Boy howdy, it's been a while! Lots happenin' and movin' and shakin' am I right? How about those Celtics huh? Not bad. Anyways, I figured it's been simplytoo long and to dust off the ol' blog and give a good ol' fashioned list of my songs of the summer 2024. No one gives their songs of the Summer! It's a novel idea. While I am older and wiser, my taste in music has...well...not really changed to be quite honest. I still like what I like and I hate what I hate. Despite the fact I have to take a daily magnesium supplement and my body sounds like a haunted house with all the creaking, cracking moaning and groaning when I get out of bed, I can still give a hot take or two on the current scene. I don't think I've mellowed any. I still am a firm believer that country music is proof that God is real and he hates us all. I just don't want anyone to think I've lost my fastball. With that, let the takes begin and let me give you, Dearest Gentle Reader, my top 10 songs of Summer 2024.
10. Jaguar Love- Polaroids and Red Wine: Catchy! Dance-y! Indie Sleaze vibes! There's synth! This makes me want to throw on some American Apparel and reminisce about the last post by Hipster Runoff. Usually I don't care for songs involving the word sunshine, but I make an exception here because the line "I was in the back of my car, sleeping in the sunshine, polaroids and drinking red wine, sleeping in the sunshine, sleeping in the sunshine" sounds like a good enough time to me. It's not higher on this list for 2 reasons: it came out in 2010 (did anyone hear of Jaguar Love before? I totally missed them back in the day) so it loses some points for not being new. The other reason it's at 10 is because I tried listening to the rest of this album and it is not worth your time. This song is a true bop, though, and worth a full listen on the Spotify machine!
9. Militarie Gun- Thought You Were Waving: Probably the most somber of the list but still worth your time. Militarie Gun is one of those new young bands that gives me hope of a decent future for rock. Their song 'Very High' is a gem, but their newest single 'Thought You Were Waving' just came out this month and it is a delight. It may not be as poppy as the other songs here but it gets the job done. It is annoying to deal with spellcheck while writing about them but whatever man, I'm wishing Militarie Gun all the best and to keep the hits coming. Maybe not a true Summer anthem, BUT it mentions drowning and that can happen in a beach or a pool so there's some depressing summer vibes to give things a nice boost!
8. Dreamkid- Chrissy: I've been digging the amusing and oddly specific subgenre that is known as Synthwave lately. How to describe synthwave... Think of the music playing in Stranger Things when the kiddos have to quickly ride their bikes from a rendezvous in the woods and make it home just in time for Mrs. Wheeler to serve a piping hot TV dinner that can be washed down with a Crystal Pepsi. Where the hell was I? Oh yeah, anyways I've been checking out various synthwave stuff staring with the soundtrack to Ryan Gosling's smash hit film Drive and I've become a fan! Through the power of Instagram I discovered synthwave maker Dreamkid (@Dreamkid83 on instagram) who posts wildly accurate descriptions of his songs. He has cooked up music for situations like "it's 1987 and you're walking along the beach after an an intense argument" or "it's 1986, you're at your office late at night doing some after hours work and you end up in a passionate session with your attractive boss on a desk". I wasn't even born in the 80's and the music he makes for these situations are always on point! He has an album Daggers that came out recently, but his song 'Chrissy' has been gracing my speakers pretty often all summer. Give Dreamkid a follow and listen to his stuff! He also has a terrific synthwave reimagining of What's My Age Again that I hope makes it to Spotify at some point.
7. Peach Kelli Pop- The Sign (Ace of Base) cover: Peach Kelli Pop rules. I think she has a great voice and I love that bubblegum pop rock style. 'Heart Eyes' is my favorite song of theirs but this summer I have been cranking their cover of The Sign, by Swedish sensations Ace of Base. To me, a good cover is done in a new style, without making the cover too weird. I want to be able to at least know what song is being covered, and not totally reworked. This one is a fun ripper that is at a much faster speed than the original, giving it a nifty little dash of punk rock to it. PKP absolutely nailed this one and it will brighten up even the grayest of beach days.
6. Japandroids- Chicago: I love the enigmatic Japandroids. Best thing to come out of Canada since Pam Anderson in my opinion. Japandroids love to release music, tour for an ungodly amount of time and then go radio silent for years. This was the case for the past 6 or so years but last week the radio silence was ended when they announced a single, and that their next album will be their final one. I will be sad to see them go. for a band consisting of just a drummer and a guitarist, they kick a lot of ass. While their previous album left me wanting more, I have faith with their new single 'Chicago'. It's their true sound. There is a good anthem type of aesthetic and vibe to Japandroids and 'Chicago' fits it well. The only thing I don't understand is how the hell it didn't come out in time for season 3 of The Bear? Would've fit in perfectly in my humble opinion. Oh well. Maybe we can get it in season 4 during a scene where Carm inevitably loses his damn mind. Long live Japandroids!
5. FIDLAR- DOWN N OUT: As a Fidiot, I will always champion these guys. When this came out last week I texted the news to my dear friend Dan Allen. His immediate response? "Those guys hate sobriety". He's not wrong! Like any good skate/surf punk band from California, songs about partying and getting fucked up and laid and drinking and drugs and burritos and surfing are always going to be FIDLAR's bread and butter. This one strays from that a bit. I gotta say DOWN N OUT is kind of a love song? It's rather refreshing! It is not a real raging ripper of a loud punk song that you may thing. It's more of a melodic love song from the guys. I enjoy the shit out of this and it fits into the summer vibes.
and now, for the final 4, I'd like to make an announcement: I am having a Brat Summer.
I have hitched my wagon to Charli XCX. Let the record show that while this blogpost is a little late, I was on it before Kamala Harris! I love the idea of a brat summer. I want a revival of Indie Sleaze and this is a perfect dance sleaze album to lead the charge. It's banger after banger. This is what Katy Perry thought she was going to do this Summer with her awful Woman's World album that is currently flopping. Suck it Katy Perry. You've been nothing since Left Shark upstaged you. This is Brat Summer and either join the bandwagon or get the hell out of the way! I love the whole album so I'm not going to droll on and on about how awesome every song is, but here are my top 4 with brief explanations
4. Apple: Apple is a bop. It only loses points because of the TikTok dance that goes along with it. I hate TikTok and it's stupid dances. What are kids doing these days? Go shoplift a pack of smokes and chill at at a dead end of a street or something. This generation makes me sick. Ooh let me make up a lil jig and hopefully millions of other nerds will copy my lil jig. GOD I HATE IT. Anyways Apple is a great song.
3. Mean girls: Divine! Simply divine! Excellent work here by Chuck XCX. I especially like that it has a beat that reminds me of David Guetta featuring Akon's hit song 'Sexy Bitch'. I hope some of you read that just now and had an AHA! moment. I sure did when I realized what song it reminded ME of and I'm feeling proud. Besides the beat and the description of the type of girl who would have ruined me back in 2013, the little keyboard solo there in the middle is a nice change of pace. This one is for the mean girls...and me I guess.
2. 365: It's about damn time we got a club anthem that mentions doing a key and a line. Drugs in clubs ain't dead after all, folks! Bump it, indeed. The beat is so catchy it makes me actually miss being a wallflower at a club sipping on an extremely overpriced gin and tonic and not making a move on any girl. Ah, those were the days! Retired occasional club kid gives this the ultimate stamp of approval. I even want to...dance. This song does it all: slaps, bops, fucks, hits and is just overall one hell of a swell tune!
1. 360: It's the song of the Summer. Book it! I wanted to be annoyed by the fact that the Julia mentioned in the tune is in fact Julia Fox. I totally get it. She was a scene queen and has an aura about her blah blah blah. It works for the song. My issue is I can't stand Julia Fox and the way she says "Uncut" and "Gems". She really annoys me. Because of this, I decided to not think of Julia Fox when I listen to this song. I replace her with Julia Child. Problem solved! Try it for yourself if you are a Julia Fox hater like me. "I'm so Julia, ah ah ah ah ah" is a lot more fun thinking of the queen of french cooking shows! For real though, while it obviously has the same beat as 365, it stands out on its own. It was a total toss up between the two for the number one spot but I give the edge to 360. Just because I can.
I look forward to reading your reports on how you spent your brat summer due the first day of school. I hope you all have a wonderful brat summer. I know I will!
Alright so the Bruins may or may not have broken a lot of hearts this past Sunday night. What was a historic regular season turned into an utter embarrassment as they lost in 7 games to the shitty Florida Panthers. I won't dwell on the series long outside of keeping in mind that it was the Florida god damn Panthers. Leading up to the end of the season, Bruins coach Jim Montgomery chose to make Bryan Adams hit "Summer of 69" the official team song, as it was the "best days of our lives". That choice of song was the first time I thought to myself, "hmm...maybe this won't end well". That song kinda sucks. It's just...Bryan Adams. I don't think anyone on the planet considers that their favorite song, no matter the situation. The purpose of this blog is to give all of you still reeling from the epic playoff disaster a playlist that will make you feel bet....well it'll make you feel something.
I want to address the angst, needs and frustration all Bruins fans are feeling. Therefore, it may be eclectic but I think I compiled a nice 20 song playlist that you can all come to appreciate. And if you don't appreciate it? Well, Bucko, I believe that I have the best taste of music ever, so, there!
Without any further ado: The 2023 Boston Bruins Playoff Disaster Playlist
'Family Reunion' - Blink 182: If you are familiar with this song, you know why it is here. If you are not familiar with this song, I'd recommend googling the lyrics or make sure you listen to it with headphones on because the words may shock anyone nearby who may overhear. I reckon many of us were singing...well, saying, these lyrics in some way, shape, or form when the Panthers tied up the game with a minute left.
'Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now' - The Smiths: Food doesn't have any taste. Things are numb. Joy is lost. Everything stinks.
'Until the Day I Die' - Story of the Year: This is a throwback song to get the anger out. I like to think I spill my heart for the Bruins, and whatever is spilling out of said heart is definitely black and gold. The screaming in this song is a good way to get the frustration out. 10 out of 10 don't recommend trying this at Karaoke. Your vocal chords are precious, people! Take care of them!
MTV2 flashbacks for anyone else?
'Boys Don't Cry' - The Cure: Right? RIGHT!?
'Thank U' - Dido: I would like to thank the Bruins for giving us the most fun regular season I have ever seen in my entire life! Every single game seemed like they had a chance to win, no matter the odds. That cannot be cast aside. It was a fun run. Oh god dammit who am I kidding this sucks the regular season is meaningless and NONE OF THIS MATTERS WITHOUT A STANLEY CUP GAHHHHHH WHY GOD WHY.
'Constant Headache' - Joyce Manor: This one goes out to Matthew Tkachuk. I hate him but I sure wouldn't mind if he was a Bruin. What a pain in the ass.
Zack Kassian doing the Lord's work here.
'Rock Lobster' - The B-52's: Okay so I know this one seems random but hear me out. There is no wrong time to listen to Rock Lobster. It is a weird, catchy-as-hell song, and it provides the listener a great distraction from things when they make all the supposed noises of sea creatures like narwals, sea robins and even jellyfish. It really is an amazing song when you come to think of it. Kind of haunting? Anyways, it's a distraction to quit thinking of Sam Bennett being such an annoying prick all series long.
'Hard to Explain' - The Strokes: A song fitting for when a team who won 65 out of 82 games in the regular season gets bounced in the first round of playoffs to the little brother team of Florida, who has something called a Radko Gudas playing defense for them. Nothing makes sense.
'Let's Get Fucked Up and Die' - Motion City Soundtrack: I'm (not) speaking figuratively, of course. I imagine this was the general feeling of the crowd leaving the Boston Garden in the pouring rain on their way to Sullivan's Tap. In times like this, as the Irish like to, you just have to look towards the bottom of a glass in silence to try and figure out what the hell just happened. Please note: there is never a good answer.
'Break Stuff' - Limp Bizkit: I'm not telling you to always follow the advice of Fred Durst and Co. but this song at the very least sums up what a lot of us wanted to do (they were up 3 games to 1 and blew it!!!!!!!! God I hate sports so damn much).
'The World Has Turned and Left Me Here' - Weezer: A song of loneliness to pair with the abysmal feeling of being left out...of round 2 of the damn playoffs.
'That's Life' - Frank Sinatra: I mean, yeah disappointment is a part of life. I'm more interested in the end of the song where Ol' Blue Eyes says he wants to roll up into a big ball and diiiiiiiiiiiie.
'Cruel Summer' - Bananarama: I think back to 2011 and how awesome of a summer that was. To be fair, turning 21 that July helped things, but having that Stanley Cup winning run happening all summer long was amazing. This summer? A whole lot of what if's and god-dammits while thinking of what could have been. Cruel indeed.
2011 was awesome. So many Miller Lites in Vortex bottles
'Do You Really Want To Hurt Me?' - Culture Club: I know they didn't want to hurt us, but the hurt happened.
'I Just Don't Know What To Do With Myself' - The White Stripes: What the shit am I supposed to do from now until mid June? Watch some other trash hockey team go out and win the Stanley Cup? Time to take up some new hobbies. Crochet sounds nice. Maybe there's a bobsled track nearby? Need to pass the time.
'I'm So Tired' - Fugazi: A nice simple song from hardcore legends Fugazi. "I'm so tired, sheep are counting me". Yep. I'm so damn tired of being disappointed year in and year out.
'It Will All End in Tears' - The Drums: Sad. Self explanatory. Would've been a lot cooler if it ended in tears of happiness.
'What It Is To Burn' - Finch: For the emo's out there. It's really just about that guttural scream after the big breakdown. It's rather fitting to get out the angst and emotions after all those turnovers the Bruins gave up.
'My Hero' - Foo Fighters: This one goes out to Patrice Bergeron. The man is a saint. There should be a statue of him already in the planning stages. If this was indeed it for the Captain, it was a hell of a run. He is a hockey coach's dream example of a perfect player on and off the ice.
'Somebody Kill Me Please' - Adam Sandler in the Wedding Singer: 'Oh somebody kill me please, somebody kill me please, I'm on my knees, pretty pretty please, kill me'. Drastic? Absolutely! Does it hit home after the events of Sunday evening? Also, absolutely.
This one hurts. It's going to take some time to get over this one.
Nacho fries are back at Taco Bell. How do I know that? I was on my iPad playing Mario Kart when I almost snapped my neck looking up at my TV when the opening riff to Turnstile’s smash hit ‘Holiday’ hit my earbuds. Hearing Turnstile is always an honor and a pleasure, but I must admit I was caught off guard when it was for a Taco Bell commercial. It was unexpected but awesome. Kinda like watching the Muppets and Gonzo dropping an f-bomb.
close enough!
Taco Bell is chill. I appreciate their ‘live mas’ attitude. Taco Bell even tries to make people care about baseball with their annual steal a base, steal a taco promotion. I’d say the Turnstile fan base likes to live mas as well. Crank some Turnstile while enjoying a nice cheesy gordita crunch with a Baja blast to wash it down and you are living the dream my friend.
This is where I want to take my head and pound it against a wall for a good hour: people immediately arguing if Turnstile “sold out” by lending their music to a fucking Taco Bell commercial.
What year is it? I know people long for the nostalgia of the 90’s, but one thing that can stay the hell back in the old days is the notion that bands sell out over trying to make a few bucks when they get an offer. People need to calm the hell down. It’s not like they have the AFLAC duck emblazoned on their drum kit or commercials for Subway play between songs at their live shows. Band tees that feature a Toyota logo would suck, but I don’t exactly see that happening anywhere.
This is like the millennial version of an old person yelling at a cloud. I find it nauseating that people allow themselves to get upset over the fact that someone wanted to pay Turnstile some money for a commercial and they said yeah sure. Why don’t people complain about soundtracks? Bands get paid for that stuff too. No one says The Rolling Stones sold out for Gimme Shelter appearing in every single movie trailer ever made.
It especially grinds my gears seeing people complain on Twitter, bandying about selling out and shit when they are most likely the same people who haven’t even bought any merch, albums, cds, concert tickets or anything. The most they do is listen to them on Spotify or Apple Music which pays about 0.00001 cent for every play and think they are doing their part and Turnstile should cater to THEIR wishes and demands.
Turnstile is finishing up one of the best years any band has had in a long time. The ‘Glow On’ tour was an epic success (I was blessed by them at the first night of the two Boston shows and they kicked so much ass live it was incredible). They just got nominated for multiple Grammy awards. They have been making the late night circuit. Everything is turning up Turnstile, and that’s great to see. Holy shit, imagine that! Feeling happy for a band that you like!!! Wow! What a novel notion!
If you really are bothered by this, find help. I simply don’t understand being upset for a band you (allegedly) appreciate obtain some financial success. There guys need to make money to live their lives just like you do. Do you really not understand that this is their job? I bet no one reading this goes to work every day making zero money. I’ll tell you this, if they didn’t make any money doing this, Turnstile would have to get day jobs which would then mean fewer shows and albums and songs and hey look no more Turnstile. I can’t believe this is still a topic that needs to be discussed in 2022 because I am just so incensed that people still have this old fashion way of thinking. If you like a band or musician, support them. And don’t get all angry if they are offered some money for a commercial. It’s 2022, no one pays for cds anymore. We can all grow up and accept this.
Turnstile sent me!
We, as a society, need to give up on the selling out bullshit. You should be more concerned if a band completely changes a sound or message. If Turnstile’s next album went full on country pop and every song was bout a different fast food chain, well okay we can discuss that.
I, for one, hope that Turnstile makes millions because they are tremendous. I also hope this deal with Taco Bell got them all a lifetime supply of Mexican pizzas. They deserve it!
That was my reaction to the first 2 seconds of the Arctic Monkeys lead single 'There'd Better Be A Mirrorball' off of their new album 'The Car'. Right off the bat I just knew it was going to be just like their last album, Tranquility Base Hotel and Casino, and that's not a good thing.
I love the Arctic Monkeys, I really do. Their first 4 albums were simply delightful. They have great, witty lyrics and, what I appreciate the most, insanely catchy guitar riffs. TBHC came out in 2018 and it felt like their first whiff, yet it still sold well (in this day and age). This album? Yikes.
I appreciate Alex Turner and company reinventing themselves for each albums. Over the years they've been young partying hotshots, greasy biker dudes, smooth leather jacket wearing badasses, and even with TBHC they went all in on some sort of bizarre hotel in outer space. Sadly, the album felt like they were trying to make music fit for a Heineken or Stella Artois ad. It was a total snoozefest. They got a pass with the last album do they another reinventing of themselves, but The Car is a copycat of the last album, and that ain't a good thing. Nothing is exciting about this album outside of the song titles. At least those are kinda creative and fun. 'Jet Skis on the Moat' should be the title of an absolute party anthem. It's a damn shame the song belongs at a funeral home.
I will admit it's hard to stay mad at them since they are still one of the coolest bands on the planet, but: they need to quit the 70's lounge act shit. Why are you singing in this weird style? Stop it. You sound like a Saturday Night Live skit parodying the Arctic Monkeys. We need the rock and roll saviors that they appeared to be up until 2018. Make more songs that would look fitting for an episode of Peaky Blinders. I can't really picture Tommy Shelby walking the mean streets of Small Heath to 'Body Paint'. You had a great thing going!
The big problem with The Car is that it is incredibly slow. There's nothing wrong with slow songs. In fact, the Arctic Monkeys have their fair share of very good slow songs: 505, Cornerstone, no.1 Party Anthem are all absolute gems. All of them are still catchy and you will find yourself singing along to them at a show or in your own car sitting in traffic without even realizing it. This album is like they are trying to become the leaders in elevator rock music. There is so little drumming on this album (and the last one to be honest) that it makes a lot of sense that drummer Matt Helders had time to focus on his photography career. His cover art photo of a car on a rooftop parking garage is the most useful thing he contributed. Not saying it's his own fault because Alex Turner seems to be the band leader and visionary but good grief, let's pick it up a bit gang!
This was really frustrating because everyone who listens to the Arctic Monkeys know that they have the capabilities to turn out another great rock album. I'm not giving up on them and you shouldn't either. Maybe Alex Turner was pissed that the last album wasn't viewed as another work of his genius and tried to double down on The Car. I don't know. We could've used another great rock album and instead...garbage was made. The best part of listening to The Car on Spotify is that you can quickly click on their artist page and throw on I Bet You Look Good on the Dancefloor or R U Mine? I recommend giving it a full listen through the once and then go back and listen to any of their first four albums to make yourself feel better (or to wake up). I haven't had this bad an experience with a car since I totaled my mom's 1999 Dodge Intrepid.
Here's hoping Alex Turner is motivated to rock our socks off on the next one.
About a week ago, aging pop-punk and emo enthusiasts got some great news: Blink-182 was bringing back Tom DeLonge. The not quite original but definitely most beloved lineup of Blink told us they were back, complete with a new album, a song release (it's decent!) and most importantly, a massive world tour in 2023.
Of course in this day of the internet, many made jokes about the age of the current fans blah blah blah. Some were decent, most were not even remotely humorous but whatever. It didn't rain on the parade of a proper Blink tour with the band back together (Sorry Matt Skiba). I don't think it's crazy to say that people of my generation still adore Blink. I'm 32 and they were like kings to my friends and I growing up. Mark Hoppus is like the Tom Hanks of Pop Punk, he's like a scene father figure to us! All three of the guys are beloved, and still keeping on everyone's radar. Travis Barker has produced like 33 trillion things, and married the only Kardashian that is worth a damn (also the one with the least amount of plastic in her). Mark whooped cancer's ass. Shit, Tom even managed to get the US government to admit that Aliens do in fact exist, because of his own research. God bless these three! They all have been thriving on their own, but everyone knows when they are together, full Voltron mode, they are the best.
I hope Mark finds that as a compliment!
A massive added bonus to the tour was the addition of the increasingly popular Turnstile, along with the legendary Rise Against (excellent band live, from what I remember from, like, 2009) and The Story So Far. That is one stacked tour for anyone who still likes guitars. This had the making for the tour of the year.
Then this morning happened.
Holy shit. What a disaster.
For anyone who has seen Peaky Blinders, there is a point in season 1 where Tommy Shelby explains the "soldier's minute". That one final stretch of calmness before the storm. It lasts seemingly forever and it oozes with tension of what is going to happen next. I felt that as the clock hit 9:59 am. Patient as ever, I waited out that minute only to be told that I was in a waiting room with over 2,000+ people trying to get tickets to the Boston Garden show next May. This part made sense, whatever. Not a surprise. What was surprising was being so incredibly victimized by Ticketmaster's "dynamic pricing". When I finally was allowed to go looking for tickets at about 10:25, my jaw damn near broke from looking at the prices. $1,000 for floor seats. $500 and up (before fees of course) for lower bowl, and even close to $400 for the nosebleeds up in the balcony level.
Ticketmaster. Absolutely. Blows.
They try to argue that "dynamic pricing" will cut out scalpers but then the prices get absurd because of the demand for the tickets....right when they go on sale...as if...a bunch of people aren't going to try to get them right when they go on sale....instead of going to scalpers....I don't care what bullshit excuse they try to use. These prices are just insane. They should bring back box offices at this point. Everyone knows the stupid fees we all get overcharged which don't make sense. "Handling fees" for e-tickets that don't have to be printed out. "Service fees" and "tax fees", go screw. Back in simpler times, you'd swallow the stupid fees, shrug it off and say eh okay it is what it is. These prices? No thanks. I'm not going to pay for prices that rival my half of the monthly rent for a somewhat decent seat. I absoultely loathe Ticketmaster. They are pure evil. I think even employees at the DMV would be in awe of how poor Ticketmaster treats their customers.
They try to say this "dynamic pricing" is a way to curb scalpers but I really don't want to hear it. I have never dealt with prices like this when they go right on sale. Face value prices don't exist anymore. They have gone the way of the Dodo bird. This bullshit by Ticketmaster has jumped the shark. Egregious is too weak of a word for it. Anyone who works for them should be ashamed. They probably all clap when their airplane lands. I truly want this company to fail so badly. You know if they are pulling this shit already, it's just going to get worse and worse.
What should be a super fun tour of the year, feel good reunion for an entire generation of people is now just a frustrating reminder that makes you say "Well I guess this is growing up."
They say if you love something, set it free. If it was meant to be, it will come back in the time of a global pandemic that has caused some stir crazy boredom. Hello all, to quote the terrible "band" Staind, it's been a whiiiiiile.
I would like to first and foremost apologize to the universe. I recently got a girlfriend (Hi J) and this clearly threw the universe off kilter and now we are dealing with this goddamn Coronavirus and we're all stuck at home wondering why everyone is stocking up on toilet paper. So, my bad on that one, you guys. Anywho, I'm running out things to do. I've gotten very good at darts at the expense of my poor father, who may be writing me out of his will for all this losing he's been dealing with. I'm also getting very good at FIFA on my iPad, at the expense of random Europeans I will never meet. I'm not too concerned about their wills. I am now at a point of wanting to rant and rave, and will do that by making random lists and stating random thoughts out of nowhere! Play the hits, you know?
Top 5 Most Tragic Moments in Popular Music Songs
5. Nicki Minaj- Starships:
Now look, I don't hate this song. It is catchy as all hell, and it brings me back to drinking solo cups of shitty beer in college. Talk about simpler times in about every which way imaginable. Anyways, Starships is a perfectly fine pop/rap song, however there is one part which stands out to me of just...why is it even in there? This of course is:
Bump in my hoopty-hoopty-hoop I own that
And I ain't paying my rent this month I owe that
But fuck who you want, and fuck who you like
Dance all ya life there's no end in sight
Twinkle, twinkle little star
Ah yes. I mean I could start with whatever bump in my hoopty-hoopty-hoop I own that, but the real issue is the random Twinkle, twinkle little star moment Ms. Minaj throws us. For someone who loves to remind us how much of a self-proclaimed ~*Bad Bitch*~ she is, throwing a nursery line haphazardly in the middle of her biggest hit is a bit of a head-scratcher. How absolutely random. It doesn't even rhyme with anything! It is cringe worthy and it makes me kinda glad Cardi B has taken the spotlight from her. Maybe it would've worked better if she went with Humpty Dumpty instead.
4. Guns n' Roses- Civil War: Oh Axl. Why did you have to do this to yourself? For those who may not know Civil War, you have this 7 minute and 33 second song that has a long, slow build, with lots of pianos and a surprising heartfelt message that turns into a very good rock song towards the end. It's almost like GnR's own Stairway to Heaven. The thing is, it's a great song...until the very end where Axl just had to go and ruin it. At the 7:13 mark, as the song is starting to fade out with some distorted guitar, some claps of thunder and a bit of whistling, Axl Rose had to go and utter the line "what's so civil about war, anyway?" What a douche.
You know damn well that Axl, the egomaniac that he is, probably thought this was the most philosophical question since Plato, and he was probably SO proud of it. I guess when you spell your name as an anagram of oral sex (isn't that mind-blowing?) you would probably think that last line was good. 3. America- Horse With No Name: Dammit Yusef. All I've heard about is how he was supposed to be a prolific songwriter who got all Islamic or something and gave up a promising career. I'm calling shenanigans on all that hype. But Jim, why are you giving Cat such a hard time? Oh I don't know, maybe look to his biggest hit, Horse With No Name and it would appear that he is the Songwriter With No Ideas. Okay so I'm going to be honest I just looked up the lyrics to the song and I am shocked to learn that this was not a Cat Stevens song and actually some band called America. Huh. Well this paragraph took a turn. Anyways, Cat Stevens is off the hook for this one and let me target America (well...not that way). The lyrics in question are:
On the first part of the journey
I was looking at all the life
There were plants and birds and rocks and things
There was sand and hills and rings
? What the shit? Plants and birds and rocks and THINGS? You really couldn't have thought up anything else than things? How did this song even get popular? First he couldn't even come up with a name for the damn horse and then he can't use anything to use instead of things that rhymes with rings? Also what kind of rings is he even referring to with sand and hills? I had a whole lot more of rant going on here but I'm still in shock it took me 29 years to learn this was not by Cat Stevens. Oh well. Can't win em all.
2. Kid Rock- Cowboy: It is hard to believe that we can look back at Kid Rock and his awful rock rapper nu-metal cowboy persona and call that his more likable era. Now a days he's just....a real life Joe Dirt.
simpler times.
But for now, let's go back in time to 1998 to examine Cowboy, one of his first breakthrough hits. Just one read through makes you want to hope to God that no one does it at a karaoke bar you're at. After namedropping Heidi Fleiss and rapping about chillin with prostitutes and telling the sheriff he's going to paint his town red and paint his wife white (followed by a very unsettling UHH!) we get to the worst part: inserting his own radio edit on an unedited song.
Cuss like a sailor, drink like a mick
My only words of wisdom are just (radio edit)
I'm flicking my Bic up and down that coast
And keep on trucking 'til I fall in the ocean
After all his American Badassery in the lyrics leading up to it, what the hell could have been said for him to insert a radio edit? Was he actually saying something nice and he couldn't have that on the record? I can't imagine anything being worse than calling himself a G and referring to a girl as a 'slimmy' but whatever it is had to be edited despite the other swears already in there. It's just laughable to hear it now. Can't wait until he runs out of Lynyrd Skynyrd songs to rip off.
1. Blessid Union of Souls- Hey Leonardo (She Likes Me For Me): "Bro I'm telling you, these dudes and Eagle Eye Cherry are gonna be the faces of Rock n Roll for years to come!" said Chad, sipping his Zima next to the payphone in 1998. First of all, much respect to these guys for getting all artsy and spelling it 'Blessid'. Artistic geniuses. Don't get me wrong, this song is quite catchy. One of those feel good hits of the summer that could even get Ron Swanson to bop his head a little bit. You know how when songs mention what year it is and it's never a good idea because once it's no longer that year you become incredibly *so last year* and then clubs won't play you anymore? I would like to say a clear example in this song is when he mentions his collection of DVD's (42 seconds in) and this super cool film projector sound plays. Now that is a sound byte that probably seemed amazing 22 years ago and was super inventive but...it's just so cringe worthy now.
Of course, this sent me down the wormhole and I was in for a treat as the lyrics are even so much worse and does very little to help this song age like a fine wine. Let's take a looky-loo, as there is a lot to mock!
She likes me for me
Not because I look like Tyson Beckford
With the charm of Robert Redford
Oozing out my ears
Okay even back when this came out, wasn't Robert Redford like 109 years old? Is he anybody else's go-to when you think of charming celebs? What, did he think Paul Newman would be too hard to rhyme or something? Also, who the shit is Tyson Beckford? I am not even going to google him because I kinda like knowing these guys name-dropped a dude in a wildly popular song and I've gone 20 years without knowing who the hell he is. Let's continue.
She likes me for me
Not because I hang with Leonardo
Or that guy who played in "Fargo"
I think his name is Steve
Outstanding. I highly doubt Blessid Union of Souls was hanging out with Leonardo. I think they would have a better shot of hanging out with Leonardo of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles than hanging out with Leo Dicaprio in real life. Me thinks this dude is liar! And also, I love that they give out a shoutout in their biggest hit song to a guy who played in Fargo, and they're not even sure if his name is Steve. Way to pay attention. Maybe they actually thought Blessed is actually spelled Blessid...
She likes me for me
Not because I sing like Pavarotti
Or because I am such a hottie
I like her for her
Not because she's phat like Cindy Crawford
She has got so much to offer
Holy shit.
I mean, wow. First, he compares his voice to the long standing Opera maestro Pavarotti, which is total disrespect to him. The only thing worse than comparing himself to him talent-wise? Realizing 5 seconds later that he only name dropped him so that it would easily rhyme when he calls himself "such a hottie". That sensation you're feeling? Those are called Douche Chills. It's alright, you'll get through it, but just be warned, we ain't done yet, cause we have to discuss that he is comparing his lover to Cindy Crawford. She's phat like Cindy Crawford. Okay, so she's obviously in great shape as CC is a timeless beauty. Calling her 'phat', yes with the ph, is so impressively terrible. Sure, he found a way to call her cool in proper 1998 style and it's kind of a double entendre in a way, but Jesus Christ that's bad. Thank God they were a one hit wonder.
Are we completely certain Will Smith wasn't rapping about Miami, Ohio?
I have now seen the light and despite the twenty year of bringing my fellow New Englanders and I joy, Tom Brady is a douchebag. It doesn't even pain me to say it, if I'm being honest. I was okay and even understood him leaving the Pats for Tampa Bay...but now that he filed trademarks for "Tompa Bay" and "Tampa Brady"? What an ass. Is this what it was like for all you other non-Patriot fans all these years? Was he always this annoying? They aren't even clever. Maybe I'll move down to Tampa and file "Jimpa Bay". It's just as stupid as his, so why not? Oh and by the way, Gronk: you sucked at acting, you sucked with WWE, you were the most obvious contestant on the Masked Singer (so I've been told) and that whole thing where you kept teasing you were coming out of retirement to get Patriot fans hopes up all last year was a dick move. You suck ass too. Nice job ruining your legacy and reputation in the one part of the country you were actually liked, Dumbass.
No more high fives for you Thomas.
Do you think Bozo the Clown is proud of the legacy he has left behind? He was such an iconic clown that you can call someone a Bozo and you know exactly what it means. The problem is that you really only call someone a Bozo if they're being dumb, so can it be that great if you're legacy is being mocked? I have a degree in Psychology by the way.
I love the James Bond franchise. Always have, always will. The first big cancellation before everything in the world got cancelled was the next Bond movie No Time to Die which was moved from April to November, and that was when my anger started developing for this stupid virus. The James Bond Franchise is similar to Blink 182, in my opinion. Despite all the serious nature of them, there are always moments that will make you groan and laugh at due to absurd and totally corny moments. With Blink, you can have a super depressing and sad song like 'Adam's Song' appear on an album entitled Enema of the State. With Bond, you can have him save the world from terrorists, evil geniuses, nuclear bombs, and the like, all with some of the most corny one liners and oddly named characters in an other wise serious film. It's almost like it was a game that got turned into a tradition of "Hey I wonder if this will get by the censors" and they've continued to push it to this very day. This next list was inspired by yours truly watching a Pierce Brosnan (great Bond with unfortunate screenplays to work with) era movie with a character that I swear was given her name solely so the final line/joke of the movie could be told, and this was just one of many, so let's look at em!
Top 6 Most Absurd Bond Girl Names Ever:
6. Dr. Christmas Jones (The World is Not Enough): So this is the one that started the idea for this list. First off, Dr. Christmas Jones is a nuclear physicist played by Denise Richards. Yes. Denise Richards. Nuclear physicist. As if that isn't funny enough, you know she was named Christmas for one reason, and one reason only: the final line of the movie. Spoiler alert, Bond saves the world and the final scene cuts to them having a ~shag~ and Bond, that silver tongued devil, says "I was wrong about you." Dr. Jones then says "Yeah? How so?" and that's when Bond says "I thought Christmas only comes once a year." The end.
the video game depiction didn't do her justice
5. Xenia Onatopp (GoldenEye): For the first time in history, the name Xenia is upstaged by a last name. Maybe the censor just assumed it was Russian orthodox or something?
sultry!
4. Dr. Molly Warmflash (The World Is Not Enough, yes again): Gadzooks! I would love to be the person who suggested this as a character name and watch it go through the whole process of being made into a movie without it being changed. I hope he or she won a bet with someone that the name would make it into the movie, because it is impressively bad.
3. Plenty O'Toole (Diamonds Are Forever): A nice common Irish name just has to go and get ruined by the only 'first name' that could make it dirty. I think this name would be even too lame for a cheesy porno to use, but it's perfectly fine for a Bond film. Go figure. Successful franchise!
2. Holly Goodhead (Moonraker): In Moonraker, Bond has to find who stole a space shuttle, which leads him to outer space where he has to stop a plot to end the world's population and the start of a new master race on the moon. All of that fails in comparison to the absurdly named astronaut/CIA agent/Scientist Holly Goodhead. Her father must've hated middle school with a name like that.
1. Pussy Galore (Gold Finger): The exact opposite of my college experience! Dear God. I think of all the stupid pun names to come out of Hollywood, this takes the cake. Seriously, not just in Bond films, ALL films. This movie came out in 1964 and I bet you can't think of a more absurd name. Of course, there is an iconic (I guess) line where she meets James Bond and tells him that her name is Pussy Galore where a confused Bond says "I must be dreaming". I'd call it a sexual innuendo but its not even an innuendo because it's just so so blatant. There is no beating around the bush on this one. Oh God, that one wasn't on purpose I swear. I'm gonna keep it in the blog though.
that google image search did not go so well.
Isn't it weird that Fun Size and Party Size are two very different things? Like a fun sized snickers bar is very lacking and hardly satisfies anyone's hunger, yet a party sized bag of, say, Smartfood is just an absurd amount for one person. Yet, parties are fun and go hand in hand with each other...so shouldn't they be more similar than opposite? Once again, I have a degree in psychology.
One of the tragic losses from COVID-19 in pop culture was Adam Schlesinger, one of the founding members of Fountains of Wayne. I felt nostalgic about that one as in the 8th grade my friend Jordan would always bring a boombox on the back of our school bus (complete with 16 D batteries) and he had a mix cd that featured Stacy's Mom and Mexican Wine by them on it (along with 3 of Chingy's biggest hits). I went down the Wikipedia wormhole and learned a slew of info, including that Fountains of Wayne was named after a lawn ornament store in New Jersey, that name replaced their former band name of Three Men Who When Standing Side By Side Have a Wingspan of Over Twelve Feet (yes seriously). This of course led to the Stacy's Mom music video, which in turn made me look up who was it who played the Mom (just out of curiosity! Hi Julie) and learned that it was played by Rachel Hunter who, incredibly, was married to Rod Stewart (she is 24 years younger than him) and also dated Wes Scantlin of Puddle of Mudd, which means she successfully dated the north and south pole of rock stars. Impressive when you think about it. Isn't love funny? Maybe she's the one Wes wrote "She Hates Me" about. Probably a long list of contenders on that one.
Speaking of, if you need a good laugh, watch this cover Puddle of Mudd did of Nirvana's 'About a Girl' at a radio station about 2 months ago. It is such an incredible train wreck that you will actually laugh out loud knowing that they are a professional band.
Can you guys believe Gwyenth Paltrow made a candle ($75) that is scented like her hoo-ha? I feel like this would have been a bigger story but everything has been so batshit crazy this year that it just kind of fits into the scheme of things. I am fascinated by this entire process. I can't even imagine the amount of walking on egg shells that had to take place during meetings discussing things with Gwyenth about what do we name it or how do we describe the scent. I am fascinated by this story and may need a tell-all book at some point. By the way, naming it 'This Smells Like My Vagina' was probably the safest name they could have rolled with.
I do not talk politics on this blog because nothing good can come of it. That being said? I would like to congratulate anyone who voted for a guy who suggested that it is worth looking into injecting Lysol to cure COVID-19, or maybe use the Sun's UV rays to enter the body to destroy this 'invisible enemy'. Nice going on that one. When you're soaking up all those UV rays from the Sun and all that Vitamin D for Dumbass, remember who suggested it and how he got into office. Set your phasers to Sun! It really is like an unfunny Michael Scott is in charge of running the US. Sad!
Not gonna lie, I'm kind of tired of people calling Tom Hanks "America's Dad". He already has 3 very different sons and sure he's a good actor and all but...why him? Dude's best friend was a volleyball at one point. Kinda weird. I'll give you three better options for America's Dad right here, right now:
3 Better Contenders for America's Dad Not Named Tom Hanks:
1. Red Foreman- Tough, firm, willing to stick his foot up your ass. Red is a real man's man and that cannot be argued. Also I respect his love of flannel shirts. Game respects game!
2. Phil Banks- Now I know he is more commonly viewed as Uncle Phil and maybe he should be "America's Uncle" but c'mon the man was a loving father who willingly took in Will from West Philadelphia to give him a charmed life in Bel-Air. If that doesn't get you bonus points for being an overall good guy (plus a successful career as a lawyer, means he's driven and has brains) then I don't know what can.
3. Dr. Evil- We need him more now than ever.
I can't believe Kim Jong-Un had to go and get all brain dead right before his buddy Dennis Rodman's episode of the Last Dance was to appear on ESPN tonight. Timing is everything, Rocketman. Oh, well. That's what ya get.
friends til the end! this is the end.
Finally, I would just like to say that this has been refreshing blogging again. Of course I say this after I had most of the blog completely done before everything but the opening paragraph was deleted because Blogspot sucks and it took me about 2 weeks and a million anger beers to get over it, but still! Hope everyone stays safe out there, and I'll have more material for a new blog in a week or two. Getting into the swing of things again, ya know?
I am a big fan of Riot Fest. I’ve been impressed by their
lineups enough to fly out to Chicago with friends twice in the past (one instance even resulted in a Toy Story related tattoo for someone, but that's for another time), and I wish
I could have gone in the years I couldn’t make it. Riot Fest stands out because
they keep their festival lineup to the punk/rock/alternative genre with some hip hop mixed in, so there
are more similar bands out there for the rock diehards still sticking around in
2018 (bless you all!). Back in simpler times, you would have to choose which
lineup between Lollapalooza, Coachella, Bonnaroo, Firefly, etc you liked best.
These days, it seems that all festivals have the same exact lineup, with just a
few minor changes in the bands that hit are playing around lunchtime. Riot Fest
does not fall into that awful trend, but instead thrives on having a
jaw-droppingly good lineup each and every year. One added caveat (SAT word
right there!) is that they have amazed people by getting bands to reunite when it
seemed impossible.
Posting this just to make myself laugh
My first year at Riot
Fest, 2013, I saw the Replacements play their first show since 1991. Since
then, they got the Misfits to reunite with their original lineup for the first
time in 33 years, and then, they pulled off the impossible last year by
reuniting your favorite bands’ favorite band: Jawbreaker. To sum it up quick
without fangirling too hard, Jawbreaker basically made it as close as possible
without hitting it big, and eventually broke up amidst turmoil and the members
hating each other, only for a cult like following to grow since their demise
back in ‘96. I swear when the lineup was released last year, I thought it was a
joke poster when Jawbreaker’s name was up there with Nine Inch Nails and Queens
of the Stone Age for headliners. I hadn’t bought a plane ticket so fast in my
life, and it was worth every penny and lower back pain from standing in a giant
park for three days.
In addition to reunions, they get legends like Iggy Pop,
Pixies, Taking Back Sunday, The Cure, System of a Down, Motorhead, No Doubt, New
Order and even Snoop Dogg to perform. Basically, they’ve never had a bad lineup,
despite Riot Fest constantly saying themselves that ‘Riot Fest Sucks’. So here
we are in 2018, with an almost full lineup announced, with some actual question
marks listed for surprise acts. The lineup already includes Blink-182, Elvis
Costello, Interpol, Blondie, Sum 41, Twin Peaks, The Jesus Lizard, and of
course, Andrew W.K. So who the hell is going to be the surprise this year? I
have a feeling, albeit a pure gut feeling, but a feeling none the less that it
can only be one band worthy of a shockingly good surprise headliner: but I’m
going paint you a picture with words so you can envision it, or something like
that.
If I’m Riot Fest, I’m keeping those ????’s up on the lineup
and just wait for everyone to show up at the end of Sunday night to see who is
going to close. Everyone will be waiting in suspense without having any idea
who the hell it’s going to be. Maybe they can leave early, maybe they’ll want
to stay for a third encore, who knows? They sure don’t. The crowds show up,
with nothing but a black curtain with a white ‘?’ on it. The tension in the air
is thick enough to hack with a machete. Punks, skinheads, dweebs, wastoids,
riot grrrls, dad’s accompanying their 14-year-old obsessed with All Time Low,
everyone is on edge waiting to see who this mystery headliner is.
Picture yourself there, there is a goth girl wearing a Cure
shirt to your right with a stick n poke spider tattoo. On your left? A guy with
a long beard, an Operation Ivy tee and a look that he only drinks craft beers
and nothing else. People are ready to boo, complain or faint from happiness. Even
the mysteriously banned CM Punk, who has snuck in under the name of Phil
something or other, is ready to see who it is.
The clock strikes 9:30 and a single
spotlight hits the question mark on the curtain. It’s mostly silence, with a
couple drunken woo’s that inevitably would happen anywhere. ALL OF A SUDDEN,
THE CURTAIN DROPS. A bald guy with a guitar stands alone on the stage in front
of a curtain with a banner hanging on it. It’s fucking Daughtry. Daughtry is
the surprise headliner. You are at a Daughtry show. A chorus of jeers erupts in
the crowd. You’re dumbstruck. You hear people cry out “BOOO!” “HISS!” and of
course, “NOT A FAN OF YOU!”. The poser with the Joy Division shirt he bought at
Urban Outfitters a couple feet in front of you is going wild, so pumped for
Daughtry. Finally, an act that he not only knows, but likes! Somewhere out
there, maybe by a merch stand, maybe watching backstage, maybe a thousand miles
outside of Chicago, the Riot Fest Twitter Guy laughs to him/herself. It’s the
greatest troll job he/she has ever done. It has almost made up for every single
time someone on Twitter asks when the lineup is coming out, despite it coming
out at the same time each year. He/she can take a minute to enjoy this, because
they have earned it for the dumbness of people on social media.
This guy!
As Riot Fest is about to turn into an actual riot because of
Daughtry, the banner comes down, revealing the word “SIKE!” on the curtain. It
goes pitch black once again, and everyone is holding their breath. People who
were walking for the exits stop in their tracks, the mob getting ready to tip
over the porta potties freeze, and the bored girl with a shitload of eye liner
and the septum piercing that kept sighing in front of you look up, with hope.
All of a sudden, a single piano note plays. Hey, you know that note from
somewhere, don’t you? Where do you know that song? The crowd starts erupting as
the second and third piano notes hit, and everything starts picking up steam.
The crowd starts singing along in the what is the most unified thing this
country has seen since 2016 when they all scream out ‘WHEN I WAS. A YOUNG BOY.
MY FATHER. TOOK ME INTO THE CITY.’
You’re damn skippy, you’re being welcomed (back) to the
black parade. My Chemical Romance is back and you’re ready to get your goddamn
emo on.
honestly, simpler times.
I mean, this is just pure guesswork here, but let me give me
thoughts why: the band is on friendly terms despite the hiatus, which is
extremely rare. They’ve been spotted hanging out in the past at Frank Iero
shows, so it doesn’t appear to be a huge feud or anything. They’ve had time to
do their own solo stuff and take breaks and whatever. I mean they’ve been out
of action since 2013, so they are due for a comeback. MCR fits the bill for
Riot Fest, obviously. Who wouldn’t be happy with that reunion? The Riot Fest
audience is filled with the beaten and the damned, who want to say so long and
goodnight and promising that they’re not okay. This is a slam dunk of a
headliner, will add to the lore of Riot Fest booking amazing surprises, and add
the perfect band to go with Blink 182, Beck, Interpol, Sum 41, Twin Peaks, The
Wonder Years and such.
I may be way completely wrong here, but hey, I’m trying.
Last Thursday was a big day if you were one of the many rabid/cult-like followers of Brand New. The patience that, understandably, was wearing thin after an 8 year gap between albums came to an end with an album, Science Fiction, that came out of the blue. I think even the most depressed fan with bottled up teen angst remaining from 2007 even had to crack the slightest of smiles when this news broke. I like to picture the tweet heard 'round the music world was like a Bat Signal. All of a sudden, all these 20- and 30-somethings working at a job they hate hear word of this album and they feel the urge to blast Sic Transit Gloria and go tell strangers to die young and save themselves, while getting angry over an ex who hurt them back in 2003.
Over two years ago I wrote a post called The Curious Case of Brand New. This was hot on the heels of the band releasing a new single 'Mene' and had performed another song live (never released) called 'Sealed to Me'. It seemed like a new album was imminent and Brand New was ready to reclaim their throne in the world of alternative rock. What happened next was one more single, 'I Am The Nightmare' which was very good, and then a few months later an email to those on the Procrastinate! Music Traitors email list explaining that they would NOT be releasing an album anytime soon. Not only did that suck the already low levels of joy in Brand New fans, but it raised new questions of when the next album would be, and if it would even happen at all.
Brand New was in a tough spot. Their first 3 albums were universally loved, and 'Daisy' was their first step in the wrong direction. It was simply too weird. The song 'Gasoline' ends with a minute and one second of mind-numbing distortion. Multiple songs had weird old timey recordings from church sermons. It had a couple decent songs, and sure, some people say they like the album, but no one is ranking that as their favorite Brand New album. Anyone who says Daisy is a great album is probably someone trying to be a music snob and probably also thinks that 'Bleach' is the best Nirvana album. In whole, Daisy was a disappointment (massively, to most) and I think a lot of people were very curious and worried of how the next album would come out, whenever that would be. We, the bloodthirsty angsty kids, had to accept that we wouldn't get a second Deja Entendu (which is understandable), but we would have certainly settled for something closer to The Devil and God.
Always appreciated fine (album) art
This is where Science Fiction absolutely enters into the equation, and ultimately delivers. My dear buddy Steve "Sherry Poo" Sheridan summed it up perfectly when he said that this album is what SHOULD have followed up Devil and God instead of Daisy. The music on Science Fiction has it's own sound, while still having that Brand New feel to it, and minus the Daisy weirdness. This is what fans wanted.
I admit that right off the bat I was scared as hell as I hit play on opening track 'Lit Me Up'. It opens with about a 90 second intro of what sounds like a patient telling her shrink about some dreams she's been having. I had a sinking feeling that it would be another Daisy, but my thoughts were at ease when the actual song kicked off. Track 2 is 'Can't Get Out' and all of my doubts were set aside and the feeling of excitement of something magnificent started.
Let's get one thing clear: Science Fiction is not a cheery album. It's sad. Really sad. It's like a gut punch of sadness that opens up a pit in your stomach, but you enjoy it. A lot of it is heavy and slow, but it keeps you paying attention throughout. The album's final track 'Batter Up' is 8 minutes long but you don't get the desire to skip to the next song halfway through. Personally, I love 'Could Never Be Heaven' and I can already see Jesse playing that solo to close out shows on the upcoming tour that was impossible to get tickets to. 'Same Logic/Teeth' has some moments of the angsty yelling that we all love and adore, while having a certain movie-montage-song caliber pace to it. When it comes down to it, there is no song that disappoints. It's a great album throughout, which makes sense considering the time it took to make. You get bits and pieces of intensity mixed with a slow-burn of acoustic guitar at points. It's a mixed bag in the best way possible: you get all forms of Brand New at their best. This is the redemption album that made the wait worth it.
I personally think that Brand New became important for this generation because their early songs were so relatable. Jesse Lacey is the Morrissey of this generation, which I think was a goal of his. His lyrics are relatable. We could relate to being stabbed in the back by friends. We dealt with heartbreak and wondering what else is out there down the line. Brand New was the curators of the soundtrack to a lot of our lives growing up, while figuring out that crazy thing called life. The majority of music these days is made up of nonsensical bullshit. People don't care about lyrics and just care about beats. Pitbull mentions random names of cities and yells 'fireball' a bunch of times over a cheap, catchy beat and makes money off of it because a lot of people are stupid. Brand New gave people an outlet to relate to, and their music mattered. Maybe it took some brains in their fans and some understanding, but those people who get it fell in love with this band. There aren't a lot of fairweather Brand New fans out there. There is a reason why everything Brand New does/tweets/posts goes viral instantly.
Love the guitar
I admit, this paragraph is a bit random but I have to include it because it's on my mind. What is up with Jesse Lacey's fear of drowning? Between 'Play Crack the Sky' (drowning in a shipwreck near Montauk), the lyrics to 'At The Bottom' and 'Sink', mentioning "sinking like a stone in the sea" in the mostly instrumental 'Tautou', and now a song called 'In the Water', I feel like he's pretty scared of the ocean. Oh, and that whole "and even if her plane crashes tonight she'll find some way to disappoint me, by not burning in the wreckage, or drowning at the the bottom of the sea" thing in 'Jude Law And a Semester Abroad'. I'm starting to think he never learned how to swim or something. Oh man, and don't forget about 'Jaws Theme Swimming'. Maybe that movie scarred him!
With Daisy, the message became less relatable and we didn't really know what the hell they were talking about. Pair that with the weirdness of it all and people turned away from it. Science Fiction gets things back on track. They have grown up, and so have we. The teen angst is gone but the real life issues are there. Science Fiction has mentions of wives and kids and not knowing what else the future has in store, which is also what this generation (as we get older) is going through as well. All of a sudden, we have another album that can be a soundtrack to another phase of our lives. The wait is over. Jesse Lacey is back on track and we all need to kick back and enjoy this.
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