like Scarlett. Danish fathers should lock up their daughters cause Beowulf is coming. Anyways, she's gotta wear a red bombshell dress. That'll be nice.


2. Topanga Lawrence- A bit of a weirdo, and Cory Matthews may have a problem with me taking her, but I think overall she'd be a fine date. She was a staple of my childhood television watching and is one of those characters that guys of my age group will never forget. It would also be an added bonus of Mr. Feeney showed up at the dance.

1. Mila Kunis- I wake up every morning and ask God why Mila Kunis is engaged to Macauley Culkin. Life just isn't fair. I love Mila Kunis due to playing Jackie on That 70's Show, then was in Forgetting Sarah Marshall. Words cannot describe my true feelings for her. If I ever saw her in person I'd faint like I was a chick during the early 70's who just saw The Beatles at Shea Stadium. Many people would call me insane, but I'd rather spend one day with her than a week with Kim Kardashian. Bam. If anyone has her phone number, please give it to me so I can ask her to JRW. That'd be dope.

Honorable Mentions- The St. Paulie Girl, Blake Lively, Debbie Thornberry, Sable, Uma Thurman, Alicia Silverstone, Summer Sanders, Rose McGowan, Adriana Lima, Smurfette.

Shoutouts- Thank you to Kelsey DeJesus for suggesting Danny Allen as a date. I was going to say Johnny Depp at first, but she led me in the right direction. Also, thanks to Matt "Buckin' Bronco" Gaynor, Sean "Killer" Mottola and Ryan "Tiny Dancer" Urkiel.