Kings of the Beaches: Wavves at Ocean Mist

 Rhode Islanders have a sort of Napoleonic complex about them. Eh, maybe it’s more of a Rodney Dangerfield complex of not getting any respect. Time and time again performer after performer release their tour schedule, only to give Lil’ Rhody the shaft, skipping on over Providence and heading straight to Boston. It can get frustrating at times! I know you can drive through Rhode Island in like 50 minutes, but schlepping up to Boston, or worse, Hartford can be painful when there’s a band or artist you want to see. With that in mind, when Rhode Island does get some love, they go all out at those shows. Case in point: Wavves playing Ocean Mist last Monday night.

I shan’t lie to ya, I was very surprised and confused when I saw Wakefield, RI pop up on the tour poster. Normally, I scan to look for the RI on the poster, then sigh when I don’t see Providence on there, and then check to see if the inevitable Boston show is on a weekend night (the true sign I’m getting old, I know). I was pleasantly surprised when I saw Wavves announce their 12th anniversary tour (postponed 2 years cause of that whole pandemic thing) of their iconic album King of the Beach. 

Glorious

 I had never been to Ocean Mist, but I know lots of cover bands play there, it was my mom’s old watering hole back in her URI days, and that it was on the water. That’s about it. As the show approached sooner and sooner, it hit me how this has the opportunity to be iconic. It suddenly made a lot of sense for the Ocean State to host Wavves, while being able to hear actual waves crashing and smelling that salty air during a show (a first for me at least). To help make it legendary was Union Station Brewery creating a beer for the event, King of the Mist. As Nathan Williams mentioned on stage, they were in fact some very crispy boyz and everyone seemed to enjoy them. Now if creating a beer for a band isn’t the most friendly Welcome to Rhode Island, then I don’t know what is.

it was crispy. oh so crispy!

On to the show. I’ve seen Wavves 6 or 7 times now, dating back from around 2010 when I saw them with dear friend Danny Allen at the Paradise in Boston right around when the King of the Beach album came out. Wavves is one of those bands who NEVER disappoint. Every time I’ve seen them they always bring the heat and always have an awesome setlist. 

At this show in particular, they had 19 songs, and all of them slapped harder Stephanie McMahon. They played all of the King of the Beach album, which for me was cool to hear some songs live that I had not before. That album means the world to me, as it brings me straight to the smack dab middle of college where I had that sumbitch on repeat. Personally, the standouts for me Convertible Balloon, Baby Say Goodbye, My Head Hurts, Demon to Lean On, and the ALWAYS excellent live Linus Spacehead. 

It should be noted that they came out to the stage to the theme from Rugrats, which everyone loved. I had seen them come out to Stone Cold Steve Austin’s theme music, the Seinfeld theme, and some other stuff that I can’t recall cause I had too many beers, but I always appreciate their dedication to an awesome intro. Wavves is a well oiled machine live. Watching Stephen Pope headband his majestic curls will never get old to me. Stevie Pop, you beautiful bastard, keep on keeping on! Wavves mastermind Nathan Williams was excellent. He also made sure to tell everyone to watch out for each other in the pit, and to not hit his fucking microphone if you choose to stage dive. I think everyone at Ocean Mist cringed when he mentioned he had already chipped his teeth 3 times from his mic smacking him in the face and he didn’t want to get veneers. The crowd was also amused when the merch dude (great guy! Very friendly and great customer service!) huddled up with Nathan after the 2nd or 3rd song to which Nathan said “very interesting. It seems the venue doesn’t have insurance for crowd surfing” so everyone was doing it at their own risk. 

Take my money!

Another thing to give Wavves credit for is their kickass merchandise. In the past, I’ve got 5 of my favorite band tees all from Wavves, and also a prayer candle. This night in particular I picked up a Wavves tee featuring Kevin McAllister of Home Alone fame (from the back artwork of King of the Beach). I toiled with the idea of bringing home a Wavves skate deck, but then saw that they offered a Tech Deck version of it, so I figured that was easy enough to carry in my pocket and put on my bookshelf for the rest of eternity. The only bummer of the show was that they had sold out of the King of the Beach beach towels. They looked awesome and, truth be told, I was actually in the market for a new beach towel. Besides that and the dickhead bouncer who grilled my ID and was a total bitch to everyone, it was a truly awesome show. (Really though, my brother in Christ, I was grilled harder on my ID as a 32 year old then I was as a 19 year old when I was at the original King of the Beach tour. I’m so old I have to stretch before shows now. what the hell are you doing grilling me of all people? Geez Louise. Okay. Sorry. I’m done). 

how could I leave this there?

For me, it came full circle going to this show for an album that means a lot to me. It was great to go with Danny to both shows, and also to hang out with his wife Annik (they met because of me lol ur welcome) and my buddy Jed who was throwing down in the pit with the best of ‘em. Wavves is the real deal, folks. For a good time, go check out those dudes. 

I appreciated it, and Rhode Island did as well. I have a good feeling down the road I’ll be able to blow people’s minds saying “yeah I was there” about this show. It just had that sort of feel to it.

Dear Friary...

Holy shit, you guys.

The Providence College Friars are still dancing in the Sweet 16. What a time to be alive! After a season of Ed Cooley telling us all to be them dudes, it is officially time to, in fact, be them dudes. While the first ever Big East regular season championship banner in school history will look nice up in the rafters at the Dunk, I think we should add some more decorations and keep updating some of those other banners. Why stop at Sweet 16? Let's keep the ball rolling! 

This season has been a lot of fun for a ton of reasons. The fans/students have been electric and fueled by Bud Light tallboys. I made it to 3 games this year, each one being more electric than the last, with the cherry on top being in attendance for all those hooligans storm the court as we beat up on Creighton to clinch the BE title. The City of Providence needed this. Things just hadn't been the same since Buddy Cianci croaked, and suddenly the sun seems to shine a bit brighter. I mean, yeah it sucked that the beer lines were way longer than I ever remembered back in my days at PC, but it's worth it! Well, the $12.75 beers may not actually be worth it..but you know what I mean.

I was an undergrad from 2008-2012 toiling away at a Psych degree that I will never use. My time at PC had it's up and downs. Yes, up and downs. The up? PC beating number 1 ranked Pitt. Still a top 5 night of my life. I thought Eaton Street was going to go up in flames. There I was, drinking pitchers of beer at a bar I used my fake ID to get into, feeling on top of the world, proud like I had accomplished something. After that? I don't know. Couple nice wins here and there. God Keno Davis sucked ass. The only Keno that should ever matter is the type you play at a dive bar. Let's see, what else did we have to celebrate from my era? Hmm. Ooh! There was the time MarShon Brooks dropped 50 against Notre Dame! ...in an overtime loss. Okay, there's more....aha! Eureka! I was there when Jeff Xavier's brother walked out onto the court to talk some sense into that ref! Now THAT was a good time. I guess PC hoops wasn't really too memorable out of one night that sure has some memories that are fuzzy. I digress.

Shoutout Aquinas 209!

This team loves to feed off of the hate, and boy have their plates been full! For me personally, it makes me cringe when I hear local radio discuss them. 98.5 the Sports Hub is usually on at my work. They discussed the Friars for the first time about 2 weeks ago, where Rich of T and R just decides to shit on Rhode Island as if there is some big feud between RI and Massachusetts. He seriously thinks everyone here is a hick who have bricks for brains are living in 1993. For a guy who grew up in Georgia, this is pretty funny. Why he thinks he has to be such a prick to Rhode Island is something I'll never understand. Then there is Joe Murray, member of the Bankroll Boyz podcast or some shit like that. He fills in here and there. Joe Murray made the super bold call of PC losing in round 1 to South Dakota State and that it was virtually a no brainer. If he thinks that was a unique bet, he's an idiot cause a whoooooole lot of people had money riding on the SD State Jackasses. So of course, he gets a ton of backlash from PC fans, with some even calling him an illiterate calzone, and he now decides to strike back by calling PC fans...sensitive? Sensitive? For a guy who lives and breathes making "hot sports takes" maybe you're being the sensitive one. Your station didn't talk about Providence College hoops all season long and when you do it's just "Meh. These guys blow. They're losing first round." What a joke. Of course people are going to come after you for being such a dick. Rhode Island has a Napoleonic Complex type of situation to it. Smallest state, proudest state. Don't you dare crack wise on Rhode Island. The only people who are allowed to bitch and moan about Rhode Island is Rhode Islanders plain and simple. In the south, when someone thinks you've said something dumb, people will say "Bless your heart" and then say something very insulting about your intelligence. Here in the Ocean State, when you make a dumbass take about PC basketball, we're going to gladly tell you what is going through our minds, "bless your heart" not included.

Then, you have your national guys. Public enemy number one for PC fans on the old Twitter Machine has to be that fucking nerd Ken Pom. This guy. 

Ken Pom is a stat nerd who loves to crunch all these numbers and beep moop cha ching boop meep oh look here's who is going to win the national championship. Guys like KenPom don't take into the equation that you can't actually win on paper or an Excel sheet. KenPom has had PC as the luckiest team in the nation basically all season long. He wants to talk about luck? He'll be lucky not to have my foot up his ass if that jackass ever gets a veal parm sub on Federal Hill. Then you have the ultimate ESPN lackey Jay Bilas who even still refuses to give PC any credit, ranking them the 14th best team out of the remaining 16. Oh go screw. Just tell everyone you want Duke to win it all and call it a night. We all know the Bilas Bias. Of course, the real jackass of the bunch has to be Jesse Newell. He's a Kansas (!) beat reporter who somehow tricked his way into getting an AP vote to rank teams. I swear if you look at the teams he's voted for you would think he is picking which schools sent him the most mail after taking the SATs. I think Perkins School for the Blind got a vote before PC did this year. All these nerds need to pay and we need Cooley and Co to build off of this utter hatred and underdog bullshit and beat up Kansas so Jesse Newell can go chase after some tumbleweeds or whatever the hell there is to do in Kansas besides watch a basketball game.

It's nice being an alum of the best college program in the Northeast. It's not even close at this rate. Providence College is doing what Boston College was supposed to do. I bet Boston College's AD gets the willies every time he sees a sign for I95 South. He knows that just 50 or so minutes away, Providence and Ed Cooley are getting things done. Kicking ass and taking names, as God intended. This is gonna be fun Friday night (I hope). Noah Horchler is playing lights out (I was scared, like everyone else, when he cut off his luscious locks, but we good), Nate Watson is all in on this run, Bynum and Durham know that it's the end of the road, so why not extend it. This team is damn good and they are finally forcing people to notice. 

Cooley on Fire > Fire Cooley

So what happens if they get smoked by the Kansas Jayhawks? Not much. It's been a hell of a year and no matter what it is going to go down as a success. It's gambling with house money at this point. So why not go all in? Plus, is PC does lose, just give it a year or so. Kansas and coach Bill Self are going to get slapped with some rules infraction and will have to vacate this entire tournament, so just give PC the win anyways. 

Luck? Whatever. We'll take whatever we can get. All I know is "in Cooley we trust". Our mascot is creepy as hell and can help by simply weirding out Kansas. We already beat up South Dakota State and that douche with the Karate style headband. Round two we mopped the floor with the Richmond Spidermen. If I were Kansas I'd be quivering in my...I don't know. Whatever Kansians....Kansasites...Kansas people wear for shoes. You want my prediction? Here:

Be them dudes!

Friars by a million!

Keep the faith!!!!!

Utter Euphoria: Burning Questions!

Euphoria, Euphoria, where art thou Euphoria? I don't know, it just sounded good in my head. Opening lines are the toughest. Quite possibly the most controversial show in TV Land right now wrapped up a couple weeks ago, and I've just had the time to digest it and write about it. To be perfectly transparent, I didn't watch season 1 of this. I was introduced to it as my girlfriend watched it while I was playing Mario Kart World Tour on my iPad (CactusJim on there if anyone is trying to get their hopes dashed on Cheep Cheep Beach). Boy did that opening episode suck me in! I learned that Zendaya is famous for something other than those skin care commercials, and holy smokes these kids are messed up!

Despite not watching the first season, I got a grasp for it easily that it is high school on a molly and steroid cocktail. Backstabbings, cheating, drugs, theatre, drugs and more drugs, dealing drugs, a 9 year old with a face tattoo... there's a lot going on. I do get a laugh out of people saying how unrealistic the show is and how it's terrible for kids to watch. It's a show about high schoolers for adults! It's obvious. Can't you tell by the entire cast being played by like, 30 somethings. I hear Ash is actually 45 and is pulling an Andy Milonakis. Not really, but you get the picture.  By now, if you haven't seen season two I must do my duty and give a *spoiler alert* I don't want anyone to get mad at me. I tied for friendliest in my 8th grade superlatives so I like to be liked, you know? The purpose of this blog from here on out are my most burning questions that remain after season 2.  Let's start!

How the shit did Lexi get a set budget like that approved?

I mean, holy shit. There's a lot to question about Lexi Howard's spellbinding school play 'Our Life'. Between what seems like a quick turn around time, a lot of kids being way too good at their jobs, a ton of delightful choreography, somehow getting this generation of ADHD rattled kids to give a damn about a school play...there's lots going on. The one thing that has me the most confused is how they got a budget like that.  Keep in mind that East Highland High School is a public school.  I will never forget my Junior year at East Providence High School we ran out of paper and were encouraged to bring our own. If the EPHS production of Grease had that sort of set budget I would've probably enjoyed it a whole lot more.  If this were Maude Apatow's actual high school, I could see a budget this immense being used on a high school production.  Between moving stages, multiple sets, terrific lighting and elaborate costumes, it was a smashing success! Having Maddy come on stage and beat the shit out of Cassie with a shoe also didn't hurt. Keep 'em wanting more! This being said, they probably could've just made this one episode...but whatever man it's cool.

Why do all the episode titles sound like perfect song titles for an early 00's emo album?

I'm just going to list the episodes here for you and let you decide if this sounds like the track listing by an unreleased Starting Line album circa 2003:

-Trying to Get to Heaven Before They Close the Door

-Out of Touch

-Ruminations: Big and Little Bullys

-You Who Cannot See, Think of Those Who Can

-Stand Still Like the Hummingbird

-A Thousand Little Trees of Blood

-The Theater and Its Double

-All My Life, My Heart Has Yearned for a Thing I Cannot Name

I rest my case. 

Did Elliot's acoustic song unite this nation for the first time in years?

I don't think I'm overexaggerating when I suggest that Elliot's song may have been so universally hated that the US of A was the most unified on a topic in ages. It was like Democrats and Republicans, Conservatives and Liberals, Cats and Dogs everywhere took a moment to stop fighting and say BOO! HISS! This sucks! Seriously though, that song was dreadful. The first 30 seconds, okay fine, whatever, the kid can noodle on the guitar and probably knows Wonderwall. Then, it just kept going, and going and...well you know the rest. There was a good 4 maybe 5 moments in the song where he kept going for another verse and I could feel the collective, agonizing groan of Euphoria viewers everywhere. The song sucked ass and was corny as hell, but the in all seriousness, why did that take place for like 5 minutes in a season finale where we still had a whole lot of questions to be answered! I know a lot of people were fed up with how this season went, but his scene may have been Euphoria's "jump the shark" moment, it was that bad. 

Who tattooed Ash's face?

It's lovely work. I think they did a great job on it.

Why is Nate drinking Budweiser?

This one really puzzles me. We see multiple times (usually whilst driving) Nate drinking a nice cold bottle of Bud heavy. I love Budweiser. My Grandpa used to sneak me a few back in the day so I've always had a special place for it in my heart and fridge. Nate drinking it just seems so...wrong. Nate is a high schooler. He should be drinking his fair share of Keystone or Natty Light. On a special occasion you can shoot for the moon and roll with a Bud Light or a Coors Light. No teen is going to be getting Budweiser just for the hell of it. One may argue that Nate is very rich and can afford the (slightly) more expensive Budweiser but I would counter that and say if that were the case, he is pretentious enough to get Stella Artois. I can even picture him at a party playing with the stupid paper on a Stella that covers the neck of the bottle and bottle cap, before Fezco comes up and punches that douchebag in the back of his head and then shoves said Stella Artois up his arse. This really bugged me. I don't know.

Was Rue Bennet's marathon the best chemically induced athletic achievement ever?

Barry Bonds hit 73 homers in 2001 juiced up on steroids. Dock Ellis threw a no-hitter in 1970 while on LSD. Rue Bennett did her best Trainspotting impression by running for her life all while on various drugs where was in desperate need of a bathroom, to put it mildly. In the course of doing so she revealed a secret about Cassie which has put her at the top of Maddy's hit list and somehow did so all while wearing Chuck Taylor's! Do you know how hard those are to run in, even sober? Zero arch support on those clown shoes. I'm thinking this is the best drug induced athletic feat ever. And that includes that Russian figure skater who took her grandpa's heart meds last month. Hey also...

Doesn't Rue still owe the drug dealers, like, 8 grand?

I found it amusing that Rue miraculously escaped a drug den where she was held hostage by the creepy monotone woman the bald dude who is always naked yet she was just out there in public watching her school play. On the one hand it's very nice of her to support her pal Lexi, and I guess I would be curious too if a play was written with myself as one of the main characters...but shouldn't she be keeping a low profile?  That episode of Rue running all over town was one of the most intense episodes of any show I had seen in a while. I felt out of breath and exhausted just by watching it. If I owed those guys around $8 grand, I'd be trying to pick up a couple extra shifts at the Long John Silver's. 

How does Cassie know all the words to a Sinead O'Connor song?

Shouldn't Cassie be obsessing over Machine Gun Kelly, Lizzo, and Billie Eilish as a teen in 2022? I'll be honest, of all the absurd stuff in this show, Cassie knowing every single word to Sinead O'Connor's 1987(!) hit 'Drink Before the War' seemed the most unlikely moment. She's wasted enough to completely ruin a hot tub by puking yet she knows all the words to that song? Which came out probably...15 years before she was born? I love music of that era but I'm 31 and don't know much of Sinead O'Connor besides Nothing Compares 2U and her ripping up the Pope's picture on SNL. Oh Cassie. What a tangled web you have wove. Weaved? Woven? Oh who remembers.

I'm just not buying this!

What was with Minka Kelly giving Maddy that purple dress?

Why not wear it to the play or something? Is she saving it for prom? I figured it would be a revenge dress after Maddy received it. You know, like Princess Diana had that black dress for Prince Charles, Maddy should've showed up and to the play in that number and made Nate think twice about...well, everything I guess. It just seemed bizarre to go through that storyline of Maddy babysitting, Minka Kelly obviously knowing she was trying on her stuff, gives her one of the designer dresses and then...that's it we just go to the last couple episodes and it's not used for anything. Just seems like a bit of a waste so far, but hey maybe we'll see it when season 3 comes out in 2027.

Did Ethan get every award that the East Highland Drama Department handed out that year?

Because let me tell you one thing, he should have. His performance can only be described as spellbinding. Whether he was portraying Suze Howard or Nate or literally everyone, Ethan was the Swiss Army Knife of that ensemble. Bravo, Ethan, bravo. May you get your flowers, young man!

Lastly, is Faye the best character on the show?

Faye all day! The much needed comic relief of this dark, dark show was Faye. She stole the screen every time she dropped her couple of lines. You'd have to be blind to see she didn't fall for Fez, and there was definitely a thought that she may get revenge as a scorned woman, knowing Fez had the heart eyes for Lexi, but Faye stayed true to Fez. Fez did take her in and give her a home for a bit as a favor, and Faye stayed true by helping him out with that rat Custer. One quick note, Custer really does look like a rat. I mean Chuck E. Cheese could be that guys uncle or something. Very hateable character. I did feel bad he got blood on his Metallica football jersey though. But yeah anyways, Faye did the right thing trying to help Fez. Not her fault Ashtray had to go blow the thing up (literally). Everyone should have a soft spot for Faye. She ended up being a delight. My vote is for Faye. Let's get more of her in season 3! Even if she is serving time for the whole drug trafficking and possible murder connection thing...oh well. Life marches on!

GCW: The WRLD Is Theirs

If you ask me, the 90's was the golden age for many, many things. Music, television, music television, the overall quality of life, style...a whole lot of things. Professional wrestling was certainly hitting it's golden age in the mid-late 90's. It almost seems a lifetime ago of having the now infamous Monday Night Wars between Vince McMahon and Ted Turner. While those two got all the glory, many people would consider ECW as the scrappy underdog that may have been the most entertaining of the bunch. It had nowhere near the budget or television opportunities as the other two, but ECW had this deviously charming way about it that always made it stand out on its own. It was grainy, gritty, maybe more realistic. I'll put it this way, you'd be guaranteed some moments that would both make you cringe and say holy shit multiple times every show, where you couldn't always guarantee that with the other two. It was simpler times, and when ECW folded, it was a sad moment for the world of wrestling. The one with all the true hardcore passion had to be the first one to go. It ain't fair, but it was what it was.

Simpler times at Heatwave 98

Of course, as time moves on, things can get back into the groove. And here we are in 2022.

The last couple of years has been a boom for the wrestling biz. Between the arrival of AEW becoming a viable threat to WWE, shows like Dark Side of the Ring drawing in current and older fans, a bunch of big names leaving WWE to reinvent themselves with their own creativity (which went wasted in WWE), there is a whole lot of exciting content out there. If you remember back in the 90's, Vince McMahon promised that WWE (F back then) was the "cure for the common show". He didn't want to insult his audience with unbelievable characters and snooze-worthy storylines.  I look at WWE now and...what the shit happened? I'm not kidding you, Raw had an academic challenge last night, and they have already confirmed a Scooter Race (seriously) next week on Raw. 

As a member of the audience? I'm fucking insulted.

...die of boredom from Raw

Thank God for AEW. It was long overdue for Vinny Mac to get some competition, and he certainly has it now. As AEW continues to grow, GCW is also growing at a rapid rate, and most importantly, it's living up to the G part of it's name: gamechanger. 

this aged poorly

To me, GCW is like the off-broadway version of today's wrestling landscape, and I mean that as a huge compliment. It won't always be perfect and have the greatest showmanship and performances every single night, but you better believe that there is an incredible amount of talent and waaay more heart there which makes it stand out. I was young when ECW was in it's final days, but I still remember being blown away by it as a kid, and I still enjoy throwing on their old shows via in the interwebs. It had that punk, indie, low budget feel to it, but it was so damn authentic that it was hard not to watch it. 

I feel the same exact way about GCW.

sheesh.

I first took real notice of GCW with the whole Jon Moxley and Nick Gage faceoff at Spring Break of Wrestlemania Weekend. They really got Mox? They got the biggest star of AEW to show up to a basically a parking lot to face their new champ with a bunch of light tubes and shit? The intrigue was there immediately. I already knew some of the names in GCW, mostly Joey Janela, Nick Gage, Allie Katch and Effy, but suddenly I took way more notice of who was there and what they had going on over in GCW. Also, it was hard not to ignore the legend of Jimmy Lloyd, who had just recently (unofficially) joined WWE's Hurt Business that same weekend Mox showed up. 

For me, you can throw on any GCW or ECW show and not worry so much about storylines. You can tell immediately that whoever is out there is just there to kick ass, and quite frankly, it's refreshing as hell. You never know who is going to show up, and trying to guess outcomes is pointless. Just in the last couple of months, GCW has hosted Mick Foley, Kevin Nash and Sabu(!). They've worked with a bunch of big name AEW and Ring of Honor stars, numerous Japanese wrestlers (Minoru Suzuki was still wild to me personally), and countless other legends who can still hang today (2Cold Scorpio and Ricky Morton, I'm looking at you dudes). You don't know what you're gonna get at any GCW show, and that's what makes it so damn exciting. 

Fast forward a bit and I've bought my fair share of shows they've put on, and I haven't been disappointed yet. I love that you have such a mix of competition and styles. You obviously have the brutal deathmatch shit, but you also get incredibly skilled lucha matches and classic mat wrestling in the mix as well. The cast of characters is pretty wide ranging as well. If you were to tell me a year or so ago that I would willingly buy a show that had Zack Ryder in the main event, I would've thought you were crazy. If you had told me he would be fighting Nick fuckin' Gage in a deathmatch that would involved light tubes, tacks, staples doors, whatever the hell else they could use, and then a riot would breakout in the crowd, I really would've thought you were off your damn rocker. 

As annoying Ryder..no...Matt Cardona is (which I guess means he's doing a damn good job), I give him all the credit in the world for reinventing himself since his release. Love him or hate him, any wrestling fan knew he didn't get a fair shake with the idiots in Stamford. I'd give him more credit and praise but I'm still pissed off he beat Joey Janela so...I'll stop there. Besides him, there's so much talent there and up and coming guys that it's going to be a lot of fun to keep watching. Blake Christian is going to be a stud. Jordan Oliver and Nick Wayne has crazy bright futures. Then you even have guys like PCO still doing the damn thing. They have dudes like Alex Colon and Second Gear Crew who I hope I NEVER spill a drink of theirs at a bar. GCW is another destination for wrestlers to go and do their own thing, which is great for the business. McMahon had a stranglehold on this business for too long, but the tides are kinda starting to turn. 

The easy thing to do is just compare it to ECW back in the day. I hope that doesn't offend them in any way with that comp, it's just...kinda true. Back in the 90's and early 00's you had WWF/E having their dick measuring contest with a floundering WCW, and you had ECW right there in the wings doing their own crazy shit with a rabid cult following. I don't think it's unfair to say right now that we have a new peak in wrestling, just some of the cards have been shuffled. Now, WWE is the new floundering WCW (seriously, a scooter race next Monday), AEW is the WWF/E and GCW is the new ECW. (On a quick side note, it really is amazing how WWE has dropped the ball with NXT2.0. They had a good thing going and they crashed and burned like Antonio Brown on the Buccaneers. Sad!). To me, GCW is their own brand of wrestling and it's just as enjoyable as AEW. 

Just rearranging the living room a bit...

This past Sunday night GCW sold out the Hammerstein Ballroom in New York City  and put on a hell of a show. It had the grit and crazy spots that it should have. Not everything was perfect, which was perfectly fine at the same time. I almost had to watch that opening brass ring ladder match through my fingers due to some of those crazy ass spots. The Joey Janela/Cardona match was a clusterfuck in the best way possible. I loved the crazy twists and turns, the return of X-Pac, the nod to Edge with Brian Myers coming out in the motorcycle helmet, it was so chaotic and fun and had the crowd truly amped up. You felt the disappointment when Allie Katch lost to Ruby Soho, but hey, that just means she's over as hell to the GCW faithful, and that's something to be proud of, isn't it? Team Gringo vs. Team Bandido was a banger that had some moves that I had never seen before, which is something that seems to happen more often than now in GCW. The entire show, really, was something else. Hell, you even got Jeff Jarrett to have a relevant match in 2022 thanks to Effy! 

Poor Effy, I like that Effy!

Although the match itself was brief, the main event was memorable just for the return of the King himself, Nick F'n Gage as a surprise opponent. I love the shot of some of the fans on the stage when Dewey Donovan made his zombie-like way to the crowd. Their faces were just in disbelief that in any second that bell was going to go dong and they weren't gonna go crazy for the Undertaker. No, that bell tolling was Metallica's "For Whom The Bell Tolls" which can only mean one thing: Nick Fucking Gage. MDK all day, and at the end of the day it was the perfect way to go out. Nick Gage getting the crowd into an absolute frenzy. 

The Ensuing Chaos, sponsored by PBR

I absolutely mean it when I saw bravo to Brett Lauderdale and the GCW crew. The haters are gonna hate, but no matter what, you guys sold out the legendary Hammerstein Ballroom, and you have more eyeballs on your company than ever. This was your show to prove everyone wrong, and you did. People may look back years from now and view The WRLD on GCW as one of those game-changing (pun absolutely intended) nights for the company. Long live GCW.

Is This Thing On?

 Dilly Dilly!!

Just kidding. I wanted to see if anyone would get faked out by that opening line and check to make sure this wasn't a post from 2017. I've decided that now that I have a much more relaxing living situation in an apartment that *sparks joy*, it's about time I channeled this inner good vibes and creative juices and start writing again. Not really for anyone in particular, just myself to shake the cobwebs off. Also, it really helps that it is 9 degrees (Fahrenheit) out so it's not like I was going to go on a run or anything pointless like that. No, no. Why not get back into the swing of things with nonsense.

In these pandemic times, like literally everyone, I've been watching my fair share of content. Now I could do a rundown of what I liked best and what was the worst yadda yadda, but I'd like to pinpoint one documentary I watched recently that was truly batshit crazy. That would have to be the Curse of Von Dutch. Oh yeah. The douchey trucker hat company that you absolutely associate with Ashton Kutcher during his Punk'd days. Now I must admit when I heard they made a documentary about Von Dutch I kind of wrote it off as just a time capsule for that kind of amazing(ly brutal) fashion, but it was SO much more than that. Somehow I went my entire life not knowing squat about it (aka I was in middle/high school when it was big and had bigger fish to fry like chicks and street hockey). 

RIP! And RIP Anna Nicole Smith too.

I'm not joking your ass, there is murder, cartels, a big question of who actually owned the damn brand, studded belts, a crazy coked-up Frenchman and a Dutch Olympic Taekwondo medalist who tried to become Hollywood's next action hero. That's just the tip of the iceberg. I hadn't been so fascinated by a douche filled shitshow since that season of the Bachelor starring Juan Pablo. Between the Ed Hardy shirts, old footage of Paris Hilton and the incredible transformation from Von Dutch to Von Douche, it is a wild ride on the Hulu machine and I'd recommend to anyone. I hope to God they make one on the rise of 4Loko as well. That one I know I lived through. Barely.

Betty White passed away the other day at 99 which wasn't a great end to 2021. If I can learn one thing from her amazing life, it's that if People magazine comes to me offering a special edition about me turning 100, I'm turning that shit down. I know suspect People magazine has some evil voodoo surrounding it and I will continue my streak of looking at the cover when I'm waiting in line at the grocery store and not turning a single page. It's the safe thing to do.

With Betty gone, there is one question: who is the most beloved person in the nation now? As fucked up as the world is these days, Betty White was basically the one thing we could all gather round and agree that she was a hell of a gal. Luckily for all of you, I am writing this blog and like to make lists, so here are my three (no order) best options to become the next sacred celebrity for America.

1.Keanu Reeves- He's basically there already. Plus he is much hunkier than Betty White (that's not shade, it's just the truth. He can even make riding a Vespa look manly). The man revitalized his career unlike anyone I can think of. Ol John Wick gave us a true renaissance for Keanu, and by all accounts he seems to be one of the nicest dudes ever. He even dates women his own age! How rare is that for celebs in this day and age? Near unheard of. 

I Know!

2. Cher- I mean, how can you not love Cher? Iconic singer. Iconic in Moonstruck. Aged gracefully. She is a straight shooter who tells it like it is. Men should listen to her more and they will realize that her word should be gospel! If I Could Turn Back Time (see what I did there) I wish we could've gotten her into politics a long time ago. The country would be in much better hands. 

3. Guy Fieri- Why the hell not. The mayor of Flavortown is someone we can all get behind. Yes he is basically a walking caricature with his dad jokes, frosted tips and white sunglasses resting gingerly on the back of his head, but he stays true to himself. Isn't that what we all need in this day and age? No one can stay mad at Guy. You may want to hate him at first for...well, everything about his look and demeanor really, but you have to admit that he's a charming bastard. The guy just wants to cook a lot of greasy food, add some kickass sauce to everything, and cruise up and down this country. It's hard not to respect it. Winner winner, chicken dinner, you corny son of a bitch. Never change!

Fear.

The other day we got a gift from the internet Gods when we saw Elmo (of Sesame Street, not the fire) lose his mind on some rock and whoever the hell Zoey is. Zoey wasn't there in the early 90's right? If so I did a great job of blocking her out I guess. Nonetheless, Elmo lost his shit when Zoey's pet rock named Rocco was going to eat an oatmeal raisin cookie and it was just absolutely glorious. Elmo, as always, made a lot of valid points that Rocco doesn't have a mouth and can't enjoy a cookie and this whole thing is stupid and then he basically walked off set and demanded a raise.

You can see the calm drain from him.

Seeing Elmo lose his mind like that was truly inspiring. He had no time for these games of a stupid pet rock and the nonsense that came along with it. Personally, I find it a great lesson for kids that sometimes it is perfectly fine to snap on stupid people. In the real world, you deal with morons like this Zoey puppet. You can only take so much, but at the end of the day we are all human and we can only take so much. Stupid people need to learn when they are being stupid, and Elmo is not going to sell out and pretend everything is hunky dory. Children should not tolerate stupidity!

I have nothing but respect for Elmo and the service he is performing for the future of the world. See, this is why Elmo got the tickle me toy back in the day and Oscar the Grouch is still stuck in a damn trash can. God Bless you Elmo. Don't you let stupidity bring you down. This country has gotten stupid enough the past 5 years or so.

Hey so there's a new Apple Watch commercial which is kinda messed up. It's all 911 calls from people on a farm and parasailing (loser) who overdid it and needed help. I don't like this whole fearmongering approach from apple. You shouldn't be feeling scared of possible emergencies in order to buy apple products. You should be feeling scared about getting made fun of when your texts pop up in green when you text literally everyone else in the world who has an iphone. Isn't that green text humiliation enough as it is? Apple needs to chill out. Most people get it already. 

One thing I hate is the damn targeted ads you get just because you looked up something ONE time or accidentally liked an instagram pic of a boat or something. It really grinds my gears. For instance, I feel really weird that I get a bunch of ads for children's books just because I bought one ONE copy of Where the Wild Things Are for my best friend's daughter. While this mostly is a pain, I did get a laugh recently at one targeted ad. For Christmas my girlfriend bought me this very nice anchor shaped tie clip from Brooks Brothers. Swanky, I know. What is even more swanky is the item that popped up on my instagram feed the other day from the brothers Brooks:

Well would you look at this dapper dandy! Is this the Ebeneezer Scrooge special? I feel like wearing this to bed would get you 3 different visits from ghosts all asking what the fuck are you wearing? Has Brooks Brothers gone so far over the edge that they are trying to bring back nightgowns? My grandpa was born in 1921 and he would even call those things outdated. What does this guy here change into when he wakes up in his sleeping chambers? Some knickerbockers and a blouse? Are his wooden teeth and powdered wig waiting for him on his nightstand? Does he sit on his Chesterfield and read the morning paper with a monocle? I actually laughed out loud when this ad popped up. I'm almost impressed that I was targeted to purchase one of these bad boys. You know, maybe if Von Dutch comes back into style, I'll start rocking one of these to bed each night.

Well, that was fun. Let's hope I keep this ball rolling. I can feel the rust being shaken off already. 

Set Phasers to Sun

They say if you love something, set it free. If it was meant to be, it will come back in the time of a global pandemic that has caused some stir crazy boredom. Hello all, to quote the terrible "band" Staind, it's been a whiiiiiile.

I would like to first and foremost apologize to the universe. I recently got a girlfriend (Hi J) and this clearly threw the universe off kilter and now we are dealing with this goddamn Coronavirus and we're all stuck at home wondering why everyone is stocking up on toilet paper. So, my bad on that one, you guys. Anywho, I'm running out things to do. I've gotten very good at darts at the expense of my poor father, who may be writing me out of his will for all this losing he's been dealing with. I'm also getting very good at FIFA on my iPad, at the expense of random Europeans I will never meet. I'm not too concerned about their wills. I am now at a point of wanting to rant and rave, and will do that by making random lists and stating random thoughts out of nowhere! Play the hits, you know?

Top 5 Most Tragic Moments in Popular Music Songs

5. Nicki Minaj- Starships: 

Now look, I don't hate this song. It is catchy as all hell, and it brings me back to drinking solo cups of shitty beer in college. Talk about simpler times in about every which way imaginable. Anyways, Starships is a perfectly fine pop/rap song, however there is one part which stands out to me of just...why is it even in there? This of course is:

Bump in my hoopty-hoopty-hoop I own that

And I ain't paying my rent this month I owe that

But fuck who you want, and fuck who you like

Dance all ya life there's no end in sight

Twinkle, twinkle little star

Ah yes. I mean I could start with whatever bump in my hoopty-hoopty-hoop I own that, but the real issue is the random Twinkle, twinkle little star moment Ms. Minaj throws us. For someone who loves to remind us how much of a self-proclaimed ~*Bad Bitch*~ she is, throwing a nursery line haphazardly in the middle of her biggest hit is a bit of a head-scratcher. How absolutely random. It doesn't even rhyme with anything! It is cringe worthy and it makes me kinda glad Cardi B has taken the spotlight from her. Maybe it would've worked better if she went with Humpty Dumpty instead.

4. Guns n' Roses- Civil War: Oh Axl. Why did you have to do this to yourself? For those who may not know Civil War, you have this 7 minute and 33 second song that has a long, slow build, with lots of pianos and a surprising heartfelt message that turns into a very good rock song towards the end. It's almost like GnR's own Stairway to Heaven. The thing is, it's a great song...until the very end where Axl just had to go and ruin it. At the 7:13 mark, as the song is starting to fade out with some distorted guitar, some claps of thunder and a bit of whistling, Axl Rose had to go and utter the line "what's so civil about war, anyway?" What a douche.

You know damn well that Axl, the egomaniac that he is, probably thought this was the most philosophical question since Plato, and he was probably SO proud of it. I guess when you spell your name as an anagram of oral sex (isn't that mind-blowing?) you would probably think that last line was good.

3. America- Horse With No Name: Dammit Yusef. All I've heard about is how he was supposed to be a prolific songwriter who got all Islamic or something and gave up a promising career. I'm calling shenanigans on all that hype. But Jim, why are you giving Cat such a hard time? Oh I don't know, maybe look to his biggest hit, Horse With No Name and it would appear that he is the Songwriter With No Ideas. Okay so I'm going to be honest I just looked up the lyrics to the song and I am shocked to learn that this was not a Cat Stevens song and actually some band called America. Huh. Well this paragraph took a turn. Anyways, Cat Stevens is off the hook for this one and let me target America (well...not that way). The lyrics in question are:

On the first part of the journey 

I was looking at all the life

There were plants and birds and rocks and things

There was sand and hills and rings

? What the shit? Plants and birds and rocks and THINGS? You really couldn't have thought up anything else than things? How did this song even get popular? First he couldn't even come up with a name for the damn horse and then he can't use anything to use instead of things that rhymes with rings? Also what kind of rings is he even referring to with sand and hills? I had a whole lot more of  rant going on here but I'm still in shock it took me 29 years to learn this was not by Cat Stevens. Oh well. Can't win em all.

2. Kid Rock- Cowboy: It is hard to believe that we can look back at Kid Rock and his awful rock rapper nu-metal cowboy persona and call that his more likable era. Now a days he's just....a real life Joe Dirt.

simpler times.

 But for now, let's go back in time to 1998 to examine Cowboy, one of his first breakthrough hits. Just one read through makes you want to hope to God that no one does it at a karaoke bar you're at. After namedropping Heidi Fleiss and rapping about chillin with prostitutes and telling the sheriff he's going to paint his town red and paint his wife white (followed by a very unsettling UHH!) we get to the worst part: inserting his own radio edit on an unedited song.

Cuss like a sailor, drink like a mick

My only words of wisdom are just (radio edit)

I'm flicking my Bic up and down that coast

And keep on trucking 'til I fall in the ocean

After all his American Badassery in the lyrics leading up to it, what the hell could have been said for him to insert a radio edit? Was he actually saying something nice and he couldn't have that on the record? I can't imagine anything being worse than calling himself a G and referring to a girl as a 'slimmy' but whatever it is had to be edited despite the other swears already in there. It's just laughable to hear it now. Can't wait until he runs out of Lynyrd Skynyrd songs to rip off.

1. Blessid Union of Souls- Hey Leonardo (She Likes Me For Me): "Bro I'm telling you, these dudes and Eagle Eye Cherry are gonna be the faces of Rock n Roll for years to come!" said Chad, sipping his Zima next to the payphone in 1998. First of all, much respect to these guys for getting all artsy and spelling it 'Blessid'. Artistic geniuses. Don't get me wrong, this song is quite catchy. One of those feel good hits of the summer that could even get Ron Swanson to bop his head a little bit. You know how when songs mention what year it is and it's never a good idea because once it's no longer that year you become incredibly *so last year* and then clubs won't play you anymore? I would like to say a clear example in this song is when he mentions his collection of DVD's (42 seconds in) and this super cool film projector sound plays. Now that is a sound byte that probably seemed amazing 22 years ago and was super inventive but...it's just so cringe worthy now.

Of course, this sent me down the wormhole and I was in for a treat as the lyrics are even so much worse and does very little to help this song age like a fine wine. Let's take a looky-loo, as there is a lot to mock!

She likes me for me

Not because I look like Tyson Beckford

With the charm of Robert Redford

Oozing out my ears

Okay even back when this came out, wasn't Robert Redford like 109 years old? Is he anybody else's go-to when you think of charming celebs? What, did he think Paul Newman would be too hard to rhyme or something? Also, who the shit is Tyson Beckford? I am not even going to google him because I kinda like knowing these guys name-dropped a dude in a wildly popular song and I've gone 20 years without knowing who the hell he is. Let's continue.

She likes me for me

Not because I hang with Leonardo

Or that guy who played in "Fargo"

I think his name is Steve

Outstanding. I highly doubt Blessid Union of Souls was hanging out with Leonardo. I think they would have a better shot of hanging out with Leonardo of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles than hanging out with Leo Dicaprio in real life. Me thinks this dude is liar! And also, I love that they give out a shoutout in their biggest hit song to a guy who played in Fargo, and they're not even sure if his name is Steve. Way to pay attention. Maybe they actually thought Blessed is actually spelled Blessid...

She likes me for me

Not because I sing like Pavarotti

Or because I am such a hottie

I like her for her

Not because she's phat like Cindy Crawford

She has got so much to offer

Holy shit.

I mean, wow. First, he compares his voice to the long standing Opera maestro Pavarotti, which is total disrespect to him. The only thing worse than comparing himself to him talent-wise? Realizing 5 seconds later that he only name dropped him so that it would easily rhyme when he calls himself "such a hottie". That sensation you're feeling? Those are called Douche Chills. It's alright, you'll get through it, but just be warned, we ain't done yet, cause we have to discuss that he is comparing his lover to Cindy Crawford. She's phat like Cindy Crawford. Okay, so she's obviously in great shape as CC is a timeless beauty. Calling her 'phat', yes with the ph, is so impressively terrible. Sure, he found a way to call her cool in proper 1998 style and it's kind of a double entendre in a way, but Jesus Christ that's bad. Thank God they were a one hit wonder.

• Are we completely certain Will Smith wasn't rapping about Miami, Ohio?

• I have now seen the light and despite the twenty year of bringing my fellow New Englanders and I joy, Tom Brady is a douchebag. It doesn't even pain me to say it, if I'm being honest. I was okay and even understood him leaving the Pats for Tampa Bay...but now that he filed trademarks for "Tompa Bay" and "Tampa Brady"? What an ass. Is this what it was like for all you other non-Patriot fans all these years? Was he always this annoying? They aren't even clever. Maybe I'll move down to Tampa and file "Jimpa Bay". It's just as stupid as his, so why not? Oh and by the way, Gronk: you sucked at acting, you sucked with WWE, you were the most obvious contestant on the Masked Singer (so I've been told) and that whole thing where you kept teasing you were coming out of retirement to get Patriot fans hopes up all last year was a dick move. You suck ass too. Nice job ruining your legacy and reputation in the one part of the country you were actually liked, Dumbass.

No more high fives for you Thomas.

• Do you think Bozo the Clown is proud of the legacy he has left behind? He was such an iconic clown that you can call someone a Bozo and you know exactly what it means. The problem is that you really only call someone a Bozo if they're being dumb, so can it be that great if you're legacy is being mocked? I have a degree in Psychology by the way.

• I love the James Bond franchise. Always have, always will. The first big cancellation before everything in the world got cancelled was the next Bond movie No Time to Die which was moved from April to November, and that was when my anger started developing for this stupid virus. The James Bond Franchise is similar to Blink 182, in my opinion. Despite all the serious nature of them, there are always moments that will make you groan and laugh at due to absurd and totally corny moments. With Blink, you can have a super depressing and sad song like 'Adam's Song' appear on an album entitled Enema of the State. With Bond, you can have him save the world from terrorists, evil geniuses, nuclear bombs, and the like, all with some of the most corny one liners and oddly named characters in an other wise serious film. It's almost like it was a game that got turned into a tradition of "Hey I wonder if this will get by the censors" and they've continued to push it to this very day. This next list was inspired by yours truly watching a Pierce Brosnan (great Bond with unfortunate screenplays to work with) era movie with a character that I swear was given her name solely so the final line/joke of the movie could be told, and this was just one of many, so let's look at em!

Top 6 Most Absurd Bond Girl Names Ever:

6. Dr. Christmas Jones (The World is Not Enough): So this is the one that started the idea for this list. First off, Dr. Christmas Jones is a nuclear physicist played by Denise Richards. Yes. Denise Richards. Nuclear physicist. As if that isn't funny enough, you know she was named Christmas for one reason, and one reason only: the final line of the movie. Spoiler alert, Bond saves the world and the final scene cuts to them having a ~shag~ and Bond, that silver tongued devil, says "I was wrong about you." Dr. Jones then says "Yeah? How so?" and that's when Bond says "I thought Christmas only comes once a year." The end.

the video game depiction didn't do her justice

5. Xenia Onatopp (GoldenEye): For the first time in history, the name Xenia is upstaged by a last name. Maybe the censor just assumed it was Russian orthodox or something?

sultry!

4. Dr. Molly Warmflash (The World Is Not Enough, yes again): Gadzooks! I would love to be the person who suggested this as a character name and watch it go through the whole process of being made into a movie without it being changed. I hope he or she won a bet with someone that the name would make it into the movie, because it is impressively bad.

3. Plenty O'Toole (Diamonds Are Forever): A nice common Irish name just has to go and get ruined by the only 'first name' that could make it dirty. I think this name would be even too lame for a cheesy porno to use, but it's perfectly fine for a Bond film. Go figure. Successful franchise!

2. Holly Goodhead (Moonraker): In Moonraker, Bond has to find who stole a space shuttle, which leads him to outer space where he has to stop a plot to end the world's population and the start of a new master race on the moon. All of that fails in comparison to the absurdly named astronaut/CIA agent/Scientist Holly Goodhead. Her father must've hated middle school with a name like that.

1. Pussy Galore (Gold Finger): The exact opposite of my college experience! Dear God. I think of all the stupid pun names to come out of Hollywood, this takes the cake. Seriously, not just in Bond films, ALL films. This movie came out in 1964 and I bet you can't think of a more absurd name. Of course, there is an iconic (I guess) line where she meets James Bond and tells him that her name is Pussy Galore where a confused Bond says "I must be dreaming". I'd call it a sexual innuendo but its not even an innuendo because it's just so so blatant. There is no beating around the bush on this one. Oh God, that one wasn't on purpose I swear. I'm gonna keep it in the blog though.

that google image search did not go so well.

• Isn't it weird that Fun Size and Party Size are two very different things? Like a fun sized snickers bar is very lacking and hardly satisfies anyone's hunger, yet a party sized bag of, say, Smartfood is just an absurd amount for one person. Yet, parties are fun and go hand in hand with each other...so shouldn't they be more similar than opposite? Once again, I have a degree in psychology.

• One of the tragic losses from COVID-19 in pop culture was Adam Schlesinger, one of the founding members of Fountains of Wayne. I felt nostalgic about that one as in the 8th grade my friend Jordan would always bring a boombox on the back of our school bus (complete with 16 D batteries) and he had a mix cd that featured Stacy's Mom and Mexican Wine by them on it (along with 3 of Chingy's biggest hits). I went down the Wikipedia wormhole and learned a slew of info, including that Fountains of Wayne was named after a lawn ornament store in New Jersey, that name replaced their former band name of Three Men Who When Standing Side By Side Have a Wingspan of Over Twelve Feet (yes seriously). This of course led to the Stacy's Mom music video, which in turn made me look up who was it who played the Mom (just out of curiosity! Hi Julie) and learned that it was played by Rachel Hunter who, incredibly, was married to Rod Stewart (she is 24 years younger than him) and also dated Wes Scantlin of Puddle of Mudd, which means she successfully dated the north and south pole of rock stars. Impressive when you think about it. Isn't love funny? Maybe she's the one Wes wrote "She Hates Me" about. Probably a long list of contenders on that one. 

• Speaking of, if you need a good laugh, watch this cover Puddle of Mudd did of Nirvana's 'About a Girl' at a radio station about 2 months ago. It is such an incredible train wreck that you will actually laugh out loud knowing that they are a professional band.

• Can you guys believe Gwyenth Paltrow made a candle ($75) that is scented like her hoo-ha? I feel like this would have been a bigger story but everything has been so batshit crazy this year that it just kind of fits into the scheme of things. I am fascinated by this entire process. I can't even imagine the amount of walking on egg shells that had to take place during meetings discussing things with Gwyenth about what do we name it or how do we describe the scent. I am fascinated by this story and may need a tell-all book at some point. By the way, naming it 'This Smells Like My Vagina' was probably the safest name they could have rolled with.

• I do not talk politics on this blog because nothing good can come of it. That being said? I would like to congratulate anyone who voted for a guy who suggested that it is worth looking into injecting Lysol to cure COVID-19, or maybe use the Sun's UV rays to enter the body to destroy this 'invisible enemy'. Nice going on that one. When you're soaking up all those UV rays from the Sun and all that Vitamin D for Dumbass, remember who suggested it and how he got into office. Set your phasers to Sun! It really is like an unfunny Michael Scott is in charge of running the US. Sad!

• Not gonna lie, I'm kind of tired of people calling Tom Hanks "America's Dad". He already has 3 very different sons and sure he's a good actor and all but...why him? Dude's best friend was a volleyball at one point. Kinda weird. I'll give you three better options for America's Dad right here, right now:

3 Better Contenders for America's Dad Not Named Tom Hanks:

1. Red Foreman- Tough, firm, willing to stick his foot up your ass. Red is a real man's man and that cannot be argued. Also I respect his love of flannel shirts. Game respects game!

2. Phil Banks- Now I know he is more commonly viewed as Uncle Phil and maybe he should be "America's Uncle" but c'mon the man was a loving father who willingly took in Will from West Philadelphia to give him a charmed life in Bel-Air. If that doesn't get you bonus points for being an overall good guy (plus a successful career as a lawyer, means he's driven and has brains) then I don't know what can.

3. Dr. Evil- We need him more now than ever.

• I can't believe Kim Jong-Un had to go and get all brain dead right before his buddy Dennis Rodman's episode of the Last Dance was to appear on ESPN tonight. Timing is everything, Rocketman. Oh, well. That's what ya get.

friends til the end! this is the end.

Finally, I would just like to say that this has been refreshing blogging again. Of course I say this after I had most of the blog completely done before everything but the opening paragraph was deleted because Blogspot sucks and it took me about 2 weeks and a million anger beers to get over it, but still! Hope everyone stays safe out there, and I'll have more material for a new blog in a week or two. Getting into the swing of things again, ya know?

Live. Laugh. Loathe.