Saturday: It Comes After Friday

Joe Dimaggio once said "They can boo as loud as they can cheer", which can be a suitable quote for many situations regarding fame.  One situation resulting in fame where it didn't quite make as much sense was when Rebecca Black disgraced us all with the release of her track 'Friday'.  The boo's outweighed the cheers by a lot, and with good reason.  Her song was catchy in the 'why-is-this-in-my-head-oh-my-god-get-it-out' way, which is never good. On top of that, the video for the song just added insult to injury. Nickelback could make a video making fun of the whole concept of music videos, and it still wouldn't get as much hate as 'Friday' did. Recently, one of my dearest friends (also Cranston, RI's finest)  Erin Murtagh brought to my attention that a sequel has been made to 'Friday', surprisingly entitled 'Saturday'.  When I first blogged about 'Friday' two years ago, my mom once told me to "stop picking on the poor girl".  I then played the song to her and she said "never mind, go for it".  'Saturday' may be even worse.  Rebecca Black is bringing this upon herself, stretching her 15 minutes of fame into 20 minutes.  No one should feel bad anymore, because she went through the grief and embarrassment of Friday, and still decided to make 'Saturday'.  There will be no feeling sorry for you, Rebecca.  

• :05 "This is my jam, where's the peanut butter?".  It took less than 5 seconds for me to hate this song for life. This is like a terrible inside joke that 8th grade girls have between themselves before getting to high school and hating each other.  Good to see she is still a lyrical genius. 
• :07 "2 pm, getting' out of my bed"- okay, I can agree with the lifestyle of waking up on a Saturday at 2 pm.  We finally agree on something. 
• Looks like quite the rager they had last night.  'Friday' came out about 2 years ago, when she was like 13 right?  So she's around 15 now?  Maybe?  Basically she has gone from underage driving in the 'Friday' video to underage drinking in 'Saturday'.  What will come first, Rebecca, college or rehab?
• 0:18 Definitely writing 'Fun Fun Fun' on my passed out friends with a sharpie the next time it happens.  Can't get much lower than waking up with a lyric from 'Friday' written in permanent marker on your face.  That sort of thing can sober a man up real quick.  
• 0:27 Who is she to steal another man's cereal?  That kid from now on can say "Rebecca Black hijacked my Frosted Flakes in the video for 'Saturday'. Also, what is the kid on the cell phone cooking back there?  Looks like he melted chocolate to see what would happen or something. 
• :54  Yay!  Interpretive hand dancing!!!
• 1:08-1:13 "Just gotta find my…pants".  This kid could have a starring comedy role on a Disney channel show with a comedic wit like that. 
• Thinking about it now, if this song doesn't kill EDM, I don't think anything will. 
• 1:14 Wait, a guest vocalist on her track, but it's not the creepy black guy from 'Friday'?  Mind=blown.  Seems like a kid who just became edgy and upgraded form Hollister to PacSun.  This kid is the combination of The Curious Case of Benjamin Button mixed with the frontman from Cobra Starship.  
• "Want you here right next to me"  Really.  Really?  Of all the people in the world to help your own music career blossom, you want Rebecca Black to be the person next to you?  Calling bullshit on that one.
• 1:19 if you pause it just right, what the hell is with all the signs for toe rings?  Are toe rings coming back in style?  I hope not.  Then again, a toe ring comeback would be killed off very quickly after being shown in a Rebecca Black video. 
• 1:30 "Hey, we need some pyro in this video, what does our budget look like?" "Well, we can afford, like, a mini smoke bomb from the ice cream truck down the street, and a couple of sparklers that I have in my kitchen drawer from last July 4th." "Sounds good." 
• 1:37 "Cause this is our song, we can do no wrong" this lyric may also be true, because after 'Friday', there is nothing else possible you can do more wrong.  This is close though.  
• 1:45  Sunglasses at night?  Come on.  Already been done.  80's legend Cory Hart would sue for getting ripped off, but he doesn't want to be associated with this song. 

"Hey that totally ripped off my song...actually nvm don't care."

• Apparently my invite was lost in the mail and/or cyberspace for this sweet rager.
• 2:11  Good to see Barney the Dinosaur's sidekick Baby Bop (spelling?) make a comeback.  Poor girl is probably wishing for a 2nd ice age after seeing this video go viral.  

Back from the dead!

• 2:16 Who plays poker in the middle of a raging house party?  
• 2:20  There he is.  The token black hipster friend who can dance. 
• 2:33 So, everyone is dressed normally for the party, but Santa with blue hair and a Hawaiian tourist show up?  The plot for this video needs some work. 
• 2:42 MILEY CYRUS LOOKALIKE HOLY SHIT!!!!!  POP DIVA SHOWDOWN!!!!! Seriously though, can Rebecca Black and Miley Cyrus fight to death and just get it over with/contribute to society?
• 3:02 Hey, I think I know that guy: 

Thought he looked familiar. 

• 3:14 Nice 'Risky Business' costume.  This is probably the most popular college Halloween costume that groups of freshmen girls wear, without ever seeing the actual movie.  Were these kids even born when 'Risky Business' came out?  Wait, was I even born when 'Risky Business' came out? 
• 3:43 So you're telling me that a cop arrests a kid and still allows himself and the alleged perpetrator to be dragged into a party?  What's with the perp saying Rebecca's name?  Is he a stalker?  Maybe a hired hit man attempting to take her out?  Is he a Kanye West impersonator?  That last question was actually serious.  
• 3:49 "Hey how do we end this video?"  "Let's have the cop call the kid 'Junior'" "Okay."

Well now.  That sucked.  

MBTA LATE NIGHT SERVICE CELEBRATION!!!!!!!!!!

Out of basically nowhere, it was reported that the MBTA will be offering late night service on Friday's and Saturday's starting at March.  This is the best news I have heard since I found out 24 is coming back to Fox in the near future.  For Bostonians, this is big news and something people have been praying for for years.  This calls for celebratory gifs to try to capture the excitement of people all over, who can stay out past 11:45 if they have to catch the T and/or not pay $40 cab rides.

So basically after a night drinking like Stone Cold Steve Austin at Tavern In the Square, Bostonians can now enjoy really drunken rides on the green line until 3:00 a.m.!

I'm not sure whose idea it was to make this happen, but this person should have a statue erected in their honor for making drunken dreams a reality.

It's basically a Christmas miracle. I hope that this was a brainchild of Mayor Menino in a way.  If it was his idea, then it is basically the equivalent of Varitek splitting the uprights to win a Super Bowl to end his Mayoral career. (see what I did there, you guys?)

Hello.

Sorry, got kind of distracted there.  Anyways, this news is amazing and makes me want to do the same dance that Purple Shirt up here ^^^ is doing.  Party on, Purple Shirt. Party. On.

Did Steve ever graduate college? Has Blue been put down yet?  He must be getting up in the years.

Sure, this may only be in place to help the fact that the MBTA is broke and in a shambles, but the fact remains that drunk kids all throughout Boston are super pumped and just want to celebrate.  Seriously, March can't come fast enough.

There are now so many more possibilities for awesome stories on the streets of Boston in the wee hours of the morning.  I just kinda hope no one recreates the scene above while riding the Red Line after drinking one too many barley pop's.  I take the Red Line. No one wants to see that.

Survivor Series 2013: The Experience

Everyone has guilty pleasures. Kel Mitchell loved orange soda.  My roommate watches a lot of shows on BET. Rebecca Black loves naming the days of the week. In addition to having 'Call Me Maybe' in my Top 10 list of songs, I like to watch some good ol' fashioned WWE. This past Sunday night, I really indulged myself by attending the 27th annual WWE Survivor Series pay-per-view event in Boston, and it was pretty awesome. I am shameless.  

Survivor Series was an interesting experience.  One of the most interesting aspects of it were the people who were in attendance with me and my buddy Tyler. I knew we would be in good company when we saw this guy seriously wearing this race car driver jacket: 

Funny thing is that I actually saw this jacket at Saver's in East Providence and failed at convincing my friend Urk to purchase it.  I was shocked that more than one actually exists to be honest.  Anyways, this was an excellent foreshadowing of the people we would encounter at Survivor Series, or any other type of wrestling event. The most normal are the families who bring kids ages 12 and under.  They make sense.  At first I was kind of amazed at how into it kids were, but then it hit me that I was the same way at that age, which made me feel very old and kind of sad for a split second.  Not really. Well.  Kind of.  Anyways, with families you have the parents who either are A) suffering through watching guys beat each other up in spandex, or B) suck it up and actually try to enjoy themselves, which is probably for the best.  Another type of person you see at these events are the overweight people in their 40's.  These are the people who you think might have kids who are not sitting next to them because they're busy getting food or a tshirt or something, but then you realize the kids never show up and it's just a grown man who is really, really into wrestling.  One of these guys sat in front of me and Tyler at Survivor Series, and I was somewhat spooked by him.  Im sure this guy was very nice, but when you are dead serious chanting 'CENA SUCKS' at poor John Cena, it may be time to reevaluate yourself.  These guys are the type who definitely love Dungeons & Dragons and hope to one day have a Star Trek themed wedding.  Lastly, there are the drunk 20-somethings like yours truly who was reliving a part of their childhood, which they learned is very watered down to what they grew up with.  I was thrown off by the lack of swearing, lack of weapons being used, and lack of Stone Cold Steve Austin drinking beer in the ring.  I enjoyed myself for the most part, but it just wasn't the same.  

The first match of the evening included Rey Mysterio Jr. and Goldust teaming up with 3 other guys against a team of 5 guys who were all absolute monsters.  I was pulling hard for Rey Mysterio and Goldust to kick some ass in this match.  Anyone who watched wrestling growing up will remember Goldust, that freak.  I remember my Mom getting uncomfortable watching that guy on TV, and me wondering why that was.  At the age of 23, I have come to learn why.  What a weirdo.  I have always been one to cheer for guys in masks or face paint.  Wearing a mask means you have some secrets, and I respect that.  I personally think masks should be used more often.  Anyways, the team of Mysterio, Goldust and the other guys lost and I was bummed.  

I can now see why he was kind of a freak. 

At one point, Ryback, a meathead who seems to be fond of bullying people came out to the ring and issued an open challenge to fight anyone in the arena.  This got me pretty excited because I recall this gimmick being used back in the day and normally it would mean that a surprise wrestler who hadn't been fighting in a while would make a shocking return, which is always exciting.  You could be the most hated wrestler in the world, take off a year from the ring, and then comeback as a mystery wrestler for a match and everyone will love you.  I guess it makes sense?  Anyways, I had my fingers crossed that out would come The Rock or Hulk Hogan or my hero Stone Cold Steve Austin, but I was let down by the return of Mark Henry.  Mark Henry.  The World's Strongest Man.  This was a wrestler who was known as 'Sexual Chocolate' when I was younger.  This wasn't exciting.  Apparently he was hurt for like 3 months, so it wasn't even that much time off, making it a real let down.  Anyways, Sexual Chocolate and Ryback tossed each other around the ring a few times and Sexual Chocolate got the win, and people were happy I guess.  Welcome back, Sexual Chocolate.  I hope to never use the term Sexual Chocolate on this blog ever again. 

I really wasn't making that name up. 

The 7 on 7 Cat Fight was a real barnburner of a match, let me tell ya.  This match was kinda pathetic.  I do not want to hate on female wrestlers.  I took women's psychology in college, I have the utmost respect for the entire female race.  In fact, when the gals started fighting, I was feeling bad that most people got up to go use the bathroom or get more beer or a 35$ CM Punk t-shirt.  How dare they not give these girls the respect they deserve!  Then I watched 30 seconds of the match and realized why: it sucked.  Growing up, we had the likes of Trish Stratus, Lita, Sable and Chyna fighting, and it was actually watchable.  They would use steel chairs!  Do flips and stuff!  It was entertaining!  I appreciate those 4 women so much more now after the crap I saw Sunday night.  At one point, one girl challenged another one to a dance off in the middle of the match, which was awkward, and then she got pinned after taking a dropkick to the face as she was doing a split as part of her dance routine.  It was terrible.  Another girl took a clothesline and was out for the count.  I don't want to say I'm tougher than these girls, but even I could take a clothesline from someone and not be on the ground for 3 seconds.  It was brutal to watch, and hard to be taken seriously, which was kinda disappointing.  I think the highlight of this match was when someone 10 rows behind me yelled out MAKE IT STOP.  We laughed and we laughed at that remark.  It was so mundane that I can't even remember who won the damn match.  

John Cena came out to an interesting ovation in his hometown of Boston.  Apparently a lot of people love him and a lot of people hate him, and there really isn't an in-between.  How naive was I to think that the hometown boy would have everyone love him?  Throughout his whole match, there was a LET'S GO CENA! chant immediately answered with a CENA SUCKS! chant.  Basically it was one chant of LET'S GO CENA CENA SUCKS and it was just kind of weird.  Anyways, John Cena beat up the boring Mexican guy who was waving the Mexican flag while walking down to the ring, which wasn't very intimidating in my personal opinion.  

John Cena fighting the guy from Fast and Furious 6

The best match of the night was CM Punk and Daniel Bryan against the creepy Wyatt family.  The Wyatts are basically southern hillbillies who are into voodoo or some stuff.  I will admit that they kind of gave me the creeps.  There is something unsettling about unkept hillbillies who don't talk and wrestle in jeans, boots and a wifebeater.  One of the Wyatts wore a plastic sheep mask down to the ring, which was more frightening than it was stupid in a weird way.  CM Punk, who I was personally looking forward to see is basically a skinny guy covered in tattoos who is straight edge.  Stone Cold would drink beers before matches and CM Punk advocates a healthy booze and drug free lifestyle before his matches.  Times have changed. Daniel Bryan is a feisty little guy with a huge beard who is easily the crowd favorite.  That match was very entertaining and stole the show in my opinion.  It was the only match that would have passed as awesome even back in the glory days of WWF.  CM Punk and Daniel Bryan won the match and the creepy Wyatts went back to their swamplands or wherever they live and probably went hunting for alligators.  

That is a lot of beard in one picture.

The main event of the night was a total snoozefest.  The WWE champion Randy Orton put his title belt on the line against The Big Show.  Two things hit me going into this match: 1. Why do they award belts in wrestling?  They're huge, they would never fit any size pants.  No belt loops exist for a belt that size.  What happened to trophies and medals?  Too mainstream?  I don't know.  The second thing was how the hell is The Big Show still wrestling/alive?  The Big Show was one of the guys who I had heard about even before I started to watch wrestling, which was when I was about 7 years old.  The Big Show was always listed at 7 feet tall and 500 pounds, and I noticed that he was announced Sunday night at 7 feet tall and 425 pounds, so I would like to congratulate The Big Show on dropping 75 pounds.  Take that Subway Jared.  This match was a real disappointment.  The Big Show seemed to be struggling, which just wasn't pretty but kind of expected for a 425 pounder who has got to be about 50.  I don't know how WWE could make this match happen and think it would end well to be honest.  Randy Orton looks like someone whose only form of fun is lifting weights and has 0 personality, and the Big Show is just kinda there for the ride.  You know it wasn't a good sign for the match when there was a chant of BOR-ING and a chant for Daniel Bryan, who wasn't even involved in the storyline for that match.  Things ended on a bad note and people were not pleased with the outcome of Randy Orton winning and keeping his stupid belt.  

Yawn. 

Overall, I'm glad I went to Survivor Series for the experience, but it was kind of lackluster.  Good for people watching and as long as you can sort of get into the matches it can be entertaining.  Times have certainly changed, and I'd sort of rather watch old youtube videos of Mick Foley jumping off of the top of a cage or something back in 1999 than witness some of the guys who wrestle today.  I think it's good to indulge yourself in some guilty pleasures, so it was still a fun time.  Also, it's totally worth it to see Goldust kick some ass. 

Sup Goldust.

Finally, the blog surpassed 50,000 visitors recently, and my mailbag of questions will be answered soon enough.  I want to thank everyone who has viewed my blog, passed along the word or just put up with me talking about it/posting about it on Facebook and Twitter.  I've come to learn that writing is something I enjoy, and it all started with this and the feedback that my friends have given me over the past 3+ years.  I don't really know how I hit 50,000 visitors but I'll take it.  Maybe I'll finally get those t-shirts made some day.  

Boston Red Sox 2013: An Apology and The Impossible Dream 2

For the first time on this blog, I am going to start with a sincere apology.  Boston Red Sox, I am sorry for doubting you. 

I had no faith in you at the start of this year.  To be fair, on paper, there wasn't much to be excited about.  At best, I figured you would be lucky to finish 3rd in your division.  I laughed at the thought of this team making the playoffs.  After the debacle of 2012 and that dipshit Bobby Valentine, I figured this year may be slightly better, but not by much.  I wanted a rebuilding year, which for most teams in the Red Sox situation at the time, probably would have been a good idea.  I lost faith in the Sox.  

Assclown.

When this season started, you started winning, and I'll admit it kind of caught my attention, but I found myself waiting for you guys to cool down and come back to earth.  I will say that I was not alone in this thinking, as attendance was down and that ridiculous Fenway sellout streak finally came to an end.  People were pissed at this Red Sox team.  The Fenway Faithful were now the Fenway Doubtful, and it was with good reason after how terrible last season was.  This 2013 team was off to a fluke of a hot start.  No chance they keep it up.  I was waiting and waiting for them to cool down while they kept on winning and winning to prove me wrong.  The whole beard thing was starting with Mike Napoli and what seemed like a combination of a Johnny Damon meets Duck Dynasty ripoff has now become a weird sort of facial hair rally-cry.  

Looked like Jesus, Threw like Mary.

This team who I thought would be abysmal has turned things around and become the darlings of Boston once again.  The Sox haven't had a good playoff run in a few years now, and it just feels right having them back in the Fall Classic.  Sox fans around my age are incredibly lucky to have seen two World Series titles in their lives, with the possibility of a 3rd coming up this week (please, God).  It feels like 2004 again, with late inning heroics (Big Papi, Victorino, etc.) and pitching performances that we'll be talking about for years to come (Jon Lester, and I guess Lackey).  This team is essentially the Impossible Dream 2.  If Macauly Caulkin were to win the Oscar for Best Actor next year, it would be less of a shocking turnaround than this Red Sox team.  

Boy was The Harp hopping when this happened.

All in all, I am happy to be proven wrong by this Red Sox team.  The Sox have a chance to win the title at Fenway in front of their fans for the first time since 1918 when the likes of Bullet Joe Bush, Sad Sam Jones, Dutch Leonard, Hack Miller, Red Bluhm and some 23 year old named Babe Ruth beat the Chicago Cubs in a game that was under 2 hours (side note: those names were all real and all awesome.  They just don't give out names today like they used to).  I want to party like it's 1918.  Sure, a parade of Duckboats may have replaced some Horse and Buggies trotting down Boylston St., but Boston still likes to party and this would be one for the ages.  This World Series title would be one of the most surprising ever, and I mean, who doesn't love a parade?  It almost makes the year of Bobby V worth it.  

Bullet Joe Bush loved Flappers

It still doesn't make sense how this team got to where they were.  Maybe it was not having pressure going into this season due to low expectations.  Maybe it was the drive to prove people wrong.  Maybe it was the need and desire to make this city proud once again, even after tragedy hit it a few months ago.  Who knows what the reason is, the point is that it has worked.  They have shocked people and proved early doubters like myself wrong, and I'll gladly admit to be wrong (for once).  No matter what happens these next few nights, this team did something special for this city.  You never know what can happen each year, which makes baseball awesome.  Back in 1967, the Red Sox were coming off of a terrible year in which they finished in last, and then made it to the World Series and shocked the world.  This team gave fans what is now referred to as the Impossible Dream.  This is no doubt the Impossible Dream 2.  Let's just hope they finish the job and win it all.  I guess it goes to show that even after a year of misery, and with low expectations present, you just have to keep the faith. 

Go Sox. 

Pop Culture Smorgasbord III

Every now and then I like to just get away from writing in depth about random life stories or how the Dave Matthews Band sucks, and I just want to make things short and sweet, while covering topics in pop culture.  About a year ago, I came up with the Pop Culture Smorgasbord and it was kinda fun.  After Pop Culture Smorgasbord II was a success with my friend Annik helping me out, it kinda hit me that I might be on to something here.  Without further ado, here is Pop Culture Smorgasbord III.

• Gravity  hit theaters a little while ago and seems to be a super smash hit for the box office.  Don't know much about this film, but from the trailers it seems that after being tired of being named the "sexiest man in the world", George Clooney tries to become the "sexiest man in Space" while Sandra Bullock has some trouble breathing, probably because she's in space with George Clooney. 

  

  In Space, he looks like John Stamos.

• Breaking Bad came to an end a couple of weeks ago, meaning that in about 6 months, hipsters everywhere will finally be able to do meth again.  
• Suzanne Somers went on the Today Show recently and shocked her fans and viewers when she talked about how she has sex twice a day, every day at the tender age of 66.  In addition to her grandkids being on suicide watch, millions of people across the country asked the question "Who the hell is Suzanne Somers?". 
• Hailie Mather's was recently named homecoming queen at her high school.  As someone who came in 3rd place during the 2007 East Providence High School homecoming voting, I really can't say I'm shocked.  She's probably the most popular girl in school, you know, because her dad is the greatest white rapper not named Vanilla Ice.  On a different note, how intimidating must it be to be Hailie Mather's date to homecoming?  I can't even imagine picking up a girl as a 17 year old before a dance and meeting her father who happens to be Slim Shady.  I think the only dad more intimidating than Eminem in this scenario would have to be Stone Cold Steve Austin. 

  

  Agreed.

• Carly Rae Jepson has been quiet lately.  I think I can speak for all you reading this by saying that I am anxiously awaiting the follow up to Call Me Maybe, so we can finally find out if the guy called or just texted her saying that he thinks she is very nice and he's flattered but he has a girlfriend at this moment. 
• Lady GaGa released the cover art for her new album, and it's pretty terrible.  She's kinda naked and there are weird shapes and what I think is a bowling ball involved, yet it still is way more sane than her last album cover with her head on a motorcycle.  Dammit GaGa.  Get your shit together. 

  

  Utterly Disturbing. 

• Sad news for everyone who believes in love: Kris Kardashian and Bruce Jenner have split up.  Was anyone upset by this?  In my personal opinion I'd like to have a reality show of Bruce Jenner living the single life.  Talk about quality television.  That man deserves an automatic pass to heaven for dealing with that family.  The Kardashian's just can't catch a break these days.  I'm sure Kris Kardashian would be crying if it were physically possible for her to do so after all the facelifts she's gone through to basically look like the same age as her daughters.  
• After writing the previous paragraph, it hit me how the Kardashians are relevant in today's world:  These reality TV shows wouldn't be possible without Kim Kardashian making a sex tape with Ray J.  Kim Kardashian was only kind of famous because she was rich and friends with Paris Hilton.  Her family is rich because her dead father was one of OJ Simpson's lawyers (not his lawyer, one of many lawyers.  He wasn't even the main one, because that was Johnny Cochran (RIP)).  OJ Simpson needed a lawyer because he killed his wife.  So basically in addition to being a murderer, OJ Simpson is the reason we are all living in a world that for some reason embraces the Kardashian's on TV.  God. Dammit. 
• While we're on the lines of mindless TV, my roommate Matt got me watching a couple of episodes of Duck Dynasty.  It's actually not that bad.  Turns out that instead of following around the lives of rich, moronic rednecks, this show follows around rich rednecks who are actually good businessmen.  Who knew.  Not me. 
• Stephen King wrote a sequel to his horror movie The Shining called Doctor Sleep, which follows the little boy as a grown up with a drinking problem dealing with his weirdo powers.  Anyone who knows me that I am not a big fan of The Shining because it scared the bejeezus (spelling?) out of me and kind of scarred me.  Makes sense because the use of axes freaks me out, little twin girls freak me out, and people who talk to their index finger freaks me out.  This is also why Fozzy is my least favorite Muppet.  

  

  Nightmares. 

• Somehow, this "What Does The Fox Say?" song has become a super smash hit.  If you thought the "Show Me The Car Facts" Fox ad campaign was bad, just wait a few more weeks until they start ripping off that song. 
• As much as I don't want to, I have to address the Miley Cyrus twerking disaster: Most girls start stripping because their dads either weren't around or were super protective assholes to them.  Miley Cyrus most likely did this because her dad had a mullet for far too long and wears way too much denim.  

  

  You brought this upon yourself. 

• I've been noticing a few commercials for Machete 2 which will be in theaters soon.  It is interesting to note that Charlie Sheen has chosen to go by his real name of Carlos Estevez in the credits of Machete 2.  Trying the same luck to revive his career, Emilio Estevez will be credited as "Charlie Sheen's Brother" when he reprises his role as Coach Gordon Bombay when the 4th Mighty Ducks movie comes out
• An elementary school in Long Island recently banned all balls during recess in addition to tag, meaning that Dungeons & Dragon's has a younger target market all of a sudden. 
• Nirvana released the 20th anniversary edition of their final studio album 'In Utero' a week or so ago.  Kurt Cobain has been dead for almost 20 years, and Courtney Love is still somehow making money off of him.  Dave Grohl must be pretty happy too, as his "other band" still seems to be relevant and making him money.  
• I'm not sure when it came out exactly, but I recently read an interview with Kel Mitchell about how he hasn't spoken to Kenan Thompson in years, as they stopped being friends after they both tried out for Saturday Night Live and only Kenan made the cut.  This is unsettling news.  As a 90's kid, hearing about a feud between Kenan and Kel is the only thing that closely resembles a divorce for kids whose parents have not divorced.  

  

  Simpler Times. 

• Lots of hub-bub for this "Orange is the New Black".  Never seen it, but seems really weird that a tanning salon has it's own show.  
• Big fan of the commercials for Dodge Durango featuring Ron Burgundy.  I personally think that more fictional characters should be peddling products.  Why not have Brad Pitt and/or Edward Norton start selling Dove soap?  I'm sure The Big Lebowski could help boost sales of Kahlua.  When hover boards become a real thing, which I hope is really soon, I don't think you can get anyone other than Marty McFly to help promote them.  

  

  Sold. 

• Finally, Katy Perry's "Roar" song makes me long for her songs with more complex lyric and themes, like being a California Gurl.  Then again, Lady GaGa's new single is about how much she likes applause and how she loves it when people cheer for her.  I have to relate to her in that sense: I only blog in order to be retweeted these days.  

Walking Dead Spinoff Ideas

Before I start, I'd like to give a special shoutout to Shayna, the greatest waitress ever at Tavern In The Square (TITS!) in Allston.  I'd also like to apologize on behalf of my friend for being a douche and ordering a Maker's Mark Manhattan on the rocks.  Who does that?  This isn't Mad Men.  Anyways, thanks for putting up with us and saying that my card was way better than my roommate's boring accounting business card. 

Now that Breaking Bad is over with and Mad Men is slowly coming to an end, the future of AMC as a powerhouse station may be in jeopardy.  No matter how hard they try, nobody will give a shit about Low Winter Sun.  This now means that The Walking Dead is the top dog of shows for AMC in terms of the future.  Recently, it was announced that a Walking Dead spinoff was in the works, with different characters and story lines, but in the same 'universe' as the actual Walking Dead show.  With this in mind, here are some possible ideas for this spin-off: 

Sex and the Zombie Infested City: Carrie Bradshaw writes about finding love in a post-zombie apocalyptic New York City while her slutty friend Samantha keeps going from Zombie boy toy to Zombie boy toy.  

Kinda disturbing.

Walking Dead: Miami- It all started with a dude on bath salts and a homeless person.  What spread next was a zombie apocalypse unlike any other…apocalypse.  

Pretty Little Zombies: Who Ate A?- Follow the girl's as they find out that about 16 different people who appear to be "A" get eaten alive, all while going to high school!

Walking Dead SVU- SVU is the one with Mariska Hargitay right?  Love her. 

2 and a half Zombies- Charlie Sheen comes back from the dead! 

Modern Zombie Family- Those whacky Dunphy's are at it again!  Check out the family deal with the loss of that annoying little brat Manny after he becomes dinner one night.  Spoiler alert: Sofia Vergara doesn't die.  

Zombies Next Door- After the Playboy Mansion gets overrun by the Undead, Hugh Hefner (still not dead) chooses 3 of his favorite zombie playmates to be his girlfriend(s).  Follow the girls around as they wander around aimlessly and have the same IQ as Bridget, Holly and Kendra did in real life.

Queer Eye For the Zombie Guy- The Fab 5 are back to give makeovers to zombies who think that only gay men can be stylish, well-groomed and have great interior design ideas.

Pimp My Zombie- No doubt in my mind that Xzibit and the rest of the West Coast Customs gang will survive a zombie apocalypse.  As a propaganda tool to help boost America's morale, the Pimp My Ride crew will pimp up captured zombies so the rest of the world can get a laugh at a zombie's expense every once in a while.  I actually kinda miss Pimp My Ride now that I'm talking about it. 

RZONJ: Real Zombies of New Jersey- If there is one state in the good country of America to be infested with zombies first, it will be New Jersey.  After a popular tanning oil turns out to be a chemical attack, the general population of New Jersey have turned into zombies.  Follow the action with your favorite zombie housewives as they bicker and pretend they are tough while they get paid money to have their meaningless, boring lives put on television for the world to make fun of!  (Thank you Rizz for the idea)

Walking Dead: In Space- Honestly, if you can have Jason and his chainsaw up in space and make a full movie of it, you should be able to with zombies and make a tv series.  

Teen Mom: Undead- Cameras follow around a bunch of zombie teenage moms as they struggle with their lives looking for brains and raising a kid at such a tender age.  Hardships ensue concerning not being able to go to parties and realizing that their boyfriends may not be "the one".  

DeadMen- A New York advertising agency in the 1960's use zombies to their advantage in the business world with Don Draper leading the charge of zombie marketing, while always being drunk, chasing skirts and keeping his true identity a secret.  

weird.

Keeping Up With the Kardashians

"Buzz, your girlfriend! Woof!"

24: Zombie Redemption-  CTU agent Jack Bauer saves America once again by spending all day killing zombies.  This should seriously be made into a show.  Seriously.  You can't lose with Kiefer Sutherland shooting zombies.  

How I Met Your Zombie: A lighthearted affair of the story of how some guy meets his soul-zombie.  Neil Patrick Harris provides comic relief as a ladies man.  

Zombie Dynasty: Cameras follow around the lives of a Hillbilly family who became filthy rich after creating a zombie call device to attract the undead.  

Buffy The Zombie Slayer: After getting bored with slaying Vampires, Buffy is back and ready to take on a new breed of evil.

Zombie Meets World- Never mind.  Boy Meets World was too awesome to have a parody of.  We can't risk a beloved character like Mr. Feeny getting eaten alive.  

Zombies of Anarchy: A gang of biker zombies cruise around and look for trouble.  What is Sons of Anarchy even about?  Did I nail the actual plot minus the whole zombie thing just now?

Walker, Texas Zombie Ranger:  Chuck Norris is back and ready to take on Texas style Zombies.  Using his true badass form, he takes on the zombie apocalypse with his killer kung fu moves, ginger hair and terrible one-liners.  Throw some cowboy hats and spurs on the zombies and you have yourself a hit. 

lol good one.

Touched by a Zombie- I vaguely remember this show being a type of Hallmark style thing.  Touched by a zombie will make stay at home mom's quiver with fear instead of wiping away tears of joy or sadness or whatever the hell Touched By an Angel brought them.  

The Young and the Lifeless: If WWF was considered a soap opera for guys in the late 90's/early 00's, then this gem of an idea should really be a smash hit.  I have no idea what the Young and the Restless was about, but I'm guessing various love triangles and backstabbing.  Throw in some bloodthirsty zombies into the mix and you can sign me up, even if it consists of a ton of over-acting and a weird quality of film being used.

The Zombie Bunch:  Here's a story.  Of a zombie named Brady.  You guessed it, single zombie father of 3 zombie boys marries a single zombie mother of 3 zombie girls and becomes one happy, zany family who hunt down humans for fun.  Don't forget their quirky zombie maid named Malice who will be providing the comic relief while getting underpaid!

I can't believe this has already been thought of.

2 Broke Zombies: I mean, it has to be better than 2 Broke Girls just on principle, right?

Riot Fest Chicago Day 1: Goin' Down Swinging

Last week, I had the honor and privilege of attending Riotfest 2013 in the fair city of Chicago, Illinois.  To say the trip was blogworthy would be an understatement. I meant to do this blog last week but every year, like clockwork, I get allergies starting the final week of August and it lasts until the end of September.  This is why I look completely stoned in my 9th-11th grade yearbook photos.  I'm not as pretty and chipper (and apparently punctual) as I normally am during this time, and for that I apologize.  Now, onto my Riotfest experience. 

The trip was off to a fast start, as my friend Andrew and his lovely mother was kind enough to pick up my friend Danny and I at my house, and drive us to the airport for our flight. Things got off on a bad foot when I jokingly asked Danny if he had his Riotfest ticket as we were waiting to get picked up.  Danny then put his hands to his head like Psyduck (had to get a pokemon reference in somehow) and told me he did not, in fact, have his tickets with him, and left them 15 minutes away in Riverside.  This was kinda funny to me but still a pain in the ass, and Danny had to make the call of shame to Andrew to tell him the bad news.  As Danny rushed back home to get the tickets, Andrew and his mom picked me up and we basically made fun of Danny for being an idiot the whole ride.  We ended up getting Danny, gave him a slow clap as he entered the car, and drove off to the airport.  

The plane ride was boring.  Nothing fun happened.

We end up making it to Chicago in no time, and after dropping our valuables off at Andrew's friends' apartment, we were off to start the weekend right.  We went to some bar called the Wild Rover or Wild River or Mild Quiver or something like that, and joined what turned out to be a flag football team commiserating after a tough loss that night.  Apparently, this flag football team was sponsored by the bar and they get drink deals after games or something like that, so needless to say Andrew asked his friends on the team if we could get in on the action, and for some odd reason they agreed.  While at this bar, I think it was Wild River, we started chatting up our waitress and when one of us asked her where she was from she told us "oh just a small town in Rhode Island, you won't know it", we all kind of freaked out and hated the fact that Rhode Island is so damn small that there was a chance that we had mutual friends.  Honestly, I was shocked that we didn't know any of the same people.  I'm almost doubting that this girl was really from Rhode Island, because it just doesn't seem possible.  

Another character from Wild Rover I met was my new lawyer named Joe.  Joe, I think I gave you my business card for the blog, and if you're reading this now, I hope you know it was fun and that you are definitely still my lawyer for years to come.  Basically, after talking to Joe about life in general, and learning that he is in law school, I may or may not have drunkenly (yet seriously) hired myself a lawyer when he gets his degree.  The trip was successful already and I hadn't been in Chicago for more than 4 hours.  After enjoying some adult beverages and some appetizers, and paying 50% of what we should have paid due to this absurd flag football discount, we were off to some other place.  We wrapped up Thursday night by going to some weird park where for some reason a frisbee was tossed around for a bit, and then went to Devil Dawgs.  Every now and then, I have to give a shameless plug via Breakfast at Jimothy's.  Normally it is only reserved for talented friends and people who I think really, really deserve it, so I'm not bullshitting you all when I give props to a place/person.  When you visit Chicago, you need to go to Devil Dawgs by DePaul's campus.  This place is wonderful.  I went there about 4 years ago and remembered it, and convinced my friends and new lawyer to go back there this night.  Two cheese dogs and fries later, I can honestly say that it was still awesome as always.  Granted, I have never had Devil Dawgs sober or in the day light, but this place certainly has the Breakfast at Jimothy's stamp of approval.  

Looks weird in the day time.

Riotfest didn't start until 4 on Friday, so we got to sleep in for a bit which I think was much needed for all three of us.  To kill some time before hand, we decided to hang out by Wrigley Field and check out that happenin' scene.  This led to Andrew showing Danny and I the greatest bar I have ever step foot in.  Seriously, I didn't think it was possible that a bar could overtake #1 in my heart over Danny's Place in Providence, but Slugger's in Chicago might have done the impossible.  Slugger's stands out because in addition to a bar on the first floor, there is an upstairs that has batting cages.  Batting cages.  If you're wondering if it's awesome to hit some baseballs while drinking, the answer is yes.  It was amazing.  This is what Dave & Buster's should be like.  In addition to batting cages, there was skee ball, Guitar Hero, pop-a-shot basketball, some stupid Hurricane simulator machine that kinda blew (ha!) and the real gem, bubble hockey.  Bubble hockey is such a rare sight these days.  I love that game.  I have to play it whenever I have an opportunity.  You could put one of those bad boys in a funeral home, or, worse, Whole Foods, and I will have to play.  So underrated.  

I need me one of these.

After having the best afternoon ever at Slugger's, we went to the Cubs Proshop where Danny purchased the ugliest/best Cubs shirt ever, seen here:

Ugh. 

Honestly, how awful is that shirt?  They should make prisoners wear that instead of orang jumpsuits.  That would decrease crime across the nation.  Anyways, after Danny made the best purchase of the trip, we toured Wrigley Field which was pretty cool.  It was kind of weird though, one part of the tour that they didn't show us was all the World Series trophies the Cubs have won over the years.  I feel kind of jipped.  

1908!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We arrived at Riotfest in time to catch all of Yellowcard's set.  I think this was a very fitting band to see first.  It really represented the core age group at the festival.  I knew about 3 songs that they played, and the crowd went real bonkers when they closed their set with 'Ocean Avenue'.  It scared me how I could remember most of the words to that song and not important things that I learned in college psychology classes.  The general mood of the festival was really the rekindling of teen angst.  It really catered to those people who miss the glory days of their favorite bands who they no longer listen to because their newer albums don't compare to their earlier stuff that they liked.  Of the 3 days of the festival, this was my least favorite in terms of bands playing, but we did get to catch punk legends Bad Religion who put on a pretty intense set, and they even played the two songs I knew by them, which were featured on Guitar Hero and Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 2.  

At one point, everyone got split up from each other.  This was when we all realized how awful the cell phone reception was at Humboldt Park.  I'm guessing it was because there were thousands upon thousands of angsty kids now in their 20's, but the signal really was bad.  This was one of those times where I honestly don't know how people survived without cell phones.  Doesn't make sense.  So I basically wandered about searching for Dan in his hideous Cubs shirt.  I really thought that it would be impossible to miss him in that shirt, but panic was starting to sink in as both the sun and my cell phone battery got lower and lower.  Eventually, I found Danny over the band merch table, and we decided to go get some beers and check out GWAR instead of Joan Jett.  For those of you who don't know GWAR, they are a band of guys who dress up in these outrageous costumes and are known for stage antics like squirting the crowd with a 'blood canon' and killing monsters on stage with swords and axes and stuff.  It was pretty entertaining, but somewhat unsettling at the same time.  My jaw really dropped when the lead singer ended up killing 'Super Zombie Jesus' and beheaded him, with blood squirting out of his neck.  It made the Kill Bill movies look PG.  After listening to songs about genocide, murder, and other cheery topics, we decided to go check out Sublime With Rome.  In a word, they were awesome.  Sublime is one of those bands where you just don't know what they really could've achieved had their singer not overdosed way too young.  Their new singer, Rome, is an awesome fill in, however, and they were a great band to see live.  They played all the crowd pleasers and there was a lot of sing a longs happening during their set.  

GWAR just killing it. Not sure if that was meant figuratively. 

The headliner on Friday was Fall Out Boy.  Never was crazy about Fall Out Boy to be honest.  Looking back on it, I remember preppy girls in middle school/early high school absolutely loving them, and the beginning of 'Dance, Dance' because it is so damn catchy.  Anyways, back to Riotfest, Fall Out Boy was in their hometown and playing a lot of new stuff apparently, which annoyed some people, but they sounded pretty good I guess.  Things got kind of scary when they had to stop their set for a bit to tell all those crazy mosh pit kids to play nice and pick up people who fall and stuff.  There was one girl who had to be carried out in a stretcher, which is not good because 1. she got hurt and 2. she got hurt while seeing Fall Out Boy.  Talk about salt in the wound.  Sugar, you're going down, indeed.  

We wrapped up the night by going to some other Chicago bars after the painful experience of finding a cab after a festival, which is never fun.  At one point Danny gave his number to a girl while still wearing his Cubs shirt out in public, and tucked in, which was a real good way to start closing the night.  After some more bar hopping, which included meeting a bouncer who joked around with us about Danny's shirt, and a guy hitting on me and knocking over a drink on me which was pretty awkward in numerous ways, we decided to call it a night and end Day 1 of Riotfest 2013. 

Things I'd Rather Watch Than Bruno Mars at the Super Bowl Halftime Show

This past week it was announced that Bruno Mars will be playing the Super Bowl halftime show.  Bruno Mars may be talented and whatnot, but this choice just doesn't do it for me.  For one, he isn't showboaty enough for my liking.  With an awesome name like Bruno Mars, I feel like you should have a bit of flair and panashe.  He's kind of boring to me.  It also bugs me that he has the same fondness for weird hats a la John Mayer.  Bruno Mars is talented and has a few catchy songs but he has me longing for the days of Lenny Kravtiz and the dude from Hootie and the Blowfish as the bro-chill black guys who white people like.  Overall, not pleased with the decision, so here are a few things I'd rather watch during halftime of the Super Bowl in lieu of Mr. Mars.

Iron Chef: Macaroni and Cheese edition

Daft Punk playing Battleship

A contest to see who could smile first: Victoria Beckham, Jesse Lacey, Daniel Craig and Christian Bale.

30 minutes worth of the AT&T commercials with that dude and the kindergartners talking about life. Man, kids really do say the darndest things. 

Amanda Bynes doing whatever she wanted to for 30 minutes.

ESPN have a 30 minute segment where they do NOT mention: Tim Tebow, Robert Griffin III, Mark Sanchez, Lebron James or Dwight Howard.  This will be called "Mission Impossible". 

Kenan and Kel reunite for a Good Burger skit

A conversation between Ben Stein and Pee Wee Herman about whatever they wanted.  Maybe about dogs? 

Kate Upton playing ping pong.

2 episodes of Hey Arnold! I mean, let's be honest that would be the greatest Super Bowl halftime show ever.  Just set up a giant projector screen and show the Stoop Kid episode and the one where Stinky becomes the spokesman for Yahoo Soda.

Lil Wayne trying to play guitar again like that one time on SNL

Sarah Jessica Parker riding a horse (Horseception?)

The Smashing Pumpkins actually smashing a pile of pumpkins.

Nickelback and Creed fight to the death.

Hanson

The team of Regis Philbin & Robert Pattinson competing in the final round course of Legends of the Hidden Temple.  They would be the Blue Barracudas.  

Stone Cold Steve Austin highlights.

All 32 mascots playing a big game of flip-cup to determine something stupid like home field advantage in the Pro Bowl.

A random 30 minutes of A Knight's Tale (miss you Heath :-/)

A tribute to Amy Winehouse performed by Miley Cyrus.

Al Roker building his own pizza.

Giada De Laurentiis.  I really like Giada De Laurentiis.

Bill Clinton playing his saxophone

Vin Diesel reading at a poetry slam

Jeopardy! skit with Will Ferrel.  I don't care if it is a new one or an old one.  I'll take what I can get at this point. 

Sockem' Bopper Showdown between Lindsay Lohan against the other 3 chicks from Mean Girls.

Remember that hologram 2Pac performance at Coachella last year?  Can we get someone good like Johnny Cash or Jimi Hendrix?  I'll settle for Whitney Houston if I have to.  

Kim Kardashian Celebrity Roast- Uncensored and without Kim being there.

Cee Lo Green on a treadmill

Dolphins playing with monkeys 

Khloe Kardashian have a staring contest with a cow

Kristen Stewart eating a cheeseburger.

A debate about global warming between Mike Tyson and Dennis Rodman

Justin Bieber get bullied and stuffed into a locker by Kiefer Sutherland and/or Clint Eastwood

30 minutes of watching Taylor Swift locked in a room trying to write a song NOT about an ex-boyfriend.  Her head might explode.