Why Fainting Is Too Mainstream- An Essay

Today was an odd day for me. Tuesdays normally suck because I have four classes which shouldn't even be allowed for seniors, and I had a test in Meteorology that allowed me no sleep last night (who cares about weather anyways? If it rains it rains, who cares). Anyways, when I came home from class, I dropped my backpack off in my room and then the next thing I knew, I woke up on my floor with my head pounding, probably cause it bounced off my floor or something like that. Needless to say I was a bit spooked. I woke up and figured that either I had A. Hit rock bottom, 2. already flashed forward to most of my mornings on spring break this March or C. fainted. I guess I fainted. Anywho, what confused me is why? I have never fainted before, and besides feeling tired I was perfectly fine before it happened.

Like most things that happen in my life, I decided to tweet about it, and I got a few responses to it. Jennifer Wood graciously called me a pussy, Danny Allen commented "@JimKirwan26 I was pretty surprised that the Raiders traded those picks for Palmer too, but come on!", Chris Rizzini tweeted something about meeting some guy named Jim Kerwin (still not sure what that had to do with fainting, but thanks Chris), and the lovely Kaitlin 'the greatest catholic school girl ever' Parella tweeted 'what happened!? did you see a ghost? Was your corset too tight?..did you get proposed to!?' which sparked a great idea to me: find out what the hell made me faint. Before I begin, I would love to thank Kelli Kinkella and Sarah 'McMuffin' McParty for showing me concern and the utmost love with their texts and phone calls to ensure my safety. Now onto why I fainted:

• My corset was, indeed, too tight.


• I saw one of the mice that have started to invade the bottom shelf of our pantry /-:


• Someone said Pee Wee Herman's magic word of the day.


• A scorned former sweetheart of mine finally got her voodoo doll of me to work.


• All those years of doing heroin, crack and snorting glue finally are starting to catch up to me


• The heavy workload of senior year is making me crack


• I didn't get enough sleep last night.


• I got knocked out by a robber just like McLovin' in Superbad when he's buying alcohol with his fake ID


• Someone on the opposing kickball team put something in my drink and tried to sabotage team Neighbz tonight (jokes on you losers, still couldn't get that W away from us)


• Too much stress of the Bruins losing games. I'm just not used to it yet.


• The fact that I haven't left New England in a very, very long time is slowly driving me insane


• The scent of my new deordorant is too overwhelming (what exactly does Fiji smell like, Old Spice?)


• I've spent so much time trying to find Waldo and Carmen San Diego to no avail that it's finally starting to catch up to me.


• The Men in Black erased my memory with that clicker thing they always use


• I thought of Justin Bieber


• My brain gave up trying to figure out girls and what they want, and what they really mean when they say things and why they're evil


• This whole Occupy Wall street has gotten too mainstream and has started Occupying My Brain because it's so pointless


• All the blood rushed to one side of my head because my house is tilted so much to one side.


• Someone outside my window said something about Coldplay and Kings of Leon being the two best bands of all time.


• I miss my Mom /-:


• God was telling me that I should keep my hair short instead of bringing back the flow.


• I heard someone say 'Kardashian'


• I forgot how to stand up straight.


• Slipped on a strategically placed banana peel


• It hit me how terrible of a movie A Walk To Remember is (spoiler alert: she dies.)


• Still in a state of shock that they haven't made a sequel to Ferris Bueller's Day Off yet.


• I just want to be held by someone /-:


• It was Inception


• Colonel Mustard, in Jim's room, with the lead pipe.

Anyways, I don't recommend fainting. It's really overrated and kind of sucks. Once again, big shoutout to Katie Parella for the blog topic. Finally, gotta give some shoutouts to my kickball team The Neighbz: Kelli 'The Cinema' Kinkella, Sarah 'Gimme-The-Booze' McParty, Meg 'Captain Clutch' Murphy, Ali 'MVP' Brussard, Rebecca "Keno" Mazur, Emmy 'The Speed Demon' Finneran, Lauren 'The Windmill' Mills, Matt 'Startin' Trouble' Dennison, Matt 'Big Head' Rizzini, Matt 'I Can't Believe There Are 3 Matts On This Team' Gaynor, ....and Sean Mottola.