Pop Culture Smorgasbord III

Every now and then I like to just get away from writing in depth about random life stories or how the Dave Matthews Band sucks, and I just want to make things short and sweet, while covering topics in pop culture.  About a year ago, I came up with the Pop Culture Smorgasbord and it was kinda fun.  After Pop Culture Smorgasbord II was a success with my friend Annik helping me out, it kinda hit me that I might be on to something here.  Without further ado, here is Pop Culture Smorgasbord III.

• Gravity  hit theaters a little while ago and seems to be a super smash hit for the box office.  Don't know much about this film, but from the trailers it seems that after being tired of being named the "sexiest man in the world", George Clooney tries to become the "sexiest man in Space" while Sandra Bullock has some trouble breathing, probably because she's in space with George Clooney. 

  

  In Space, he looks like John Stamos.

• Breaking Bad came to an end a couple of weeks ago, meaning that in about 6 months, hipsters everywhere will finally be able to do meth again.  
• Suzanne Somers went on the Today Show recently and shocked her fans and viewers when she talked about how she has sex twice a day, every day at the tender age of 66.  In addition to her grandkids being on suicide watch, millions of people across the country asked the question "Who the hell is Suzanne Somers?". 
• Hailie Mather's was recently named homecoming queen at her high school.  As someone who came in 3rd place during the 2007 East Providence High School homecoming voting, I really can't say I'm shocked.  She's probably the most popular girl in school, you know, because her dad is the greatest white rapper not named Vanilla Ice.  On a different note, how intimidating must it be to be Hailie Mather's date to homecoming?  I can't even imagine picking up a girl as a 17 year old before a dance and meeting her father who happens to be Slim Shady.  I think the only dad more intimidating than Eminem in this scenario would have to be Stone Cold Steve Austin. 

  

  Agreed.

• Carly Rae Jepson has been quiet lately.  I think I can speak for all you reading this by saying that I am anxiously awaiting the follow up to Call Me Maybe, so we can finally find out if the guy called or just texted her saying that he thinks she is very nice and he's flattered but he has a girlfriend at this moment. 
• Lady GaGa released the cover art for her new album, and it's pretty terrible.  She's kinda naked and there are weird shapes and what I think is a bowling ball involved, yet it still is way more sane than her last album cover with her head on a motorcycle.  Dammit GaGa.  Get your shit together. 

  

  Utterly Disturbing. 

• Sad news for everyone who believes in love: Kris Kardashian and Bruce Jenner have split up.  Was anyone upset by this?  In my personal opinion I'd like to have a reality show of Bruce Jenner living the single life.  Talk about quality television.  That man deserves an automatic pass to heaven for dealing with that family.  The Kardashian's just can't catch a break these days.  I'm sure Kris Kardashian would be crying if it were physically possible for her to do so after all the facelifts she's gone through to basically look like the same age as her daughters.  
• After writing the previous paragraph, it hit me how the Kardashians are relevant in today's world:  These reality TV shows wouldn't be possible without Kim Kardashian making a sex tape with Ray J.  Kim Kardashian was only kind of famous because she was rich and friends with Paris Hilton.  Her family is rich because her dead father was one of OJ Simpson's lawyers (not his lawyer, one of many lawyers.  He wasn't even the main one, because that was Johnny Cochran (RIP)).  OJ Simpson needed a lawyer because he killed his wife.  So basically in addition to being a murderer, OJ Simpson is the reason we are all living in a world that for some reason embraces the Kardashian's on TV.  God. Dammit. 
• While we're on the lines of mindless TV, my roommate Matt got me watching a couple of episodes of Duck Dynasty.  It's actually not that bad.  Turns out that instead of following around the lives of rich, moronic rednecks, this show follows around rich rednecks who are actually good businessmen.  Who knew.  Not me. 
• Stephen King wrote a sequel to his horror movie The Shining called Doctor Sleep, which follows the little boy as a grown up with a drinking problem dealing with his weirdo powers.  Anyone who knows me that I am not a big fan of The Shining because it scared the bejeezus (spelling?) out of me and kind of scarred me.  Makes sense because the use of axes freaks me out, little twin girls freak me out, and people who talk to their index finger freaks me out.  This is also why Fozzy is my least favorite Muppet.  

  

  Nightmares. 

• Somehow, this "What Does The Fox Say?" song has become a super smash hit.  If you thought the "Show Me The Car Facts" Fox ad campaign was bad, just wait a few more weeks until they start ripping off that song. 
• As much as I don't want to, I have to address the Miley Cyrus twerking disaster: Most girls start stripping because their dads either weren't around or were super protective assholes to them.  Miley Cyrus most likely did this because her dad had a mullet for far too long and wears way too much denim.  

  

  You brought this upon yourself. 

• I've been noticing a few commercials for Machete 2 which will be in theaters soon.  It is interesting to note that Charlie Sheen has chosen to go by his real name of Carlos Estevez in the credits of Machete 2.  Trying the same luck to revive his career, Emilio Estevez will be credited as "Charlie Sheen's Brother" when he reprises his role as Coach Gordon Bombay when the 4th Mighty Ducks movie comes out
• An elementary school in Long Island recently banned all balls during recess in addition to tag, meaning that Dungeons & Dragon's has a younger target market all of a sudden. 
• Nirvana released the 20th anniversary edition of their final studio album 'In Utero' a week or so ago.  Kurt Cobain has been dead for almost 20 years, and Courtney Love is still somehow making money off of him.  Dave Grohl must be pretty happy too, as his "other band" still seems to be relevant and making him money.  
• I'm not sure when it came out exactly, but I recently read an interview with Kel Mitchell about how he hasn't spoken to Kenan Thompson in years, as they stopped being friends after they both tried out for Saturday Night Live and only Kenan made the cut.  This is unsettling news.  As a 90's kid, hearing about a feud between Kenan and Kel is the only thing that closely resembles a divorce for kids whose parents have not divorced.  

  

  Simpler Times. 

• Lots of hub-bub for this "Orange is the New Black".  Never seen it, but seems really weird that a tanning salon has it's own show.  
• Big fan of the commercials for Dodge Durango featuring Ron Burgundy.  I personally think that more fictional characters should be peddling products.  Why not have Brad Pitt and/or Edward Norton start selling Dove soap?  I'm sure The Big Lebowski could help boost sales of Kahlua.  When hover boards become a real thing, which I hope is really soon, I don't think you can get anyone other than Marty McFly to help promote them.  

  

  Sold. 

• Finally, Katy Perry's "Roar" song makes me long for her songs with more complex lyric and themes, like being a California Gurl.  Then again, Lady GaGa's new single is about how much she likes applause and how she loves it when people cheer for her.  I have to relate to her in that sense: I only blog in order to be retweeted these days.  

Finally, The Rock Has Come Back...

In a shocking twist, The Rock warmed the hearts of millions on Valentine's day by making his unanticipated but very welcome return to the WWE. I was having a truly miserable day today, four classes, an exam, a quiz on z-tests and a social psych paper due, all after getting my heart broken on Monday by some ginger. Then I found out that the Rock was coming back to layeth the smacketh downeth on some candy asses, and everything just got better for me. Anyways, The Rock is back, maybe finally giving up on his movie career. As we all know, he was really famous back in the glory days of the WWF in the late 90's early 00's. If The Rock can come back to fame, I'm sure other stars who have fallen off the face of the planet can do it too. Therefore, I present my list of stars who should make a comeback:

Kel Mitchell- The other half of Keenan and Kel, who starred in shows during my childhood like All That and The Keenan and Kel Show (welcome to the Good Burger, Home of the Good Burger, Can I take your order?) We may never see such an Orange Soda enthusiast ever again. Anyways, Keenan is making it big on Saturday Night Live, but where is Kel? There was a rumor he was dead and then he was rapping in some Sprite commercial or some nonsense. I think he's gotta join SNL in the near future.

The Lawrence Brothers- Ahh yes, Joey, Matt and Andrew. From the great show Brotherly Love. After doing some strenous research via IMDB, it is apparent that combined, these three have starred in nothing important whatsoever since Matthew Lawrence was in Boy Meets World in 2000. These three were heartthrobs back in the day, so what happened? Andrew Lawrence, the youngest and dorkiest in my opinion is now 23, which is weird. Don't get me wrong, they got some jobs here and there, but they've been in nothing good at all for years. They should form a band or something. (big ups to Alyssa Rizzini)

MTV- Yeah I know it's still a channel, but considering all it does is show repeats of Teen Mom, Jersey Shore and Skins, it really isn't all that great. There are some rumors that they sometimes show music videos in the morning, but I don't buy it. It was called Music Television for a reason. If I wanted trashy tv I'd go watch Jerry Spring or something. Go play some damn music videos, and bring back Carson Daly while you're at it.

Rocket Power- Who decided to pull the plug on this show? Otto, Reggie, Twister and Squid was awesome back in the day. I really don't understand why this didn't last. Everyone has benefitted from one of Tito's age-old Hawaiian sayings. These kids could shred. One thing that always confused me was trying to figure out where they went snowboarding. I always figured it took place in California, like at the Santa Monica piers, but then the next episode they were shredding some serious powder and playing pond hockey.

Ferris Bueller- I wonder what the day after his day off was like.

The Guy From Star Trek but More Importantly Reading Rainbow- Just curious, how did he get that gig? Anyways, it was always mind blowing in the 2nd grade when he would pull out his trusty sunglasses thing while teaching us kids about adjectives in stories. By the way, I just found out the guys name is LeVar Burton. LeVar. While we're at it, I think the name LeVar should make a comeback. You know what I would like to see? LeVar Burton go on Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader. I'm sure he'd have no problem with grades k-3, but after that he might have some problems. (shoutout to the beautiful Caroline Morgan for this suggestion)

Dennis Rodman- Another late 90's star Peter Forsberg made a triumphant return to play for the Avalanche a whopping two games before retiring again this past week, so why can't Rodman try that with the Bulls? Yeah he might have been on Celebrity Rehab for all his problems, but that doesn't mean he can't ball anymore. Like 90% of kids growing up in the 90's, I loved the Chicago Bulls, and Rodman always intrigued me back constantly dying his hair a new color each day. I suggest that Dennis sign a week long contract with the Bulls next time someone gets hurt and just relive his glory days. (shoutout to Timbo Bergeron for this solid suggestion).

*Nsync- I just don't understand how Justin Timberlake was the only one to make it big with a solo career. Actually on second thought, I can. Nevermind, they don't have to come back. (thank you Liz Wro for this wonderful suggestion, love you)

Michael Jackson- Is it just me or has he been sort of quiet lately?

OJ Simpson- I feel like he should be causing trouble somewhere. He's been sort of quiet also. I think he should've gotten an endorsement deal from Ford to help sell white Broncos. Afterall, I don't think anyone else has been made a mediocre car so famous. (thanks to Martha's Vineyards finest Ryan Brennan)

Eminem's Blonde hair- Maybe it's just me, but I sort of felt jipped by watching the Grammy's and seeing him perform sans blonde hair. He just looked like a miserable, pissed off white rapper from Detroit on stage as opposed to his glory days of being a miserable, pissed off white rapper from Detroit with blonde hair. Honestly Em, will the real slim shady please stand up?

Nirvana- They haven't been on tour in a while.

Wilmer Valderrama- He was kind of on top of the world at one point. He was the funny foreigner on That 70's Show, was dating Lindsay Lohan before she got all anorexic and became a felon, and even worse, a blonde. Then he had that Yo Mama show which was sometimes funny. I feel like he could be a good candidate for one of those shitty celebrity reality tv shows or actually going back to being a funny foreigner on a sitcom instead of trying to be taken seriously.

Tom Green- This man mortified my mother when I was younger, and with good reason. He really was a freak. He's sort of like the Jackass guys, famous for just being weird, immature and stupid and then getting some movie roles as the weird, immature and stupid friend, like in Road Trip. It's about time the Tom Green Show made a comeback and start a semi feud with Eminem again.

Budweiser Wazzup Commercials- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JJmqCKtJnxM&feature=related

Carmen Sandiego- I'm gonna find you bitch.

The Adventures of Mary-Kate and Ashley Olson- How interesting would it be to see these two solving petty theft crimes at local malls while trying to score some coke and throw up their lunch all while wearing trashbags and random assortments of thread? That would be a hell of a show. Bring back Bob Saget and John Stamos and it would be a real party. Besides, I'm sure the twins could use a few jobs right?

Smash Mouth- seems like that summer where All Star was so damn popular wasn't that long ago, but let's put it this way. That song was on Now! 3. We are now on Now! 37. I actually feel old. I don't think Smash Mouth was all that bad until they started doing covers for certain Disney movies about a giant green ogre and an annoying donkey sidekick. After that they just stopped being cool. By the way, this track listing for Now! 3 is impressive, Limp Bizkit, Fastball, Fatboy Slim, R. Kelly, Enrique Iglesias and Lenny Kravitz were had a big year in 1999.

Steroids in Baseball- Chicks dig the long ball.

Lady Gaga's Shoulders and Face- I never really minded Lady Gaga since she's gotten famous. I can appreciate her wanting to be different and having her own style and whatnot, but I'm not gonna lie, ever since this 'Born This Way' image she has, she has been freaking me out. For some reason she's decided to have shoulder horns and these horns in her face. I'm really not sure what the point is. Every time I see her now it just freaks me out and I get nightmares about my shoulders looking like they belong as part of a picket fence. Bring back your normal shoulders and face Gaga, you weren't born this way.

There are endless possibilities for people who should be making comebacks, this is only a mere taste. Sorry if there were any good ones that you guys suggested to me that didn't make the cut, I still appreciate it nonetheless. Also I owe Diana Baumgardt for helping me out on some twitter contests. Anywho, keep on keepin on people.

Forever yours,

Jimothy

20

Thanks to Toy Story 3, I've been starting to feel old. This may sound odd to some, but knowing that Andy is now grown up and going off to college, I officially feel like childhood has come to a deadend. I'm not sure if it's kinda sad that I still consider being in college part of my childhood, but it's not as sad as Algeria giving up a goal in the 91st minute to a dude named Landon, thus crushing the country's hopes and dreams. Anyways, with Andy going off to college and AMANDA BYNES RETIRING FROM ACTING, I pondered just how much I've lived through. I'm turning 20 on July 4th, and it's a weird age. I'm still not legal to drink and be an official adult to some, yet I'm done with being a teenager. Turning 20 is like a tease from God. It's like he's saying I'm grown up but still can't get drunk and do stupid things with my friends legally at house parties. I guess I have grown up a bit from the last time we saw Buzz Lightyear, Woody and Mr. Potatohead, but my life has turned out differently from what I thought it would be when I was 9 (when Toy Story 2 came out). So let's play a game. We'll call it "Flashback to 1999 and see if I was right", or as some call it, Ft99asiIwr. Let's begin:

Career Wise: This could be the most disappointing and far off thing from predictions when I was 9. When I was 9, I wanted to play point guard for the Chicago Bulls. I didn't want anything else. No firefighting, no baking, no astronauting, I just wanted to play alongside Michael Jordan and shoot 3's like it was my job. This dream was actually shattered quickly, considering MJ retired soon afterwards, the Bulls haven't done anything since, I stopped playing basketball in the 6th grade, I've converted fully to a Celtics fan, and honestly I don't even watch the NBA until playoffs. Now that I'm a psychology major, it's funny to me that I didn't know what a psychologist was when I was nine, and if I did I probably would've thought it would be the most boring career ever. Then I would have gone outside and taken shots on my Fisher Price basketball hoop that I was still using although I was way too old for it.

School Wise: When I was nine, I was Mr. Boston College for years. This was due to my Uncle Chris taking me to BC football games all the time when I was young, and I figured that since it was in Boston and had a football team, I would just get in there. Providence College was like a joke to me back when I was 9. Why would I ever stay in Rhode Island for college? Are you kidding me? I'm getting the hell out of here and taking the long road to Massachusetts! Only I probably would've said heck instead of hell, but you get the picture. My dream of BC came to a halt when I was a Freshman in high school and realized that I sucked at any math that rhymed with tree-ometry, twig-ometry, or pre-braculus. This actually worked out though, since PC is my home and is always ready to party. I would take Boston College's basketball team for next year, but whatever. Also, a big difference from 4th grade and college is the teachers! I had a woman who cared about us and gave the class a "big gold star!" if you did something good. Now in college it's a big deal if your professor looks at you during class. Oh and we don't have recess at college. Actually I take that back, about 95% of college can be considered recess, only you add booze and developed girls into the picture.

Music Wise: In the fourth grade, I liked just mainstream stuff I suppose. The occasional MMMBop song was okay, Britney Spears was telling us she wanted it one more time, baby, and we all were livin' la vida loca with Ricky Martin who was straight (or so we thought) back then. I'll admit, my Dad made me a cassette tape for my walkman when I was really young with stuff like the Red Hot Chili Peppers, Nirvana, Pearl Jam, The Offspring and other bands that 7-9 year olds shouldn't be listening to, and I felt like the bee's knees for having it. (Note, it struck me about 2 years ago with this cassette tape that it's odd that my Dad let me listen to the song Jeremy by Pearl Jam at such a young age, the song's about suicide in a classroom! Good thing it took me so long to understand the lyrics). Now here I am, almost able to collect social security at the ripe age of 20, and I'm listening to bands like Taking Back Sunday, The Clash, Motion City Soundtrack, Brand New, and Weezer. If you were to ask me at age 9 my thoughts on Lady Gaga, MGMT, Eminem and Smash Mouth, I would've told you that Lady Gaga was probably the next host of Blue's Clues, MGMT was just you mixing up you're alphabet, Eminems would be great to eat right now straight from the (w)rapper and I'd probably tell you that Smash Mouth will be big for years and years to come. Oh boy how music has progressed from 1999. Oh, and looking back upon it now, I consider myself lucky that from ages 9-12ish Limp Bizkit and Kid Rock didn't influence my life as much as I listened to their cd's back then. How did my parents allow me to listen to all those swear words. Almost makes me wonder what Fred Durst is doing right now.

Apperance Wise: I'll be honest, besides growing a foot and having semi-long curly hair, I haven't changed at all. I have almost as much facial hair now as I did back in 1999, and I'll be the first to tell you that I haven't changed at all. I will say that my wardrobe has improved thank the good lord almighty. I look back at pictures of myself now from 4th grade and I want to puke. Remember the scene in Happy Gilmore where Happy sees the man in front of him dressed like a "normal" golfer and says "If I saw myself wearing clothes like that, I'd have to kick my own ass"? That's how I feel about me and my mom's clothing styles for myself back then. Instead of wearing those pants that zipped off into shorts, I only wear jeans now. Also, seeing myself with a buzzcut and the occasional hairflip thing in the front is good for a laugh. It's also good that I've progressed from WWF t-shirts to band and sports tshirts. I'm starting to wonder if style in general took a hiatus in the 90's. At least the 80's had a noticeable sense of style that we can laugh at.

Girl Wise: I'll be honest, when I was 9 I acted like I had a new girlfriend each week. I'd tell somebody that I had a crush on Little Suzie Jefferson one day, then the next day it was Honest Harriet Smith. As you can imagine, it didn't work out for me going from one girl to the next back then. I wouldn't really call myself a heart breaker, mainly because those girls always had a crush on somebody else. I felt like 4th grade love stories should've had it's own soap opera after The Young & The Restless. Now that I'm in college, I've come to realize that nothing has changed and I'm still falling in love with girls I walk by on Thayer street or at the mall and never see again, and as always, they never had crushes back on me (or they just didn't see me and notice how dashingly handsome I am, which is probably the case). It also doesn't help that I'm using the same pickup lines since the 4th grade, such as "Is your name Summer? Cause you're hot", or "Do you know CPR? Cause you take my breath away", or my personal favorite "You must be a broom, cause you just swept me off my feet". I'm now starting to realize why I don't have luck with girls these days.

Friend Wise: Possibly the most tragic part of the blog. I only hang out with about 3 people from the 4th grade. Chuck Wescott and Tyler Blatchley. Me and Chuck have improved greatly from 4th grade, however Tyler worries me because he really hasn't changed that much from the 4th grade. Seriously though, it is kinda weird looking back upon it how close I was to some kids back then and get so far apart from them.

Finally, what 9 year old Jimothy would say to 19 almost 10 year old Jimothy: I wouldn't know what a blog was, nor what Breakfast at Tiffany's was. I also didn't have the ability to make a play on words. The only thing dealing with breakfast when I was 9 was poptarts, which is better than me not eating breakfast at all these days. I would be pleased with myself that Macaroni and Cheese is still being consumed by myself 3 nights a week. I would be thrilled with the thought of having my own car, since I never was one for riding bikes. I'd be disappointed that the Bruins still haven't won a Stanley Cup, but even more disappointed that I'm not filthy rich yet. I'm sure 9 year old Jimothy would have figured that by the age of 20 I was moved out of my house and knew everything about everything, because 20 seems so far away when you're 9. I do plan on seeing Toy Story 3, because it'll bring out the inner child in me. 1999 was okay, but I think Prince was going a little overboard by telling us to Party Like It was 1999. Now that I'm an old man and can go to parties that aren't being supervised by adults, it seems sorta lame to party like it was 1999. Anyways, I guess it's true when they say that time flies when you're having fun, and that's exactly what has happened in my life, and I don't regret that at all.

I'd like to give a shoutout to Kyle, Eric and Brian Towne, along with Alyssa and Danielle Rizzini or being such faithful diners. It makes me proud to have people asking me when the next blog is coming out. For the facebook status shoutouts, I shall grant shoutouts to Meg "MerMerMer" O'Neill, Rob "Coverboy for the SAT studyguide" Moreira, Ryan "BROrmerod" Ormerod, Frank "The Tank" Gassert and Scott "Prancin' Dancin'" Damiano.

Proud to be a citizen of a country that be Algeria in soccer, but even prouder to be serving you Breakfast,
Jimothy