Fast Times at Facebook High

After I left my laptop open in my dorm at 12:42 on October 15th, my roommate Matt Rizzini decided to change my status on facebook to "Jim Kirwan i says wat i wants and if u's dnt lik it, we gut problemz and muh boiz gon fuc haterz up if haterz keep runnin deir moufs". Upon further inspection, I realized that statuses have become a staple of our lives. I had some great feedback to that tainted status, Kristen Conners liked it, and I had three different people comment it, including Cat Crimmins who told me to 'ride or die'. This status harassment gave me a great idea however: make a status to think of a new blogpost. The response to this status was overwhelming. At 1:07 on October 15th, "Jim Kirwan whoever responds to this question will get a shoutout in the next blog: what topic should I blog about next?" was written for the whole facebook community to see. I had the type of response I could only dream about. Some whiney dork kid asked for it to be about him, two people asked for the Bruins, one person about famous white centers of basketball, such as Goerge Mikan ( I think you meant George Mikan), but most importantly, stupid facebook statuses and endless facebook photo albums. Since I am a man of my word, I hereby give shoutouts to Fordham's Christina Curran and DePaul University's Andrew "Danger" Chace (the kid on the right, or my left, in the picture with the title of the blog) for making a combination idea to blog about.

SO what I've decided to do is take actual facebook statuses that I have deemed 'stupid' and will discuss the various forms of pictures most girls take on facebook. To protect people from getting mad at me, I will change everyone's name to So and So, basically so no one can get me for slander. Let's go.

So and so anyone wanna go to the dentist for me today? - No.

So and so waking up because school makes me. - Alright. So if school didn't wake you up, what would? Your mother?

So and so cant sleep...maybe ill count tom brady's TD passes tonight instead of counting sheep. - Alright I can't make fun of this status, it's a pretty good idea.


So and so is not a widget. - Maybe you're not a widget, but this is a widget according to google images.


So and so Okay, so first of all! Michael Myers COULD BE real! And! There are definitely clowns that live under your bed that WILL eat your toes in your sleep if you let them hang over the edge of your bed. DON'T DOUBT IT! - Yeah, I know Michael Myers is real, he played Austin Powers and even starred in Wayne's World 2. Clowns are scary and I'm sorry to hear about your lack of toes, but what are you doing letting them hang over the edge of your bed?


So and so Fml....smh! Boy o boy I tell u. - Thanks. Now I can sleep at night.


So and so omg so and so just farted on me in his sleep. About time to pee on him. - Please don't. Thats unsanitary.


So and so took a shower without flip flops! - W0W! Did you teach yourself that?


So and so Giants lets get it. - Yep. They got it alright.


So and so FUCKING BINGO! - I wish I could get that excited for something along the lines of bingo.

Danny Allen knows nothing of health care reform. Do you? - No.


So and so fort. - Makes sense to me.


So and so just spent 5 hours in traffic f#$k me right? - Good luck with that. Do you really think girls will do that to you just because you spent 5 hours in traffic?


So and so is wicked sick and can't stop coughing. - Informative, now I know if I see you to stay away from you. Just goes to show that statuses can be useful sometimes.


So and so Is in class... I think putting my head down on the book and letting osmosis kick in is the only way I'm going to understand his garbageeee. - You spelled garbage wrong.


So and so lovin my bitties in 315. - So do I ;-)


So and so I want a friggin sea turtle!!!... someone find one so i can have one. - Yeah I'm on it. But only if I find one for myself first.

So and so who killed hip hop? - My money is on Chingy.

So and so class then taking a serious napopotamus. - Really? A napopotamus? I hope those are on the endangered species list. (P.S. Thank you to Steve Sheridan for showing me this one).


Aright, time for pictures. Now anyone who has a facebook knows that some girls just have endless albums. I'm talking about like albums with 100+ pictures. I'd say the good majority of these albums consist of the person and two friends posing in clothes they are trying on, with different faces in each picture and then later making comments on those pictures about "ew, OMG take this down!!!!". The most common pictures are the infamous "Myspace mirror shot", the always clever "Hand on hip/arched back shot" and the "Look at me dammit shot". These are current staples of facebook albums. Girls think they're soooo h0t in their shiny high heels and highwaisted skirts, with random belts that arent even belts to hold up their shirts (aren't belts used for pants?), dresses that you can't wear to prom but can wear to bars, new hairdo's and leggings. Don't forget about Uggs. Never ever underestimate Uggs.


So once again, thank you to Christina and Andrew, it's people like you who give me great ideas when I can't think of anything and help this blog happen.