Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Lifestyles of the Rich and the Famous

As some of you may or may not know, this past weekend (Thursday to Monday) myself, Andrew Chace, and the flying Rizzini Brothers were in Chicago. This trip was by far the most adventurous journey of my life. By pure luck, I was in town for the Chicago Blackhawks Stanley Cup Championship parade right downtown, so I had my one chance to pull a Ferris Bueller and perform Twist and Shout on a parade float, but needless to say it was harder than it looked in the movie. I probably couldn't have had a better chance to do it considering championship parades don't happen very often in Chicago (see: Cubs, 1908) since Michael Jordan left town (I know the White Sox won in '05 but we all know that was a fluke). I certainly had the courage to hijack a float without security noticing, but I left my microphone and boombox at home, thus I couldn't perform the song, so I'm sorry for letting you all down, BUT I will share a story that will be one I plan on telling my grandkids. For the record, this story really did happen and you can ask Matt, Chris or Andrew and they will tell you it all happened, because it was the greatest thing the 4 of us have ever done in all our lives, which is pretty pathetic but I'll take it. Here we go.

Saturday night we went to Mike Ditka's restaurant downtown in the midst of sky scrapers and beautiful midwestern girls, and we decided to dress up to look like big shots. We all had on dress shirts, ties, dress shoes and pants and were looking rather dapper. We wanted to feel important so Andrew called ahead and made reservations when we didn't need them whatsoever. Anyways, we get to the restaurant and had a lovely dinner blah blah blah. Fast forward through the walking around and waiting for busses and we wind up at the Navy Pier. The Navy Pier is basically a really really nice boardwalk complete with some banquet hall, numerous restaurants and shops, a ferris wheel and a bunch of rides, and it is right on Lake Michigan. If you were to take the boardwalk from Rocket Power, this would be it. We originally went to the Navy Pier to watch the Saturday night fireworks and just walk around. We got there in time and saw fireworks, and we knew it was going to be a good night when we turned a corner and saw a Salt n' Peppa cover band singing "Push It" and then witnessed a "booty shaking contest" conducted by one of the whitest rapper/dj's ever seen. I'd be willing to use the term Wanksta if that's what the kids still call Crackas these days, but whatever. After watching a few more covers of certain songs by Sir Mixx-a-Lot about rear-ends, we decided to walk to the end of the pier. This is where it gets interesting.

As we get to the end of the pier, we see this banquet hall through glass and notice immediately that there are security guards at ever door and the people inside are wearing tuxedos. This can only mean one thing: money. Since we're poor college kids with bleak futures, we obviously were intrigued, but we kept on walking a little farther. As we passed by one door however, this woman who can only be put in the Cougar category spotted us, waved and said "Hey You Guys!". Unsure if she thought we stole money from her or if she knew us, we turned around and walked towards her and her companion who was this blonde girl about our age. We started talking and this woman (let's call her Cougar Carol) told us that the event was "a bunch of rich guys raising money for something". She lated elaborated a bit and told us that it was a "black tie event fundraiser for Northwestern Medical", which we lated found out was called Prentice Palooza, which doesn't sound that rich for some reason. Anyways, the purpose of Cougar Carol hunting the four of us good looking guys was that she was drunk and looking for a man for her friend Courtney, who was her boss' daughter(?). She asked us how old we were and when Andrew said 21, she just immediately assumed we all were considering the other 3 of us didn't say a word about our age (which is odd considering Chris really is 21 and Andrew is only 20...). After telling Cougar Carol that we're all from East Providence, and me having to inform her that Providence College is in Providence, Rhode Island, she said out of nowhere "wanna come in?". What the hell kind of a question is that? Did she really think that we wouldn't take her up on that? Was she expecting us to say something along the lines of "oh no Ma'am, that's mighty nice of you, but we shouldn't attend an event we didn't pay $1,000 to get into". We said yes quicker than you can say the word flamingo, and then Cougar Carol took Courtney aside to discuss things for a minute. The four of us got into a group huddle and realized that we had a chance to do something only seen in Wedding Crashers. We all decided that if this woman comes back and says we can come in, we are doing it and we are going to stay until we get thrown out. After a minute, Cougar Carol came back and reluctantly told us that she didn't think it was a good idea. If there is any type of person I hate more than anything, it's a person who tells us we can crash a black tie event and then tell us it's not a good idea. No shit it's not a good idea, we're college kids who shouldn't be partying with Illinois' finest millionaires. We weren't taking no for an answer. We sorta made Cougar Carol feel bad by saying "ahhh c'mon", and it sorta worked, because as they were walking back in, Cougar Carol said "Okay fine, follow me and sneak in quick". This was like telling Amy Winehouse to snort some coke. We sort of hesitated a split second and then took a deep breath and just walked in. I think the security guard said something to Andrew along the lines of "are you with this party?" to which Andrew replied "uh yeah" and we all just walked in.

We quickly realized that we were with the snooty people of Chicago. This fundraiser was the most lavish and stunning event I have and may ever go to. There were dancers on podiums, a live band (Lynn Jordan and the Shivers), and a lot of drunk rich people. I saw your classic escorts, golddiggers, 20-something blonde bombshells dancing with 80-something year old millionairse on their deathbed, the whole sha-bang. I felt starstruck at this place. We realized that we were dressed up nice, but not nice enough since everyone was wearing a tux, so we decided to split up into groups of 2 (myself and Matt, Andrew and Chris) and walked around the place pretending that either we were someones son/nephew or we were waiters at the place. Matthew and I were about to go join the wealthy on the ballroom dance floor, but just as we got up there a slow song started playing, dashing our hopes of finding some gorgeous 20 year old millionaire to sweep off her feet. Instead of dancing, we spotted a professional photographer (the kind you see at your cousin's wedding taking pictures of everyone there), so of course we took a picture together. It must have been pretty funny when they developed it seeing all these socialites and then two jackasses from Rhode Island grinning like we broke into a black tie event (oh wait, we did). Very soon afterwards, Andrew came up to us, wrapped his arms around our shoulders and lovingly said "guys! it's been a great time, but we're getting thrown out". This was about 15 minutes after arriving. Some security guard asked Chris if we were on a list, and after saying that we were guests of Courtney, the guard finally realized that we were not infact millionaires giving money to Northwestern Medical, so we unfortunately had to leave. Those were the greatest 15 minutes of my life. We took it all in stride and weren't bummed about it, because those were 15 minutes more than we all thought we were going to spend inside that place.

After getting kicked out, we did the next thing anyone would do after getting thrown out, go on the ferris wheel. Honestly, this weekend was amazing and Chicago is by far my favorite city of all time. I have a few more stories I'd like to share but this one is good enough for this blog, hopefully I'll share more this upcoming week. If you ever get the chance to visit Chicago, you should do it, it's an unbelievable city and deserves your love. As for shoutouts, Lynzee Gillis, my beloved cousin, here's your long awaited shoutout, so you can stop making me feel like a horrible cousin for forgetting it. Also, Sean Mottola for somehow getting half of his body into the new blog picture. Lastly, Matt, Chris and Andrew for a wonderful time. Best weekend ever.

Proud to be a Blackhawks fan, even prouder to be serving you Breakfast,

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