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ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE
Alan Arkin (Argo)-
Somewhat confused as to how Alan Arkin’s character got nominated over
Bryan Cranston’s character in Argo, but both were great. Arkin was good and gave some comedic flare to
the movie which was filled with tension and drama. Also, the phrase “Argo fuck yourself” is a
true keeper, something for which he should be honored to be the character to
use it the most in this film.
Robert De Niro (Silver Linings Playbook)- I like De
Niro. I really do, but how many times
can he play a father in a film? I mean it’s
starting to become boring now. It worked
for him in Meet the Parents, but I just can’t imagine him playing a father in
Silver Linings Playbook can get him an Oscar win. I feel as if this nomination was only given
to him because he is Robert De Niro.
Nothing more, nothing less.
Philip Seymour Hoffman (The Master)- Maybe I should see this
movie.
Tommy Lee Jones (Lincoln)-
I’m a big fan of the name Thaddeus, but I just think playing a role in a
history movie just won’t give Tommy Lee Jones the nod. I’m a big fan of his. He was superb in Men in Black II, and I’m sure
he’s great in Lincoln, but I just don’t see it happening here.
Christoph Waltz (Django Unchained)- This man made a bounty hunter look like a
charming and dear friend that you want to see succeed. Christoph Waltz delivered comic relief while playing
a very serious role. He and Quentin
Tarantino are a match made in heaven. I
think that he and Jamie Foxx were a wonderful duo. It seemed like a perfect example of opposites
attract: they both got the best out of each other in Django.
The Winner: Christoph Waltz in a tight one. This will probably be the closet call all
night, but when it comes down to it, Waltz was brilliant as Dr. King
Schultz. It was near impossible to top
his role as Hans Landa in Inglourious Basterds, but he somehow managed to do
it.
ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE
Amy Adams (The Master)-
I love Amy Adams! I still have no
idea what The Master is about, but now that I know that it has both her and
Joaquin Phoenix in it, I might have to check it out. Good for Amy. Give her the damn Oscar! She’s adorable!
Sally Field (Lincoln)- No.
I will not support an actress who played a woman who just sat around
doing nothing while her husband was shot.
No. No. No.
Anne Hathaway (Les Miserables)- Really? With that haircut? No. If
we were talking about her role as Catwoman in The Dark Knight Rises then she’d
win hands down. How did that movie not
get any nominations?
Helen Hunt (The Session)-
I knew nothing about this movie.
According to iMDB it is about “A man in an iron lung who wishes to lose
his virginity contacts a professional sex surrogate with the help of his
therapist and a priest”. I am trying my
damndest to come up with someone, anything, to say in response to this and I
just can’t.
Jacki Weaver (Silver Linings Playbook)- Who the hell is Jacki Weaver? More importantly, what happened to the e at
the end of Jackie?
The Winner: Amy Adams, by default. No one in this category deserves it, so by
moving on to the next tie-breaker of best looking, Amy Adams wins. Good enough for me!
BEST ACTRESS
Jessica Chastain (Zero Dark Thirty)- Playing the lead role in such an important
movie to people in my generation certainly will help Jessica Chastain gain some
votes for Best Actress. This being said,
she is a ginger, and no one likes gingers.
Makes her odds drop significantly.
You read it here first, if Chastain were anything but a ginger, the Oscar
would be hers and with no questions asked.
Jennifer Lawrence (Silver Linings Playbook)- I’m a big fan of Katniss. I think Katniss is a wonderful actress who is
the ‘It-girl’ of Hollywood. Although she
kinda sucked on Saturday Night Live, I think Hollywood is counting on her to
become the star who people find to be normal for a young actress and not
psychotic like Lindsay Lohan. I bet the
voters are keeping this in mind and will do everything they can to give her the
Oscar. I have no idea how she was in
Silver Linings Playbook but I’m sure she did just fine.
Emmanuelle Riva (Amour)-
Stupid subtitles. How can I
believe a performance when I have to read what she’s saying. That doesn’t make me want to keep watching
her act, it forces me to read which makes me tired. I’m bored just writing about this. No bueno.
Quvenzhane Wallis (Beasts of the Southern Wild)- C’mon.
She’s 9 years old. There are more
letters in her first name than the amount of years she’s been on this
planet. She played a character named
Hushpuppy. You know what the only good
thing about Hushpuppy is? It reminds me
of Slushpuppies, which bring me back to simpler times getting tasty brain
freezes and gets my mind off this movie.
Honestly though, do we really think that a 9 year old is a better actress
than the competition in this category?
Alright maybe I’ll give her the edge over that fraud in Amour, but there
is no way Quvenzwhatever is a better actress than Jessica Chastain, Jennifer
Lawrence and Naomi Watts. My thought is
if Macaulay Culkin couldn’t win an Oscar for playing Kevin McCallister, then no
child actor should win an Oscar.
Naomi Watts (The Impossible)- I kept thinking this was Naomi Campbell until
I looked on iMDB. Now I have ran out of
things to say after my original planned argument was about Naomi Campbell. Nevermind.
The Winner: Jessica Chastain. 2013 gives off the sense that it will be an
unlucky year. This being said, it only
makes sense for 2013 to be the year of the gingers, which is why Jessica
Chastain pulls through with the Oscar.
Gingers may be bad, but in this case I’m just rooting against Quvenz(can’t
we just call her Q?) and that fraud Emmanuelle Riva.
BEST ACTOR
Bradley Cooper (Silver Linings Playbook)- I just can’t imagine this performance topping
Cooper’s previous performance as Sack Lodge in Wedding Crashers. If that didn’t win him an Oscar than this
definitely won’t.
Daniel Day-Lewis (Lincoln)-
I’m not a big fan of a Brit playing the role of Honest Abe, but I guess
he did a decent job. I will give it to
him, he looked eerily similar to el presidente.
I think Daniel Day-Lewis has already had his fair share of Oscars with
winning for There Will Be Blood where he rocked a sweet mustache. Sure, maybe his Lincoln beard his sweet, but
let someone else have the spotlight.
Hugh Jackman (les Miserables)- I really can’t picture the
same man who played Wolverine winning an Oscar for being a singing
Frenchman. I hate the French. Just can’t trust them. I guess weirder things have happened but this
would be a letdown. I like Jackman but
not in this role. Boo.
Joaquin Phoenix (The Master)- I’m praying to the good Lord almighty that
Joaquin Phoenix wins. This could give us
the weirdest/most awkward/strangest/most puzzling acceptance speech of all
time. This dude is a recluse and a
weirdo who once gave up acting to become a Matisyahu lookalike rapper. This being said, I have no idea who his
character is and really what the movie is about, but I’m just pulling for
him. Let the weirdness commence!
Denzel Washington (Flight)- So much swag. Denzel should just win for being
himself. Honestly though, who else could
put on a performance as an alcoholic pilot and gain a nomination for Best
Actor? Okay maybe Morgan Freeman, but
Denzel is the man and make it happen.
The Winner: Joaquin Phoenix.
I won’t lie, this is complete wishful thinking here. Upset of the century. I’ll promise you this, if he wins the Oscar
then I’ll definitely watch the trailer for The Master.
BEST PICTURE
Amour- I don’t have
time for subtitles. I just watched the
trailer for this and almost fell asleep.
Next.
Argo- This might be
the favorite going into The Oscars due to the other awards it’s been winning in
the past few weeks. I must admit, it
would be completely deserved if it won. This
movie had my heart pumping at times, especially the ending. I realize that perhaps some of this ‘true
story’ might be embellished, but it really brought to light how intense this
story is. Also, it’s pretty cool how
this was basically a true story that couldn’t be told. The only thing that could hurt Argo’s chances
at winning is the disappointing lack of Ben Affleck’s Boston accent a la The
Town. I would’ve loved to hear him drop
a “I’m puttin’ this whole country in my reah view” as the plane left Iran.
Beasts of the Southern Wild-
What a disappointment. All I
wanted to see was Beast, Lumiere, Mrs. Potts, Chip, and Cogsworth living life
in the South before that tramp Belle and that douchebag Gaston came along and
ruined what seemed like a great adventure.
I was way off when I saw this movie, and needless to say extremely upset
when I realized it wasn’t even made by Disney.
Total let down. This movie
sucks.
Django Unchained-
Sure it may have been racist, filled with violence, some gore, slavery,
but it’s typical Tarantino. This movie
was entertaining, serious yet funny at numerous points, had great acting all
around, and it made me want more as the end credits started to roll, which is
impressive for a movie that was around 2 hours and 45 minutes long. I may be biased as I’m a Quentin Tarantino
fan, but then again, he delivered even more than he normally does.
Les Miserables- I
understand that people are kinda obsessed with this movie because it was a
play, but that just makes me think that it isn’t too original. When we’re talking ‘Best Picture’ I want
something new and fresh, and gets me talking.
A film adaptation of a musical just doesn’t do it for me. I’ll be very disappointed if this wins. I’d only cheer for this if James Franco was
cast opposite Anne Hathaway and they would have to share a stage at the Oscars
again, ya know, because that worked out so well last time.
Life of Pi- I just
don’t see how a movie about the life and times of a mathematical constant with
no end can win best picture. Seems
boring. Ah. My Mom just informed me that it is not about
the mathematical constant. I just don’t
see how a movie about the life and times of a baked pastry can win best
picture. Seems boring.
Lincoln- The ending
was rather predictable.
Silver Linings Playbook- Jennifer Lawrence is a doll and
Bradley Cooper is, well, Bradley Cooper.
I just feel like they would be better off starring together in a (good)
Judd Apatow movie instead of a movie going up for Oscars. The Bradley Cooper I want is the dickhead
friend whose life motto is DGAF, not trying to piece back his life with the
help of a chick. Phil from the Hangover
would be shaking his head at the thought of this movie. From what I’ve heard, it’s good, but I don’t
think it’ll top the other movies. Except
for Amour. That movie sucks.
Zero Dark Thirty- People love America. Well, at least people who I know. I will never forget the night that Osama bin Laden was taken out. It was fantastic! It was right before finals started and I was
at this dumpy bar called Old’s on a Sunday night and when breaking news came on
screen informing the already drunken crowd of this great news. Never in my life have I heard so many U-S-A
chant’s. People were burning couches on
Eaton Street in celebration! Instead of
drinking on a Sunday night, we were drinking to celebrate the demise of
Osama. At least, that’s what I’ll tell
my grandkids if they ever ask. Anyways,
I’ve heard it’s a good movie. I haven’t
seen it, but unlike other movies in this category, I actually do want to see it. Hell, I’m intrigued just by the fact that it
is a movie that uses night vision and does NOT have Paris Hilton in it.
The Winner: Argo. Let
me first say that I am somewhat protesting this category because Cabin In The
Woods got absolutely screwed. How did
that movie not get nominated? I haven’t
seen something so unique and new since Gigli!
Absolute nonsense in my humble opinion.
Anyways, as much as I will be pulling for Django Unchained with the
upset, I think Argo will indeed come away with the victory. Great movie with a story that probably could’ve been told years
ago on the silver screen if it were possible/legal/no longer confidential
material.
