We Meet Again

Since the good city of Boston was (still is) a frozen tundra with all sorts of public transport issues, I decided to come home to good ol' East Providence, RI last weekend.  I enjoy coming home every once in a while to make sure my family and friends don't miss me too much, and also to see my old room and dog and…well that's about it I suppose.  I was mortified to see that my Mom decided to clean my room out of the blue and my organized chaos was reduced to just organized.  Although I hate when people rearrange or go through my personal belongings, I did make two discoveries from this motherly cleaning: 1. that the carpet in my room is beige.  Who knew.  2. My green iPod nano was still around, and much to my surprise, still working after I charged it.  

When I rediscovered the green iPod I was pretty surprised that it lit up when I plugged it into my charger.  That thing was my pride and joy back in the high school days, along with freshman year of college.  Walking through the hollowed halls of EP High was always much more enjoyable with Taking Back Sunday blaring in my ears when dealing with idiots who couldn't walk in front of me and freshmen who didn't know where they were going.  As annoying as it was, it brought me some joy to recall the fact that I had to strategically place the input of the headphone into the hole because I dropped it one time and it dented the hole and made it impossible to plug it in properly.  After figuring out that the headphone jack had to be precisely 3/4's of the way in (insert 'that's what she said' joke here) I got that thing cranked up, played some brick and put it on shuffle.  The results were startling.  

What I found was like a treasure trove of music that I already knew existed, yet forgot about.  Songs that I haven't heard in years started playing and it got me thinking "Jesus, what else is on this thing".  Live versions of songs, random collaborations, forgotten bands or forgotten songs by bands kept on popping up as I scrolled through the songs and artists on the click wheel thing.  This green iPod nano had turned into a sort of time capsule for one of the best times of anyone's lives: the late teens.  Now that I've had a good chance to go through it all, I have narrowed down a top 40, in no particular order, of the best gems on my old iPod.  I hope you get to recall some of these songs as well, or maybe discover some songs I once listened to back in the day, when I was about 30 pounds lighter and my hair was even more epic than it is now.  

• Cascada "Everytime We Touch"  You can go to any college party, no matter the theme or vibe, play this song and have it be an instant crowd pleaser.  Imagine how huge this song would be now if it came out in this EDM-crazed world?

• Hawthorne Heights "Ohio is For Lovers"  Really tugs at the heartstrings.  My friends and I would always make fun of Hawthorne Heights for being the most emo of the emo, yet we all knew this song was kind of a classic.  I recall the music video being creepy.  Yep, just watched it again.  Pretty creepy.

• J-Kwon "Tipsy"  One of the songs to make the word "errbody!" popular.

• Ignite "Sunday Bloody Sunday" A screamo cover of U2 can't be that bad, right?

• Flobots "Handlebars"  This song was intriguing at the time, and it still is now after all these years, yet I still don't know why.  

• Angels + Airwaves "The Adventure"  Tom, you're still a douche for ruining Blink 182, but at the time this song was a semi-big hit and was used for commercials for a bunch of shitty MTV shows.

• Avenged Sevenfold "Bat Country"  I was just as surprised as you are that this song was on here.  It's not even good.

• Transplants "Diamonds and Guns"   I know what you're thinking: "OH MY GOD IT'S THAT SONG FROM THE GARNIER FRUCTIS COMMERCIAL!"

• Black Kids "I'm Not Gonna Teach Your Boyfriend How To Dance With You"  Very catchy.  Lyrics are confusing at points with the whole "You are the girl/that I've been dreaming of/Ever since, I was a little girl" when it is a dude singing, but hey man whatever.

• Daddy Yankee "Rompe"  All I think about is the Dominican Republic.

• Taking Back Sunday "Just Like Heaven" When you're at the forefront of the emo scene, giving a shoutout to the godfathers of emo is a smart move.  I'm sure The Cure approved of this cover.

• The Academy Is... "We've Got A Big Mess On Our Hands" Personal favorite of mine from the high school days.  I enjoyed the whooooaaaaaaaAAAAAAAaaaaaa's that are plentiful in this tune.

• Jesse McCartney "Leavin'"  I admit it.  It was catchy.  I think I once tried covering this song up by telling my friends that my sister put this on my itunes library as a joke.

• That Handsome Devil "Elephant Bones"  One of the lesser known Guitar Hero jams.  This singer gets bonus points for sounding like what you would imagine Satan himself might sound like.

• Von Bondies "C'mon"  This is a legit great song that I would still listen to every once in a while.  The Von Bondies really haven't done much since this song and when their singer got his ass kicked by Jack White backstage at a show once.  No one disrespects Meg White and gets away with it.

• Peter Bjorn and John "Young Folks"  The whistle is a tricky instrument to execute in good music.  This song nailed it.

• Phantom Planet "California"  Things I hate that come to mind when I hear this song: The OC, Hollister, the color Orange.

• Young Jeezy "Go Getta"  I remember asking myself why I liked this song at the time, and here I am like 8 years later asking the same question.  

• Lostprophets "Last Train Home"  I know the lead singer did unspeakable things recently and puts a damper on their legacy, but this song was damn good and one of the best to come out when I was a high schooler.  

• Shwayze "Buzzin" Very beginning of college memories come back to me each time I hear this song once in a blue moon.  I think the best word to describe this would be 'vibes'.

• No Doubt and Incubus "Message In A Bottle" live cover of The Police.  I couldn't believe this existed/was on my ipod.  Where the hell did this occur?  How did it happen?  Great cover.

• Aquabats "Pool Party"  God those guys were so much fun.  Can't believe Travis Barker got his start with these dudes.  

• Dub Pistols "Cyclone"  This song is straight from the Tony Hawk Pro Skater 2 soundtrack, and it is still fun as hell now as it was back then.

• +44 "When Your Heart Stops Beating"  Oh, you wanna form your own band and ruin Blink, Tom?  I'll match you there.  +44 was better and less weird than AVA and this song alone proves that.  

• Red Jumpsuit Apparatus "Face Down"  A real in your face type of song.  The angst level was high on this number!

• Matisyahu "King Without A Crown" live at Stubb's.  Interesting that when this song came out, radio stations would play the live version instead of the studio, yet it made sense!  The live version was somehow better than the studio, which is extremely rare these days.

• The Jay-Z and Linkin Park album:  all of it.  Before Girltalk changed the game, this happened, and the songs weren't that bad.  Only problem looking back on it now is that while Jay-Z is still HOV, Linkin Park has turned into a band that you don't want to admit you once liked. 

• Newton "Streamline"  Remember this song?  The whistles and stuff.  It was kinda viral before things even went viral.

• Bo Burnham "3.14 Apple Pie"  Am I proud that Bo Burnham was on my iPod?  No.  Does it make for a great "oh my god really?" moment of this blogpost?  I'd like to think so.

• Hot Hot Heat "Bandages"  These guys actually seemed like they had a huge chance to blow up and be the next big thing.  Instead they didn't follow up their early success and went a similar route to the Von Bondies instead of being the Killers. 

• Dragon Force "Through the Fire and the Flame"  This was the ultimate challenge from Guitar Hero.  It gives me the heebie jeebies thinking about how hard that song was to play even on medium.  

• Real McCoy "Another Night"  Ultimate Dance Party 1997 is the album that this gem was on.  Need I say more?

• Del The Funky Homosapien "If You Must"  Another gem from the Tony Hawk Pro Skater 2 soundtrack.  It was kind of a joke yet spread a good message about doing things if you must, like washing your teeth and brushing your face...you know that kinda stuff.

• Wyclef Jean featuring Akon, Lil Wayne and Nia "Sweetest Girl (Dolla Dolla Bill Ya'll)" One of the sweeter songs about a stripper ever written.

• Senses Fail "Buried A Lie"  Angry. 

• The Used and My Chemical Romance "Under Pressure"  Wow.  Just proves how bit the emo scene was back then when these two legends decided to team up and cover Bowie and Queen. Not a bad cover all in all.  

• P. Diddy, Black Rob and Mark Curry "Bad Boy 4 Life"  It took a while to figure out if this was Puff Daddy, Puffy, P. Diddy, Diddy or Sean Combs, but I eventually found the youtube of it. Nothing screams white suburbia like this song.

• No Doubt featuring Lady Saw "Underneath It All"  To this day, this song makes me want to be on a beach throwing coconuts into the ocean or at seagulls. 

• RX Bandits "In Her Drawer"  I love the drums at the beginning and it's just an all-time jam.  Highly recommend checking this song out.

• MIMS "This is Why I'm Hot"  In a world of stupid songs with stupid, simple lyrics, this one may have taken the cake.  "I'm hot cuz I'm fly/You ain't cuz you not/This is why, this is why, this is why I'm hot."  Geez.  This is why other countries hate us.

The Smiths Reunion Show

This is a pipe dream.  The odds of this are slim-to-less-than-zero.  It may even be a waste of a blogpost, but hey if I'm bringing this blog back from the dead, I may as well drag one of the greatest and most influential bands from the afterlife as well.  In the style of an ESPN 30 for 30, what if I told you…that the Smiths were to get together and play one last show.  What would be the reaction?  Where and when would this occur?  Why after all this time?  The Smiths have not played together since December the 12, Nineteen Hundred and Eighty-Six in the year of our Lord at the Brixton Academy in London for 'Artists Against Apartheid' which is a good thing for artists to be against.  Basically, turmoil hit a boiling point and the godfather of emo music, Morrissey blew everything up and has refused millions of requests to rejoin Johnny Marr, Mike Joyce and Andy Rourke.  In a short span, they gave the world a bunch of wonderful albums, and influenced bands from Brand New to Kanye West (jury is still out on that).  They came into the music world hot, faded rather quickly, and left many wanting more.  Now that it's almost been 30 years, and Morrissey announced that he has some form of cancer (along with the very Morrissey-like quote of "Well, if I die, I die."  Sounds like a Smiths B-side if you ask me) it may be now or never for one of the most sought after reunions of all time.  

As to how, when and where, who the hell knows.  There have been rumors for years about Coachella offering millions and millions for them to bury their hatchets and play a show, but Morrissey just won't budge.  If this miracle did happen, I'm guessing one of the gargantuan stadiums in London for just one night, with guaranteed vast sums of money and all sorts of demands.  All this bullshit aside, let's move on to the setlist.  

After fantasy football ended, an empty space has been in my heart for some time, so why not play a game of fantasy setlist?  Before I give you my dream setlist, I'd like to thank some people for their input.  These people enjoy the Smiths, were pretty pumped when I asked them and gave me awesome feedback right away, therefore, special thanks to Julie "Total Diva" Strano, Dave "Hey Isn't That Guy In the Attending?" Marcotte, and, of course, my Dad.  Hi Dad.  With their input, my ideas and, well, final say, here is the one time only Smiths reunion setlist:

1. Panic

2. Still Ill

3. Shoplifters of the World Unite

4. Ask

*First Morrissey Rant about the media.

5. London

6. A Rush And A Push And The Land Is Ours

7. This Charming Man

8. Frankly, Mr. Shankly

9. Stop Me If You've Heard This One Before

*Second Morrissey Rant about how great animals are and how he will kill you if you eat meat.

10. Girlfriend In A Coma

11. Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now

12. Head Master Ritual

*Morrissey slam poetry against no one.

13. There Is A Light That Never Goes Out

14. Hand In Glove

15. Boy With The Thorn In His Side

16. Meat Is Murder

* Third Morrissey rant, probably about animals again, or if anyone has pissed him off over the previous week, or how everyone wanted this god damn reunion to happen and he finally caved for the sake of it being over with.

17. I Know It's Over

18. Bigmouth Strikes Again

Encore 1.

1. Please, Please, Please, Let Me Get What I Want (Morrissey and Marr acoustic only)

*Slight possibility of band introductions, but don't bank on it.

2. The Queen Is Dead (Full Band)

Encore 2.

1. How Soon Is Now?

24: Live Another Year

I turned 24 back in early July and haven't had time to blog yet.  Here are 24 random thoughts I have on just about anything.  Enjoy

1. Let's get the sad one out of the way first.  It sucks about Robin Williams.  I don't want to get all depressing here to kick things off, but he is certainly going to be missed.  What amazed me the most after the news broke is how many different movies people mentioned calling their favorite of his.  Most movie stars are usually mostly known for one work, but certainly not Robin Williams.  I'm missing a bunch here but off the top of my head I remember people on Twitter/Facebook mentioning Jumanji, Flubber, Good Will Hunting, Dead Poets Society, Aladdin, Hook, Mrs. Doubtfire and Patch Adams.  The world is a less funny place without Robin Williams.

2.  The Ice Bucket Challenge took over the planet for a few weeks recently.  Pretty interesting seeing all these celebs calling each other out and getting involved.  In one of the more bizarre callouts, WWE Chairman Vince McMahon called out Kermit the Frog, and somehow that actually took place.  What I love about the ice bucket challenge is the assholes on social media who post things like "uhhhh u kno dat dumpin a bucket of ice on ur head doesn't do nothing, right?"  How the hell you can be ignorant to the fact that the donation is involved is mind blowing to me.  I was nominated a few weeks ago, and haven't done it yet (I know, I know) but my plan is to bring it back around in maybe 3 years and just call out a bunch of random people who I don't know why I'm friends with on Facebook.  Can't go wrong, right?  I mean after all, it's for charity.

3.  I need to voice my opinion on something.  Ladies: stop wearing those goddamn rompers.  Why do you want to wear something that is mostly associated with toddlers?  It's kind of weird.  When I see a girl in a romper I want to throw up.  They're not really attracted.  They are awkward looking.  At the very least can they just have a different name than a 'romper'?  I don't want to associate you with goddamn Tommy Pickles when I see you struttin' yourself on some highend fancy street in a major North American city.  Get with it.  Even Kate Upton can't look good in a romper.

Nice PJ's ya slob.

4.  So there are rumors of a Laguna Beach 10 year high school reunion special in the works, yet it seems that basically no one are interested in this.  For the love of everything that is sacred, don't let this happen.  MTV will be giving the world it's most desperate cry for help yet if they make this happen.  I really don't mind most of the cast, but Heidi and Spencer make me want to go play in traffic.  Don't let these idiots get any more minutes of fame than they already had.  That being said, it would be really easy for them to play the "I wonder what they've been up to" game that people do at reunions.  "I heard Heidi got some work done" will be the understatement of the century on that night.

5.  Remember that band Jet?  Like, the 'Are You Gonna Be My Girl?' and 'Cold Hard Bitch' guys?  What the hell happened to them?  They should come back.  Get an opening slot for the Arctic Monkeys on their next tour, play the hits and get back into the groove of things.  They were too good to go away, especially when the world needs more actual musicians instead of shitty pop acts who don't even have to sing themselves to sell records to a bunch of idiots who don't understand what good music really is.

6.  Speaking of which, time to rant about MTV.  The final dagger in MTV's claim that they still care about music was at the VMA's last week when Lorde won best rock video.  Lorde is not rock.  She is pop.  Just because she wears dark clothing, desperately needs a tan and looks bored does not make it 'rock'.  This is a fucking travesty in my opinion.  The fact that the Arctic Monkeys or Black Keys did not win this award is preposterous.  I would've been okay with Imagine Dragons even winning!  Okay, Linkin Park was somehow nominated too.  I think I would rather take Lorde over Linkin Park but anyways, this is not okay.  I don't mind Lorde at all as a performer.  I actually like her more than most of the other idiots who are famous right now (lookin' at you Miley Cyrus you talentless wench), but she should never have been nominated for rock.  Somewhere out there, members of Guns 'N Roses, Motley Crue and Van Halen are weeping at what has become of their beloved 'Best Rock Video' category.  MTV, you suck.

Ohhhh I get it.  Lorde Voldemort!!!!!

7. JK Rowling gave billions of her fans a surprise by releasing a short story under the guise of hated reporter Rita Skeeter about what Harry and his magical pals have been up to at a Quidditch tournament or something like that.  Nerds everywhere hyperventilated thinking this might lead to more stories, but let's all agree that after 7 books, things are pretty much wrapped up.  Unless JK Rowling blows all her earnings on drugs and gambling debts and desperately needs some cash, I highly doubt we will get anymore wizardry from her.  Plus, how many fake words are left for her to use as spells?  It's a shame she didn't use 'tweet' as a spell that makes people give their opinions when no one else wants to hear it.

8. Is the chick from the Wendy's commercials hot or not?  I have been debating this for a while now.  What do you guys think?  I might have to make this into a full length blog.  Also, bad choice naming her 'Red'.  I think I speak for us all when the only person named Red that matters is Red Forman from That 70's Show fame.

9.  I hope the Beyonce and Jay-Z divorce rumors are true.  Finally the world will see that Beyonce isn't, in fact, perfect.  She bugs me.  I've seen her Super Bowl halftime show and the majority of her VMA performance, and I honestly think people just like her because they believe the hype.  They don't want to be 'different' by being realistic and saying "eh she's okay" or "it was alright"  or even "it was pretty good!".  Our society has this fucked up notion that everything she does is like some sort of law.  And don't even get me started on Blue Ivy.  She's a baby.  Get over it.  We were all babies at once too.  Katy Perry never tweeted about me waving to her when I was 3 years old or whatever.  Wait, am I younger than Katy Perry?  Hang on, I gotta look into this.

10.  I'm sick of Shark Week.  It was kind of funny the first 2-3  years it was held, but it's a bit much now. There can only be so many sharkumentaries (that was pretty good, wasn't it?)  made, and making more Sharknado movies certainly isn't going to help.  Sharknado 2 was made solely because the first one was so ridiculously bad that people watched it in hopes of seeing a trainwreck, which they did.  This is like the movie equivalent of when everyone picks the weirdo reclusive kid in high school to be prom king.  Sharks aren't that exciting to me.  If I see one up close and personal, it'll probably be the last thing I see.  Ever.

11.  Here are my top 5 favorite flags of all time: 5. Canada

It just works.

4. California

Look a bear.

3. South Carolina

Scenic.

2. Rhode Island

Hope as a motto?  Kinda ironic.

1. United States of America.

America!

Would anything even come closet to topping that 1-2 punch of the US and RI?  No chance in hell.

12.  I like wrestling and will be started a wrestling blog in the near future.  This officially means that I have stopped trying at life.

13. This is a music video for a song called 'Cheap Beer' by a band called FIDLAR (Fuck it dog, life's a risk).  It is entertaining and is what a music video should be:

14.  This is a music video for a song called "Shake It Off" by a singer named Taylor Swift.  It sucks and is a blatant ripoff.  It is uncreative and the song is annoying as all hell and I will save it for a video breakdown at some point in the near future:

15.  Actress Megan Fox has a pretty strange career.  She is only good in reboots.  Think about it, her most marketed feature film that wasn't a reboot was Jennifer's Body, which didn't do so hot.  She also starred in Transformers and the newly released Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie, which have done very well respectively.  Is there anyone else out there who can say the same about being successful in two different reboot franchises?  Anyone who can think of another person, let me know and I will gladly pay for a drink of your choosing.  If Megan Fox could just go out there and buy herself a personality I think she would be a much bigger star, even without being in the inevitable Back to the Future or Breakfast Club reboot.

16.  There is one pretty big band out there who I want to call out:  MGMT.  I have decided that you guys are assholes.  You come out on the scene with a huge album with 3 hugely popular singles (Time to Pretend, Electric Feel, Kids) and make it big. You go on tour and the world finds out your quirky and such, which is okay since you make good music.  Your second album, Congratulations, comes out and people buy it thinking it'd be good, and maybe half of it is, being generous.  You guys went weirder with that album, but there are some okay songs on it, so all is forgiven, maybe even chalked up to a sophomore slump.  Then your 3rd album comes out and it's absolute weird garbage.  You stop playing 'Kids' at your shows even though everyone there chants for it at the end of each show/encore, but you guys are too cool to play it.  Not only that, you hardly interact with your fans and your shows are disappointing, which I learned at Lupo's in Providence about a year ago.  Also, you guys are such hipster douches that when your 3rd album 'MGMT' came out, you decided to celebrate Record Store Day by not releasing the vinyl version of your album, but you released your first single 'Alien Days' on CASSETTE.  CASSETTE TAPES.  NOT EVEN HIPSTERS LIKE CASSETTE TAPES!  THEY SUCK!  AT LEAST VINYL HAS BEEN PROVEN TO SOUND BETTER THAN AUDIO AND IT'S COOL HAVING A PHYSICAL RECORD AND ARTWORK YOU CAN FRAME AND STUFF LIKE THAT.  CASSETTES WERE AWFUL TO BEGIN WITH AND THERE IS A REASON WE DON'T USE THEM.  You guys suck.  Stop being overly weird, make some good music, play your hits at concerts and be thankful you're even somewhat relevant still.

17.  In what was probably the most girly fight between two dudes ever, Orlando Bloom and Justin Bieber got into a scrum at some club or something.  This is the only time that I would root for Orlando Bloom in anything.  The only fight I would spend money on to order on Pay-Per-View would be this battle, with the loser guaranteed to go back to their country and stay there for good.

No one wins, or we all win?

18. Singer Lana Del Rey admitted that she basically slept with people to get to the top of the music industry, which I'm sure thrilled the top executives at her record label.  Lana Del Rey might be able to sing well enough, but she is such a fraud it's unreal.  I hate how she went for her retro Hollywood glamour look when she first started and was shrouded in secrecy, only until she was found to be a rich LA kid who always got money from her Daddy and I'm guessing got bored and gave singing a try.  Then she got in trouble by saying that she wishes she were dead like Kurt Cobain, which pissed off a lot of people, including Kurt Cobain's daughter.  Now that she's top level famous she decides to just admit that sleeps with people to get ahead in life?  Must be nice.  Lana Del Rey embraces the seedy part of music deals and just proves that hard work doesn't always pay off, just being hot and easy does.  What a country. UPDATE: It has been pointed out to me that I guess Lana Del Rey grew up in Connecticut, meaning she's even faker than I thought.

19. I enjoy me some good ol' fashioned obstacle course TV shows.  If you remember a few years back, Spike would show Most Extreme Elimination Challenge which took some insane Japanese obstacle course show and they dubbed over the voices with ridiculous and actually funny dialogue.  Besides the humor, it was an entertaining show with absurd courses.  One new show along these lines is Stone Cold Steve Austin's Broken Skull Ranch.  Basically Stone Cold owns some huge ranch in Texas and developed an obstacle course that guys who love Crossfit drool over.  It may not be as funny as MXC but it's so nice to listen to one of my idols smacktalkin' these people as they climb over rocks and up hills and such.  There's no one quite like Stone Cold Steve Austin and whoever came up with the premise for this show is a genius.

20.  Jesse Lacey, frontman for Brand New is trying too hard to be this generations Morrissey.  Obviously, Jesse is not cheery person.  If he were then Brand New would never have become famous for heartfelt songs about girls treating him cruelly and friends backstabbing him.  This being said though, Jesse needs to cheer up.  I saw Brand New open for Modest Mouse in Queens at some ping-pong stadium a few weeks ago and Jesse Lacey was depressing on stage.  Weirdly interacting with the crowd who showed so much love and support for the band.  It's like he just doesn't care at all, even at what should be a hometown show for the Long Island native.  As most people familiar with the band know, their first real hit was Seventy Times 7 from the first album.  It resonates with fans and hits the angsty strings in peoples minds and hearts, and it is one of the most beloved songs from the emo movement of the early 00's.  After playing Seventy Times 7 at this show (they don't always play this song at shows, by the way) he muttered on his microphone something along the lines of "Thank God that song is over with".  I am a huge fan of his, but shut up Jesse.  That song made you guys.  Don't complain about something that got you huge.  Seriously, with some of the mediocre setlists you give your longtime fans, that 4 minutes of 70x7 was the highlight for many people.  Cheer up and work on that damn 5th album.  It's been 5 years since Daisy came out, and we all know that that album was a huge flop.

21. So the longtime voice of Saturday Night Live passed away recently.  Don Pardo was the guy behind the introduction of the cast before each show along with various cameos in skits and such, and he had one of the most distinctive voices on TV.  In fact, he is in my top 5 of distinctive voices, along with the AOL 'You've Got Mail' Guy, the guy who does the Monster Jam commercials (SUNDAY, SUNDAY SUNDAAAY!), H. John Benjamin who voices Sterling Archer on...well, Archer, and the Moviefone directory guy.

22.  Somehow, Limp Bizkit is playing Boston this fall.  Even more amazing is the fact that Fred Durst and Co. are charging 50$+ for tickets.  Are you serious?  The Chocolate Starfish and Hot Dog Flavored Water came out about 14 years ago, and you haven't done anything good since.  You ruined a perfectly good song by The Who when you "covered" Behind Blue Eyes and had Halle Berry in the video for it (that is so early 00's it's not even funny), and even that happened about 12 years ago.  This being said, I may look into going to this show, because the 11 year old me would be begging my poor mother for permission to go to this show.  Imagine the crowd of people this show would attract?  So many degenerates.  Also, who is opening up for them?  Korn?  Disturbed?  So many washed up rap-rock groups are probably available for this position.

Keep on rollin'

23. It has been reported that the NFL wants performers to pay up to be the halftime show at the Super Bowl, which has disaster written all over it.  First of all, this will definitely not help the Super Bowl get any good acts.  I don't even know who the last good Super Bowl halftime show was, maybe U2 back in 01?  Most people disappoint and the added stipulation of giving up a portion of the performer's earnings on the following tour just means that we'll get someone lame like Coldplay this year and then probably Katy Perry and then Rihanna, because they can afford it.  Leave it to the NFL to take a thing like paying performers to show up and turn it around by having performers pay them to play.  This crushes my dream of ever having Carly Rae Jepsen play the Super Bowl :-/ thanks a lot NFL.  Greedy bastards.

24.  I find it utterly amazing that I did a joke interview with a friend on the topic of wigs and it has gained 58,000+ views since April and is my most read blogpost by far.  I don't know what that says about the world today, but I'll take it.

LIVE BLOG: 2014 NBA Draft

The NBA Draft is upon us.  Normally, I don't really care (see previous blogpost), but this year is completely different.  First of all, as a Celtics fan, I have a lot riding on this for the future of the team.  More importantly, dear friend and now official Breakfast at Jimothy's NBA Insider 'Dapper' Dan Allen is in attendance at the actual draft in New York City.  I need to take full on advantage of this, so every few minutes or so I will get word from Dapper Dan on what's going on at the event.  Check back every few minutes or so to get the inside scoop.  Now let's get to the action!

The Way There (5:58 pm)
Dapper Dan- First insight: met my cousin in NYC. Got a cab.  Cab was pulled over.  Meter kept running.
JK- No way.  Great start.  Let me knows the situation when it comes time to pay
DD- Already paid.  $1 tip.

Countdown to the Draft
JK-Are you surrounded by any interesting characters?
DD-Every jersey ever.  Like bonnaroo.
JK-Can I get some highlights?
DD-Carter-Williams everywhere.  Montage of the last rookie class.  Tim Hardaway Jr. got a rousing applause.
DD- Isaiah Thomas got HUGE bios.
DD-Boos.
DD-I'm drinking.
JK- Fantastic.  Before it starts who is going number 1 and who do the Celtics take at #6?
DD- Wiggins one.  (Aaron) Gordon or Joel Embiid for Boston.
DD- But TRAdes
DD- TRADES
DD- ANARCHY


DD-more broads than you'd expect here.
JK- That's interesting.
DD-CLEVELAND SUCKS rains down from the rafters!
JK-It really does!!!
DD- Cleveland will blow this pick btw
JK-I think odds are better that it will be a bust.  Typical Cleveland.  That place stinks.  I hope Clevelands pick walks out on stage and does the Johnny football money gesture.

Andrew Wiggins goes #1 to Cleveland
DD-Wiggins is Canadian.
DD-Crowd supported him.
JK-What kind of America is this!?

Jabari Parker goes #2 to Milwaukee
DD-My seats are so cheap that Philly is everywhere
JK- That's never a good sign.  How about Parker going to the wasteland that is Milwaukee?

Joel Embiid goes #3 to Philly
JK-That look on Embiid's face during his name getting called really sums up anyone getting news that they have to go to Philly.
DD- Parker wanted that.  Hour from his hometown.
DD- I'm hoping Embiid wasn't live
JK- Maybe he just doesn't like cheesesteak

Aaron Gordon goes #4 to Orlando
JK- Shit.  That's a letdown
DD- WOW.
DD-AND 1 style reaction up here
JK- LIke when Hot Sauce crossed up some sucka at Rucker Park?
DD- Yes.  Shocking.
JK- Utah Jazz are up next.  Will they select a Mormon?

Dante Exum goes #5 to Utah
JK-Australian.  Next best thing.
DD- Wut.

Marcus Smart goes #6 to Boston
DD- I'm so mad if rondo is gone
JK-Holy smokes.  How do you like that pick?  I was thinking (Julius) Randle
DD- Anti randle.
DD-I hope he can play with Rubio in Minnesota!
DD-Burn.
JK- Do you think smart's glasses are real or hipster fake?
DD- Fake.

Julius Randle goes #7 to Los Angeles Lakers
JK- Woof. Rodeo drive has a new client.
DD- He sucks.
DD- Foot surgery.
DD-Lol dummy.
DD-I'm hating everyone until pick seventeen (next Celtic's pick)
DD- Fingers crossed for Dario Saric
JK- Can they redraft Brian Scalabrine?  Is it possible?
DD-No.
DD- Everyone sucks

Nik Stauskas goes #8 to Sacramento
JK- Is Nik Stauskas the 2nd coming of Jimmer in Sacramento?  And I don't trust someone who spells Nick without the 'c'

Noah Vonleh goes #9 to Charlotte 

Elfrid Payton goes #10 to Philly 

Doug McDermott goes #11 to Denver

At this point, Dapper Dan has either had too many Coors Lights or his phone died or he is just too enthused in the draft to text me.  Some thoughts to consider:  What the hell kind of a name is Elfrid?  I don't watch it, but if you were to ask me "Is Elfrid an NBA prospect's first name or a character on Game of Thrones?"  I totally would've said Game of Thrones without hesitating.  I do like his hair, by the way.  As for Dougie McBuckets going to Denver, all I have to say is that thanks to my beloved Providence Friars, he'll be going there without a Big East title.  Take that, sucka.

Philly?  Grrrrrrrreaaaaat.

Doug McDermott has been traded to Chicago 

That was fast.

Dario Saric goes #12 to Orlando
Obviously the Croatian guy has a purple bow-tie.  This guy looks like a real doofus.  I know Dapper Dan wanted him for the Celtic's but he doesn't do it for me.  On a side note, does anyone else think that Commissioner Silver looks like a cartoon character?  He has very mouselike qualities about him.  Maybe the ears?  He almost reminds me of a human pencil for some reason.  Minnesota is up next.

Zach LaVine goes #13 to Minnesota
As someone who can't grow a decent looking beard, even I have to say that this kid can't grow facial hair.  Geez.  Looks about 12 if it weren't for the fact he's 6'8 or whatever.  I already don't like him because he wears high socks while playing basketball.  That's not good.  Might as well toss on some short shorts and go full on early 70's style.
I also like these Footlocker/Adidas commercials with Dante Exum.  Strange listening to an Australian accent when the conversation is about sneakers.  He's kinda funny.  Also, somewhat worried about Dapper Dan.  Maybe he got thrown out for having too much fun?  Kinda concerning.  

TJ Warren goes #14 to Phoenix
I will not even pretend that I know anything about TJ Warren.  I was kinda banking on Dapper Dan to be the wealth of knowledge as my correspondent.  Maybe he has gone rogue and is attempting to go backstage for interviews?  I give this Warren fella credit, that is a pretty boss looking black and pink pinstripe shirt he has on.  Very impressive.

Adreian Payne goes #15 to Atlanta

We now have Krazy Kyle Towne reporting as my new NBA Draft correspondent.  Please welcome him with open arms.

KT- Kyle here, reporting live from the Sully Cave
JK- Kyle, thank you for joining the B@J NBA Draft reporting team.  What's the atmosphere like in the Sully Cave?
KT-Pretty low-key right now.  We were pretty upset after having Embiid, Gordon and Exum all taken from our grasp.  But things are looking up.  We are really holding out hope for GARY

Come to the Celtics!!!

JK- Is Gary the snail the most famous Gary of all time in your opinion?
KT-The Dante Exum commercials are spawt-on, but are really putting salt in the wound for us Celtics fans.  We were one pick away.  No Gary Busey is number one.  Then he probably falls somewhere between Gary Coleman and Gary Payton.
JK- Riveting stuff right there.  Chicago is up next, who do you have them taking right now?
KT- Well I believe this pick is going to Denver if I'm not mistaken, in the Doug McDermott trade.  If it is Chicago, they'll take Tyler Ennis.  If it's Denver, I'm saying Gary Harris, and more heartbreak for Sully and me.
JK-Geez.  I can't trust anything on tv anymore.

Jusuf Nurkic goes #16 to Chicago/Denver
JK- What the hell did he just say?
KT- That guys is gonna love the legal edibles in Denver.
JK- Eat 'em if ya got 'em, am I right?
KT- Won't be shocked if the C's moved down to pick up a second round pick.  But the real hope is for GARY HARRIS.
JK-Can we trust someone named Gary who was born in the 90's?

James Young goes #17 to Boston
JK-WUT
KT-BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
KT-Celtics WILL regret that pick
JK-That is such a let down.  Think it'll be part of a trade?
KT- We can only hope.  That guy has the worst hair I think I've ever seen.
KT-We must now brace ourselves for the apundance of bad jokes heading our way with prospects named Smart and Young.
JK-Ugh.  This isn't good.
KT-Jeez, they just had to put the draft on #tbt

Out of nowhere, Dapper Danny Allen has come back with some text messages
DD-He's (Elfrid) supposed to be good.  I hate everyone and everything here.
DD-This euro is awesome!  Should've gone ten slots later!
DD-Beginning to heckle.
DD-Lot of Melo going elsewhere jokes.
JK- Thoughts on Young?
DD-Solid pick.  Stauskas but later.

Tyler Ennis goes #18 to Phoenix
JK-Tyler Ennis just looks good in orange

Gary Harris goes #19 to Chicago/Denver
KT-Right team, wrong pick.  Knew he'd end up in Denver somehow.
JK-Hey so would you rather fight 1 horse sized duck or 100 duck sized horses?
KT-I have chosen 100 duck sized horses and I will stick with that decision despite how many good arguments are made for the other side.
JK-Interesting.  It's good that you refuse to change your mind.
KT-Yeah, the more I argue about it the deeper entrenched I get in my original opinion.
JK-So Toronto is up next.  Toronto is up in Canada.
KT-They sure are, and boy could we care less.

KT-I would really like them to take Shabazz Napier, purely because I don't want him to land in Miami. Like that kid, and I wouldn't wish LeBron on my worst enemy.  But that means I wouldn't wish LeBron on LeBron…..LeBronception?
JK-Geez Louise that is a scary thought

Bruno Caboclo goes #20 to Toronto
JK-Bruno?  What the fuck
KT-Bill Simmons couldn't have said it better.  "What just happened?"
JK-"He doesn't really know how to play yet" isn't something you want to hear about a kid that just got drafted at #20
KT-Idiotic.  Toronto has World Cup fever.
KT-Shabazz to OKC would be awesome
JK-Yeah they probably would love to fuck over LeBron and the Heat.  This would be great.

Mitch McGary goes #21 to Oklahoma City
KT-Think Like A Man Too is the #1 movie in America.  Let's let that sink in.
JK-You know, maybe Canada isn't so bad after all.
JK-So Mitch McGary fails a drug test, goes to the draft instead of serving a suspension, and now gets drafted and rich.  Only in America.
KT-Gotta love it.  Also gotta love a guy named Bogdan Bogdanovic.

Dapper Dan strikes again!
DD- Lots of mutual sympathy among Celtics fans.
DD-Put that on your fucking blog:

JK-Holy shit.  Imagine that.  A Len Bias Celtics jersey.  A Celtics jersey of a player who died the day after we drafted him.  That's pretty damn impressive.

Jordan Adams goes #22 to Memphis
JK-Dan just sent me a pic of a Len Bias jersey at the draft
KT-Jeez.  Just poured out a full beer.

Rodney Hood goes #23 to Utah
JK-How'd the crowd at the Sully Cave respond to Rodney Hood getting drafted to the Mormons in Utah?
KT- We are so jealous of those idiots.
JK- And with good reason.
KT-Give me Exum and Hood over Smart/Young any day.  Making out like bandits.  But hey, they are the fluffiest organization in sports.  They are just…there…and always will be.  They will never amount to anything.
JK-Are Exum and Hood the next Stockton/Malone?  Should Exum wear short shorts?

Shabazz Napier goes #24 to Charlotte 
KT-Kemba and Shabazz!
JK-Reunited and it feels so good!  Get on the Hornets bandwagon!

Shabazz Napier rumored to be traded Miami
JK-Oh shit.
KT- Sweet shit.  It was destiny.
JK-So much for the Uconn reunion.  Shabazz is gonna develop a serious coke problem in Miami now.

Clint Capela goes #25 to Houston
JK- Oh.  Clint.
KT- Sup Clint.
KT-I hate seeing LeBron happy.
JK-See that's why I love sports and pop culture.  Neither of us are ever going to meet LeBron James, but we both want him to be miserable.
KT- Just another reason to love this country.
KT- And on that note, bring on those waffle eating idiots!  USA! USA! USA!
JK- Yeah man!  Fuck Belgium!  They're good for nothing!

PJ Hairston goes #26 to Miami.
JK-So Doug McDermott goes to Denver?
KT-Nope.  They were just confirming the trade from earlier.  Dougie McNugbutts will be joining Anthony Randolph on a one way flight to Chicago, Ill.
JK-Oh.  I thought its as a 2nd trade.
KT-Nuggets get Gary Harris (the guy they probably would've taken at 11), Jusuf Nurkic, and 2015 2nd rounder from Chi city.  Great trade for Denver.  Good work.
JK-And great work from my correspondent at the Sully Cave on explaining that trade!

Bogdan Bogdanovic goes #27 to Phoenix
KT- BOGDAN BOGDANOVIC! DREAMS COME TRUE
KT-Goran Dragic's new besty
JK- When will you be ordering that jersey?  Hopefully in the retro 90's edition
KT-Yeah I want a Barkley-era Bogdanovic

JK-'Your Love' by the Outfield and 'She Drives Me Crazy' by Fine Young Cannibals just came on shuffle back to back. What a night.
KT- Sully just brought up a great point about the Williams sisters.  Where does one play tennis in Compton?
JK- Wow.  No clue.  Can we confirm it's THE Compton in California?

CJ Wilcox goes #28 to the Los Angeles Clippers
KT-So Venus is from Compton, CA…and Serena is from Saginaw, MI.  Lynwood, CA to be specific.
JK-How the hell is that possible?  One sister grew up in Compton and one in Saginaw?  Did they meet at summer camp like in the Parent Trap?
KT- That's the only explanation that makes any sense.

Dapper Dan breaks his silence:
DD- One of the last B@J updates is that everyone has a fucking shirt but no one has anything to say.
JK-What do you mean?
DD- Literally you see a person in an obscure player and ask about the reparative pick and they can't opine.
JK-So it's like a bunch of fake hipsters who don't know what they're wearing but they do it to not be mainstream?

Josh Huestis goes #29 to Oklahoma City
JK-Oh.  A Stanford man got drafted.  Geez.  He would be from Montana.
KT- Snore pick right there.
KT- In my mock draft I had San Antonio stealing CleAnthony Early.  Dare to believe.
JK-That might be my favorite name in the draft.  I hope they get him.
KT- For the record, my boss's mock draft had Spencer Dinwiddie being selected here.  Another fantastic name.
JK-Whoaaa.  That does win.

Kyle Anderson goes #30 to San Antonio 
JK-Really?  They couldn't have picked a more boring name.
KT-Only idiots are named Kyle.
JK-Oh yeah. That's right.  Hey so anyways, Kyle, thank you for filling in for Dapper Dan Allen for this.
KT- On the bright side, I now have a starting five of Kyle's in the NBA.  And hey now problem, always down to chat about the NBA.

Couldn't Care Less

I respect people who don't care.  I just do.  I am a firm believer those who don't let little things bother or upset them are people with a good head on their shoulders, and I don't mean the shampoo.  When I attended Governor's Ball a few weekends ago, I was chastised by someone in a bathroom line who somehow got mad at me for going to the shorter line while he and a bunch of other idiots were standing around in the longest of 3 lines.  There I was, minding my own business and thinking about what most people think about when in a bathroom line, "Go. Faster.", when all of a sudden I hear this nasally voice from behind me and to my right yelling something about a guy in a Dodgers hat.  That's when it hit me.  "Hey, I'm wearing a Dodgers hat."  I said to myself, and decided to turn around and see what all the hubbub was about.

"What?"  I said.

"You cut the line.  That's bullshit man.  There are people waiting!"  Said this lanky hipster in a tank top and some club master Ray-bans.

"Okay."  said I, trying not to give this idiot the time of day.

Much to my chagrin, he kept on giving me crap.  "It's not cool.  You fucking cut all these people who are waiting."  he said, along with some other mutterings under his breath.

"If it bothers you that much you can come over here and go in front of me."  I offered, just hoping to end this.  I was actually serious too.  It was his move at this point.

"No.  What about all these other people?  It's on principle.  Don't you care about lines?"  He said, basically giving me a layup.

Without using a half a second I kinda snapped and said "Care about lines?  I don't care about anything. Of course I don't care about lines.  Don't.  Care.  DON'T. CAAAARE."

There was sheer joy that came to me when the look on his face just grew to confusion and he got all tongue tied.  He tried pleading his case a little bit more but I decided to act like a 5 year old and keep on shouting DON'T CAAAAARRRRE!  Each time he started up another argument about caring about the bathroom line.  Mature?  Maybe not, but that's what people deserve when they choose to not be in the short bathroom line and then call out people who do select the short line.

The point of this story is that it brought me great joy to just get it off my chest that I didn't care what he thought.  At all.  I'm not going to let some hipster (who looked as if eating anything at all was too mainstream by the looks of his thin frame) dictate what line I could or couldn't use because he fucked up.  This exclamation of not caring was a rare time for me standing up for myself, and I guess I'm proud.  Anyways, obviously I care about some things, because you kinda have to, but my goal in life now is to try to not let the small things get to me like in the above example, and not care when things are trivial.  Therefore, let me give you my list of favorite people who simply don't care.

10.  Bill Belichick/Nick Saban- I'm making these two one in the same because I just can't have two college football coaches taking up to slots on this list.  Two of the most successful football coaches in the world who never seem amused or impressed by anything.  Fun fact: these two combined for a whopping 5 smiles over the past 3 years.  Out of these two, I will give a slight edge to Belichick in the 'don't care' department by his usual desire to just wear a hooded sweatshirt everywhere, and his tendency to speak as little as possible to reporters even though he technically has to talk to them.  People give him shit all the time for not being 'friendly' and a pain to the press, but I think his phrase of "it is what it is" works just fine and can be a suitable answer for any question posed his way.  Nick Saban impresses me in his lack of showing enthusiasm despite how successful he is.  I've never seen a coach win a national championship and look so miserable.  In the postgame interview, if you had your TV on mute and caught it midway through, it'd be tough to figure out if he was on the losing or winning end of the game because he never smiles and is never happy with anything.

9.  McKayla Maroney (USA Gymnast)-  Yikes.  Thrilled with 2nd place, huh?

 Is she the ultimate 'Ice Queen'?  Probably.  I'd love to see her reaction when a guy hits on her at a bar or something.  If that is the face she makes for a silver medal at the Olympics, imagine the face she'd make for a creepy guy at a bar.  McKayla basically told the world that it was gold or bust for her, and everything else just doesn't matter.  There have been psych studies that have shown that the bronze medalist is normally more content and pleased with their outcome than a silver medalist, but this is just ridiculous.

8. Icona Pop- They don't care, and they love it!  And I love it!  Cause I don't care!  The ultimate DGAF anthem.

7. Jeff Spicoli (Fast Times at Ridgemont High)-  I wouldn't know, but I'm sure if you were stoned since the 3rd grade you wouldn't care about much either.  Jeff Spicoli got a pizza delivered to his classroom in the movie, which I'm sure planted the seed for many wise-asses in high schools everywhere to duplicate this prank since seeing the movie.

Unafraid of the power hungry Mr. Hand, Jeff Spicoli doesn't care about fear and decides to explain how Mr. Hand's 'precious time' is actually everyone's 'precious time' and that there is nothing wrong with a little feast once in a while.  It's a bold move to pull this off, and it is near impossible for someone who cares about being disciplined to pull off.

6. Jack Bauer (24)- Jack Bauer is an interesting character in regards of not caring, because he cares about America, and every once in a while, a woman, but besides that he is in full DGAF mode.  This is a guy who once cut open a man to extract a microchip from his stomach to save his country.  He is ruthless to a point of no return.  In one season, he didn't care so much that he agreed to purposely start a heroin addiction to go undercover with some terrorists.  No big deal.  Not for American hero Jack Bauer.  Does he have many friends?  No.  I think he has like, 2 friends, and that's being generous.  Does his family like him?  I really doubt it.  Jack Bauer doesn't care about what he has to do to save America, just as long as he gets the job done.  And for that, Jack, we thank you.

5. Stone Cold Steve Austin-  The ultimate anti-authority figure.  The man was a Texas redneck who drank beers on the job, ran his mouth while backing it up, flipped off anyone willy nilly as he saw fit, got into a years long feud with his boss on national television, borrowed a Coors Light truck and sprayed a bunch of people in the ring, celebrated victories with more beer, and created probably the most iconic pop culture phrase from the wrestling world when he told us, after beating a newly religious Jake the Snake Roberts "You sit there and you thump your bible, and you say your prayers, and it didn't get you anywhere!  Talk about your psalms, talk about John 3:16…well, Austin 3:16 says I just whooped your ass!"  Steve Austin did what disgruntled employees everywhere wanted to do to their boss and various authority figures, and for years in the late 90's and early 00's, people lived vicariously through Austin and his attitude, which showed us how little he cared.

4. The Driver (Ryan Gosling in Drive)- Always need to look out for the quiet ones.  Ryan Gosling in the indie super film 'Drive' played a stunt and getaway driver who doesn't say much.  In fact, he doesn't even care about people who hire him as a getaway driver, giving them 5 minutes and not a second more to do their job and get out.  He didn't even seem to care when his only friend (Bryan Cranston with a limp) gets murdered.  He just sort of looks down at him and sighs.  Sure, in the movie he starts to care about his neighbor who is the blonde chick who ends up playing Daisy Buchanan and breaking Gatsby's heart and the little kid who is kind of annoying, but he ends up going to any length necessary to protect them.  He beats the shit out of a man with a hammer and doesn't even wind up with the girl!  The Driver just does what is right, and he couldn't care less about anything or anyone.

He makes this face in 98% of his screen time.

3. Ferris Bueller-  It's one thing to play some hooky as a bored high schooler.  It's another thing to go about it by having the best day ever without any real attempt to hide.  Think about it.  Most kids these days would spend a day off from school playing Xbox and try to pretend they still had a fever when their parents got back from work.  Ferris Bueller took over a parade float in downtown Chicago and serenaded the city with the only decent Beatles song they ever made.

 In addition he gets his best friend to let him use a car which is 'so choice' and doesn't seem to worry too much when it goes crashing through a glass wall (never understood the glass wall in a garage part).  Ferris lives the dream: has the girlfriend, has the adoration of his classmates and his town (Save Ferris was written on the water tower for Pete's sake), has the ability to do what he wants and get away with it.  Well done, Ferris.

2. Australian Party Kid-  The inspiration for the movie 'Project X'.  If you haven't seen this famous youtube video yet, you have been missing out and I won't have to explain why he is so high on this list.

Between the massive rager he threw that got out of hand, to not wanting to take off his sunglasses for the interview, this kid has balls, and an affinity for not caring. I do find it a bit ironic that after this interview, the sunglasses probably did get a bit famous.

1. Jay Cutler-  The legend.  I hated Jay Cutler for a while, because I just thought he was a smug asshole of a quarterback.  Little did I know that he was just a person who didn't care.  This is a man who proposed to his girlfriend, Kristin Cavallari via text message, and then sent the engagement ring to her via mail.  There is a tumblr dedicated to him with photoshopped cigarettes in his mouth, called Smokin' Jay Cutler, because his usual facial expression is that of someone who looks like they'd rather be anywhere else in the world than where they currently are, even while playing professional football.

The real legendary tale of how Jay Cutler doesn't care is that some guy at a bar approached Smokin' Jay in a men's room at a bar while he was wasted and proceeded to tell him how he also went to Vanderbilt University like he did and before he could finish saying that he was also a Chicago Bears fan, Jay Cutler cut him off by just yelling DOOOOOONNNNN'T CAAAAAARRRRRRRRE in his face before stumbling away.

Now, when it comes to quarterbacks, my respect is with Tom Brady.  Next in line, however, is Jay Cutler and everything he stands for…or doesn't care about, rather.  Much respect, Smokin' Jay.

Governors Ball 2014 Preview

Governors Ball is one of the most exciting festivals out there.  It is relatively new, but each year the lineup gets more and more absurd, and this year may be the best yet.  Headliners include the newly reformed (for now) Outkast, Jack White, Vampire Weekend, The Strokes and Phoenix.  This years edition of Gov Ball is also very important, because I will be in attendance.  Since the weekend is almost upon us, I enlisted fellow blogger and best buddy of mine Matt Rizzini, who runs One Nation, Under Dance, and just recently graced the interweb with his own festival season preview which you can take a gander at here: One Nation, Under Dance.  I decided to kick it old school and just have a good ol' fashioned Facebook chat with Matthew and see whet's goin' on with him and see what he's looking forward to about Gov Ball, since, like me, he will also be there.

Matt: I got another fuckin' potato.

Jim: Greetings and welcome to the first annual One Breakfast at Jimothy's Under Dance Hall Nation.  That is amazing.  Those damn potatoes will catch up to you.

M: Yup yup ok.

J: Alright ya know what let's just get this shit started.  I figure we'll each answer questions one after the other, ya know?

M: ok. ok.

J: Alright first thing is first.  Hipster Time: who is a lesser known artist you can't wait to see?

M: Classixx.  A nu-disco group that will be busting out the keyboards and synthesizers to perform live. It'll be a laid back set which will be a perfect way to start off a Saturday loaded with big name acts later on in the day.  How bout you?

J: You can never really go wrong with nu-disco as I always say.  I've been wanting to say the Kills for this question because they're so under appreciated, but they are kinda sorta biggish, so I'm gonna take Tanlines here.

M: Hey well we can go from Tanlines right to Classixx and revel in all our hipster glory.

J: That's not a bad idea.  Next up, is there anyone playing who you are looking forward to seeing again?

M: Oh yeah, Phoenix.  Saw them at the House of Blues (Boston) and now I can't wait to see how they play on a festival main stage.  Friday night.  Sun will be setting by the end.  I'll probably find my wife during this set.

J: Ya know, I always did like your optimism.  If I were to ask myself this questions a few days ago, I'd be at a loss.  That all changed this past Saturday when, I dunno if you heard but I saw the Strokes play at the Capitol Theatre for a warmup show.  I'm guessing they played that show to get all the kinks out before Gov Ball, but there weren't all that many kinks to be worked out.  They were awesome.  I was blown away by how they made some songs like 12:51 sound better than the actual studio version.

M: I would have place a $250 bet that you would have picked the Strokes for the answer to that question.

J: Then you would not have lost any money.  Also it hit me that the only other band I've seen before in this lineup is Sleigh Bells I believe.

M: I'm actually really looking forward to Sleigh Bells too.  That'll be great in the Gotham Tent.

J: Insert Batman joke here.

M: LOL

J: MOVING ON!!! I'm calling this segment "ask the expert".  As the head scribe of One Nation, Under Dance, which button pusher are you looking forward to seeing out there the most on the 1's and 2's?

M: Funny you ask.  None really.  As far as I can tell there will only be 3 true DJ sets at Gov Ball- RJD2, Skrillex and Axwell^Ingrosso.  I don't really know RJD2, I'm probably gonna catch most of Jack White instead of Skrillex, and I'm not too crazy about the 2/3 of Swedish House Mafia playing.

J: I am actually stunned by this.

M: There are several electronic acts that will be playing live however, and I can say that since I have seen Disclosure before, I am most looking forward to finally seeing the Bloody Beetroots live.  It's going to be nutz.

J: Okay, makes sense.  I was getting worried there for a second.  I thought you were pulling my arm there for a hot minute!

M: Empire of the Sun, Glitch Mob, Disclosure, Bloody Beetroots, Classixx.  Plenty of good live electronica for those ravers out there.

J: You all know who you are!  For me, I have to answer this while leading into a new question.  I'm saying Disclosure, but the problem is, they are playing the same time as Broken Bells, so I'm not quite sure which I'll see.  So, Matthew, which time conflict is the most heart wrenching to you?

M: Pushing aside Skrillex vs. Jack White, because I'm pretty set on seeing at least most of Jack before maybe seeing some of Sonny.  So I'm gonna go with Naked and Famous vs. the Glitch Mob.  Both shows will be great.  It's going to come down to how I'm feeling at the moment.  Thinking about splitting them up since the stages are close.

J: That's an interesting idea.  I, like you, will make a game time decision between Outkast and Damon Albarn (blur, Gorillaz frontman/mastermind).  I do enjoy me some Outkast every now and then, but I have been a fan of blur since I was about 7 when that WOOHOO song came out, and the Gorillaz are a classic, but who knows what kind of a setlist he'll play solo.  Also, I feel like it'll be interesting seeing him since everyone else will be at Outkast.

Won Me Over With the Jean Jacket

M: I'm picturing a very small crowd for Damon.  Could be pretty cool.

J: Exactly.  It would be a bit intimate.  Speaking of intimate!  Are there any eye candy you'll be locking your peepers on up on stage this weekend?  Let me tell ya, that Sexi Lexi Krauss from Sleigh Bells makes me weak at the knees, and it's always a pleasure to catch a glimpse of her live and in person.

Hubba Hubba. Oh and Hello Derek.  I Guess.

M: I can't remember what Sexi Lexi looks like since last time I saw Sleigh Bells I was about a mile away.  So I'm gonna go with Banks, but she is early on Sunday so hopefully we make it there in time.  She's pretty pretty.

J: Pretty pretty is high praise.  I know you hold all ladies up to the highest of standards when it comes to looks.  So Banks is pretty easy on the ol' peepers you're saying?  Anyways.  Starting to wrap things up, what food are you most intrigued by from the list of various vendors and is there anyone you feel is missing from this lineup?

M: Man oh man the food lineup is probably the best looking food lineup I've seen at a festival.  The mac and cheese looks delicious but I'm not sure I want to scarf down a plate of mac and cheese before I dance the night away.  So my pick is the Mile End Deli and the Cool Haus Ice Cream Sandwiches.  And Cage the Elephant is missing from this lineup.  With the energy they seem to bring to their live performances, they should be at every festival.  But overall I think this is a fantastic lineup.

J:  I'm certainly going with the macaroni and cheese vendor as the most intriguing, I don't care if it effects my dancing or not.  The other dark horse vendor which could be a crowd pleaser is the Nugget Spot.  Harkens back to chicken nugget day back in college.  As for the band that needs to be in this lineup, I'm with you that it's a fantastic lineup, but I feel like my dudes and chick in Fucked Up deserve to be here considering they have a new album that just came out today.  They'd add a punch of hardcore shredding to this lineup, but since they played here last year I guess it makes sense they aren't coming.  Last question now: which headliner is gonna crush it the most at Gov Ball 2014?

M: Jack White.  As long as he doesn't bring up Meg White or the Black Keys and just shreds.

J: I also am going with Jack White.  He's someone we'll be telling our grandkids about, and I love how he just plays music from all the various bands he's been in (White Stripes, Dead Weather, Raconteurs).  He may be kind of an asshole, but he caters to the fans, which sometimes can be a bit rare today.

M: He better play Icky Thump.

J:  If he doesn't will it ruin your weekend?

M: Nope.  Because it's almost impossible to have a bad weekend at a music festival.

J: Now that's the spirit!!!  I think this went well.

M:  Agreed.  It was a swell time.

J: Now go get on with your packing!!!

M:  Off to find my earplugs!

J: Geez Louise.

M:  When is this baby going up?

J: After I finish watching this episode of Monday Night Raw from '99.

M:  Hey okay I'm looking forward to it.