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I like baseball. Allegedly, it has been a "dying" sport for many years, much in the same way that soccer has been America's "fastest growing" sport since I was in diapers. Baseball ain't going anywhere. One thing I truly enjoy about Major League Baseball is the yearly dick-measuring contest of the home run derby. A bunch of jacked dudes trying to hit 500 foot dingers ? Hell yeah. Many people complain that the home run derby is now boring and not as good as it was in the 90's. You know what else wasn't as good as it was in the 90's? Fucking everything.
While I am in the minority who still religiously watches the home run derby every year, I know they could certainly make some changes to make it more fun. Obviously, the main thing is the star power. For example, let me give you the 2000 MLB home run derby lineup: Sammy Sosa, Ken Griffey Jr., Ivan "Pudge" Rodriguez, Chipper Jones, Vladimir Guerrero, Carlos Delgado, Edgar Martinez, and...to be fair, the one outlier (also the only one that I know once head-butted an umpire and also claimed that dinosaurs never existed) Carl Everett. All of those listed who didn't have a head-butt controversy and believed in dinosaurs are people who are deserving of the hall of fame. These days? Not the case. The league needs to make their stars compete in the competition, first and foremost. Help grow the game! This is the least fun of my ideas but it's an obvious no-brainer. I wanted to get it out of the way early. Now for my other ideas:
Pay the Dudes!
You want to get your stars in? Make it worth their while! Give the winner a million bucks. Last place gets $1 for showing up, then just tier the rest of the payments on who else finishes 2nd-7th. Suddenly, your big names may actually give it a thought. I'd also like to say that this afternoon, I heard a caller on 98.5 the Sportshub in Boston on Zolak and Bertrand suggest that if you are the leading fan vote-getter to participate in the derby and elect to not participate in it, you forfeit your name for end of season awards. That was a terrific idea. Maybe Aaron Judge will do a home run derby again if it means not missing out on an MVP award (since we all know he ain't ever gonna win a world series).
Targets
To me, this is a no-brainer. Build some cool shit for the hitters to hit. Growing up a Red Sox fan, there was a an added bonus when a player would hit a home run over the Green Monster that ended up hitting one of the giant Coke bottles attached to the light tower. I don't know why, but it was just cool.
I want them to put up actual targets (maybe sponsored by a company like...oh I dunno...Target?) where if anyone hits it, a fan wins a million bucks or something. Even better, I'd like some statues out there. Maybe some giant bobbleheads of the participants, scattered about the stadium. If a participant hits a bobblehead during the derby, he gets 10 extra points and fans in the section of the bobblehead get some outrageous prize. I think it would be fun!
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| now imagine like 8 of these in the stands waiting to be smashed by a baseball???? |
It's one thing to hit a homer off the warehouse in right field behind the ballpark in Baltimore, or to send a moonshot into the San Francisco bay, or to send one onto the Mass Pike behind Fenway, but having a chance to hit something cool can give everyone something to root for.
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| from the video game Triple Play 2001 but you get the idea!!!! |
Make the Reigning Champ Defend His Title
Whilst I am a Red Sox fan, I have always followed and been a fan of the Los Angeles Dodgers. Even I had forgotten than Dodgers outfield Teoscar Hernandez won the home run derby last year. I want the reigning champ out there defending his title and I want other players to cut WWE-type of promos about how they are going to take the title from him. It could spark rivalries and intrigue to the event. There's no reason why you shouldn't have to defend your championship. Everyone else has to!
Put the Savannah Bananas in the Outfield
yeah what the hell. Why not. The Harlem Globetrotters of baseball have earned the spotlight. Considering they are starting to outdraw some teams in MLB, why not have those lovable bastards out there shagging flyballs? It's better than the idiot kids out there who don't know enough that they probably shouldn't rob a home run in a home run derby. I'd rather have cameras on them or even have them mic'd up than some dopey kids who shy away from fly balls when they have an opportunity of a lifetime.
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| showmanship > sportsmanship |
The Broadcast
ESPN has fallen an incredible amount. Pat McAfee stinks on ice. It's insulting that ESPN thinks that just throwing him out there will make everything A-okay. On top of that, we have whoever the scrubs are calling the action talking about launch angle, exit velocity and some sort of sob story of the participants when they grew up. No one cares. Everyone wants to just watch these dudes hit homers. I want colorful personalities talk about how freaking far that ball just sent. I cannot believe I am writing this, but I actually miss that boob Chris Berman and his puns and yelling "BACKBACKBACKBACKBACK GONE!". I'd gladly take that over hearing that Cal Raleigh had his brother catch and his dad pitch to him in the derby, because he's from "SuCh A bIg BaSeBaLl FaMiLy". Throw Bill Burr or John Mullaney on the broadcast give them a lot of leash. Make it fun!
Metal Bats for Tiebreakers
As someone who had $10 on Oakland/Sacramento A's slugger Brent Rooker to win the derby last night, I was very peeved when the MLB ruled that Cal Raleigh would advance over Rooker on the dumbest tiebreaker ever: Raleigh's longest homer was measured (incredibly enough) down to 470.62 feet while Brent Rooker's longest homer was 470. 54 feet. I have a strange feeling that Major League Baseball does not have the technology to get a measurement like that so accurate. That being said, when it comes down to a tiebreaker to advance, I want each participant to use a metal bat and get 5 total pitches. No more, no less. They will hit those balls to the damn moon. You will also get a clearcut winner. I wanna hear the PING of the bat.
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| Not my champion! (I want my $10 back) |
Fan Involvement
Let's say that realistically there may be 12-15 sections in the stadium that has a legitimate shot of a fan catching a home run ball. I say for each section, there is one designated fan with a glove who gets a microphone and a camera/GoPro on him/her. If that fan catches a homer, they get some sort of elaborate prize. Maybe one of those gold commissioner's cards granting a fan a lifetime pass to any MLB game, whenever they so choose. Maybe money. Maybe each section is sponsored by some company. Free life insurance from State Farm. Budweisers for the rest of your life. Unlimited Taco Bell for 5 years. Who knows! Make it worth their while.
Embrace the Degenerates
If we the viewers have to endure a million ads for Draft Kings/MGM Bets/FanDuel whatever other betting companies are out there every during every sporting event, why don't they put something on the line? Why don't they sponsor an event where they choose a degenerate gambler and pair them up with a home run derby participant, winner take all for a stupid amount of money. You can have picture in picture feed of the degenerates losing their mind as they watch their assigned player win or lose in the home run derby. I would have loved to watch a dude in a Yankees jersey watch Jazz Chisholm hit an anemic 3 home runs last night. It would be television gold. It's the perfect way to generate much needed content for baseball. Good meme worthy stuff. Then you can see them celebrate just like they won the damn derby themselves. It would be both awkward and amazing, but everyone can get behind it!
Thank you for listening to me, Sharks. I hope someone at MLB reads this and takes some notes. People still dig the long ball. You just gotta make it a bit more exciting.
