Summer is as dead as Tupac right now. Everyone is busting out their hoodies and are back in high school homerooms or in college dorms. For a solid 12 years, I dreaded the end of Autumn and the start of school. For me it meant less time to play with LEGO's, Barbies and WWF action figures and more time learning about that bastard Grover Cleaveland and how to tell time. Looking back upon it now, my 8 year old self would kill himself (myself?) if he found out that when I made it to college, I'd be excited to start school. Now I know that for some of my younger readers in grades K through 12 are balking at the fact that I said I'm glad to be back in the hood of Providence College (yeah the hood, our basketball players beat up students!), the fact remains that I am indeed pumped to be back. Now there are numerous reasons, but let's first discuss the main reason. I like to refer to it as the SWSS. The Syllabus Week Sh!tshow.
What is the Syllabus Week Sh!tshow you ask? It is the first full week of classes to start off a semester. Basically it gives the whole campus a reason to become three sheets to the wind and show up in class the next day feeling Allan, Phil and Stu in The Hangover. All you do that first week is listen to the professor talk about the syllabus and you learn about the lives of your professors. Since no one cares about their professors lives, it gives the students who had a few too many daddy soda's and brewdog's to stare out into space practice sleeping with their eyes open. Sure, occasionally you might have to stand up and say who you are, where you're from and why you're taking the class. This can be fun for creative people, because all you have to do is lie about everything besides your name. Even still, you could lie about your preferred name if you really wanted to. Honestly, how would the professor find out? Now that I think about it, next semester I'm going to try to use a different first name for each class, with a different location and a completely random reason for taking the class. Maybe in my Chemistry class I'll be Ronnie Kirwan, from Kalamazoo, Michigan and I'm taking Chemistry because I'm trying to prove that Dinosaurs never existed. Perhaps in my Social Psychology class I'll be Tuukka Kirwan, from Boise, Idaho and I'm taking Social Psychology in order to learn how to make the next social networking site like Facebook or Twitter. The possibilities are endless. College classes are nice because professors don't care about you. It's not like high school where you're stuck with the same teacher for a full school year and see him/her at least 3 times a week minimum. In college your professor remembers your name after a semester you should feel blessed. The SWSS is the one week during the semester where you have extremely little reading if any, tons of time to kill, and most importantly, checking out your new surroundings. Let's dig deeper gang.
I am starting my Junior year here in beautiful Providence, and I have moved to the complete other side of campus, which is about a football field away from where I lived last year. This being said, I now have a cozy apartment with four of my best friends, complete with a view of a somewhat busy street and a few trees. I have a stove now, which is a big upgrade, our own shower and bathroom, and now the school has trusted us Juniors to live with members of the opposite sex on the same floor! Of course, we can't even look at girls past 2 a.m. cause the bible says so or something like that, but it's a step up! I feel like a king in this new apartment, even if it does cost way too much money and is slightly overcrowded. I can now show off all the cooking skills I don't have to all the gorgeous coed's that will not be in our apartment (I'll blame Gaynor and Sean for that).
It's also lovely being reunited with people that in late April/early May I'd 'plan' on visiting over the summer but never talked to. The classic "Hey! How was your summer!" conversation happens so many times I can recite it verbatum. Picture yourself at a local PC watering hole, and you see someone you kinda sorta hang out with, probably have a few pictures together on Facebook, maybe have a class together and someone that you'll usually give the classic awkward smile and wave to when your walking around campus. The conversation will go like this, Hot Girl "Jim! Hey!" Me, "Hey." Hot Girl, "Sooo, how was your summer!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!!??!!?" Me, "Eh it was okay. How about you." Hot Girl, "Umm yeah same I worked a lot. It flew by huh!" Me, "yeah" Hot Girl "wanna make out?" Me, "sure.". Yep. That's the classic welcome back conversation that I always get. It gets real old real quick.
Another reason why it's great to be back is because it's still warm enough for girls to wear clothing that guys like. When it gets below 50 degrees, it seems that every girl on this campus wears the classic outfit of a Northface Jacket, black leggings, and Uggs. I have no idea what they have on under the Northface. I've never seen a girl take hers off if it's under 50 degrees. Its like trying to figure out what is behind the screen in your TV, just what it looks like under what your watching. It creeps me out. Anyways, its nice right now to watch a football game and then go outside and see girls tanning on the quad still. Bros would call it "Brotastic".
I am also real excited for the work waiting for me in my classes this semester. I think it's really neat that I get to get back into the grind and enrich my mind with information that will never leave me. Doing work is good for the soul and, by golly, we should all be grateful for the opportunity to write papers on stuff we'll forget when the semester is over.
I am also a liar.
Today is still technically Monday, which means I've been here for a full week. It's bittersweet because now it means that the SWSS has come to an end. No more parties on Monday nights and fooling around Tuesday night. I now have to do work during the week and spend the weekends living like a sailor, with college parties and Miller Lites as my high seas, along with my crew of other drunken friends. This year I'm hoping to have more stories about friends to tell my grandchildren, make a couple of new friends who can get me a job in the future if I ever need it, be the best looking person wearing a Tuxedo at our Junior Ring Weekend event, and become a master chef in the art of Macaroni and Cheese due to our newly aquired stove in our apartment. In other words, I'm glad to be back. Do I occasionally miss East Providence? Sure some people. This was a good summer. I had a lot of good times with old friends and with some new friends (Cranston Girlz- you four know who you are), but nevertheless, I'm glad to be back in Friartown. Yeah baby.
As for shoutouts, congratulations to Jed "Bow and Arrows" Smith who won my wittiest status contest on facebook, you were a lock with the smash and bash tactics and then attempting to make Danny Allen blush. Also, a shoutout is in order for Sean "Sugah" Mottola for judging it and being a wonderful roommate so far, and thank you to Matt "The Body/Beowulf/The Great Dane/Gaynor The Terrible/The Delegate from Denmark" Gaynor for suggesting to write about the greatness of coming back to school. Also, I'm not quite positive about this, but if memory serves me correct, I believe the first time I heard of the term Syllabus Week Sh!tshow, it was from my dear friend and fellow Friar/East Bay resident Jenna Borkoski. So thank you Jenna for giving me a new vocab word.
Go Friars, God Bless America, and Stay Classy San Diego.