Call Me Maybe: A Breakdown

When I first learned that a song called 'Call Me Maybe' was quickly sweeping the nation, I was skeptical. This Carly Rae Jepsen character seemed like the next Rebecca Black, which meant I would have to do a blog about every single she released until she croked. Needless to say, when I heard the song for the second time (first time being in a state of utter shock and confusion that the lyrics weren't a joke), it hit me that Jepsen is the real deal. I shall now tell you why.

1. She's Canadian- Canada has been turning out some A-listers in the very recent future. For years, Canada has just be regarded as 'America's Hat', or 'France's Ugly Cousin', or just cold and boring, but look at the list of celebrities that have come from this tundra: Bieber, Drake, Ryan Gosling (!), Pam Anderson, Barenaked Ladies, Chandler from Friends, Arcade Fire, Marty McFly, Jim Carrey, Avril Lavigne, Keanu Reeves, the list just goes on and on! Unlike Miley Cyrus or that terrible satan-esque diva Rebecca Black, Jepsen has probably ice skated, been to Toronto, and has tried something from Tim Horton's (it's a donut shop right?). Laugh now, but pretty soon Canada will be taking over the world.
2. The music video- Holy hell. What a twist at the end! I will sadly admit that I laughed when the jacked dude with the sweet 'the sky is the limit' tat on his chest turned out to have the hots for the hipster guitarist. I can't tell if the purpose of this video was to be corny on purpose (the romance novel cover part, the guitarist moonwalking, the car washing thing, etc.) or it was naturally corny, but it actually made me laugh. I kept watching this video thinking it would be as bad as Rebecca Black's 'Friday' video, but I just couldn't bring myself to hate it. It was like watching a car wreck happen but both drivers were okay. It's not pretty, you can't look away from it, and afterwards you're relieved everything is alright.
3. Jepsen herself- There is no way this chick is 26 years old. This is one of those moments where you have to take for granted that Wikipedia might not always be accurate due to people lying on there. Be honest with yourself, when you first saw her, you thought she was in the 14-17 age range. The fact that she was born in 1986 is mindboggling. You know who else was born in 1986? Casey Anthony. Lady GaGa. Robert Pattinson. The Olsen Twins. That attention whore Lana Del Rey. Bill Buckner death threats. Linsday Lohan. Looking back on it now 1986 gave birth to a lot of weirdos. Anyways, Jepsen is interesting. She finished 3rd on Canadian Idol (lol), has a haircut that makes it look like she doesn't have a forehead/eyebrows, and looks 14. Talk about the makings of superstar. I don't know if I'm getting old or just giving up on life, because normally I would automatically hate her, but I just can't do it. I'm not sure if I'm just confused and baffled or intrigued by her, but for some reason I don't hate her for giving the world this song.
4. The song itself- It is catchy. It's almost too catchy. Not annoyingly catchy like 'Friday', but it is close. The song's popularity has skyrocketed over the past month. Just the other day I saw two guys who looked like they were part of Lil Jon's posse drive down my street in a mini van bumping 'Call Me Maybe'. I mean sure, they lost all their street cred, but they were smiling and singing along. This song is reaching levels of popularity that just appeals to everyone. All my roommates love it. Every girl I know loves it. My mom probably loves it. It's popluar enough that I'm writing a blog on it. When you actualy break the song down, it's pretty pointless. The lyrics kind of suck. It's stupid. This being said, it is stupid, yet effective. It makes you want to dance. Not since the infamous Macarena has a song influenced so many outbreaks in dancing in such a short span.
5. The mystery- Why is there some doubt? Having that 'maybe' thrown into the mix is a real game changer. Is Jepsen being coy? Playing hard to get? Does she want the intended target to call or is she just being nice? Exactly what is her phone number? Is Canada considered a long-distance phonecall? If I were the intended target, I'd be on the fence about calling her. That maybe would just throw me for a loop. This is a topic that I will bring up to my Women's Psychology class this week. This addition of the word 'maybe' is a fine example of why men don't know what women want. Hey girls, if you want a guy to do something or not do something, just be clear with us. We are simpletons. We don't know what you're saying if you're trying to be mysterious. In most cases, it backfires and you end up writing on your facebook status how all guys suck blah blah blah. If you're direct and honest with us, we will know what to do and hopefully make you happy. All this 'maybe' bullshit just confuses us. If I met a girl at a party, she gave me her number, but then said 'call me maybe', I'd feel like it would be a lost cause. Girls suck. In fact, I've made up my mind just now. Carly Rae Jepsen sucks. Disregard this whole blog post. She pisses me off. Maybe. Why did she have to throw in that maybe? Now I'm going to be up all night pondering this. Dammit.

I do have to thank one person for this topic, and that is Hofstra's finest, Annik Spencer. I mean I haven't had a good topic to write about in months, and her text message asking me to do this blog was perfect. For the record, if anyone else has good blog topic ideas, just text me. These days I'll write about anything. So Annik, thank you. You have officially been shouted out.