No. Turnstile Didn’t Sell Out, Dummy

Nacho fries are back at Taco Bell. How do I know that? I was on my iPad playing Mario Kart when I almost snapped my neck looking up at my TV when the opening riff to Turnstile’s smash hit ‘Holiday’ hit my earbuds. Hearing Turnstile is always an honor and a pleasure, but I must admit I was caught off guard when it was for a Taco Bell commercial. It was unexpected but awesome. Kinda like watching the Muppets and Gonzo dropping an f-bomb. 

close enough!

Taco Bell is chill. I appreciate their ‘live mas’ attitude. Taco Bell even tries to make people care about baseball with their annual steal a base, steal a taco promotion. I’d say the Turnstile fan base likes to live mas as well. Crank some Turnstile while enjoying a nice cheesy gordita crunch with a Baja blast to wash it down and you are living the dream my friend. 

This is where I want to take my head and pound it against a wall for a good hour: people immediately arguing if Turnstile “sold out” by lending their music to a fucking Taco Bell commercial. 

What year is it? I know people long for the nostalgia of the 90’s, but one thing that can stay the hell back in the old days is the notion that bands sell out over trying to make a few bucks when they get an offer. People need to calm the hell down. It’s not like they have the AFLAC duck emblazoned on their drum kit or commercials for Subway play between songs at their live shows. Band tees that feature a Toyota logo would suck, but I don’t exactly see that happening anywhere. 

This is like the millennial version of an old person yelling at a cloud.  I find it nauseating that people allow themselves to get upset over the fact that someone wanted to pay Turnstile some money for a commercial and they said yeah sure. Why don’t people complain about soundtracks? Bands get paid for that stuff too. No one says The Rolling Stones sold out for Gimme Shelter appearing in every single movie trailer ever made. 

It especially grinds my gears seeing people complain on Twitter, bandying about selling out and shit when they are most likely the same people who haven’t even bought any merch, albums, cds, concert tickets or anything. The most they do is listen to them on Spotify or Apple Music which pays about 0.00001 cent for every play and think they are doing their part and Turnstile should cater to THEIR wishes and demands. 

Turnstile is finishing up one of the best years any band has had in a long time. The ‘Glow On’ tour was an epic success (I was blessed by them at the first night of the two Boston shows and they kicked so much ass live it was incredible). They just got nominated for multiple Grammy awards. They have been making the late night circuit. Everything is turning up Turnstile, and that’s great to see. Holy shit, imagine that! Feeling happy for a band that you like!!! Wow! What a novel notion! 

If you really are bothered by this, find help. I simply don’t understand being upset for a band you (allegedly) appreciate obtain some financial success. There guys need to make money to live their lives just like you do. Do you really not understand that this is their job? I bet no one reading this goes to work every day making zero money. I’ll tell you this, if they didn’t make any money doing this, Turnstile would have to get day jobs which would then mean fewer shows and albums and songs and hey look no more Turnstile. I can’t believe this is still a topic that needs to be discussed in 2022 because I am just so incensed that people still have this old fashion way of thinking. If you like a band or musician, support them. And don’t get all angry if they are offered some money for a commercial. It’s 2022, no one pays for cds anymore. We can all grow up and accept this. 

Turnstile sent me!

We, as a society, need to give up on the selling out bullshit. You should be more concerned if a band completely changes a sound or message. If Turnstile’s next album went full on country pop and every song was bout a different fast food chain, well okay we can discuss that.

I, for one, hope that Turnstile makes millions because they are tremendous. I also hope this deal with Taco Bell got them all a lifetime supply of Mexican pizzas. They deserve it!

Album Review: Arctic Monkeys 'The Car'

 Oh no. 

That was my reaction to the first 2 seconds of the Arctic Monkeys lead single 'There'd Better Be A Mirrorball' off of their new album 'The Car'. Right off the bat I just knew it was going to be just like their last album, Tranquility Base Hotel and Casino, and that's not a good thing. 

I love the Arctic Monkeys, I really do. Their first 4 albums were simply delightful. They have great, witty lyrics and, what I appreciate the most, insanely catchy guitar riffs. TBHC came out in 2018 and it felt like their first whiff, yet it still sold well (in this day and age). This album? Yikes. 

I appreciate Alex Turner and company reinventing themselves for each albums. Over the years they've been young partying hotshots, greasy biker dudes, smooth leather jacket wearing badasses, and even with TBHC they went all in on some sort of bizarre hotel in outer space. Sadly, the album felt like they were trying to make music fit for a Heineken or Stella Artois ad. It was a total snoozefest. They got a pass with the last album do they another reinventing of themselves, but The Car is a copycat of the last album, and that ain't a good thing. Nothing is exciting about this album outside of the song titles. At least those are kinda creative and fun. 'Jet Skis on the Moat' should be the title of an absolute party anthem. It's a damn shame the song belongs at a funeral home. 

I will admit it's hard to stay mad at them since they are still one of the coolest bands on the planet, but: they need to quit the 70's lounge act shit. Why are you singing in this weird style? Stop it.  You sound like a Saturday Night Live skit parodying the Arctic Monkeys. We need the rock and roll saviors that they appeared to be up until 2018. Make more songs that would look fitting for an episode of Peaky Blinders. I can't really picture Tommy Shelby walking the mean streets of Small Heath to 'Body Paint'. You had a great thing going! 

The big problem with The Car is that it is incredibly slow. There's nothing wrong with slow songs. In fact, the Arctic Monkeys have their fair share of very good slow songs: 505, Cornerstone, no.1 Party Anthem are all absolute gems. All of them are still catchy and you will find yourself singing along to them at a show or in your own car sitting in traffic without even realizing it. This album is like they are trying to become the leaders in elevator rock music. There is so little drumming on this album (and the last one to be honest) that it makes a lot of sense that drummer Matt Helders had time to focus on his photography career. His cover art photo of a car on a rooftop parking garage is the most useful thing he contributed. Not saying it's his own fault because Alex Turner seems to be the band leader and visionary but good grief, let's pick it up a bit gang!

This was really frustrating because everyone who listens to the Arctic Monkeys know that they have the capabilities to turn out another great rock album. I'm not giving up on them and you shouldn't either. Maybe Alex Turner was pissed that the last album wasn't viewed as another work of his genius and tried to double down on The Car. I don't know. We could've used another great rock album and instead...garbage was made. The best part of listening to The Car on Spotify is that you can quickly click on their artist page and throw on I Bet You Look Good on the Dancefloor or R U Mine? I recommend giving it a full listen through the once and then go back and listen to any of their first four albums to make yourself feel better (or to wake up). I haven't had this bad an experience with a car since I totaled my mom's 1999 Dodge Intrepid. 

Here's hoping Alex Turner is motivated to rock our socks off on the next one. 

Ticketmaster Can Go Fuck Itself!

 About a week ago, aging pop-punk and emo enthusiasts got some great news: Blink-182 was bringing back Tom DeLonge. The not quite original but definitely most beloved lineup of Blink told us they were back, complete with a new album, a song release (it's decent!) and most importantly, a massive world tour in 2023. 

Of course in this day of the internet, many made jokes about the age of the current fans blah blah blah. Some were decent, most were not even remotely humorous but whatever. It didn't rain on the parade of a proper Blink tour with the band back together (Sorry Matt Skiba). I don't think it's crazy to say that people of my generation still adore Blink. I'm 32 and they were like kings to my friends and I growing up. Mark Hoppus is like the Tom Hanks of Pop Punk, he's like a scene father figure to us! All three of the guys are beloved, and still keeping on everyone's radar. Travis Barker has produced like 33 trillion things, and married the only Kardashian that is worth a damn (also the one with the least amount of plastic in her). Mark whooped cancer's ass. Shit, Tom even managed to get the US government to admit that Aliens do in fact exist, because of his own research. God bless these three! They all have been thriving on their own, but everyone knows when they are together, full Voltron mode, they are the best.

I hope Mark finds that as a compliment!

A massive added bonus to the tour was the addition of the increasingly popular Turnstile, along with the legendary Rise Against (excellent band live, from what I remember from, like, 2009) and The Story So Far. That is one stacked tour for anyone who still likes guitars. This had the making for the tour of the year.

Then this morning happened. 

Holy shit. What a disaster. 

For anyone who has seen Peaky Blinders, there is a point in season 1 where Tommy Shelby explains the "soldier's minute". That one final stretch of calmness before the storm. It lasts seemingly forever and it oozes with tension of what is going to happen next. I felt that as the clock hit 9:59 am. Patient as ever, I waited out that minute only to be told that I was in a waiting room with over 2,000+ people trying to get tickets to the Boston Garden show next May. This part made sense, whatever. Not a surprise. What was surprising was being so incredibly victimized by Ticketmaster's "dynamic pricing". When I finally was allowed to go looking for tickets at about 10:25, my jaw damn near broke from looking at the prices. $1,000 for floor seats. $500 and up (before fees of course) for lower bowl, and even close to $400 for the nosebleeds up in the balcony level. 

Ticketmaster. Absolutely. Blows. 

They try to argue that "dynamic pricing" will cut out scalpers but then the prices get absurd because of the demand for the tickets....right when they go on sale...as if...a bunch of people aren't going to try to get them right when they go on sale....instead of going to scalpers....I don't care what bullshit excuse they try to use. These prices are just insane. They should bring back box offices at this point. Everyone knows the stupid fees we all get overcharged which don't make sense. "Handling fees" for e-tickets that don't have to be printed out. "Service fees" and "tax fees", go screw. Back in simpler times, you'd swallow the stupid fees, shrug it off and say eh okay it is what it is. These prices? No thanks. I'm not going to pay for prices that rival my half of the monthly rent for a somewhat decent seat. I absoultely loathe Ticketmaster. They are pure evil. I think even employees at the DMV would be in awe of how poor Ticketmaster treats their customers. 

They try to say this "dynamic pricing" is a way to curb scalpers but I really don't want to hear it. I have never dealt with prices like this when they go right on sale. Face value prices don't exist anymore. They have gone the way of the Dodo bird. This bullshit by Ticketmaster has jumped the shark. Egregious is too weak of a word for it. Anyone who works for them should be ashamed. They probably all clap when their airplane lands. I truly want this company to fail so badly. You know if they are pulling this shit already, it's just going to get worse and worse. 

What should be a super fun tour of the year, feel good reunion for an entire generation of people is now just a frustrating reminder that makes you say "Well I guess this is growing up."

Ticketmaster can go fuck itself. 

Count me out, folks!

Musings in Traffic on Route 1 in Southern New England

I was sitting in traffic the other day thinking about the now classic John Mullaney bit where he talks about how he thought that quicksand would be a big problem in his future. He had a great point! I thought about other things like that which I definitely thought, as a youth, that would be problematic in my future: surviving an avalanche, having to trudge through sewers, getting chased by mummies, you know, your typical Scooby-Doo type of situation. 

None of these issues have proven to be a problem in my adult life. Instead things like having to call someone to set up a haircut, dealing with flight delays and paying taxes are. If you ask me, give me the Scooby-Doo bullshit! They may be more dangerous but at least they are slightly more exciting. Adulthood is kinda tame after all. What is not tame? A random blogpost about nothing-ness on this Sunday afternoon where I was supposed to be hanging out in Florida this weekend (thanks Ian, you dick). 

It's a wonderful time of year for sports. The NFL is in full swing, both the NHL and the NBA are starting very shortly, and the MLB playoffs are about to begin. I still love baseball, and it's nice not having to care about the Boston Red Sox anymore. Those guys stink. I have many gripes with the Red Sox but I will keep things more broad and give you:

The Breakfast at Jimothy's 3 Things That Really Grinds My Gears in Sports (TBAJ3TTRGMGIS)

1. Logos on jerseys. C'mon now what are we doing here? I know this is a big soccer thing, but this ain't Europe. It just feels like such a cheap way for multibillion dollar franchises to make another chunk of change over selling their souls. 

Don't they make enough with price gouging with $15.75 (looking at you TD Garden)? No fan enjoys having a shitty logo ruining a nice looking jersey. Don't even get me started on classic jerseys like the Maple Leafs, Celtics, Yankees...I even feel bad that the Milwaukee Bucks have a stupid Harley Davidson patch on their weird unis. Pathetic!

sadly, this is one of the cooler ads on a jersey :-(

2. Athletes who insist on saying they are "honing their craft". Ooooooh GOD. The douche-chills that just ran up my spine typing that out almost made me pass out. I feel like this first made it on my radar from that idiot Kyrie Irving. To be fair, everything that dope does makes me want to shake my head. Between claiming the earth is flat, the fact he turned down $100 million to stay unvaccinated, burning sage on the Boston Celtics court before his first game back there, everything he does is douchey. Him talking about "honing his craft" in regards to playing fucking basketball is just the absolute worst. Even more infuriating is that I've heard other players like LeBron James talk about it to. You are not carving a flute out of some wise-looking oak tree. You are putting a ball through a cylinder. You are not as important as you think you are. Stop it!

3. Fox Sports insisting on using those creepy cartoon graphics.  

This drawing has more personality than Jackson Mahomes

I just don't understand it. Who thought this was going to be a good idea? Was anyone clamoring for this besides the graphic designer nephew of some Fox executive who was looking for some work? One thing that is amusing is that Tom Brady keeps on getting plastic surgery to make him more and more like his cartoon character. 

Insufferable!

Other than that, it is simply useless. If you ask me, Fox should have kept the football Transformers:

A crowd pleaser.

So I know I have been vocal about the influx of movie remakes and tv reboots that seem to be taking over Hollywood recently. I think it stinks. Let's get some new idea out there instead of just recycling things, ya know? Then I heard about one beloved 80's movie that is getting a spinoff which made me want to shake my fist at the sun....until I heard the premise. Now? If it's done right, it could actually be pretty good. There are plans for a Ferris Bueller's Day Off spin...well...off, which will center on the two valet dudes who take Cameron's dad's red '85 Modena Spyder for a joyride, and the shenanigans they encounter. 

It has a chance! It's strange to me how we have the Marvel Universe, the DC Universe, yadda yadda, and now the Ferris Bueller Universe? I wanted to hate it at first, but that is the perfect way to go about this. A side story where no one really thought much about outside that of it causing Cameron a psychiatric breakdown. It's called Sam and Victor's Day Off and it's being done by the Cobra Kai crew, so I'm gonna give his one a fair shake. 

There is zero doubt in my mind that THE Halloween costume of the year is Eddie Munson of Stranger Things. I truly believe that this will rank up there as one of the most popular costumes since Halloween '08 Heath Ledger Joker and '77 Darth Vader. It will be a hit for all ages, guys, girls, them, it's going to be such a popular costume that there will be a shortage on denim vest and Metallica buttons. I'd love to get some odds from Vegas on this being the favorite. Plus if you want an easy couples costume? Just pair it with Chrissy the cheerleader and you are ready to go crush some pumpkin beers and Pinnacle pumpkin spice flavored vodka at your spooky party!

Instagram has been really bugging me lately. The other day I texted someone saying that I can't wait to go home, and autocorrect inexplicably changed home (spelled correctly, mind you) into 'hike'. From that, I did the classic '**home' follow up text. Next thing I know, I have all sorts of hiking ads and posts plastered about my Instagram feed. I hate hiking. I don't like hiking. I don't even think about hiking. Now my feed is filled with sunsets, trails, and hills that I truly do not care about. All from a phantom autocorrect that didn't even need autocorrecting. It's infuriating! 

Really though. Why is Instagram now all about suggested posts and shit that your friends like instead of things YOU like? If you have someone you hate, you should just tag them in posts of topics that they hate, just to clutter their feed with things they don't care about. None of this makes any sense. My friend sends me a video that I don't find funny and suddenly I get all these posts from local stand up comics. It ain't right! Instagram used to be something I'd log into for fun. To be granted, I never took it seriously (not sure if you could tell from 99% of my captions on there) but it used to be enjoyable to see what was happenin' on the 'Gram. Now it's just a swamp of nothingness. Change it back, damn you, change it back. 

my God it's beautiful!

Lastly, I'd like to leave you with something fun but quite random. To be honest, I hope it jogs soem of your memories. Please let me introduce you to the:

Breakfast at Jimothy's Official 10 Best Songs from Rock Band 1 & 2 

I know it's been a while for these beloved games, but c'mon this was a game changer for those who are my age and younger! This was the best way to get your gang together, choose someone to try to sing, get everyone else to drum and strum, and try to set a score without embarassing yourself. It may seem cheesy now but you have to admit that at the time it was groundbreaking and a good time! Therefore, I'm going to give you my top 10 songs between the first two games (it got too crazy after Rock Band 3, I hope you can understand my thinking here). 

10. Disturbed- Down With The Sickness: Ooh AH AH AH AH! I had to look that one up on Lyrics A to Z to make sure the spelling. Don't want to ruffle any feathers. I wonder how many tonsils have needed to be removed after trying to nail this one on vocals. I know somewhere out there, there are many groups of friends who have inside jokes or good memories of trying to get 5 stars or whatever the grades were for this. Not exactly a Grammy caliber tune but always entertaining! Also, bonus points because my Mom liked this song and would try to recreate the Ooh AH AH AH AH every time it came on 95.5 WBRU 

 9. Red Hot Chili Peppers- Give It Away: I know, I know, they kinda have a lot of songs about California and haven't made anything good in a long, long time. You cannot, however, deny that this song was a lot of fun to play back in the day. The lyrics make no sense which could always lead to confusion, and the music itself was pretty catchy and fun to play. It's better than you may remember. Trust me. I guess.

8. System of a Down- Chop Suey!: I know for a fact that this song lead to many groups of girlfriends plugging their ears and rolling their eyes as whoever was singing tried to keep up with both the lyrics and the intensity. I love Chop Suey! because it's like the smelling salt of rock music, it instantly wakes you up. Its kinda glitchy and kinda intense, but it's also kinda delightful! 

7. Weezer- Say It Ain't So: Certainly the calmest of the list so far. Nice and easy going where a lot of people are surprised that they know the majority of the lyrics without realizing it. It's Weezer. It's a crowd pleaser. It's a fan favorite. Play the hits.

6. Lit- My Own Worst Enemy: The ultimate rock cover band song of all cover band songs. I bet you there are probably 400,000 cover bands across the world that have this song in their setlist, no matter if they are playing the Riverside Legion or the Calabasas Knights of Columbus hall. To be honest it is probably the first song you want to learn when you form a cover band because you know you are going to get a crowd that knows every word to it, even if they are plastered from $2 at the Boom Boom Room. It was just as fun for you and the gang playing this in Debbie McGillicutty's basement as it was for 'Make Mine a Zima' as the VFW hall.

5. Blue Oyster Cult- (Don't Fear) The Reaper- yeah yeah, more cowbell. I know. I get it. I do. It was still a lot of fun. 

4. Modest Mouse- Float On: Alllllllright. The pop hit single from an excellent band who was probably embarrassed at how successful this song became. You know the words, I know the words, it's a sing along in basically any situation. It may lose some points because I remember it being a little too easy to play on the guitar (controller thing), but I doubt many have a bad thing to say about this tune. 

3. Bon Jovi- Livin' On a Prayer: It's easy to get lost in the simplicity of things. Is this a common tune on every version of Jock Jams ever made? Sure. Is it the best song from a band from Jersey that doesn't have Springsteen attached to it? I mean I guess so. Why not. Is it still fun to belt out every once in a while, throwing in a couple of "whoa ho oh, whoa ho ho, whoa oh ho"'s just for the hell of it? Yes! Personally, I don't like how high this one is rated but you have to face the facts, at the time of Rock Band, this was a bonafide jam. People don't forget! 

2. Yeah Yeah Yeahs- Maps: Get the tissues handy. I bet you anything that somewhere out there was a party of people that featured some group who had planned all day to perform this in order to woo someone. I like to think that it had a slight chance of working. This song absolutely rules. I can still remember the stress of playing that intro on guitar (controller). In fact my thumb is twitching just thinking about it. This was also a great moment for Indie Sleaze making it to the prime time. Suddenly the Yeah Yeah Yeahs were on the same page as the Rolling Stones when it came to being featured in Rock Band. Mick Jagger wishes he could've written a song as important as Maps. This song will live forever. It's our generations own version of 'Dreams' by Fleetwood Mac. You can't change my mind.

1. The Killers- When You Were Young: It's the clear number one. Think of any karaoke bar you've been to. Unless the person performing it was a simpleton, it's a crowd pleaser. Especially for the time that this game came out, the Killers at the peak sort of popularity that we all thought the Strokes were going to achieve. This song was a hit amongst hits, has great lyrics, a cool sound overall and it's just kinda...fun. If you ever played Rock Band, go ahead and think back to this song. If you had any memories with friends playing this game, theres got to be a moment where you can remember the gang getting all serious trying to nail this one, just for the sake of it. This song is timeless, and it was the perfect addition to the Rock Band playlist. 

I hope this list made you want to brush the dust off of the PlayStation 2 in your parents basement. I know this was a random ass blog, but hey that was fun. 

Kings of the Beaches: Wavves at Ocean Mist

 Rhode Islanders have a sort of Napoleonic complex about them. Eh, maybe it’s more of a Rodney Dangerfield complex of not getting any respect. Time and time again performer after performer release their tour schedule, only to give Lil’ Rhody the shaft, skipping on over Providence and heading straight to Boston. It can get frustrating at times! I know you can drive through Rhode Island in like 50 minutes, but schlepping up to Boston, or worse, Hartford can be painful when there’s a band or artist you want to see. With that in mind, when Rhode Island does get some love, they go all out at those shows. Case in point: Wavves playing Ocean Mist last Monday night.

I shan’t lie to ya, I was very surprised and confused when I saw Wakefield, RI pop up on the tour poster. Normally, I scan to look for the RI on the poster, then sigh when I don’t see Providence on there, and then check to see if the inevitable Boston show is on a weekend night (the true sign I’m getting old, I know). I was pleasantly surprised when I saw Wavves announce their 12th anniversary tour (postponed 2 years cause of that whole pandemic thing) of their iconic album King of the Beach. 

Glorious

 I had never been to Ocean Mist, but I know lots of cover bands play there, it was my mom’s old watering hole back in her URI days, and that it was on the water. That’s about it. As the show approached sooner and sooner, it hit me how this has the opportunity to be iconic. It suddenly made a lot of sense for the Ocean State to host Wavves, while being able to hear actual waves crashing and smelling that salty air during a show (a first for me at least). To help make it legendary was Union Station Brewery creating a beer for the event, King of the Mist. As Nathan Williams mentioned on stage, they were in fact some very crispy boyz and everyone seemed to enjoy them. Now if creating a beer for a band isn’t the most friendly Welcome to Rhode Island, then I don’t know what is.

it was crispy. oh so crispy!

On to the show. I’ve seen Wavves 6 or 7 times now, dating back from around 2010 when I saw them with dear friend Danny Allen at the Paradise in Boston right around when the King of the Beach album came out. Wavves is one of those bands who NEVER disappoint. Every time I’ve seen them they always bring the heat and always have an awesome setlist. 

At this show in particular, they had 19 songs, and all of them slapped harder Stephanie McMahon. They played all of the King of the Beach album, which for me was cool to hear some songs live that I had not before. That album means the world to me, as it brings me straight to the smack dab middle of college where I had that sumbitch on repeat. Personally, the standouts for me Convertible Balloon, Baby Say Goodbye, My Head Hurts, Demon to Lean On, and the ALWAYS excellent live Linus Spacehead. 

It should be noted that they came out to the stage to the theme from Rugrats, which everyone loved. I had seen them come out to Stone Cold Steve Austin’s theme music, the Seinfeld theme, and some other stuff that I can’t recall cause I had too many beers, but I always appreciate their dedication to an awesome intro. Wavves is a well oiled machine live. Watching Stephen Pope headband his majestic curls will never get old to me. Stevie Pop, you beautiful bastard, keep on keeping on! Wavves mastermind Nathan Williams was excellent. He also made sure to tell everyone to watch out for each other in the pit, and to not hit his fucking microphone if you choose to stage dive. I think everyone at Ocean Mist cringed when he mentioned he had already chipped his teeth 3 times from his mic smacking him in the face and he didn’t want to get veneers. The crowd was also amused when the merch dude (great guy! Very friendly and great customer service!) huddled up with Nathan after the 2nd or 3rd song to which Nathan said “very interesting. It seems the venue doesn’t have insurance for crowd surfing” so everyone was doing it at their own risk. 

Take my money!

Another thing to give Wavves credit for is their kickass merchandise. In the past, I’ve got 5 of my favorite band tees all from Wavves, and also a prayer candle. This night in particular I picked up a Wavves tee featuring Kevin McAllister of Home Alone fame (from the back artwork of King of the Beach). I toiled with the idea of bringing home a Wavves skate deck, but then saw that they offered a Tech Deck version of it, so I figured that was easy enough to carry in my pocket and put on my bookshelf for the rest of eternity. The only bummer of the show was that they had sold out of the King of the Beach beach towels. They looked awesome and, truth be told, I was actually in the market for a new beach towel. Besides that and the dickhead bouncer who grilled my ID and was a total bitch to everyone, it was a truly awesome show. (Really though, my brother in Christ, I was grilled harder on my ID as a 32 year old then I was as a 19 year old when I was at the original King of the Beach tour. I’m so old I have to stretch before shows now. what the hell are you doing grilling me of all people? Geez Louise. Okay. Sorry. I’m done). 

how could I leave this there?

For me, it came full circle going to this show for an album that means a lot to me. It was great to go with Danny to both shows, and also to hang out with his wife Annik (they met because of me lol ur welcome) and my buddy Jed who was throwing down in the pit with the best of ‘em. Wavves is the real deal, folks. For a good time, go check out those dudes. 

I appreciated it, and Rhode Island did as well. I have a good feeling down the road I’ll be able to blow people’s minds saying “yeah I was there” about this show. It just had that sort of feel to it.

Dear Friary...

Holy shit, you guys.

The Providence College Friars are still dancing in the Sweet 16. What a time to be alive! After a season of Ed Cooley telling us all to be them dudes, it is officially time to, in fact, be them dudes. While the first ever Big East regular season championship banner in school history will look nice up in the rafters at the Dunk, I think we should add some more decorations and keep updating some of those other banners. Why stop at Sweet 16? Let's keep the ball rolling! 

This season has been a lot of fun for a ton of reasons. The fans/students have been electric and fueled by Bud Light tallboys. I made it to 3 games this year, each one being more electric than the last, with the cherry on top being in attendance for all those hooligans storm the court as we beat up on Creighton to clinch the BE title. The City of Providence needed this. Things just hadn't been the same since Buddy Cianci croaked, and suddenly the sun seems to shine a bit brighter. I mean, yeah it sucked that the beer lines were way longer than I ever remembered back in my days at PC, but it's worth it! Well, the $12.75 beers may not actually be worth it..but you know what I mean.

I was an undergrad from 2008-2012 toiling away at a Psych degree that I will never use. My time at PC had it's up and downs. Yes, up and downs. The up? PC beating number 1 ranked Pitt. Still a top 5 night of my life. I thought Eaton Street was going to go up in flames. There I was, drinking pitchers of beer at a bar I used my fake ID to get into, feeling on top of the world, proud like I had accomplished something. After that? I don't know. Couple nice wins here and there. God Keno Davis sucked ass. The only Keno that should ever matter is the type you play at a dive bar. Let's see, what else did we have to celebrate from my era? Hmm. Ooh! There was the time MarShon Brooks dropped 50 against Notre Dame! ...in an overtime loss. Okay, there's more....aha! Eureka! I was there when Jeff Xavier's brother walked out onto the court to talk some sense into that ref! Now THAT was a good time. I guess PC hoops wasn't really too memorable out of one night that sure has some memories that are fuzzy. I digress.

Shoutout Aquinas 209!

This team loves to feed off of the hate, and boy have their plates been full! For me personally, it makes me cringe when I hear local radio discuss them. 98.5 the Sports Hub is usually on at my work. They discussed the Friars for the first time about 2 weeks ago, where Rich of T and R just decides to shit on Rhode Island as if there is some big feud between RI and Massachusetts. He seriously thinks everyone here is a hick who have bricks for brains are living in 1993. For a guy who grew up in Georgia, this is pretty funny. Why he thinks he has to be such a prick to Rhode Island is something I'll never understand. Then there is Joe Murray, member of the Bankroll Boyz podcast or some shit like that. He fills in here and there. Joe Murray made the super bold call of PC losing in round 1 to South Dakota State and that it was virtually a no brainer. If he thinks that was a unique bet, he's an idiot cause a whoooooole lot of people had money riding on the SD State Jackasses. So of course, he gets a ton of backlash from PC fans, with some even calling him an illiterate calzone, and he now decides to strike back by calling PC fans...sensitive? Sensitive? For a guy who lives and breathes making "hot sports takes" maybe you're being the sensitive one. Your station didn't talk about Providence College hoops all season long and when you do it's just "Meh. These guys blow. They're losing first round." What a joke. Of course people are going to come after you for being such a dick. Rhode Island has a Napoleonic Complex type of situation to it. Smallest state, proudest state. Don't you dare crack wise on Rhode Island. The only people who are allowed to bitch and moan about Rhode Island is Rhode Islanders plain and simple. In the south, when someone thinks you've said something dumb, people will say "Bless your heart" and then say something very insulting about your intelligence. Here in the Ocean State, when you make a dumbass take about PC basketball, we're going to gladly tell you what is going through our minds, "bless your heart" not included.

Then, you have your national guys. Public enemy number one for PC fans on the old Twitter Machine has to be that fucking nerd Ken Pom. This guy. 

Ken Pom is a stat nerd who loves to crunch all these numbers and beep moop cha ching boop meep oh look here's who is going to win the national championship. Guys like KenPom don't take into the equation that you can't actually win on paper or an Excel sheet. KenPom has had PC as the luckiest team in the nation basically all season long. He wants to talk about luck? He'll be lucky not to have my foot up his ass if that jackass ever gets a veal parm sub on Federal Hill. Then you have the ultimate ESPN lackey Jay Bilas who even still refuses to give PC any credit, ranking them the 14th best team out of the remaining 16. Oh go screw. Just tell everyone you want Duke to win it all and call it a night. We all know the Bilas Bias. Of course, the real jackass of the bunch has to be Jesse Newell. He's a Kansas (!) beat reporter who somehow tricked his way into getting an AP vote to rank teams. I swear if you look at the teams he's voted for you would think he is picking which schools sent him the most mail after taking the SATs. I think Perkins School for the Blind got a vote before PC did this year. All these nerds need to pay and we need Cooley and Co to build off of this utter hatred and underdog bullshit and beat up Kansas so Jesse Newell can go chase after some tumbleweeds or whatever the hell there is to do in Kansas besides watch a basketball game.

It's nice being an alum of the best college program in the Northeast. It's not even close at this rate. Providence College is doing what Boston College was supposed to do. I bet Boston College's AD gets the willies every time he sees a sign for I95 South. He knows that just 50 or so minutes away, Providence and Ed Cooley are getting things done. Kicking ass and taking names, as God intended. This is gonna be fun Friday night (I hope). Noah Horchler is playing lights out (I was scared, like everyone else, when he cut off his luscious locks, but we good), Nate Watson is all in on this run, Bynum and Durham know that it's the end of the road, so why not extend it. This team is damn good and they are finally forcing people to notice. 

Cooley on Fire > Fire Cooley

So what happens if they get smoked by the Kansas Jayhawks? Not much. It's been a hell of a year and no matter what it is going to go down as a success. It's gambling with house money at this point. So why not go all in? Plus, is PC does lose, just give it a year or so. Kansas and coach Bill Self are going to get slapped with some rules infraction and will have to vacate this entire tournament, so just give PC the win anyways. 

Luck? Whatever. We'll take whatever we can get. All I know is "in Cooley we trust". Our mascot is creepy as hell and can help by simply weirding out Kansas. We already beat up South Dakota State and that douche with the Karate style headband. Round two we mopped the floor with the Richmond Spidermen. If I were Kansas I'd be quivering in my...I don't know. Whatever Kansians....Kansasites...Kansas people wear for shoes. You want my prediction? Here:

Be them dudes!

Friars by a million!

Keep the faith!!!!!

Utter Euphoria: Burning Questions!

Euphoria, Euphoria, where art thou Euphoria? I don't know, it just sounded good in my head. Opening lines are the toughest. Quite possibly the most controversial show in TV Land right now wrapped up a couple weeks ago, and I've just had the time to digest it and write about it. To be perfectly transparent, I didn't watch season 1 of this. I was introduced to it as my girlfriend watched it while I was playing Mario Kart World Tour on my iPad (CactusJim on there if anyone is trying to get their hopes dashed on Cheep Cheep Beach). Boy did that opening episode suck me in! I learned that Zendaya is famous for something other than those skin care commercials, and holy smokes these kids are messed up!

Despite not watching the first season, I got a grasp for it easily that it is high school on a molly and steroid cocktail. Backstabbings, cheating, drugs, theatre, drugs and more drugs, dealing drugs, a 9 year old with a face tattoo... there's a lot going on. I do get a laugh out of people saying how unrealistic the show is and how it's terrible for kids to watch. It's a show about high schoolers for adults! It's obvious. Can't you tell by the entire cast being played by like, 30 somethings. I hear Ash is actually 45 and is pulling an Andy Milonakis. Not really, but you get the picture.  By now, if you haven't seen season two I must do my duty and give a *spoiler alert* I don't want anyone to get mad at me. I tied for friendliest in my 8th grade superlatives so I like to be liked, you know? The purpose of this blog from here on out are my most burning questions that remain after season 2.  Let's start!

How the shit did Lexi get a set budget like that approved?

I mean, holy shit. There's a lot to question about Lexi Howard's spellbinding school play 'Our Life'. Between what seems like a quick turn around time, a lot of kids being way too good at their jobs, a ton of delightful choreography, somehow getting this generation of ADHD rattled kids to give a damn about a school play...there's lots going on. The one thing that has me the most confused is how they got a budget like that.  Keep in mind that East Highland High School is a public school.  I will never forget my Junior year at East Providence High School we ran out of paper and were encouraged to bring our own. If the EPHS production of Grease had that sort of set budget I would've probably enjoyed it a whole lot more.  If this were Maude Apatow's actual high school, I could see a budget this immense being used on a high school production.  Between moving stages, multiple sets, terrific lighting and elaborate costumes, it was a smashing success! Having Maddy come on stage and beat the shit out of Cassie with a shoe also didn't hurt. Keep 'em wanting more! This being said, they probably could've just made this one episode...but whatever man it's cool.

Why do all the episode titles sound like perfect song titles for an early 00's emo album?

I'm just going to list the episodes here for you and let you decide if this sounds like the track listing by an unreleased Starting Line album circa 2003:

-Trying to Get to Heaven Before They Close the Door

-Out of Touch

-Ruminations: Big and Little Bullys

-You Who Cannot See, Think of Those Who Can

-Stand Still Like the Hummingbird

-A Thousand Little Trees of Blood

-The Theater and Its Double

-All My Life, My Heart Has Yearned for a Thing I Cannot Name

I rest my case. 

Did Elliot's acoustic song unite this nation for the first time in years?

I don't think I'm overexaggerating when I suggest that Elliot's song may have been so universally hated that the US of A was the most unified on a topic in ages. It was like Democrats and Republicans, Conservatives and Liberals, Cats and Dogs everywhere took a moment to stop fighting and say BOO! HISS! This sucks! Seriously though, that song was dreadful. The first 30 seconds, okay fine, whatever, the kid can noodle on the guitar and probably knows Wonderwall. Then, it just kept going, and going and...well you know the rest. There was a good 4 maybe 5 moments in the song where he kept going for another verse and I could feel the collective, agonizing groan of Euphoria viewers everywhere. The song sucked ass and was corny as hell, but the in all seriousness, why did that take place for like 5 minutes in a season finale where we still had a whole lot of questions to be answered! I know a lot of people were fed up with how this season went, but his scene may have been Euphoria's "jump the shark" moment, it was that bad. 

Who tattooed Ash's face?

It's lovely work. I think they did a great job on it.

Why is Nate drinking Budweiser?

This one really puzzles me. We see multiple times (usually whilst driving) Nate drinking a nice cold bottle of Bud heavy. I love Budweiser. My Grandpa used to sneak me a few back in the day so I've always had a special place for it in my heart and fridge. Nate drinking it just seems so...wrong. Nate is a high schooler. He should be drinking his fair share of Keystone or Natty Light. On a special occasion you can shoot for the moon and roll with a Bud Light or a Coors Light. No teen is going to be getting Budweiser just for the hell of it. One may argue that Nate is very rich and can afford the (slightly) more expensive Budweiser but I would counter that and say if that were the case, he is pretentious enough to get Stella Artois. I can even picture him at a party playing with the stupid paper on a Stella that covers the neck of the bottle and bottle cap, before Fezco comes up and punches that douchebag in the back of his head and then shoves said Stella Artois up his arse. This really bugged me. I don't know.

Was Rue Bennet's marathon the best chemically induced athletic achievement ever?

Barry Bonds hit 73 homers in 2001 juiced up on steroids. Dock Ellis threw a no-hitter in 1970 while on LSD. Rue Bennett did her best Trainspotting impression by running for her life all while on various drugs where was in desperate need of a bathroom, to put it mildly. In the course of doing so she revealed a secret about Cassie which has put her at the top of Maddy's hit list and somehow did so all while wearing Chuck Taylor's! Do you know how hard those are to run in, even sober? Zero arch support on those clown shoes. I'm thinking this is the best drug induced athletic feat ever. And that includes that Russian figure skater who took her grandpa's heart meds last month. Hey also...

Doesn't Rue still owe the drug dealers, like, 8 grand?

I found it amusing that Rue miraculously escaped a drug den where she was held hostage by the creepy monotone woman the bald dude who is always naked yet she was just out there in public watching her school play. On the one hand it's very nice of her to support her pal Lexi, and I guess I would be curious too if a play was written with myself as one of the main characters...but shouldn't she be keeping a low profile?  That episode of Rue running all over town was one of the most intense episodes of any show I had seen in a while. I felt out of breath and exhausted just by watching it. If I owed those guys around $8 grand, I'd be trying to pick up a couple extra shifts at the Long John Silver's. 

How does Cassie know all the words to a Sinead O'Connor song?

Shouldn't Cassie be obsessing over Machine Gun Kelly, Lizzo, and Billie Eilish as a teen in 2022? I'll be honest, of all the absurd stuff in this show, Cassie knowing every single word to Sinead O'Connor's 1987(!) hit 'Drink Before the War' seemed the most unlikely moment. She's wasted enough to completely ruin a hot tub by puking yet she knows all the words to that song? Which came out probably...15 years before she was born? I love music of that era but I'm 31 and don't know much of Sinead O'Connor besides Nothing Compares 2U and her ripping up the Pope's picture on SNL. Oh Cassie. What a tangled web you have wove. Weaved? Woven? Oh who remembers.

I'm just not buying this!

What was with Minka Kelly giving Maddy that purple dress?

Why not wear it to the play or something? Is she saving it for prom? I figured it would be a revenge dress after Maddy received it. You know, like Princess Diana had that black dress for Prince Charles, Maddy should've showed up and to the play in that number and made Nate think twice about...well, everything I guess. It just seemed bizarre to go through that storyline of Maddy babysitting, Minka Kelly obviously knowing she was trying on her stuff, gives her one of the designer dresses and then...that's it we just go to the last couple episodes and it's not used for anything. Just seems like a bit of a waste so far, but hey maybe we'll see it when season 3 comes out in 2027.

Did Ethan get every award that the East Highland Drama Department handed out that year?

Because let me tell you one thing, he should have. His performance can only be described as spellbinding. Whether he was portraying Suze Howard or Nate or literally everyone, Ethan was the Swiss Army Knife of that ensemble. Bravo, Ethan, bravo. May you get your flowers, young man!

Lastly, is Faye the best character on the show?

Faye all day! The much needed comic relief of this dark, dark show was Faye. She stole the screen every time she dropped her couple of lines. You'd have to be blind to see she didn't fall for Fez, and there was definitely a thought that she may get revenge as a scorned woman, knowing Fez had the heart eyes for Lexi, but Faye stayed true to Fez. Fez did take her in and give her a home for a bit as a favor, and Faye stayed true by helping him out with that rat Custer. One quick note, Custer really does look like a rat. I mean Chuck E. Cheese could be that guys uncle or something. Very hateable character. I did feel bad he got blood on his Metallica football jersey though. But yeah anyways, Faye did the right thing trying to help Fez. Not her fault Ashtray had to go blow the thing up (literally). Everyone should have a soft spot for Faye. She ended up being a delight. My vote is for Faye. Let's get more of her in season 3! Even if she is serving time for the whole drug trafficking and possible murder connection thing...oh well. Life marches on!

GCW: The WRLD Is Theirs

If you ask me, the 90's was the golden age for many, many things. Music, television, music television, the overall quality of life, style...a whole lot of things. Professional wrestling was certainly hitting it's golden age in the mid-late 90's. It almost seems a lifetime ago of having the now infamous Monday Night Wars between Vince McMahon and Ted Turner. While those two got all the glory, many people would consider ECW as the scrappy underdog that may have been the most entertaining of the bunch. It had nowhere near the budget or television opportunities as the other two, but ECW had this deviously charming way about it that always made it stand out on its own. It was grainy, gritty, maybe more realistic. I'll put it this way, you'd be guaranteed some moments that would both make you cringe and say holy shit multiple times every show, where you couldn't always guarantee that with the other two. It was simpler times, and when ECW folded, it was a sad moment for the world of wrestling. The one with all the true hardcore passion had to be the first one to go. It ain't fair, but it was what it was.

Simpler times at Heatwave 98

Of course, as time moves on, things can get back into the groove. And here we are in 2022.

The last couple of years has been a boom for the wrestling biz. Between the arrival of AEW becoming a viable threat to WWE, shows like Dark Side of the Ring drawing in current and older fans, a bunch of big names leaving WWE to reinvent themselves with their own creativity (which went wasted in WWE), there is a whole lot of exciting content out there. If you remember back in the 90's, Vince McMahon promised that WWE (F back then) was the "cure for the common show". He didn't want to insult his audience with unbelievable characters and snooze-worthy storylines.  I look at WWE now and...what the shit happened? I'm not kidding you, Raw had an academic challenge last night, and they have already confirmed a Scooter Race (seriously) next week on Raw. 

As a member of the audience? I'm fucking insulted.

...die of boredom from Raw

Thank God for AEW. It was long overdue for Vinny Mac to get some competition, and he certainly has it now. As AEW continues to grow, GCW is also growing at a rapid rate, and most importantly, it's living up to the G part of it's name: gamechanger. 

this aged poorly

To me, GCW is like the off-broadway version of today's wrestling landscape, and I mean that as a huge compliment. It won't always be perfect and have the greatest showmanship and performances every single night, but you better believe that there is an incredible amount of talent and waaay more heart there which makes it stand out. I was young when ECW was in it's final days, but I still remember being blown away by it as a kid, and I still enjoy throwing on their old shows via in the interwebs. It had that punk, indie, low budget feel to it, but it was so damn authentic that it was hard not to watch it. 

I feel the same exact way about GCW.

sheesh.

I first took real notice of GCW with the whole Jon Moxley and Nick Gage faceoff at Spring Break of Wrestlemania Weekend. They really got Mox? They got the biggest star of AEW to show up to a basically a parking lot to face their new champ with a bunch of light tubes and shit? The intrigue was there immediately. I already knew some of the names in GCW, mostly Joey Janela, Nick Gage, Allie Katch and Effy, but suddenly I took way more notice of who was there and what they had going on over in GCW. Also, it was hard not to ignore the legend of Jimmy Lloyd, who had just recently (unofficially) joined WWE's Hurt Business that same weekend Mox showed up. 

For me, you can throw on any GCW or ECW show and not worry so much about storylines. You can tell immediately that whoever is out there is just there to kick ass, and quite frankly, it's refreshing as hell. You never know who is going to show up, and trying to guess outcomes is pointless. Just in the last couple of months, GCW has hosted Mick Foley, Kevin Nash and Sabu(!). They've worked with a bunch of big name AEW and Ring of Honor stars, numerous Japanese wrestlers (Minoru Suzuki was still wild to me personally), and countless other legends who can still hang today (2Cold Scorpio and Ricky Morton, I'm looking at you dudes). You don't know what you're gonna get at any GCW show, and that's what makes it so damn exciting. 

Fast forward a bit and I've bought my fair share of shows they've put on, and I haven't been disappointed yet. I love that you have such a mix of competition and styles. You obviously have the brutal deathmatch shit, but you also get incredibly skilled lucha matches and classic mat wrestling in the mix as well. The cast of characters is pretty wide ranging as well. If you were to tell me a year or so ago that I would willingly buy a show that had Zack Ryder in the main event, I would've thought you were crazy. If you had told me he would be fighting Nick fuckin' Gage in a deathmatch that would involved light tubes, tacks, staples doors, whatever the hell else they could use, and then a riot would breakout in the crowd, I really would've thought you were off your damn rocker. 

As annoying Ryder..no...Matt Cardona is (which I guess means he's doing a damn good job), I give him all the credit in the world for reinventing himself since his release. Love him or hate him, any wrestling fan knew he didn't get a fair shake with the idiots in Stamford. I'd give him more credit and praise but I'm still pissed off he beat Joey Janela so...I'll stop there. Besides him, there's so much talent there and up and coming guys that it's going to be a lot of fun to keep watching. Blake Christian is going to be a stud. Jordan Oliver and Nick Wayne has crazy bright futures. Then you even have guys like PCO still doing the damn thing. They have dudes like Alex Colon and Second Gear Crew who I hope I NEVER spill a drink of theirs at a bar. GCW is another destination for wrestlers to go and do their own thing, which is great for the business. McMahon had a stranglehold on this business for too long, but the tides are kinda starting to turn. 

The easy thing to do is just compare it to ECW back in the day. I hope that doesn't offend them in any way with that comp, it's just...kinda true. Back in the 90's and early 00's you had WWF/E having their dick measuring contest with a floundering WCW, and you had ECW right there in the wings doing their own crazy shit with a rabid cult following. I don't think it's unfair to say right now that we have a new peak in wrestling, just some of the cards have been shuffled. Now, WWE is the new floundering WCW (seriously, a scooter race next Monday), AEW is the WWF/E and GCW is the new ECW. (On a quick side note, it really is amazing how WWE has dropped the ball with NXT2.0. They had a good thing going and they crashed and burned like Antonio Brown on the Buccaneers. Sad!). To me, GCW is their own brand of wrestling and it's just as enjoyable as AEW. 

Just rearranging the living room a bit...

This past Sunday night GCW sold out the Hammerstein Ballroom in New York City  and put on a hell of a show. It had the grit and crazy spots that it should have. Not everything was perfect, which was perfectly fine at the same time. I almost had to watch that opening brass ring ladder match through my fingers due to some of those crazy ass spots. The Joey Janela/Cardona match was a clusterfuck in the best way possible. I loved the crazy twists and turns, the return of X-Pac, the nod to Edge with Brian Myers coming out in the motorcycle helmet, it was so chaotic and fun and had the crowd truly amped up. You felt the disappointment when Allie Katch lost to Ruby Soho, but hey, that just means she's over as hell to the GCW faithful, and that's something to be proud of, isn't it? Team Gringo vs. Team Bandido was a banger that had some moves that I had never seen before, which is something that seems to happen more often than now in GCW. The entire show, really, was something else. Hell, you even got Jeff Jarrett to have a relevant match in 2022 thanks to Effy! 

Poor Effy, I like that Effy!

Although the match itself was brief, the main event was memorable just for the return of the King himself, Nick F'n Gage as a surprise opponent. I love the shot of some of the fans on the stage when Dewey Donovan made his zombie-like way to the crowd. Their faces were just in disbelief that in any second that bell was going to go dong and they weren't gonna go crazy for the Undertaker. No, that bell tolling was Metallica's "For Whom The Bell Tolls" which can only mean one thing: Nick Fucking Gage. MDK all day, and at the end of the day it was the perfect way to go out. Nick Gage getting the crowd into an absolute frenzy. 

The Ensuing Chaos, sponsored by PBR

I absolutely mean it when I saw bravo to Brett Lauderdale and the GCW crew. The haters are gonna hate, but no matter what, you guys sold out the legendary Hammerstein Ballroom, and you have more eyeballs on your company than ever. This was your show to prove everyone wrong, and you did. People may look back years from now and view The WRLD on GCW as one of those game-changing (pun absolutely intended) nights for the company. Long live GCW.